The Gus Diaries

Part 128

A Special Gift II


 

“You want to become a Stepford Fag before you’ve had a chance to fucking live and enjoy your life! I can’t believe you’re my son!” Dad was pacing back and forth in front of the Christmas tree, scrubbing his hand over his face.

While Jeff and I hadn’t expected everyone to be overly thrilled about our plans to look for an apartment together, what we hadn’t anticipated was that the family would go berserk.

Mem glared at me. “What the hell are you thinking, Gus? This has to be a joke, right? Please tell me you’re just joking. I sure as shit know you didn’t get this idea from any of your parents, who you clearly didn’t think should be consulted before making your decision.” Then Mem stood up and walked over to Uncle Michael and Uncle Ben. “Did you two know about this?”

Ben stood up, towering over Mem. “Whoa!” He held his hands up and actually stepped between Mem and Michael. “Keep your accusations to yourself. If Gus and Jeff had come to either of us with this proposal, we would have suggested strongly that they speak with Gus’ parents or Jennifer and Tucker.”

Michael stood at Ben’s side. “But since they didn’t confide in us, we weren’t able to advise them at all.”

I looked at Mom. Her eyes met mine. “Gus? Have you really thought this through? It seems like such a rash decision.”

Turning to Jeff, we hugged one another. He whispered into my ear. “Did we make a mistake? I think we’re ready, but maybe we’re not. Should we wait?”

Shaking my head I looked into his eyes. “Do you want to wait?” I truly hoped he didn’t, but was concerned that, once again, I’d pushed him into agreeing to something he wasn’t ready for.

“No. I’ve been waiting two years for you to join me at CMU, and I don’t want to wait any longer to be close to you every day... and every night.”

Finally, I looked at Pop. He was the only one, besides Jenny, who hadn’t said a word since we’d made our announcement.

Standing with his fists alternately clenching and slowly opening, Pop bit his lip.

“Pop.” I looked at him, pleading for support. “Tell them it’ll be okay. You and Dad moved in together when you were eighteen and you’re both really happy.”

“Gus,” he hissed. “You know that’s not the whole story. We haven’t kept things from you. How could you misinterpret my life with Brian, and compare it to you moving in with Jeff before you’ve experienced one day completely on your own?”

Dad walked behind Pop and wrapped his arms around him. He softly spoke into his ear. “You don’t have to do this, especially not here, in front of everyone.”

Pop turned in Dad’s arms and they clung to one another. Then Pop gazed into Dad’s eyes. “Obviously I do. He needs to hear it; they need to hear it, and I don’t want to leave it hanging over us throughout Christmas.”

“Justin, we all know what happened, including Gus and Jeff.” Dad combed his fingers through Pop’s hair.

Mem spoke just above a whisper. “JR knows too. We told her everything a couple of years ago.”

“But the boys obviously got it wrong.” Pop stood on his toes and kissed Dad’s cheek. “It’s okay. I don’t want to keep this from them.”

Dad nodded and rolled his lips inward. I could tell he wasn’t convinced, but wasn’t going to stop Pop either.

Pop moved out of Dad’s grip and slowly approached Jeff and me. He stood in front of us and took my hand in his. Pop’s hands are always so warm and express so much tenderness -- even when he gets a tremor in his damaged hand, tremors that thankfully, ever since the last surgery, are now rare.

“Pop, I trust you.”

“We trust your judgment... Justin.” Jeff was so much taller than Pop, but he looked at him as if he was searching for the meaning of life from the most powerful person in the world.

“I’m glad. Thank you both for having so much faith in me.” Pop took a deep breath. “After I was bashed I was in a lot of pain...” he paused and I spotted Jenny curl up against her dad, with Uncle Michael’s arm wrapped around her.

“I was initially in physical pain, but by the time I left rehab the pain was purely emotional. For some reason, well, not just some reason the only one I felt truly comfortable allowing to touch me was Brian. He could touch me, both physically and emotionally, and most of the time it didn’t cause waves of nausea or terror. I was at peace with Brian close by.” Dad handed Pop a shot of Beam and he swallowed it down, clearly grateful for the offer. Dad took the glass, but didn’t move from Pop’s side.

