Convalesance

The man approached the black painted door of the small stone home. He had come all this way to see how his injured friend was progressing, but standing here, he wasn't sure that he had done the right thing. He didn't want to intrude and he was terrified that he might be faced with bad news. After hesitating a moment, he knocked.

After a short wait he heard footsteps inside and the door opened to reveal a short, very stout woman of, perhaps, sixty.

"Yes, sir, may I help you?"

"Forgive my intruding, but I've come to see Lieutenant Hornblower, if I may. I'm Captain Sir Edward Pellew."

"Oh, aren't you a darlin to come all this way to see the dear lad? Please come in."

Pellew breathed a private sigh of relief…he was still alive. He had been so very badly injured…

Not looking at all surprised to see a senior Captain standing before her, the small woman stepped aside, allowing Sir Edward to enter. Taking his hat, she showed him into the small study and asked him to wait there while she fetched the doctor.

While he waited, Sir Edward took the chance to look about the room, hoping for some insight into the people who made use of it and it's contents. The room, indeed, what little he had seen of the entire house showed it to be scrupulously clean. It was a small home, and seemed to be old. The furniture he saw was somewhat worn. The overall impression was of a comfortable home where there was, perhaps, very little money to spare for extras. What little money that might be over at the end of the month seemed to go largely for books. It was a quiet home, restrained, modest in its furnishings.

"Much like its occupants", he mused.

The study was lined on three walls with bookshelves, filled mostly with the classics and medical texts from what he could see. Judging from the bindings, they were not high-grade editions, for the most part. The fourth wall held a fireplace. Above the mantle was the portrait of a woman. Horatio's mother, apparently. He had spoken of her occasionally. He had told Edward about her humor and her singing, how she would take him swimming at the local pond and how she would read him to sleep every night. He had adored her. Her face held a gentle kindness combined with a sharp intelligence…much like her son. Sir Edward knew that the boy had never really gotten over her death when he was just six years old. Her face was an arresting one; she must have been an exceptional woman.

He was still looking up at the picture when he heard the door open. Turning he saw a tall, slender man of, perhaps sixty-five. He carried himself with a dignity and reserve that he had passed down to his son. The most outstanding thing about his appearance was his piercing dark eyes, another thing that he shared with his son. There was sadness about him, also, almost despair. He was face was stern, forbidding.

It was apparent that the older man was also appraising the Captain as they both stood for a moment looking at each other. The silence was broken as the older man held out his hand and said "Captain Pellew. I'm Jacob Hornblower, Horatio's father. It's so very good of you to come all this way to see him. I know that he'll be honored that you've made the effort."

"We've all been very worried about him, sir. He's a fine officer and one of the crew's favorites as well. I arrive loaded down with good wishes for him from his shipmates. I trust that he is greatly recovered?" At this last question, Edward's heart was in his throat at the possibility of a negative answer.

The doctor looked at Edward for a moment, gauging the reaction.

"He is much improved, though he still tires easily. There were complications when I found him in Portsmouth, an infection had set in which I had to open and drain. I'm afraid that I seem not to have gotten all of the problem as the infection recurred again about two weeks later." There was a sigh. "We almost lost him that time. Shock can be quite dangerous, but he seems somewhat better now. It seems to have weakened him, though…"

"Have you any idea when he might be able to return to active service, Doctor?"

"Oh…perhaps another month of rest and good food will see him back aboard your ship, if there are no new complications I suppose. If he can still take it fairly easy for a bit longer after he rejoins you, that is"

He appeared to be lost in his thoughts for a moment before continuing.

" I was hoping, sir, that you might be willing to enlighten me as to how he was wounded. He refuses to tell me anything other than that it was a foolish thing, his own fault and shouldn't have happened."

Sir Edward paused for a moment. They had almost lost him? He was weak? Lord. First things first, then he'd be able to see for himself.

"Of course. It was a simple mission, or we thought that it would be, at any rate. We were off the coast of France and needed fresh water. He was sent ashore with his men to get it. The entire operation shouldn't have taken more than a couple of hours. They had the casks filled and had loaded them aboard the boats when one of the pistols discharged somehow. That alerted the shore sentries who fired. Lieutenant Hornblower was the only casualty. It was most certainly not his fault, sir. His men brought him back to the Indefatigable and he was placed under the care of our ship's surgeon. As soon as was feasible, he was transferred to Portsmouth by one of the dispatch vessels."

