Christmas Gifts

23 December, 1795

"Dearest Father,

It is our great hope that you will be able to join Edward and me for the holidays at his home in Portsmouth. To this end, I have sent his carriage and trust and hope that you will be in it when it returns. I greatly look forward to seeing you.

Your Affectionate Son,

Horatio"

Jacob Hornblower read the note over again, happy, yet hardly believing what he was holding in his hands. The last time he had seen his son had been over seven months before when Horatio had arrived, unannounced, for a short visit. Horatio and Edward had arrived together.

Edward.

Captain Sir Edward Pellew, Knight of the Bath, Baronet, his son's captain and lover.

The visit had become awkward, as the reality of their relationship was made known to Jacob. It wasn't so much that he was shocked or offended by it, as that he was taken completely by surprise. He had no idea that Horatio was so inclined. When his son had admitted to being in love, Jacob had expected that it be with some suitable young lady, not with a middle-aged Navy captain. He was neither naïve nor a prude, but the possibility had simply never occurred to him that this would happen. There had followed a series of letters between them, which did little to dispel the tension.

Jacob's bag had been quickly packed and now settled in the moving carriage, his thoughts continued down the path they had started at home.

He regretted that he hadn't been as close to his son over the years as he might have been. He had sent the boy away to school after the death of the lad's mother when he was six years old, unable to cope with raising a son alone. It was a fact that Horatio had virtually ceased to come home even for holidays after he was around nine or ten preferring to stay in the dormitory reading. But, damn it all! he was busy with his practice. A Doctor isn't the master of his time and his patients constantly made demands on him. The boy had to understand that he had obligations, responsibilities, and people counting on him. He couldn't just drop what he was doing to go fishing or play a game of chess. The boy just never seemed able to grasp that. He was always at him for attention at the worst possible moments, then going all silent when he'd been sent away to entertain himself. Jacob hated a pouting child.

His mother had spoiled the boy, that was the trouble…always together the two of them. Always planning something…a special dinner or a trip to the local pond for a swim, reading books together, constantly hugging each other. The lad seemed to be forever hanging on her. Louisa seemed to never stop kissing and stroking the boy, brushing his hair. God! She thought that the sun rose and set on his head. It's a wonder they even noticed when he walked in the door. Sometimes Jacob wondered if he was just a means to an end, if she'd married him just so that she would have Horatio. Oh, he was proud of the boy, of course and loved him, but he wasn't about to make a fool of himself over a child. Louisa never seemed to understand how he felt about blatant displays. They embarrassed him, always had. He was still horrified that he had broken down the way he had at her funeral. Right in front of everyone in the village. Well, at least the boy hadn't been there, still too sick himself from the fever that had killed his mother to leave his bed.

After Horatio had finished his schooling, the headmaster had begged Jacob to let him continue his education at University. Unknown to either of the Hornblower's the man had actually sent in the required applications and Horatio had been accepted at both Oxford and Cambridge. It was easy to picture his son studying at the great institutions of learning; Lord knew that there was nothing he loved more than study and he was certainly bright enough to make a success of it. Horatio desperately wanted to take up the opportunity that was being handed to him. He was practically scampering about the room at the prospect and his face was lit up the way Jacob hadn't seen since his dear wife had passed away.

"Oh, Father, just imagine! Cambridge or Oxford! Think of the classes and the books that I shall read! The lectures and the brilliant minds I'll be with. And to think that they've actually accepted me, both of them...they believe that I can hold my own in either of the great Universities. Oh Father…just think on it!"

The overwhelming joy that filled Horatio seemed to make the lad glow with happiness.

How proud he would have been. How proud they both would have been.

Unfortunately, there was simply no money for such things.

Jacob would remember for the rest of his life the sight of the light dying in Horatio's eyes when he was told that the doors to further study were closed to him and that a position as a Midshipman aboard the Justinian had been arranged. He would report to the ship within the week, as soon as the uniforms could be fitted. Speechless and close to tears, Horatio had meekly nodded. The smile that had faded from his mouth that day did not return. He had spent the rest of the week either up in his room reading or going for long solitary walks. Attempts at conversation were met with polite monosyllables and downcast eyes. It had been two long years before they had set sight on each other again after that.

He deeply regretted the choice that he had made for Horatio. If he could take it back, he would. He would have done whatever he had to so that his son could study with minds that were his equal. Reading History at Oxford, what a treasure to savor! Perhaps studying Medicine at Cambridge, learning from the great educators in the land! Delving into the depths of philosophy and grasping the great works of man. His own son could have done this and more, had he only allowed it.

