Autobiography

Chapter 4

Clark Kent: What, if any, do you see as the differences between Robin and Nightwing?

Nightwing: The obvious ones; age, experience, maturity, less reliance on partners and backup.

CK: And the less obvious differences?

NW:…My priorities aren’t the same as when I was Robin and I think, I hope, that I’m more efficient, better able to do my job. Nightwing is darker than Robin was—largely because I’m darker. I don’t mean to say I’m a negative presence, at least I don’t think I am, but I’m not eleven anymore. I don’t see this career quite as ‘gee-whiz’ as I used to.

CK: You’ve grown up, if I understand what you’re saying. But Robin was always known for his optimism and sense of joy when he was on patrol or on a case, do you think that’s been lost or outgrown?

NW: Maybe to a degree but not really. I mean, my basic personality is pretty optimistic—I’ve always been like that and I think I still have that. Besides, I thought this was fun back when I was a kid and I still do. It’s corny, but I really do love my job—at least most of the time. I’m just more aware that there is a dark side, a down side, that’s all.

CK: So optimism tempered with a dose of reality?

NW: I guess that’s fair. And when you grow up you have to move on, jettison a lot of the fantasies and illusions you have when you’re a kid. Things aren’t as black and white and you start to understand that everyone is both good and bad, it’s just a matter of degree either way which tips them from a fairly normal life to a criminal or insane one. It gets harder and harder to make the call which someone is.

CK: You’re an adult now, in your early twenties, right? We haven’t touched much on your personal life, your life out of the spandex. Do you mind if we get into that a bit?

NW: Within reason. I really hate talking about my personal life. Hate it.

CK: You’re reluctant, would you rather not get into this? Bull’s eye, Clark.

NW: Ask, we’ll see what I answer.

At this point Clark stopped the recorder and said something about this being a semi-official autobiography and wasn’t expected to be published, was just for the record at some unknown point in the future. Nothing would ever see daylight without the express agreement of either me or my heirs—if I ever have heirs. Basically he told me to cut the crap and talk. You don’t argue with him, you just don’t.

NW: All right, ask.

CK: Thank you, I know you dislike this part of things.

NW: Yeah, but it’s okay. Barely and only because it’s you, so let’s get this over with.

CK: Girl friend? Wife? Kids?

NW: No, no and no.

CK: C’mon, you’re a good looking, accomplished and world famous young man. You expect me to believe that you’re a monk?

NW: I didn’t say I am. I’m between girlfriends, I’ve never been married and, as far as I know, I don’t have any kids.

CK: Nightwing, I need more. You’re between girlfriends; how old were you when you found your first?

NW: Christ—how much detail do you want here? Okay, fine—I was a late starter simply because I didn’t have all that much time. Between Robin, school and other stuff I barely managed four or five hours of sleep on an average day. My first real girl friend was in college, the first time I went, during that semester. I met her during registration and she dumped me about three months later because she said I was never around. Lori Elton. Shallow bitch—I mean, really. But she did teach me a few things; I have to give her that. Lot’s of things in fact, starting with the concept that I was supposed to think of her vagina as a vase—whenever we had sex I was supposed to send flowers. Okay, she heard that line on TV, but stuck by it. I wasn’t all that sorry when we were over, truth be told.

CK: And she was your first?

NW: …It wouldn’t be gentlemanly to say any more.

CK: …Very tactful. All right, and then?

NW: I became involved with Kory—which got enough press that I doubt if anyone on the planet missed it. It lasted a couple years. I loved her, she loved me and we planned to get married but—it didn’t work out. Like understatements? There’s one for you.

CK: The wedding was attacked and people were killed.

NW: Right. We tried to keep things together but…it just didn’t work out after that. I still see her, I still love her, consider her a friend and I think—hope—she feels the same.

CK: Do you think that being raised by Bruce, with his reputation and active social life influenced you—for better or worse? Or at all, come to think of it.

NW: I also had the influence of my parent’s happy marriage but yeah, I got used to strangers at the breakfast table. I was okay with I, though. I knew they wouldn’t last and that I would so I didn’t really care. I used to play games, try to pissed them off or scare them or whatever; kid’s stuff. Bruce usually thought it was funny. And sometimes he didn’t but he knew they were just there for a day or two; a month at the absolute most. They were sort of like Kleenex. I know that sounds pretty crappy, but it’s the truth. They didn’t matter to him or to me.

CK: Are you looking for a girl friend now? ‘Just curious.

NW: Not actively. It’s not like I’m barhopping or trawling the dating sites or anything. Besides, I really am busy—a lot of women have a problem with that, that I disappear for a few days or weeks, or in some cases, months working on something that I may or may not be able to even talk about. But if someone come along—I wouldn’t say no. Yeah, at some point I’d like to get married, maybe have kids. If it happens, it happens. I used to think, assume that I’d do that, get married, I mean. I just figured that it was down the road and, sooner or later, I’d get to it. I think I’d like it, so long as she understood me and could deal with everything. I don’t know—maybe it’ll never happen. And—shit—I don’t think I could face the possibility of leaving another kid who ends up losing another parent. Been there, done that and it sucks as much as anything can suck.

