The Gus Diaries

Part 144

Educational Surprises IV
 

The closer we came to Britin, the stronger the churning feeling in my stomach became. I know I hadn’t eaten much at our lunch, but I was pretty sure it was caused by far more than hunger pains.

“Gus, you haven’t said a word for the last twenty minutes.” Pop squeezed my shoulder and I jumped in my seat.

“Shit!”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. We’re here.”

I knew we had been pulling into the long drive, yet for some reason being home felt strange and unfamiliar. I suddenly realized that the warm feeling of safety and protection I normally felt when returning to Britin was missing. Over the past five years this had become the home I was most attached to; the place that was most stable in my life.

“Are you going to get out of the car?” Pop spoke softly. I was grateful that he took my anxiety seriously and chose not to mock my dramatic actions.

“Is Dad home?”

Pop pointed toward the covered carport extending from the garage. Sitting there was Dad’s newest car.

“I guess that answers my question.”

“I’m pretty sure it does.” Pop looked directly at me. “Your Dad loves you, Gus. He’s worried about the purpose of this trip and why you called me to come and not him. Don’t be afraid to discuss anything with him; be open and honest about how you feel. Remember, he won’t lie to you.”

“Why didn’t he tell me?”

“Parents don’t tell their children everything they’ve done in their past. Many parents take the route of outright lying to protect their children from incidents they think will shed a poor light on their images. Your father and I have always told you anything you need to know and we’ll continue to do so. I’m sure your dad thought this would never come up in conversation, and was certainly not a life lesson you needed to hear.”

Nodding, I opened the car door and walked up to the entryway. Glancing up at the beautiful Tudor facade I smiled. This house is truly a magnificent structure. I thought back to the day I learned Dad bought it. It wasn’t until Pop returned permanently from New York City that I found out the house was an engagement gift from Dad. It sure beats a diamond ring. A person who can love one man so deeply couldn’t possibly have done what Brandon told his son he did. But then again, there were lots of things my fathers did when they were younger that shocked the hell out of me.

“Sonny Boy.” Dad greeted us as I opened the door. It wasn’t a, fling the door wide open, big open-armed greeting like I’d get from Grandma Deb or Uncle Michael, but that wasn’t Dad’s style.

He stood leaning on the banister of the stairway trying to look casual, but I could tell Dad was nervous. He knew something was up. Brian Kinney is too smart to get bullshitted by anyone, least of all his son. “Hi, Dad.”

“How was your visit with Justin?” Dad glanced in Pop’s direction.

“Brian, I have a few paintings to finish boxing for the show in Philly next week. The transport team will be here tomorrow morning, so I’m going to head over to my studio and make sure everything is sealed and stowed correctly.”

Dad rolled his lips inward and nodded. We both watched Pop disappear from view. Although I knew Pop had a show coming up, I was pretty sure his immediate exit wasn’t as crucial as he tried to make it seem. His intention to leave me alone with Dad was evident.

“It doesn’t take a fifteen hundred SAT score to figure out something’s bothering you.”

The reference to the SAT’s had become a household joke. I still can’t believe Pop and his friend, Daphne both did so well. I guess partying at Babylon doesn’t hurt everyone.

“Are you going to talk, Gus? You know you can tell, or ask, me anything.” Dad was being uncharacteristically cautious, clearly measuring each word he uttered.

“I need to talk to you about Brandon.”

Dad looked at me blankly. I couldn’t believe it. While Pop remembered the name instantly, Dad seemed completely clueless. “Let’s go into the living room. The evenings have been pretty cold so I lit a few logs in the fireplace.”

Following Dad in, I tried to formulate how I would continue.

We sat at opposite ends of the sofa looking at one another. The fire did feel nice, and the crackling sound added to the feeling of warmth. I began to feel more at home.

“Who is this Brandon? Is he a homophobe at school or is he some asshole who made a pass at you?”

It suddenly dawned on me; Dad didn’t realize I was talking about him, not me. “Brandon is someone from your past. I met his foster son.”

“I don’t remember any Brandon.” Dad leaned further back against the cushion. “I met a lot of men but we rarely introduced ourselves.”

“Brandon is a guy you got to know right before you proposed to Justin for the first time. It was shortly before you bought this house for him.”

I watched Dad closely. It was as if I could see him going through a series of file cabinets in his brain trying to focus in on the right one. It took him a minute, but the instant he obviously realized who I was talking about, his eyes opened wide and he looked directly at me. “You met Brandon’s foster son! How the fuck did that happen?”

“Turns out he’s a gay guy at CMU. We were at a dance put on by the GSA.”

“I told you those organizations are dangerous places. They’ll let in any riff-raff.” He tried to smirk, but it didn’t fly.

“Dad, he told me about the bet; a bet you made during the time you were supposedly in love with Justin.” I shook my head. “Hell, you’re the one who taught me all relationships have ups and downs, but you need to have faith if they’re really worth saving.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Dad closed his eyes for a moment. “Gus, I loved Justin for a long time. Probably longer than I even knew, certainly longer than I’d ever admit back then. But the truth is, I wasn’t sure I was good enough for him. Fuck, I sometimes still feel that way.”

“Then how could you do that to him. How could you embarrass Pop and yourself by getting involved in that ridiculous fuckathon?”

“I thought I’d finally lost Justin for good. The only things left for me were my ego and my reputation, both of which were getting rapidly bruised by the entrance of a new generation of hot gay men into the world I lorded over. The king in waiting of the new regime was Brandon, and I couldn’t, wouldn’t, abdicate my throne without one last battle.”

Dad’s words were starting to sink in. He was being far more honest than I ever expected.

“When I won the battle of the hotties, I never claimed my prize. In fact, I never said a word about it after that. Everyone in Pittsburgh knew about it, but no one ever brought it up again because I didn’t. I was happy to let Brandon reign supreme. The victory was emptier than I ever could have imagined...” Dad sighed. “...because Justin still wasn’t back in my life.”

“What would you have won if you’d accepted your prize?”

Dad looked away.

“You’ve told me this much, just let me know the rest. I feel like I need to know. I can’t go back and face this guy with any questions on my mind.”

“Brandon’s ass.”

It took me a moment to comprehend what Dad meant, but then it was my turn for my eyes to go wide.

“Yep, never claimed my prize. The only blond I ever wanted in my bed I couldn’t have, and sloppy seconds weren’t my style.”

“Dad?”

“Yes, Sonny Boy?”

“Thank you for telling me the complete truth. Knowing you trust me means everything to me.”

“You need to trust me too, Gus. I would never hurt Justin. We’ve long ago gotten past that crap. We’re more solid than fucking Ozzie and Harriet.”

“Who?”

Dad chuckled. “Good answer, Gus, good answer, just don’t let your Grandmas hear it.” Dad moved closer and patted me on the back.

We sat back silently and watched the fire crackling. It was beautiful. There was only one thing missing but then he walked into the room.

“Hey, Sunshine, join us.” Dad turned around and smiled before I even realized Pop had entered the room. It was like they had some deeper kind of telepathy about each other that transcended all others. I guess maybe they do.

Jeff would be driving up to Britin in the next couple of hours. I was looking forward to seeing him, but I no longer needed his protection as I was, once again, experiencing the safe, warm feeling I’d come to associate with being with my fathers. It would be great having Jeff with me, but I was happy just relaxing with my dads for the moment. I leaned against one of my Dad’s shoulders while Pop leaned on the other.

From what I understand from other kids, it’s a rare thing when you can completely trust your parents to be honest with you no matter what. I smiled, knowing my Dad and Pop were the rarest and best, and also realizing how lucky I am.
 

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