"Yes, when your letter arrived I learned that he was in the military hospital there. I brought him here the day after I found him. With respects, sir. I wouldn't allow my dog to be treated in that place."

The captain nodded in understanding.

"Yes, I know, but they do the best that they can with limited money and facilities stretched to the limits. I was relieved to learn that he was out of that place."

"Your letter mentioned that he wasn't even supposed to have been ashore that night."

"No, another officer was to have gone, but had injured himself shortly before they were to leave. He slipped and sprained his ankle. Not serious, obviously, but he had to be replaced. The lieutenant volunteered. I accepted his offer. It was all rather straight forward, really. Other than Mr. Hornblower being injured, there was nothing at all remarkable about the action."

That appraising look again.

"He seems to hold you in high regard, sir. He speaks of you often and always in glowing terms."

"That's kind of you to say, Doctor. He's a good officer and a fine young man. You must be very proud of him."

The doctor seemed surprised.

"Umm, yes, of course. I suppose that you'd like to see him now, would you not?"

"Yes, if I may, I would like to."

"It's such a warm day that he's out in the garden reading, I'll have Rose bring you some refreshments. Forgive me, sir, but I have a patient waiting for me. Horatio is just down that small path, I'll show you the rear door that leads to it."

"I'm sure that I'll have no trouble, thank you, sir." Nodding at the doctor, Pellew went through the indicated door and found himself on a narrow bricked path leading through a blooming rose arbor, sweetly scenting the area. Coming out on the other side he saw that several comfortable chairs had been set around a table on a small patio shaded by a large willow tree that nestled next to a stream. It was a lovely setting.

In the nearest chair with his back turned to him, he could see Horatio seated, feet propped on the chair next to him, book on his lap. A small mongrel hound slept curled beside him. It looked up from it's paws as Pellew approached, wagging it's tail. As Edward came around the side of the chair he saw that the young man was asleep, a blanket over his legs. Not wanting to wake him, he quietly sat across from him, frightened by the changes that had occurred in the three months since he has last seen him. Horatio was much too thin, his cheeks now gaunt. His eyes were shadowed and bruised looking. There was a fragility about him that had not been there before, as though a slight breeze would blow him away. He looked like, and indeed was, a very sick young man.

Perhaps sensing that he was being watched, Horatio's eyes blinked open and he slowly focused on Pellew. As he realized who was sitting in front of him, a smile spread across his face, slow and gentle.

"You've come. I was so hoping that you would."

He held out his hand to Edward who rose and took it in his own, rubbing it carefully, afraid that he would somehow harm Horatio. To his surprise Horatio used Edwards hand to pull himself up to stand, the blanket falling to the ground. The younger mans arms went around him and he heard a softly spoken "Hold me" whispered in his ear. Arms gently but firmly holding each other. Edward felt the ribs through the thin shirt and the shoulder blades standing out like knife-edges. The back of the Captain's head was caught and his mouth was pulled into a kiss that deepened as Horatio's tongue glided across his lips and entered his mouth. Their tongues caressed each other until, finally, Edward broke the kiss, pressing Horatio back again into his own chair, and then sitting again himself. Despite his obvious fatigue, Horatio looked at him with amusement and said, " I may look like Hell but I am feeling better, you know."

Laughter.

"Evidently you are, Lieutenant. And I'm glad to see it. Reading Gibbons again? No wonder you've put yourself to sleep. I couldn't survive two pages of that!"

The smile on Horatio's face faded. "I really am better. You don't have to pretend that you don't see what I look like. I know that I'm too thin and sitting out here should help my color a bit. You're to stop worrying, love. Please."

"Evidence to the contrary" he thought, but answered, "Alright, Sweeting. You're under good care here and are certainly much improved from when I last saw you… who's your friend?" Edward indicated the dog that had stood up, hoping for attention.

Scratching its somewhat floppy ears, Horatio's smile returned, "This is my sweetheart, Susie. The only woman I've ever slept with. I was afraid that she'd forget me, but she's not the flighty type. She greeted me with open arms. Well, open paws, at any rate."

"She obviously has good taste in her men. As have I."

Horatio's eyes sought out the Captain's, asking sadly. "Even as I am now?"

"Always."

