First Year
August
“Christ, Brian, when the fuck did they say the air conditioning would be fixed?”
“They didn’t say. They said that they’re backed up and that three of their techs are on vacation.”
“Shit. It’s hotter than a crotch in here and the TV said the heat wave was expected to continue forfuckingever.”
Despite himself, Brian smiled. “The language you young people use these days.”
Justin had just taken his second cool shower in less than an hour. It had been too hot to sleep or do anything else last night. They were both cranky. “There must be somewhere we can go to cool off.”
“A movie?”
“Maybe.”
“I could call Vance, he has a pool.”
“God.” He wandered back up to the bedroom to get some clothes on.
“Alright, screw this.” Brian, wearing nothing but a pair of workout shorts and with the sweat dripping off him, picked up the phone. “Yeah, its Brian…There’s a change of plans. We’re coming with you…Because the air conditioning is out and your son is making me insane…Good. We can be packed in fifteen minutes…I’ll have us there in less than an hour.”
Getting up he joined Justin upstairs and began to pull out a couple of suitcases. “Get packed.”
“Where the fuck are we going?”
“To Canada with your mother and your sister.”
Justin almost did a double take. “Are you shitting me? When?”
“Now. Get packed. We’re outta here inside of ten minutes.”
Forty-five minutes they were parking in Jen’s space at the condo. The corvette would stay here, locked in her garage while they were gone for ten days. Her car was packed and she and Molly, along with Molly’s friend Laurie, were waiting on the walk. Within five more minutes they had the men’s two suitcases loaded into the trunk, everyone was in the car and they were pulling out of the driveway, Brian driving.
“This is going to be so awesome, I was hoping that you guys would come with us, but then when you went up a couple of months ago, I thought that would be it.”
“Molly, are you going to talk the entire trip?”
“Like you ever shut up. Mom? Which bedroom do Laurie and I get?”
“I’m not sure, sweetie, one of the side ones, I guess.”
“Could we have the front one?”
Jen was starting to think this drive would be the longest of her life and they weren’t out of Pittsburgh yet. “I thought I’d give that one to your brother and Brian.”
“Mom?” This time it was Justin. “I thought it would be better if Brian and I used the guest house this time.”
Good point, with two adolescent girls along. “That might be best, honey. I think you’re right.” It was a small one-room building, maybe twelve by fifteen with a front porch. It stood about thirty feet from the main house. It had a bed, a small sink, a curtained off closet and a bureau. Period. On the other hand, it didn’t have his sister in the next room or his mother downstairs.
The trip took eight hours, pretty good time, actually, but with Brian driving a good part of the way, they went fast. Unlike him, Jen was a believer in speed limits.
“How did you get time off, Brian? Isn’t this a busy time for you? I thought that all the Christmas ads would be in production by now.”
“The Christmas ads were done a month ago. I have a lot of vacation time saved up and it was ninety-seven degrees in the loft at eight this morning, with all of the windows open. I called my partner and told him I’d be back in time for Labor Day.”
“Must be nice.”
Justin tapped his shoulder from the back seat. “You brought your laptop, didn’t you? I thought I saw you put it in your bag.”
“You know I did. I may be able to get away, but I can’t fall off the fucking planet.”
“…Wouldn’t want the world to stop turning, now, would we?”
Brian was hot and stiff and knew that Vance was pissed at his last minute departure without warning. He wasn’t in the mood for another round of this shit. “Fuck off. I don’t see you complaining about having all your Goddamned bills paid.”
“Are you going to start that again?”
“Are you?”
The voltage of the exchange startled the women into silence and an awkward pall dropped over the car, the two girls looking at one another and Jen staring stonily ahead. After about ten strained miles of this, Brian mumbled a “Sorry” in Jennifer’s direction. She managed a small smile in return. In the back Justin quietly came up with a “Sorry, Mom.” She nodded. Molly looked at her brother and he gave her a small shrug. They had both heard their parents have the same kind of quick, sharp arguments. They had both hated it.
At the next driver change, Justin was behind the wheel, Brian in the passenger seat because of his long legs. After an hour and a half, Jennifer noticed that they were holding hands. At the lunch stop, she noticed that Brian had leaned over to kiss him when the back seat was emptying. Whatever had caused the blowup seemed to have passed.
Good.
It was twenty degrees cooler when they got to the lake than when they had left home.
By six thirty they were in the water taxi going over to the house, the local’s at the marina greeting Jennifer and Molly like long lost friends. As they approached the house, they noticed that lights were on over at the Wedding Cake, so they wouldn’t be alone on the shore—good. Iver and Reese were always good for a nice dinner visit or a game of scrabble or something. They would make a nice break after a few days.
They all pretty much knew the drill, or could figure it out. Suitcases were taken to various bedrooms, groceries were put in the pantry off the kitchen, and clean sheets were put on the beds. Dinner was a simple affair of sandwiches, made while the two men did things like turn on the hot water and open windows to air the place out. By the time everything was finished and the dishes washed, it was dark, although the full moon gave light.