But, Hellfire, what else could he do? There was simply no money to fund such things and he'd be damned if he'd beg the village squire or some such. He had his pride, after all. Horatio had learned no trade while at school. The only thing that he was suited for was, perhaps, teaching and who would hire a sixteen-year-old boy for that? He had a head full of Greek and Latin and the Classics. He loved books and solitude. Jacob had considered it a God send when Captain Keene had suggested a solution. At least in the Navy he could make his own way. He was well versed in mathematics and could speak French. They would take him and he would just have to get on with it.

Dr. Hornblower was a practical man and he had chosen a practical solution.

Would that he had been able to forget the look on his son's face.

He had gotten into the Captain's carriage without thinking through the reality of what he was doing. What, in the name of God would he say to Horatio and (God!) Sir Edward for several days in the Captain's home? With his son sharing a bed with the man? Was he expected to make polite small talk? Jacob knew that they had slept together when they had visited him. The morning after Horatio had told him about their relationship he had looked into his son's room to ask him to breakfast together. The bed had been unslept in and a quick look into the guest room had confirmed two bodies there, entwined together, obviously naked and the room reeking of sex. Thank God that they were merely sleeping when he had looked in.

Jacob had been angered and offended that they would do that in his home. It wasn't so much that he was offended by two men together, he would have objected had Horatio bedded a girl in his home while he slept in the next room. He simply found it forward and thoughtless of both of them. He would have thought that a man the age of the Captain would have better sense than to offend the hospitality he had been shown.

"Well", he thought, "Horatio has reached out to me for the holiday; perhaps it will go smoothly between us this time."

The light outside began to fade as they approached Portsmouth and the winter cold started to settle into his bones, despite the warm lap robe he covered himself with. The horses had made excellent time and in just a few hours Jacob found that they were stopping in front of a handsome, yet not pretentious home.

The coachman helped Dr. Hornblower down from the carriage and the front door opened as he approached up the walk. He looked up to see Horatio coming towards him, smiling.

"Father! I'm so glad that you've come. I was hoping that you would. We've not spent Christmas together is so long. Come in, please…you'll want to warm yourself by the fire."

"Yes, it's been too long, Horatio," he smiled, "and I am chilled."

They quickly entered the front entranceway where Jacob's greatcoat was gently removed by a servant who silently whisked it away. He was steered into a beautifully appointed study lined with walls of books and carpeted with the finest rugs he'd ever seen. The fire was blazing and the room was warm and comfortable, despite the raw weather outside.

Horatio led him to a soft leather chair in front of the fire and handed him a glass of the best port he'd had in many years. He sat in a matching chair next to his father.

Horatio seemed so at home here.

"Where is Sir Edward?"

"He had some business to attend to in town; I expect him back shortly. We were hoping that if you could see us here, together, you may come to understand our feelings for each other"

Jacob couldn't think of anything to say. The silence threatened to become awkward.

"I wasn't sure that you'd come, Father. May I ask why you decided to? You seemed to feel uncomfortable about us after you knew, though you tried to hide it. I didn't think that you'd want to see me. Especially with Edward."

"You always did have a way of asking painfully direct questions. You get that from your mother. Well, it's not very difficult. You're my son, it's Christmas. Why wouldn't I wish to be with you if I can?"

"Even with Edward?" He looked a challenge at his father.

"He's part of your life, Horatio. I know that. If I'm to see you, I must accept that for what it is."

"Even though you disapprove?"

"Son, I don't disapprove so much as I worry about your safety and your happiness. I've told you that. You know that I fear that you'll be hurt in this, much as I also believe that you have deep and genuine feelings for him. I even believe that he cares about you. I just think …"

"What? That he'll throw me out when someone prettier or younger appears?"

"Horatio, that's not what I said. Please, look at me, son. He's a good man and an honorable one, but you've chosen a difficult path…I only want your happiness. I wish that you would believe that. I've not come here to argue with you. Can we not spend even ten minutes together without rubbing each other raw?"

"I…forgive me, father. You're right, I know. It's just that …we, Edward and I…we argued just today about this very thing and he says the same things that you do. That this is a difficult choice that we have made." Horatio looked at his father, then continued quietly. "But it's not, not for me. I love him. It's so simple. Or it should be. Nothing else really matters inside this house or wherever we can be alone. When we're on the ship or out and about on land, we have to act properly, of course. I know that. But it's just so hard sometimes. We have to watch every word, every gesture, each glance. I get so…frustrated with it all."