Eyes filling, Horatio hastily wiped them as he heard footsteps on the path. The small woman who had answered the door was setting a tray on the table and placing a napkin on the young mans lap. Uncovering the tray he was not surprised to see that she had, once again, loaded a plate up with everything she could find that might tempt him to eat. Pouring tea for both men, she turned to Edward saying, "Now you make sure that he eats every single bite of that. None of his arguments, now!"

"Captain, may I have the honor of presenting Mrs. Rose Carey. She is my father's housekeeper and the person who raised me. Rosie, this is Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the Indefatigable."

Rose appeared thourghly unimpressed.

"Pleased to meet you, Captain. Now you help yourself to what ever strikes your fancy here, and you're not to let him get away with any of his tricks. He's to eat every mouthful on his plate. Look at you! Sitting here and without even the covers on you. You'd catch your death if someone didn't watch you" Taking the blanket in hand and giving it a good shake, she placed it back where it had been on his legs, fixing him with a fierce look and brooking no argument. Turning to Edward she said, "He's to eat that!"

"Yes, madam. I shall do my utmost."

"Yes, well, see that you do, then. I'll come get the tray in a bit", and she was off back to the house.

The two men looked at each other laughing. Pellew spoke first.

"God, she's wonderful! If I had her on the ship, we'd take Paris is a month."

"More likely a week."

"Come on then, eat some of this. It does look good." Horatio was handing the slices of ham to the dog.

"I ate a large breakfast. Truly I did. I couldn't manage a bite if I had to."

Taking a piece of cheese in his hand, Edward placed it in Horatio's mouth. "You can and you will, if I have to make it an order."

"Edward, please…"

"Come, love. For me." Another piece of cheese was eaten, followed by a small roll. After a few more mouthfuls, Horatio put his hand up, "No more."

He sat wearily back against the chair cushions, obviously exhausted.

"Tell me about the Indy. Where have you been since I was put ashore?"

Edward told him of the last cruise and of their two-month leave that they were all now on, speaking quietly and with a cadence that he knew would have the younger man asleep soon, much like telling a bedtime story to a child. Within minutes his plan worked and Horatio was, once again, fast asleep. As the Captain sat there looking at him he became aware that the Doctor was standing at the entrance to the patio area, beckoning him with his hand. Rising, he followed the man back to the house. They entered and were sitting in the study before the father spoke.

"When I was first treating him he was delirious for two days from fever. He rambled about several things, but he kept coming back to your name." Doctor Hornblower looked at the Captain. "He repeated, several times, that he loved you and that he was sorry to have gotten hurt. He was quite insistent that you not worry about him, saying that he wasn't worth your being upset over.

"Can you explain to me, Captain, why my son would keep repeating how he loves you? At several points he seemed to be reliving episodes of lovemaking…with you. Have you any idea why that might be, sir? Perhaps you could enlighten me as to whether what I was hearing were actual memories or merely hallucinations."

The man's eyes held Edward's. Like Horatio's, they could look through a person.

"Have you asked him yourself, Doctor Hornblower?"

"He doesn't answer me. He says he's not feeling well, or that he is tired. Or that he simply doesn't remember."

"With respect, sir, I think that this is between you and your son."

"I'd normally agree with you, Captain. If you tell me that you've not been bedding him I'll believe you and mark it all down to the fever of a very ill young man."

Again those eyes stared into him.

"Horatio is exceptional, Doctor. One whom I've had the opportunity of working closely with for several years now. I believe that we each consider the other a friend, sir. Forgive me, but what more exists, if anything, is beyond your concern."

"What affects my son is my concern, sir, and I'll not waste my time playing verbal games with you. Are you and Horatio lovers or not?"

"Sir, with all respect, that is a question for your son to answer, for I will not." With that, Sir Edward turned and left the room, returning to the small garden where Horatio was just waking. He sat on the chair next to the young man, angling it towards the now stirring youth.

He spoke without preamble. "You do know that your father suspects us, don't you?"

"Yes, I know." He shrugged. "I don't really care all that much what he thinks. Did he say something to you just now?"

"Yes, he asked if we were lovers. I told him to ask you."

A smile. "Ah, thank you! I told you, I don't care what he thinks."

"You may very well have reason to if he decides to go to the authorities with his suspicions. He says that you were talking while in a delirium from the fever. You were speaking about us being together. He asked me if it were true or just imaginings. I didn't answer."