The men, with a look at one another, stood up and went out the front door, holding hands. Jennifer watched as they went down to sit on the front edge of the dock, Brian smoking a cigarette, Justin sitting beside him, both of them with their bare feet in the water. They were talking quietly and she could hear occasional laughter.
She knew that they were having some problems adjusting to actually being married, but she would rather not get involved if she could avoid it. She loved Justin, of course, and she had grown fond of Brian, despite his moments when she wanted to strangle him. She wasn’t all that sure they really belonged together forever, but right now it was obvious that when they were apart they were miserable—despite whatever was wrong between them.
Upstairs, Molly and Laurie were watching the same thing outside that Jennifer was. They had turned their room light out so they could spy in private. They had even considered sneaking down but decided that it would be easier to just listen at their windows in the guesthouse either some night or morning.
“Does it bother you that your brother is gay? It must be pretty weird to see him making out with Brian all the time.”
“Yeah—it’s weird, but you get used to it. It’s not really that big a deal. One time they didn’t know I was home and I heard them upstairs, though. God, it was gross.”
“God. What did it sound like?” They were both lying on the double bed.
“You ever hear your parents? Like that.”
“Did your parents freak?”
“Big time. My Dad is still all flipped out about it. I don’t think he ever talks to Justin anymore and he really, really hates Brian.” Molly turned over onto her back. “That’s what broke up my parents marriage. They said it was a lot of other shit too, but this was the big thing. My Mom’s sort of OK with Justin being gay and Dad is so totally not OK with it. He even tried to beat Brian up and he wrecked his car and stuff.”
“Your Dad must have really had a fit when he heard they were getting married.”
“I heard Mom telling someone that Dad has even cut Justin out of his will and he won’t pay for his college or anything. For his last birthday he didn’t even send him card or anything.”
“That’s sort of shitty.”
“Yeah. Justin was really hurt. I heard that Brian went over to Dad’s office and yelled at him so Dad took Justin out to dinner, but he still wouldn’t invite Brian. Justin was major pissed.”
“God. How do you look at them like at breakfast or something when you know what they’ve been doing all night?”
“You’ll find out tomorrow.”
“Ewww. Are they like really married?”
“Yeah. They have a license and everything. It’s real.”
“What’s Brian like? He’s cute and all, but he’s like as old as my Dad.”
“God, don’t let him hear you say shit like that. He’ll kill you—or Justin will. Just totally don’t go there—and don’t mention that Brian’s like twelve years older than my brother, either. They both hate it.”
“So is he an asshole? He was pretty snarky to Justin in the car.”
“He’s pretty nice usually, but he and Justin have these fights and then he gets super nasty. Just like leave when that happens.”
“God, this trip is going to be so weird.”
“We’ve got the boat. We can just ditch them.”
Later that night the two girls snuck down the stairs, being careful of the noisy tread, and stood outside the open window of the guest house. Damn. The curtains were closed so they couldn’t see, but they could hear the old bedsprings squeaking and grunts and groaning coming from inside. They could make out Justin’s voice, “Harder…harder…God, Brian…faster…now…” followed by more groaning. There were sounds like sucking and skin slapping against skin. The bed squeaking got faster and they heard Brian’s voice joining in, no real words, just grunting…God, it was so gross and the two girls had to put their hands over their mouths to not laugh out loud. Finally, after like maybe ten minutes, they heard they two men’s voices get louder and they seemed like they were gasping for breath and the springs were sounding like they might break and then the two of them sort of shouted in a weird strangled, gasping way and then it sounded like they just kind of collapsed on the bed. Then there was some really quiet happy sounding laughter and kissing sounds while they caught their breath and Molly and her friend backed away as quietly as they could.
When they were back up in their own room Molly said, “See? I told you, they sound like your parents.”
“Yeah, if both of my parents were guys.” That was it. They both were lost to giggles.
The next morning they were sitting at the dining room table eating with Jennifer when Brian came in, got himself some coffee and poured batter on the grill to make his own breakfast. She called through, asking if he needed help, he didn’t.
About five minutes later he carried a plate of pancakes and a couple of coffee mugs in, setting them down. He put half of the pancakes on another plate. “Justin will be here in a minute.”
“You two sleep alright out there?”
The girls burst into uncontrolled giggles, again. Brian looked at them as he answered. “Fine, thanks, but we thought we heard a couple of animals walking around outside. Whatever they were made a lot of noise.”
“Good morning.” Justin kissed his mother’s cheek, sitting next to his husband. “Tonight we’ll leave the curtains open to get more of a breeze.” He was smiling his sunshine smile at Molly.
“I’ll bring a camera.”
“You won’t be the first who wanted to.”
Jennifer stared them into silence. “What plans do you all have for the day?”
Molly and Laurie were going to take the little boat exploring, Justin was going to sketch and Brian had some work to do on the laptop. Jen planned to curl up with a book down on the dock. A quiet day. About half an hour later they had all split to their various pursuits, Brian and Justin kissing goodbye as he walked out with his drawing things.