Jacob had been watching his son all through his small confession. Nothing was ever easy for Horatio…he had fought and struggled with his own mind from the time he was a youngster. The only thing he hadn't fought was his schooling. That he took to like a fish to water. He was floundering now and Jacob realized that the reason he had received his invitation was because Horatio needed to sound him out on this and whatever else was troubling him. His mother would have known what to say and what to do. They were so very alike.

He gently spoke.

"Horatio, you said that you and Edward argued today. Are you having problems you can tell me about? Are they serious?"

Horatio leaned forward in the chair he had sagged back into, staring down at his hands laced between his knees.

"I don't know that's going on. The last few months we argue frequently about the smallest things. It's as if we argue just to have reason to be angry at each other. It seems as though everything that I do angers him. Either that or he's annoyed because of something that I've neglected to do. I've asked him if he wants me to leave, but when I ask that he becomes terribly upset, apologizes and begs me to stay."

"Have you asked him what is troubling him? Perhaps it's something outside the two of you which is causing his upset."

A shrug. "When I ask him he tells me that it's of no consequence, that it will pass." Horatio glanced over at Jacob. "He says that he loves me and wants me with him, but I'm so afraid that I'm losing him. I don't know what to do."

Jacob could see the tears shining in his son's eyes. The first ones he'd seen there in over ten years.

Before he could respond they heard the sound of the front door opening and shutting. Horatio looked up, saying, "It's him." He quickly wiped his eyes and went out to the hallway, leaving the Doctor in front of the fire. He heard soft murmured voices for a couple of minutes and then the study door reopened. The Captain, in full uniform minus the hat and cloak, quickly crossed the room to take Jacob's hand in a warm clasp.

"Doctor Hornblower, how very good of you to come all this way to join us. I couldn't be more pleased to see you again, sir."

"Very good of you to have me, Captain."

"No, please, Edward, sir."

"I'm honored, Edward. And I'm Jacob."

"Good, that's settled. Can I refill your glass for you? I see that Horatio has you well taken care of."

During this exchange Jacob had noticed that Horatio hung back, watching Edward with a mixture of apprehension, hope and concern. It was as if he was unsure what to expect. It was not like Horatio to be so unsure of himself, and Jacob realized that it was a measure of his son's unease with both Edward and the situation.

They continued the conversation in a pleasant, if superficial vein, until a servant announced that dinner was ready in the dining room.

When the three of them were seated around the table the talk continued in a general tone until Horatio asked Edward how his meetings had gone.

Fixing the younger man with a look that could have wilted flowers, the Captain answered, "You know better than to pry into things which are none of your concern, how many times must I remind you of this simple fact?"

Horatio said nothing, looking down at his plate, his color heightened and his jaw clenched, obviously furious at the rebuke. Pellew continued to look daggers through the lad. Finally, his expression softened and he said, "Horatio, forgive me. That was uncalled for and I apologize. The meetings were…difficult, but I'm afraid that I can't discuss their subjects with you. I was wrong to lash out at you like that."

The grateful look and shy smile on the young man's face was almost painful to see. Jacob was taken aback to realize that Horatio was so needy as to take such humiliations without a word, almost as a matter of course. He would never have thought to see such a thing with his independent son.

Trying to lighten the suddenly leaden mood, Jacob said, "Edward, might I have some more of that excellent veal, sir? Your cook would make even dear Rose blush with jealousy."

As if nothing had happened, Edward was immediately the genial host once again and dinner ended as though the unpleasantness hadn't happened. Horatio had attempted to rejoin the conversation and, this time had not been rebuffed although he remained tense.

After the dinner had ended, the young man said he wanted to be sure Jacob's room had been properly prepared for him and went up the stairs, leaving the two older men to enjoy their port back in the study by the fire.

Sitting in the comfortable chairs, Jacob decided to take the bull by the horns and said, "It seems that you and Horatio are having a rough patch, Edward. Might there be something I could do to be of help? Sometimes a third party can see what you may be too close to see yourself."

Edward looked at him for a moment then turned his gaze out the dark windows.

Sighing deeply he said, "He's so young. He sees only that he wants us to be together, that he loves me. And that I love him. He won't understand how our being separated will cause problems. That these problems may be insurmountable."

"Has something happened to add to the complications? Why do you speak of separation?"

He looked at the fire. "He doesn't know yet. I was going to wait until after Christmas to tell him. I wanted to let him have this last happiness." He turned to face the Doctor. "His transfer has come through. It's a good one, I think. And an important step for his career. I told you once that he'd be a captain before he's thirty. I still believe that… well before. He's that good. He's been assigned to Renown. She's a 74, a ship of the line under James Sawyer. I don't know him well, but he has a solid reputation. This is the next step in Horatio's rise. After a year or two there, he should make Commander and then receive his own ship."