"He won't do anything, don't worry. The worst that will happen is that he'll make your visit here uncomfortable. Speaking of which, how long can you stay?" Horatio was obviously unconcerned about his father's suspicions.

"I hadn't made plans, I wanted to wait until I saw how you were doing."

"…And to see what the lay of the land was, too, I'll wager." A smile.

"Well, perhaps…what's you read of the situation, Lieutenant?" his best Captain's voice.

"Sir I would say that you're more than welcome to drop your anchor here for as long as you would like…however you should be advised that the good Doctor will make for some rough seas and heavy going."

"Perhaps it would be better if I stayed at the local inn for a couple of days." Horatio leaned over and took his hand in both of his.

"Sweeting, I know that it's uncomfortable here for you. God knows that it is for me, also." He looked at the older man seated next to him, one hand moving up to caress the slightly stubbled cheek, the other drawing the older man's hand to his own mouth, kissing the fingers and the back then opening it and kissing the palm as he laid it against his own cheek. "I wish that we could sleep together, even if it were just to hold each other. I've missed you so much, love. Just being able to wake next to you would be wonderful. I dream of us every night, and wake every morning still feeling your arms around me and your mouth on mine."

"As do I, Sweeting." They leaned in together, kissing, their hands still held. The kiss went on and was replaced with more when it finally broke.

They heard a foot scrape behind them. "So that answers my question, Horatio. Thank you."

Startled, they both turned to Jacob standing at the edge of the patio. "I came to tell you that supper has been laid and to ask the Captain if he would care to join us. Evidently you've already invited him to more than a meal."

Horatio looked at his father with a combination of hatred and resignation, his hand still defiantly holding Edwards. "Fine, now you have your answer. What do you plan to do with it?"

The doctor started to snap back a retort, but seeing the expression on his son's face he seemed to deflate and let the facade he had raised around himself drop. His shoulders drooped and his features took on a look of infinite sadness. He shook his head in resignation at what he obviously could no longer control or even change. " I won't fight with you anymore, son. I simply can't. I've always loved you, Horatio. You don't believe that, I know, but it's true. The day you were born was the happiest of my life. We had lost two infants before you. I never saw a reason to tell you about them, but you had two sisters who didn't survive their first weeks. We had almost given up the hope of having a child until you were born healthy. The only reason that I sent you away to school was because I was overwhelmed by the thought of raising you without your mother to guide us both. It was never that I didn't want you. I've always loved you so, always been so terribly proud of you. I've never understood why we always rub against each other as we do…I'd never do anything to harm you. God, you must know that. When I found you so horribly wounded and sick in Portsmouth it was all I could do to bear it. If this… man is where you find happiness, then I'll do nothing to destroy that for you.

He turned his attention to Edward, equally defeated in his dealings with a stranger.

"Captain, please forgive me if I've been rude to you…I'm jealous that my son loves you instead of me. I'm wrong to fault you for something that isn't only your doing. I fear that I blamed you for his injury because you're his Captain. I believed that you bore the responsibility for my almost losing him and for causing the pain he suffered, even I though I know that it was random chance that caused his wound. Whatever is between you, he seems to want to be with you now. Stay here if that's your wish. I'll not object." With a final look at his son, Jacob turned and walked back to the house.

Edward looked over at his lover…"Horatio?"

The young man was looking after his father with a look of thoughtful concentration tinged with sadness. "It's true, we've always fought, ever since I can remember. I simply thought that he disliked me, that I was a disappointment to him. Nothing I did ever seemed good enough for him, nothing I did ever got his attention. I'd always assumed that was why he sent me away for school and then later to the Navy, that he didn't want me around."

He got up and slowly walked up the path back to the house. Edward followed a few minutes later. As he approached the open door to the small study he looked in before entering.

Horatio was kneeling before the chair his father was seated in, holding the older man in his arms as he leaned on his son and wept. The older man was attempting to speak, but his words were unintelligible through the wracking sobs that shook his thin body. Looking up to the door, Horatio met Edwards's eyes over his father's head, nodding as his lover closed the study door, leaving father and son alone together.