After an hour or so, Jen went back up to the house from the lake to get something to drink and stopped in the dining room when she saw Brian.
“Am I interrupting?”
“No, I was just finished.” He closed the laptop. He saw the look on her face. “Something on your mind?”
She started with small talk. “I thought that I’d ask Iver and his wife over for dinner tomorrow. Didn’t you meet them when you two were up?”
“I met him, she was away somewhere.”
She nodded with a smile and took the chair catty-cornered from him. She might as well just come out and just say it. “Are you and Justin having problems?”
“Why do you ask?” She knew he wouldn’t give her a simple answer.
“From the look on Justin’s face and Debbie has been talking to me.”
Of course she had. He smiled without humor. Shit. This was the last thing he wanted to get into, but she was Justin’s fucking mother and he knew when they came up here that this conversation was bound to happen. Might as well get it over with.
“We’ll be fine. There are some adjustments for both of us, but we’re alright.”
“What sort of adjustments? Is it serious, are you seeing anyone, getting help?”
He gave her one of his stonewall looks. She knew he resented her intruding on his personal life, but Justin was her son, so tough. She stared back at him.
What a pain in the ass. Fucking fine. “No, we’re not seeing anyone. Justin resents that I make all the money. He feels that it makes him inferior and an unequal partner.”
“Do you treat him that way?”
“Fuck no.” He relented, continuing in a softer tone of voice. “He says that he doesn’t contribute enough and that if we were to divorce, he might be left in the same position…”
“As I was when Craig left.”
“Yes, but it won’t happen. Even if we were to spilt, he knows that I wouldn’t allow him to go through that.”
Her face hardened. “Make sure that it doesn’t happen.” She got up, about to go back down to the dock and her book when she turned back. “I want to ask you something and I want an honest answer.”
He nodded. What fucking now?
“Are you faithful to him? I want to know—if you’re cheating on him, you’ll break his heart and I won’t…I can’t let that…I’ll do whatever it takes so that he’s not hurt.”
Goddamnit. Justin had asked him the same thing. He was tired of the same fucking question. “He’s the only man I’ve fucked since before Vermont.”
“Keep it that way.” She went back down to the dock.
Fuck.
An hour later Brian was walking through the back meadow, trying to get his thoughts together. He was pissed at Jennifer for butting in and he resented that she and Debbie had been talking about them, obviously having come to the conclusion that he was a shit and that Justin would be getting shafted sometime soon. He was always the bad guy, always the heartless asshole. Damnit—he wasn’t the one who had been fiddling around, now, was he? He was still stewing about it all when he came upon Justin sitting in the long grass, sketching a grove of trees.
He stood for a long few minutes, watching, caught by the wonder, actually marveling at the scene, caught by the beauty of the perfect setting and the perfect young man in the middle of it.
It was an ideal day and the sunlight was shafting through the trees. It was warm but not hot and the air was clean. The trees and the woods held a thousand shades of green and brown and yellow overhung with a cloudless blue sky. Justin sat in a patch of sunlight, barely moving, concentrating on his drawing.
His hand was recovering, his ability returning to where it had been and was becoming more sophisticated, more mature. Certainly he’d known that the youngster was good, but Brian was beginning to realize that he could well be a major talent, one who would stand out and be recognized. There could be a time when Brian would be the one in the shadows, walking behind.
Shit—fuck.
There it was in a nutshell—walking behind, competition. It was the problem and they were both guilty of it. Brian because he was a fucking Alpha, always had to be on top and Justin because he was, too and hadn’t been old enough, mature enough, experienced enough to understand.
He could deal with this, he could fix this, and he knew what to do. He could start as soon as he got back to the house and the damn phone.
He walked across the small meadow; purposely making some noise as he went so Justin wouldn’t be startled.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” He sat on his heels beside Justin, kissing him then turning his attention to the sketchbook he was holding. He had captured the feel of the meadow; it was there on the page in front of him—the warmth, the summer, the coolness of the glade, the beauty and the peace. It was perfect. “This is good.”
Justin smiled, a little unsure. “You think? I was having trouble with the shadows there, but I thought…”
“It’s good.” He was rewarded with the smile.
“Thank you for clearing things so we could come back up here.” Brian smiled back at him, one of his real smiles.
Justin put his hand up to Brian’s neck, pulling him down for a series of real kisses, deep and gentle at the same time, almost languid. Brian felt him pulling him off balance and onto the grass, rolling his hips so that he came to rest on top with Justin looking up at him. His hands slid under Brian’s tee, stroking the skin and running lightly, gently up and down his spine and the long muscles. After a few minutes of this he stopped, his hands just resting, holding Brian in place.
Brian was still nuzzling his neck when he paused to ask, “Do you want to fuck?”
“I’d rather make love.”
“Alright, would you like to?”
Justin’s attention shifted back—he had been looking at the beauty of the small glen, enjoying simply being there with his husband. “Yes, in a while. There’s no hurry.”