Pop closed his eyes briefly and then continued. “My mother couldn’t get through to me. I was living with her after the attack. When she finally realized that she wasn’t the one who could help me become whole again, she asked your father to take me. The only one truly happy about the whole deal was me because she knew all I wanted was to live with Brian. I had already lived with him briefly when I was a senior in high school and had wormed my way into his life. What I didn’t realize back then, was that both times I lived with him during my late teens, Brian was sheltering me from the real world in a protective, almost fatherly way.”

Dad and Mem both snorted.

Pop tilted his head and looked from one to the other. “With benefits.”

Dad raised an eyebrow. “And Brian Kinney benefits are never something to be overlooked.” Everyone relaxed for a moment and enjoyed a little chuckle.

After a brief respite, Pop continued. “I didn’t really grow up, or completely recover emotionally, until I spent a few months in Los Angeles, trying to bring Rage, The Movie to the screen. As we all know, that fell on its face, but the experience was irreplaceable.” This time Dad brought Pop a glass of club soda and he took it gratefully, giving Dad a peck on the lips.

“Gus, Jeff, part of growing up is experiencing life on your own; making your own well-thought-out decisions about the directions you need to take to be a complete person. I wanted to be with Brian more than I wanted anything else. There was a time I would have given up my art if it meant I could have Brian. Instead, I chose the avenue of patience and now I have it all.”

“But, Pop, you know better than anyone that it can all be taken from you in an instant. You and Dad both know it.”

“They do, and so do I.” Uncle Ben spoke as he sat next to Uncle Michael, holding the hand that wasn’t still wrapped around Jenny. “Michael and I both needed to grow up and learn to be partners in a healthy way before we could make a life-time commitment to one another. It was worth the wait, especially since it meant we could still enjoy some of the thrill of dating and learning about who we were as a couple and what we wanted in life. Waiting was a risk for us, but we took the risk and it’s paid off.” Uncle Ben sighed. “Although the two of us live with a shadow looming in the background every day, we celebrate life because we know how to, we’ve grown up enough to face all that life brings, as a mature couple.”

“So none of you think Jeff and I should move in together.”

“I know I might have to pull some strings, but...”

“But what, Dad?” He certainly grabbed my interest since I was grasping at straws. After everything Pop and Uncle Ben said, I suddenly felt way too young to live in an apartment, let alone try to start a life with my boyfriend, and start college at the same time.

“How would you feel if I could arrange to get you both single dorm rooms on the same floor, in the building of your choice?”

Jeff took my hand in his. “It would make life a lot easier. No worries about food shopping getting in the way of studying or basketball practice. And we’d be right on campus -- no transportation issues.”

“It would kind of be the best of both worlds. We could get used to being together every day, but have some built in space if we need it.”

“I don’t think we’ll need too much space, Newbie, but it’s probably a good thing to know it’s there.”

Pop squeezed my arm. “Space isn’t a bad thing. Your Dad bought us this house when there was just the two of us.”

Mom laughed. “It’s too bad everyone can’t have the great advice you two have had. It would save a lot of broken hearts and foolish decisions.” Mom and Mem looked at each other, both wearing half-smiles. When Mem took Marie’s hand in hers, Mom nodded.

Jeff looked into my eyes and held my hands in his. “Your Dad’s idea sounds great. What do you think, Gus? It doesn’t mean we have to spend any less time together. It just gives us some time before the big leagues.”

I hugged Jeff and whispered in his ear. “I love you, Jeff. This is still only the beginning -- our beginning.”

“You bet, Newbie.” Then he gently pressed his lips to mine until Dad came up behind us. “Breathe boys, pace yourselves. It’s a long, worthwhile life if you give it time.”

Pop huffed. “It’s only time, right Brian.”

Dad grabbed Pop and crashed their lips together, holding each other so tight it was hard to know where one ended and the other began. “It’s our time, Sunshine. Merry Christmas.”

“Another year with you is the best.”

Michael chimed in, “If anyone says, ‘God bless us everyone,’ I may puke.”

Uncle Ben and Jenny both jumped him and we all laughed, getting back into the holiday spirit.

The whole family came for Christmas Day. I got about a thousand kisses and congratulations on my college acceptance and the new job, and Jenny got almost as many about her opportunity to work with her father.

Jeff is starting to stir. I think before I let myself finally fall asleep, we might be able to have one last bit of holiday cheer of our own making. Two single rooms on the same floor won’t be too bad at all.

Happy Holidays to me!

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