Several hours later, Horatio found Edward reading in the guestroom bed that Rose had made up for him. Sitting on the edge, he said "I've decided that I'll stay here for another two weeks or so and then come stay with you in Portsmouth, if that's alright with you. I think that he and I will be able to talk with each other now without it being a constant battle."

Edward smiled at him. "Good, I'm glad for you both, sweet. Would you rather that I leave tomorrow then so that you can be alone together? I understand if you do."

"Would you stay for at least the rest of the week, Edward? We've spoken and I've told him what you are to me. He very much wants to know you. He won't be as difficult now." This last with a small laugh.

"Yes, if that's what you want, of course I will, love." His young lover leaned in to kiss his mouth, gently, sensuously and long, all the while rubbing his hands over Edwards's chest, shoulders and neck.

"Unless you're too comfortable to move, you know, my bed is somewhat larger than this one."

"Love, I'm afraid that you're still recovering…"

"Yes, I am tired, but I've been sleeping most of the day and can sleep late in the morning…. We need not do anything other than sleep. I want to feel our arms around each other. Oh, for God's sake, Edward, come to bed with me." Horatio took his hand, extinguished the bedside candle and led him down the hall to his own room. The fireplace was burning against the evening chill, providing enough light to see.

"What about your father? Won't he object?"

"He knows that we are lovers, I think he expects that we'll be together, Edward. He's fairly good at accepting things once he understands them. Besides, I suspect that you don't want to sleep alone any more than I do. Come, sir. To bed with you. " Edward sat on the side of the mattress and was about to slide in when Horatio said "Edward, for God's sake!" and promptly lifted the older mans night shirt over his head depositing it on the floor. Horatio started to unbutton his own clothing, but felt Edwards's hands push his aside and finish the task for him. As his shirt was slipped from his shoulders he saw his lover carefully place his hand on the new scar close to his heart, still red and angry looking. Holding his back with both hands, Edward leaned in to gently kiss the offending mark as Horatio clasped his head to his chest.

"God, love, I almost lost you. You've no idea what the last few months have been for me. Then coming here, not knowing..."

Soothing Edward, understanding the pain he had endured on his behalf, Horatio comforted his lover, cradling the graying head to his chest. "Yes, love, I know, but I'm better now and it doesn't hurt anymore, I'm getting stronger each day…before long we'll be back aboard the Indy, but first we'll have a over a month to be together."

He felt the head he was holding nod against him and the coolness of tears on the skin over his ribs. Unfastening the buttons of his trousers, he let them slip to the floor. Then, sliding between the smooth, clean sheets and kissing the beloved face over and over, he held Edward nestled in his arms embracing the beloved warmth of the man who had claimed his heart and his love, along with his body. His hands relearning the planes and angles, the differences in touch and texture of the strong body beside him, he was content to have just the touch and feel of his lover next to him.

"I wish that we could really make love tonight. I'm so sorry---I wish that we could, but I can't. Not yet. I don't think I'd be able to satisfy you just now." He seemed almost afraid that Edward would scold him or chastise his temporary weakness.

"I thought that I'd lost you. I didn't believe that I would ever hold you again like this, feel your warmth and your breath. I'd almost forgotten the feel of your skin and that your hair is like silk." He pulled the young man's face to look into his own. "I don't need for us to share that. Not tonight. We are intimate, just our being together like this, love. I can hold you, feel your skin pressed against mine. I thought that was lost to me. I need nothing else from you. The rest can wait. It can wait as long as it has to."

Nothing that Edward had ever said or done had confirmed his love for Horatio as what he had just said to the young man. Deeply touched, Horatio regained his composure before speaking. "I do love you so. When my father confronted me with my ramblings from when I was delirious, I wanted to tell him the truth, but I was afraid for you. Afraid that he would harm you with the Admiralty. I'm still so amazed that you could choose me over anyone you might have."

Their heads sharing the same pillow, Edward spoke directly to the young man, bare inches apart. "Dearest, don't you see? I feel the same. You could have your pick, you need not have settled for someone old enough to have been your father. I know the gift you've given me."

Exhausted, Horatio leaned over, his lips gently pressing against Edward's. "Thank God for you." His hand moved up to caress the older man's face. Apologetically, he admitted, "I need to sleep again. Forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive. You're getting well. It's what we both need for you now."

A final kiss, then turning Horatio onto his side, Edward spooned his own body behind his lover, holding him as he passed into healing rest.

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