"Of course he'll be upset at the separation, but he's known that it was bound to happen. Why do you think that this will be such a problem?"

"Because it will be almost impossible for us to have any contact while he's on Renown. My own promotion has also been approved. I've been made Commodore. For me to have regular contact with a mere Lieutenant will cause talk and jealousy among the other officers of both his ship and mine. I don't believe that he fully realizes this. Favoritism is a stigma that I don't wish on him."

"But, surely he understands that."

The Captain looked at Horatio's father with a small smile.

"Does he? Would you when you were twenty?"

Jacob shook his head. Edward was right about that.

"I've known that this was coming for almost two months now. I've wrestled with it and have come up with a hundred solutions, none of which will work. This has to happen. I'm afraid that's why I've been so testy lately with him. I've been unfair to him and hurt him, but I lash out before I realize what I'm doing."

"He mentioned that you two have been arguing lately. He doesn't know why and is afraid that you're trying to drive him away."

Edward rose and walked over to the sideboard, pouring himself another drink. His voice was almost inaudible.

" I realize that. God, no. It's the opposite, I know how terribly I'll miss him and …it's …breaking my heart."

"Edward, forgive me for speaking so, but you must tell him soon. He told me that he fears losing you."

"…I know. He's said the same to me."

"Do you see this as the end?"

"I hope to God that it isn't, but I fear …" He trailed off, lost in his own thoughts.

After a minute or more of silence, Jacob prodded. "What is it that you fear, Edward?"

Pellew looked at his lover's father. It was obviously difficult for him to speak so personally.

"I fear that in our separation he will find someone else. He is young and the young are impatient. I fear that he will not be willing or perhaps will not be able to wait the years it will probably be before we can truly be together. I fear the letter I know in my heart he will write in a year or two."

"I think that you underestimate him, Edward. I think that you perhaps fail to appreciate the degree to which he depends on you. I saw it tonight, both at dinner and when he and I were speaking. I must confess, it surprised me to see just how much so."

Edward looked at Jacob thoughtfully and seemed about to respond when they heard steps outside the study door. Horatio walked into the room, stopping next to the Captain.

"I'm sorry that I was so long, but I had them change your room father. Edward, the housekeeper put him in the small room. I hope you don't mind that I've had them move him to the front bedroom? The view is so much nicer and the fireplace draws better. That's what took so long; the maid was busy making up the bed so I got the fire going."

Edward smiled at his lover and put his hand to his cheek in a gentle caress.

"No, of course not. You were quite right to have done it."

Horatio smiled at the approval, his eyes on Pellew's face. Jacob, feeling tired after the long day and trip over rough roads, and knowing that the two wanted to be alone, said, "If you will excuse me, these old bones need their rest. I'll see you both in the morning, I trust?"

"Yes, father, of course you will. We breakfast about eight. The maid will bring you hot water half an hour or so before. I'll show you the way to your room."

Jacob was settled in his room and Horatio was turning to leave when his father called him back.

"Horatio…Edward loves you very much. You do know that, don't you?"

Surprised by the comment and the question Horatio answered, "Yes, of course, as I love him. What were you two speaking about when I was gone?"

"He told me that he loves you. He's afraid that you're the one who will want to leave him. Are you aware of that?"

"Leave him?" Horatio looked at his father. "I never would. He knows that, I've told him." Then, "Why would he think such a thing of me?"

"He lashes out at you out of fear. He fears that you will meet someone else, perhaps someone closer to your own age, someone with whom you may have more in common, who shares more of your own interests than he can. And …" here, Doctor Hornblower hesitated…"I suspect he fears you'll look for someone your equal… physically. You are much younger than he is. There's no forgetting that."

Horatio blushed a deep shade of red. To hear his father speak of such things, especially concerning himself and Edward was something he certainly never thought he'd hear.

"That's …not been a problem, father." Horatio didn't meet Jacob's eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause you embarrassment." He paused, afraid that he would go too far, but genuinely wishing to know. "Forgive my asking, but I've been…curious. I truly am curious, Horatio…I've not had such experiences with a man…do you find that part of things to be…satisfactory?"

Barely able to speak, Horatio answered, "…yes, quite."

"How are things…done?"

"God, Father!"

"Well, of course I can imagine most of it, I suppose. Not all that different than being with a woman, I'd think. I've wondered…you're certainly of an age...have you ever been with a woman, Horatio?"

