The Gus Diaries

Part 4

Curriculum Night

It’s taken me a while to get back to writing in this journal. I couldn’t face what happened a couple of weeks ago, especially since it was all because I can be such an asshole. From what I’ve heard the asshole gene runs in both the Kinney and Peterson families so I guess I was destined to start fucking up at some point but this nearly lost me both of my fathers. Not killed or anything, but I wasn’t sure they’d ever want to speak to me or look at me or hug me…or love me again after what I did.

It all started about three weeks ago when I realized, holy fuck -- just two weeks into school and I was already buried in homework and try-outs and clubs and every fucking thinking St. James Academy has to offer. Dad asked if it was too much and suggested I back off one of my extracurricular activities but what would I give up…basketball – never, the Gay-Straight Alliance – no way, the St. James Gazette – not on your life. So I was stuck trying to juggle everything and make sure that I get good grades otherwise my moms would get on Dad’s case.

That day, when Justin picked me up from school, he handed me a letter from the school that he and Dad received that afternoon. I took the letter and just kept flipping it over wondering what I could have screwed up to get into trouble without even knowing it. The envelope was obviously already opened by MJ. After I sat fussing with it for a minute or two he finally said, “Take out the damn letter and read it, it’s not going to bite you.”

I looked at him and rolled my eyes and he just smirked. After opening the letter I discovered it was a form letter announcing Curriculum Night at school. I lightly smacked MJ on the arm as he started laughing and yelled, “Gotcha!”

“I can’t believe you let me get all freaked out over some stupid program for wimps and losers and their parents.”

Then came the zinger, “In that case you’ve just entered that exclusive club of wimps and losers because your Dad, you and I are going.”

“Why the fuck would you want to do that?” I glared at him, although he couldn’t tell since he was driving.

“Maybe because we love you, we’re interested in making sure your schooling is going smoothly and…your mothers would kill us if we didn’t report back to them in detail.”

Now the truth came out. My dads are afraid of my moms. Or, at least, they don’t want to rock the boat so early in our new living arrangement. I thought taking pictures of me in my uniform with my backpack on the first day of school, to send to them, was bad enough, but now my dads wanted to go to Curriculum Night with me, to properly meet and greet each of my teachers. Life sucks!

It’s not that I think it’s totally uncool to have my parents show up, it’s that for the first time in my life I realized that none of my new friends knew that, well…my parents are gay.

I’m not even sure if I’m gay, but I was convinced that having gay parents would only bring me the kind of attention I didn’t want. I had really hoped that all the other kids would get to know me for me and then I could VERRRRRY slowly introduce them to my crazy family. I mean, shit, I have two moms and two dads and enough “uncles” and “grandparents” to fill the diner.

The Liberty Diner – that’s another place I certainly wasn’t ready to reveal to anyone yet. I don’t think I’m a homophobe, I just wanted everyone to think I’m normal. This is a new school and new kids. Hell, it’s a new fucking country! I don’t even sound like them because I have this stupid Canadian accent, which I never knew existed until everyone at school pointed out that I said some words in a ‘weird’ way. The last thing I need is to be known as the guy who has the craziest family in North America. I felt sick. And then I thought, “That’s it,” I’ll pretend to get sick.

I planned out how on the day before Curriculum Night I’d start having an upset stomach so it wouldn’t look timed too close to the actual moment of departure. Anyone can fake throwing up. A couple of gross sound effects and a toilet flushing and bingo—home free!

Those things only work if your parents are naïve and never tried that shit with their parents. It seems that MJ and Dad knew I was faking from the first gag.

Finally Dad got tired of listening to me whine about not going and said, “Cut the bullshit.” Editing his language was never one of Dad’s strengths. “Why the fuck are you so against us going to Curriculum Night? Are you having trouble in one of your classes?” I wish it was that simple.

I didn’t want to hurt their feelings so I just said, “All the guys I’m making friends with know how lame it is to go to this bullshit night. Only the losers go and that’s because their parents push them into it.” Knowing my Dad and MJ wanted to be cool, non-pushy parents was something I thought I could use to my advantage.

“So you don’t want us to go to your school tonight because of peer pressure? Justin, why don’t I believe that?”

“Because you know it’s a lame-ass excuse and because,” turning to me Justin continued, “It’s obvious you’re not telling us something, Gus. I thought we could be honest with each other. What’s going on?”

That’s when it happened. Asshole Gus was released.

“Because I want a shit-load more time before the friends I’m finally making find out that I’m living with my QUEER parents. That my life isn’t normal and that I’m probably gay, or at least bi, too. Guys don’t want to have fags around the locker room. I bet MJ knows that better than any of us!” That’s when I realized I was the king of assholes. How could I say that?

I looked at both of my dads. MJ had this frozen look, like he’d seen the face of Satan and his name was Gus. My Dad’s face was even worse. It was all distorted and had this look of, of, of … pain and torment written across it.

I did the only thing I could think of at that moment. I ran up to my room and slammed the door shut. In my crazed mindset it occurred to me that I should probably start packing. My days living with my dads were about to end, I just knew it!

