The Gus Diaries
Part 139
Dreaming
The first time it happened, I thought I was dreaming. The second time it
happened I began to sense it wasn’t a dream. The third time it happened, I knew
without a doubt my dads were coming into my bedroom to check up on me. Even if
they saw that Jeff was in bed with me, it didn’t seem to bother them or make
them shy away. I’m just glad Jeff can sleep through a hurricane. He didn’t have
to hear what I heard.
“He’s going to be okay, Brian. If anything, Gus is better now than he was before
he--” Pop’s voice trailed off, but Dad picked up where he stopped.
“Before he overdosed on illegal prescription drugs. Fuck, Justin! They could
have killed him. We nearly lost our son.”
“Shhh, you’ll wake them.”
“I doubt it. Gus has always been a good sleeper, and that brainy jock of his
could sleep in my office at Babylon with Suds and Studs night taking place on
the main level beneath him and he wouldn’t stir.”
Pop huffed. “I doubt that.”
“I don’t. The kid is so damn focused on Gus, if it didn’t benefit our son, I’d
think Jeff was out of his mind. I’m not even surprised he’s with Gus every
waking minute they’re not working or at basketball practice. My guess is the
kid’s afraid something will happen to Gus again if one of us isn’t always with
him.”
I shivered, realizing Dad was probably at least partially right. Jeff was
clearly watching me closely, worried that I’d backslide. There was no chance of
that. Between the rehab therapist my moms and dads insisted on me seeing a
couple of days a week, and getting a clear picture of how much I’d hurt and
scared the people I love most, I had learned my lesson.
While everyone else was watching me like a hawk, the person who was helping me
the most, probably without knowing it, was Uncle Ted. I can’t believe it was
just two weeks ago when he first spotted me waiting for Dad in Kinnetik’s
reception area.
Ever since the incident, I’d head over to Kinnetik or the gallery after
completing a day of work at either the local newspaper or Red Cape. Dad or Pop,
or both of them together, would drive Jeff and me home. It saved on gas money
and seemed ridiculous for us all to have our cars coming and going from Britin
to Pittsburgh.
Although I’m not sure how much Grandma Jen approved, she listened to Tucker when
he explained how much it meant for Jeff and I to be together. From the stories I
heard, and overheard, about her past with Pop, my guess is she’s letting me live
my life without doing anything to risk driving me away.
Anyway, back to Uncle Ted. He came out of the conference room and told me Dad
and Pop were in a meeting with the asshole who took over Brown Athletics
advertising. “It seems the new man in charge would like to explore a new
campaign featuring women only, despite the fact that seventy-five percent of
their clientele are men because seventy-five percent of their products are for
men.”
“I’m sure Dad’s not too happy.”
Uncle Ted snorted. “No, he’s not. But my part of the meeting is clearly over.
Your fathers suggested I take you to the diner to grab a snack; something to
tide you over until dinner. Jeff could join us if you’d like. Is he working
there today?”
I shook my head. “That’s okay, Uncle Ted. Jeff’s at Britin. He had the day off
and decided to work on some passing strategies our coach will be reviewing at
the next practice.”
“If you don’t mind, I do have a place I’d like to share with you, if you trust
my judgment?”
“Sounds good.”
I had a feeling I knew where we would be heading and I was kind of glad to be
going. That was the first time I went with Uncle Ted to an AA/NA meeting.
“Is Blake going to be there too?”
“No, Gus. We try to attend separate meetings -- that way neither of us feels
inhibited by the presence of the other when sharing anything we might need to.
Everything said in a meeting, stays in a meeting.”
“Kind of like what happens in Vegas.” I smiled.
Uncle Ted chuckled. “Kind of like that, but AA started the philosophy, not a
film writer.”
Nodding, I silently agreed to join him. I was surprised to find it was just a
short walk away. It turns out there was a meeting held right at the Gay &
Lesbian Center. When we walked in, I noticed some familiar faces, but none I
knew by name. Most of the people were closer to Uncle Ted’s age than mine, but
there were definitely a few men and women who were less than five years older
than me.
I remained silent throughout the entire first meeting. Several people stood up
to share stories of successes, temptations, and painful situations. Some talked
about events that took place long ago and others discussed lapses from just the
day before. I understood the reasoning for One day at a time as an ongoing
strategy. And the Serenity Prayer really took on a whole new meaning for me
personally.
Uncle Ted spoke briefly about a temptation to drink that had me squirming, but I
knew he was being completely honest. “I watched someone I love deeply, probably
more than any of my blood relatives, nearly die a couple of months ago. It
reminded me of a time I thought I was in control when I was actually spiraling
so far out of control I almost killed myself. Back then I had dodged a bullet by
cheating death, and later discovering I was not HIV positive. The despair of
this recent scare brought me back to that place, but seeing the looks on the
faces of his parents, who I love like brothers and sisters, and the concern on
my partner’s face, I knew I had to take a deep breath and reach for the help of
my higher power.”
Listening to Uncle Ted was more powerful than I expected it to be. I always knew
he was an AA/NA success story, but I didn’t know until that evening just how far
he had come and how low he had fallen. It wasn’t like he was hiding it; he just
kept it in the past and moved forward. The only thing I know for sure is that it
took him a long time to rebuild the love and trust he shared with our family of
friends, especially Uncle Emmett.
When he returned to his seat, next to me, I did something I’m pretty sure
surprised both of us, I took his hand in mine. I felt like little Gus, needing
to take a walk in the park with Mem and her best friend, Uncle Ted. I remember
them taking me more than once. Although they talked about grown up things, none
of which I remember, they always took me out for ice cream after I had finished
playing.
Continuing to remain silent, I followed Uncle Ted out of the meeting and then
turned away from Kinnetik.
“Gus, you’re going the wrong way.”
“Can we take a walk in the park, Uncle Ted?”
His lips were a thin line, but then they curled up at the edges. “You have a lot
of the good qualities that made me love your Mem. Hell, I still love her.”
“I like to think I got something from all my parents that’ll help me be a good
person when I’m on my own and have my own family some day.”
“You plan to have a family?”
“I’d like to.” I stopped when we reached the edge of the little park. “How come
you never had kids?”
“By the time Blake and I got together, you and JR were both in the family. I had
re-earned the trust of all your parents and was content being reliable Uncle
Ted.”
“You’re more than reliable. I hope you know that.”
He looked directly at me and nodded. “I do know.” He bit his lip. “Are you angry
at me for bringing you tonight?”
“I love you for bringing me.” I gave him a quick hug. “Can we continue to go
together -- if it won’t get in the way of your needs?”
“I can’t think of anything that would bring me more pleasure.” We started to
walk side by side as the summer sun began setting. “When you go to school
there’ll be meetings available there. I can get you a list of locations and
times, if you’d like.”
“You would have been an amazing father. I’m lucky to have you as my Uncle Ted.”
He patted my shoulder and we walked slowly through the park as he helped me
learn the words to the Serenity Prayer and told me about the time he’d first
seen it on his refrigerator when he was a kid.
I hope by going to the meetings I can stay healthy despite my future challenges,
and my dads will be able to start trusting that I’ll stay clean, and be around
for a long time.
[TBC]
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