Horatio looked at his father in some horror, started to say something and then simply turned on his heel and left the room.

"I didn't think so," Jacob commented to himself.

Later that night, unable to sleep, Jacob took a candle and made his way down to the study in search of a book to lull him.

Silently opening the door he was startled to see Horatio and Edward standing before the fire, embracing and involved in a series of deep kisses, unaware they were being watched. He could just see their tongues caressing each other, the sinuous movements of their mouths and the subtle movements of their heads. He could hear their quiet gasps and the almost silent moans of pleasure from both of them, the heightened breathing. Their hips were pressed tightly together, undulating slightly. Both were stripped to the waist and barefoot.

Edward loosened the ribbon holding his son's long, dark hair, carelessly dropping it on the floor. Jacob heard Horatio's quiet laugh as he playfully shook his head to release the tightly bound queue. The dark curls splayed over his shoulders, the firelight playing over his skin. Jacob marveled at the sight of his son, God, he truly was beautiful. The Captain caught one lock of hair gently in his fingers, kissing it, then taking a larger handful, buried his face in the scent and feel of it. His mouth moved back to Horatio's. Edward's arms and hands then encircled Horatio's back, caressing his skin and the long muscles paralleling his spine, down into the top of his trousers and over his buttocks.

Kneading and gripping, then back up again to clasp the strong shoulders and back down again, unhurried, yet never still. Horatio's arms held Edward. One tightly encircled the older man's waist, holding them pressed closely together, the other hand moving up to stroke his neck and hair, to gently hold his face. Finally their mouths parted as Edward moved his lips and tongue down to Horatio's throat. Keeping a firm grasp on the older man and arching his spine backwards, he forced their groins even closer together. His head was thrown back to allow easier access to his throat and chest, eyes closed, his mouth slightly open, a small smile at what he was feeling.

Edward's hand kneaded his arse, rubbing and clenching none too gently. The other moved slowly up to Horatio's chest, caressing and rubbing a breast and nipple. A gasp escaped from his son. As he watched, Edward began to trace his mouth further down Horatio's chest to his stomach, nipping tenderly as he went. Jacob could see the muscles jump as they felt the warmth and moisture, the stimulation.

Edward slowly and gracefully began to sink to his knees as he continued down to the top of Horatio's trousers, his hands gently sliding down the smooth skin of the back he was holding, open palmed. Moving his hands to the buttons holding the garments onto slim hips, he began to loosen them as Horatio emitted a sound somewhere between a purr and a moan. Jacob watched the two men continue their lovemaking, Horatio's hands firmly holding the Captain's head pressed to his body and caressing and carding the other man's hair with his fingers, stroking his neck and pulling him closer still. Just then he looked over to where his father was standing, their eyes locking for a long moment, Horatio's calm expression was one of complete contentment before he closed his eyes again and lowered his head back down to direct Edward's efforts.

Jacob withdrew from the room, closing the door as silently as he had opened it. Returning to his room he couldn't remove what he had just seen from his mind. The tenderness between the two of them, the gentleness of their caresses and the passion, he'd had no idea it was like that between them. It was the most erotic thing he had ever witnessed.

Later still, Jacob heard footsteps and quiet laughter outside his room. He heard the door down the hall open and then close. Within minutes he heard the muted sounds of lovemaking through the walls. Bed creaking, gasps and cries, drawn out sounds of passion and Horatio's voice as he climaxed. Finally, the house was quiet and they all slept.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The next morning, as promised, the maid arrived with hot water and clean towels. After shaving and dressing he made his way down to the dining room, somewhat apprehensively. How on earth would he face Sir Edward and, good Lord! Horatio after what he has witnessed and heard last night.

Glancing into the study as he walked past, he noticed that the hair ribbon was still lying, forgotten, where it had fallen. Steeling himself, he walked through the open door to of the dining room where the two were seated at the table. Edward was perusing a newspaper and Horatio was laughing at something the Captain had just read him. They looked up as he entered.

"Good Morning, father. I trust that you slept well."

"Yes, thank you, and yourself?" God! They looked so normal…and after what they'd done just hours ago!

"Very well, thank you." Jacob noticed some bruising on Horatio's neck and throat, not quite covered by his collar. The maid entered and placed a full plate in front of him, pouring him a cup of coffee before she left. Edward closed his paper and looked over.

"You must forgive me, Jacob, but I have been called to more meetings with the Admiral. I fear that it will take me most of the day to finish the business. I'll leave you in Horatio's capable hands, if you don't mind."

He rose, stepping over to where Horatio was seated. Bending down, he kissed the young man lightly on the lips as Horatio squeezed his hand, nodded to Jacob and left the room.