I’m not quite sure how long I was up there alone, but soon there was a knock on my door. It was MJ.

“Gus, can I come in?”

“Sure, it’s your house.” When I give attitude I just can’t seem to shut my big mouth.

“I realize it’s getting late, but I first need to tell you a story.”

“MJ, I’m so sorry I said that. I know I went too far and should have never brought up your attack.” I may have become a little misty at this point but I would never admit it.

“I’m quite sure you’ve heard all about my attack, which by the way was a gay-bashing. Don’t ever mince words. What I’d like to tell you is another story. It’s a story about how guilt can cause deep pain.”

Now Justin really had my attention. I had no idea what the fuck he was talking about. He couldn’t possibly feel guilty about being attacked, no…bashed.

He started talking and telling me all about how he and this asshole, Chris, had a running battle all through his senior year of high school, from the time MJ came out. That was right around the time he met Dad.

He then told me that the closer he got to Dad the more his confidence grew as well as his pride in who he was, what he thought and who he wanted to be with…namely my dad. He told me that all these things allowed him to grow as a person and fight for what he believed in and he owed that to my dad.

“After I was bashed, immediately following my prom, your father felt responsible for all the elements that led to the actions of that maniac.

“I’ve tried to tell your father in every way possible over the years that it wasn’t his fault,” Justin continued. MJ sort of had this far away look as he as speaking. It was like he was almost telling himself as much as me. “But he’s never accepted that I might have been bashed anyway because Chris Hobbs was fucking insane.

“We’ve learned to move passed that horrible time and have both grown more mature, more understanding and more loving…although your father doesn’t actually admit to any of those traits. However, he never wants to think that he could set anyone else up as a target. Especially not you! He loves you more than anything or anyone in this world.”

“Except for you.”

“We can call it a tie.” MJ replied with a slight smirk, which made me feel a hell of a lot better.

“If you truly believe that your life would be made miserable by exposing the truth about your family so soon, I’ll stay home. Neither your dad nor I want to hurt your chances at a positive school experience. We’ll wait until you’re ready for the school to meet your other ‘local’ parent.”

“You’d do that for me?” It’s amazing how understanding MJ can be, even after I practically attacked him and called him an embarrassment.

“I would do anything to make you and your father happy.” And with that MJ left the room and left me with my thoughts.

Shit! Dad has felt guilty for all these years. I guess he had never really gotten over the bashing. Who could?

While Justin remembered almost none of it, Dad had been the victim in the background – ignored.

Well, I may be an asshole, but I’m a smart asshole. (I think that runs in the family, too.)

The next morning, after spending half the night replaying the conversation with Justin over and over again in my thoughts, I told MJ I would be ready for school soon. I found Dad in his study and hugged him. He nodded and his face seemed to have returned to a bit more of a normal color.

“Dad, I really fucked up. I couldn’t be prouder of you and MJ and what I said was thoughtless and stupid. I’m proud to have parents who not only love me but love each other.”

At that Dad looked up and smiled at me. I’m not sure what I said but it must have been right cause he came over and held me tight.

“I want you to both come tonight. I don’t give a shit about any jerk-offs who think there’s something wrong with you two. I know how lucky I am. Do you think MJ would still be willing to come with us tonight?”

“Gus, I don’t want to expose you to any unnecessary ridicule. Justin will understand if it’s just you and me tonight. It’s really okay.”

“I know. That’s all the more reason to have him come. If I can’t be proud of the life I live, and love, how could I ever live with myself? I want you to both go with me otherwise I’ll always be living a lie.”

I may have laid it on a little thick but it worked. We went into the kitchen and shared my decision with Justin. He simply nodded and accepted the invitation.

Curriculum night went smoothly and when all the guys found out that one of my dads was the legendary Justin Taylor who brought tolerance to St. James they thought that was sooooo cool! (And me by association.) I can’t believe I was stupid enough to think Dad and MJ would hinder my life at school. Mostly everyone was shocked that my parents were still together after all these years. Most of them either had one parent or a slew of step-parents.

It’s been two weeks since that fateful day. My circle of friends is solid and I’m getting used to all the work. I’m not getting all “A’s” but it’s still the first half of the first semester.

MJ, Dad and I were hanging out in the family room watching some stupid law show when MJ said, “Never forget that you should always have pride in who you are and what you believe is important. Some people may think that condemns you to the lowest depths, but from what I can tell it will always elevate you to be the best you can be.”

They didn’t think I noticed but I saw Dad raise an eyebrow and smirk, while MJ winked at him.

Then MJ added, “I was once told pride is a sin. At that moment I knew it was worth going to hell for.”

Dad suddenly laughed out loud. I laughed with them, even though I’m not sure what was quite so funny. Then they left the room telling me to turn off the TV and lights when I went upstairs as Dad said to MJ, “Let’s make sure we understand everything there is to be proud of.” This time MJ snorted and raised an eyebrow. (He doesn’t do it nearly as good as my dad.)

I guess it was time for Dad and MJ to enjoy another of the activities that puts a smile on their faces. It’s amazing how much sex they have for a couple that’s been together for over 14 fucking years…literally! LOL
 

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