CK: We haven’t really touched on this, but—fans. How do you deal with them?

NK:…Because they’re like close fiends or someone I’d like to marry? C’mon, Clark, where are you going with this?

CK: No, because they’re a part of the life of ever hero. You’ve been stalked, had meals interrupted, lost your privacy, been the subject of rumors and gossip. It wasn’t that long ago that those pictures—you know the ones I mean—were published and plastered all over the Internet. How do you react to all of that?

NW: Christ. Okay, most fans are all right. They come up to me, ask for an autograph or to take a picture and that’s it. They’re usually polite and generally perfectly nice people. Stalking. That was bad, real bad and I finally had to get restraining orders and eventually go to court and, even then, the woman kept insisting that she was my wife. In a case like that you have to understand that the person is ill and look at it from that perspective. The pictures you’re talking about; they were taken when I was in London working on a case and staying with a friend while I was there. The pap was in a building across the street, using a telephoto lens and shooting through the window into the guest bedroom I was using after I’d gotten out of the shower. Obviously, I was angry about that; it was about a blatant violation of privacy as you could find. Angry? I was pissed, violated, furious and completely impotent to stop them. Roy, of course, thought it was funny. Bruce reamed me for not being more discrete and pulling down the shade. I mean, please.

CK: What happened about that, any repercussions?

NW: No. By the time I could do anything the pictures were out. I won in court and donated the award to charity but the pictures are still there and probably always will be.

CK: One of the down sides of being in the public eye?

NW: You could say so. Y’think, Clark? Like I enjoy having my junk all over the net. And if you don’t think that led to some interesting fan letters, let me tell you…and you’d be surprised how many women I’d maybe like to get to know who don’t find that either funny or entertaining. I can’t tell you how many times in the last few months people have asked me if I posed for those things or paid the photographer to enhance my bits. For the record, I didn’t.

CK: You’re patterns of speech and the way you refer to Robin in the third person makes me curious; do you think of Robin, I mean when you used that alias, as you or as a character you’ve created to allow you to function as a vigilante? Do you consider yourself Robin or is Robin apart you play—or played?

NW: I don’t think anyone has ever asked me that before.

Nightwing paused for several minutes, considering his reply. I was afraid that he wasn’t going to acknowledge the question or give me an answer but then he finally continued. CK

NW: I think that Robin is—or was—a part of me. He wasn’t all of me, just a part of my personality, the part where I could put on the mask and be someone…someone who could fight criminals and space aliens and win. Then I’d take off the mask and go back to being a seventh grader worried about a history final or a book report. It was a little schizophrenic, but it worked and still does. I have a regular job I go to every day, go out for a beer with the guys afterwards then go home, change into the spandex and patrol Bludhaven. I have two sets of friends—one when I’m wearing jeans and one when I’m in kevlar. I know that sounds a little insane and in some ways it is, but it works. I’m Nightwing but I’m not all that sure that Nightwing is me. And it took me a long time—a very long time to work all that out and get the balance. Some people never get it. A lot of people, friends, family, never get to the point of being able to understand it and I think that’s why so many marriages in the community fail and fail fast.

CK: Like an actor playing a role then taking off the greasepaint and going home for the night?

NW: Sort of, yeah.

CK: Okay, something I’ve wondered about; do you think that being Robin and later Nightwing adversely affected you over all.

NW: In terms of what? I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking me here.

CK: I mean, is your life better or worse because you’re a recognized hero? Do you ever wake up in the morning and wish that you were just some average Joe?

NW: Sure, sometimes I do, if it’s been a bad week or I’m more sore than usual or some case is really frustrating me.

CK: What do you do then?

NW: Take hot shower, go out for breakfast, maybe talk to a friend or just take a walk, just like anyone does when they’re having a bad day. Then I usually suck it up and go back to my night job.

CK: But you ever wish that none of this ever happened, that you’re just…average?

NW: I don’t think, I’m, but, I mean—I’m not average, Clark. I’ve never been average, I don’t think I know how. I have the same needs, the same emotions everyone has but I’ve never been normal, starting with starting out as a child circus performer and moving on from there. It’s just not in the cards I’ve been dealt.

CK: You’re avoiding answering me. ‘Never thought about it?

NW: Honestly?

CK: Yes.

NW: Not really. You have to understand that I really do love what I do. Sure, there are days when I want to pull the covers over my head but I get a real charge out of what I do. I always have, ‘swear to God. I like my life—it’s not perfect and there have been some pretty dark times—and will probably be more—but I like my life. For the most part, anyway. The weird thing? That’s true, I really do like how things have gone. Yeah, I’d rather—really wish my parents were still alive an Bruce was never a walk in the park but beyond that? Yeah, things have turned out okay for me.

CK: Okay. Let’s talk about the future, where do you see yourself in five years, twenty?

NW: Next time, Clark. Next time. I gotta get to work, okay? Tomorrow.

TBC

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