"Is there anything in particular that you'd like to do today, father, someplace that you'd like to go? We have plans for only the early part of the evening, and there will be a special dinner that Cook has been planning."

"I would like to get a present for you that I've been thinking of and I'd like your help in choosing something appropriate for Edward, also."

"That's really not necessary, father. Truly, he expects nothing."

"All the more reason to get something. After all, he is my daughter-in-law…. oh, Horatio. Not one of your looks, please! I was only joking."

"We really should go to the party at one of the inns along the quay for Indy's officers this evening. That should only be a couple of hours. There were several invitations from friends, but we both thought that you'd be more comfortable not having to cope with a room full of strangers."

"I must admit that you're right about that. Good, then. Let's be off, shall we?"

They readied themselves to go, gathered their cloaks and hats and took the carriage into the main part of town. Jacob had decided that he wanted to keep Horatio's present a secret until Christmas morning so insisted that his son wait at the end of the street while he went into the shop the housekeeper had recommended to him. He was back within about twenty minutes, having made his selection and arranged for it to be sent to the house later that afternoon. The two men then went off in search of something appropriate for Edward.

They returned to the house several hours later. A package had arrived for Jacob and he busied himself with the hiding and wrapping of it up in his room. Horatio was in the study when Edward walked in from his meetings.

"Everything go well?"

"Yes, very well, thank you." He was more clipped in his manner than he normally was and the younger man knew the probable reason.

"Edward, I know that you can't discuss your orders, but you've been keeping something from me for weeks now. I've not asked until now, but it's my transfer, isn't it? That's the only thing I can think of which would account for your mood of late."

"… Horatio, I was going to wait to tell you later…. fine, all right, yes. The transfer that we've been expecting for you has come through." Horatio looked at Edward with trepidation.

"Where and when?"

"You're to take up the position of third Lieutenant on Renown as soon as your leave is over in two weeks. She'll be in Gibraltar and you're to meet her there."

He looked down at the floor then gathering his thought and checking his emotions said, "It was bound to happen sooner or later." He lifted his chin, forced a smile. "A 74! Well, that's a change, isn't it? And I'll be under Captain Sawyer; that should be an honor."

"Horatio, there's more. I've been made Commodore, effective with the New Year. I've been given the Med Fleet, or at least the lion's share of the western end of it."

"Edward! Oh, God…I'm so proud of you, how very wonderful!"

"Yes, well the good news is that I'll also be traveling to Gibraltar, so we might arrange transport on the same ship. Of course, we'll have to be discrete, but we shall still be able to be together for a while longer."

Horatio smiled and nodded, too overwhelmed at that moment to trust his voice. After a moment he looked over to Edward, his eyes shining with pride and happiness for his lover. "A Commodore…you'll be so wonderful with a fleet under you. You were born for this. It's what you deserve and there will be more before you're finished."

Knowing the heartbreak that Horatio was feeling, Edward moved to him and gathered him in his arms, cradling him against the pain that he was fighting. Horatio would do anything to protect him from feeling the agony he was going through at that moment, hiding his own pain was a small price for the young man to pay to protect his lover. But Edward saw the moist eyes, the slight tremble in the chin and knew that to say anything would be to unman Horatio. That he would never do. Instead they simply held each other until the young man had control of his emotions, at least for now. Yes, they had both known that this would happen, but to be faced with the reality was worse than they had thought it would be.

They had been together almost daily for over three years. Now they only had two weeks left.

"Where is your father?" Changing the subject might help, somewhat, give him something else to think about.

"Upstairs, getting some presents ready and resting. I've told him about the officer's dinner. I suspect that he'll not want to join us for that."

"That's fine, but we should leave soon. We can tell them about the transfers at the dinner this evening. I think that would be better than you simply disappearing without a word to anyone." Horatio nodded his agreement then asked,

"Do you think…would it be at all possible to transfer my division along with me when I go? They're such good men and I know them so well."

"Love, it's already been arranged. I thought that you would like that." Horatio smiled his thanks and kissed Edward.

The two went upstairs to change into dress uniforms for the officers' dinner. They were ready quickly and stopped by Jacob's room as they were leaving to tell him that they would be back in a couple of hours and they'd have dinner then. Thanking them, he lay down to nap. They took the carriage to the inn which had been hired for the evening for the party, Horatio getting out two blocks early, circling around to the other direction from which they had come and walking to the building so as to arrive alone. Such were the confines of their lives. Only Lieutenant Bracegirdle actually knew of their relationship and he was completely trustworthy. No one else in the Navy could know. Horatio walked in after Edward, the last one to arrive, he was met with loud greetings and wishes of the season that he accepted with good humor. There were toasts and jokes, gossip and talk about homes and families, battles and friends. Finally, after over an hour of drinks and toasts, Edward stood, made his toast wishing them all the best in the New Year. After drinking he asked for silence and made the announcement of the transfers, including the additional transfers of two of the other officers who would be going on to other assignments. There was a moment of quiet as everyone absorbed the news and then another round of toasts and congratulations for their new posts.

Friends often said goodbye to friends in the military, no one was unduly upset or even surprised by the turn of events. After another half hour, Horatio made his excuses of his father visiting and another twenty minutes later Edward also left. They met a block away and returned home.

Removing their cloaks, Edward went into the study for a glass of port and Horatio went upstairs to get his father for dinner. He found him sitting in a large chair, reading.

"How did the party go?"

Horatio smiled. "It was fine, we left before it really got underway, I'm sure that they'll all be there till dawn from the looks of it. Edward told me about my transfer and his promotion this afternoon and made the announcement tonight so I said goodbye to most of them. We'd been together for three years, the main body of officers have, at any rate." A shrug. "The life in the service. At some point we'll likely run across each other again." He looked at the expression on his father's face.

"Is something wrong, father? "

"Forgive me, I know that you've much on your mind at the present but I found the room I was in last night somewhat… noisy. Perhaps this evening I might move to the smaller room I was in originally."

Eyes widening in instant understanding, Horatio said, "Yes, of course. I apologize… if you think that you'd be more comfortable there, certainly."

"Yes, thank you…Horatio, I must say this to you. I had thought that I truly wouldn't mind being with you and Edward, but I admit that I am most uncomfortable seeing the two of you together as…God, man and wife is the only way that I can put it. Forgive me, but I find all of this somewhat disconcerting."

His eyes were down on the carpet in front of him. After a moment he looked over at his father. "I'm sorry that you feel like this father. Last night after I left you, Edward and I talked for over an hour. We both believe that we've come to a new understanding about our feelings for each other. I know that we'll have to be apart for a long time. I understand that, and I think I've put aside some of his fears of my finding another while we're apart." He managed a small smile. "We've you to thank for that."

"I'm glad that I could be of some help for you."

"I know that this is difficult for you, but please try to understand that I truly am happy here with Edward. With all of the problems and secrecy and ...all of it. This…he…is what I want."

"I realize that. I think that the reason I'm upset about this is because I'm jealous of you."

Horatio looked at his father is some surprise and confusion.

"I'm jealous of your happiness, Horatio. I miss that. Since your mother died, I've not had anyone in my life or in my bed. I eat all of my meals alone. Seeing you with Edward reminds me of what I've lost."

"Why did you never remarry? Surely there must be someone who you would be happy with."

"Oh, perhaps. But I keep remembering how very happy I was with your mother and then with you after you arrived. It seemed so perfect, even at the time I thought so. I find it hard to believe that I could achieve that twice in a lifetime and rather than settle I haven't really tried."

"I wish that you would try…I hate to think of you lonely when you might not have to be so."

"I'm happy enough, truly I am, Horatio. Now that we have gone beyond the troubles which separated us for so many years. I have you now again, you see. That counts for a lot."

"Yes, for me also, but it doesn't give you someone to hold at night, or someone to talk with over the breakfast table, father."

Edward knocked gently on the doorframe and entered.

"Horatio, Jacob…the Christmas dinner is about to go onto the table and Cook tells me that we had better be there or we'll have her to answer to if it gets cold."

Father and son both nodded, knowing that their conversation would continue later, or perhaps even another day, but it wasn't finished. The three men went downstairs to their meal.

The next day the servants were all released to spend the holiday with their family and friends. It was an unusual tradition that Edward insisted on for his people and one that they appreciated greatly. The three men could fend for themselves off what cook had left them in the kitchen.

After making themselves a simple breakfast of eggs and cold ham, Christmas presents were exchanged. The special gift that Jacob had wanted for Horatio was a fine and warm down duvet for use onboard ship instead of the thin and scratchy blankets supplied by His Majesty. His present to Edward was a beautifully bound journal. As he watched the Commodore open the gift and express his genuine delight the Doctor commented that now Edward could record everything that happened to him and all his thoughts while he and Horatio were apart, that they could look at it together when they could be with each other.

Horatio had found a fine set of the collected works of Robert Herrick, knowing him to be one of Jacob's favorites and to Edward he gave a beautiful writing desk, filled with quills, ink and paper, perhaps in anticipation of their inevitable separations. Edward had nothing to actually hand to Horatio; he gave instead the promise that when the tailor's shops reopened after the holiday, Horatio would be fitted out with a complete kit, head to toe. "Can't have you disgracing the Indy, now, can we?" To Jacob he gave a subscription to the Naval Chronicle, so that he might more easily keep track of his son. More than pleased with the gifts and the convivial company, the rest of the day was spent in the quiet pursuits of reading and games of chess, accompanied by much pleasant talk and gentle teasing and caresses between the two officers. Jacob had announced that he would be leaving in the morning, needing to get back to his patients. Unspoken was the obvious desire to allow the other two some final time alone.

Later that night, after they had said their goodnights to Jacob, Horatio and Edward retired to their own room, content and happy with how the holiday had passed. As they prepared for bed, Horatio was surprised to see a small package on his pillow. "I've another present that I wanted to give you in private, love. Here, open this." Both men sat on the edge of the bed, close together.

Horatio looked over at Edward, smiling. Carefully taking the wrapping off the small box, he opened the lid to reveal a beautifully wrought fine gold chain. Holding it in his slender fingers, he stared at it as he said, "It's beautiful, Edward, lovely." Edward looked almost shy as he explained, "In my heart, we are married, Horatio. We both know that's impossible, but I would be honored if you would think of this as a wedding ring from me, for I know that I want no other than you. Look here, you see how the chain has no clasp? The circle is unbroken, as are my feelings for you, love." Smiling quietly, Horatio said, "Then you should be the one to put it on me."

Removing the young man's shirt, Edward took the length of chain from Horatio's fingers and carefully slipped it over his head so that it rested gold against the satin skin. Both sets of fingers gently tracing where it lay against his neck. After a moment, Horatio's hand moved up to cradle the nape of Edward's neck, caressing the skin and hair there. Quietly, searching out the black eyes, he asked, "Might we get another chain like this one for you to wear, love? I very much like the thought that we wear these for each other. No one need know about them, and if they are seen, no one will know their significance."

His voice somewhat husky, Edward answered, "Yes, I would very much like that."

Horatio's fingers found the buttons of Edwards's shirt, undoing them and lifting it free then dropping it on the floor. Rising to stand in front of the older man with his legs between the Captain's knees, he slid his arms around the strong shoulders, holding head and face to his hairless chest, caressing the skin and hair that he could reach.

"My father has moved to the other room tonight and there are no servants about. There's no need for us to be quiet, you know." He was smiling as he said this.

He leaned over and kissed Edward's forehead, pulling him to his feet, hands coming around to open the buttons holding the breeches that each were wearing. Both pairs slid to the floor, followed by undergarments until they were both nude in the flickering light of the fireplace. The gold of the chain caught the light as they moved. Standing, mouths pressed together, from toes to lips, they were in contact. Their hands moved over each other, gently at first, then with greater force and urgency. Finally Horatio broke away from the kisses and gasped, laughing, "I don't think that I can stand any longer." His arms around Edward, he pulled the older man down onto the bed, rolling him atop himself, arms still locked around his lover's back. "Please, take me like this. I want to see your face, I want to hold you to me."

Edward gently pressed himself atop Horatio, his entire body rubbing the long length of the body beneath him, kissing his neck, face, and throat. He pressed the long fingers and hands to his mouth, running his tongue along each in turn, felt the hands of his lover run along his back and sides, his buttocks and up into his hair, around to his neck and his shoulders. Always moving, arousing, caressing, rubbing and demanding. Asking and needing, wanting and insisting. Edward felt the arms around his back, holding him close and safe against the body he adored. Horatio's thighs parted and he felt himself slipping down between them into the warmth there, felt Horatio's own erection pressing against his belly, trapped between the two men, being rubbed and coaxed by both of their bodies. Edward felt the legs move up and around his own, holding him in place as he pressed inside into the welcome of his lover's body. He looked down into the face below his; saw the tenderness and happiness there and heard the whispered, "You're the only one who has ever been there. You're the only lover I've ever had. I want no one else."

"You're the only one I want. You are who I've spent my life looking for. I sometimes think that your heart holds me as warmly as the rest of you." At this, Horatio couldn't help laughing. "God, when you do that you threaten to tie me in a knot….for God's sake, be careful!"

"Edward, I thought that you were being serious…"

"I am, for the love of God, stop laughing or you'll do me damage."

"Well, we don't want you damaged…"

"Horatio…"

"I'll stop, I'll stop."

5/5/02

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