The End Justifies the Means

Chapter 6 - Insurance

Justin and Brian had decided that before they ventured out to visit with Michael, Ben and Hunter, both of them needed some down time. A nap was definitely in order. As the two rested Justin soon heard Brian’s even breathing, indicating that he’d fallen asleep. Propping himself up on his pillows Justin looked at Brian and thought of all the times in the past that this man had done everything in his power to make him happy. He even sacrificed his own happiness to do what he thought was necessary to give Justin the freedom to explore the world.

Justin couldn’t help but start to enumerate all the times that Brian had sent him elsewhere to live or work because he always wanted to do what was in Justin’s best interest. There was the first time when Brian made sure that a very young Justin had a mother figure to go home to each day and secured Justin a place in Debbie’s home and heart.

Then, of course, after the bashing he’d allowed Jennifer to banish him from Justin’s life despite the pain it caused—fortunately Justin was strong enough, or rather insane enough at the time, to rectify that mistake. Justin reflected back to how supportive Brian had been when Brett offered him the job as Assistant Art Director on Rage-The Movie and he was even more solicitous when he thought Justin’s best and only true career opportunity in the arts rested in New York City.

The worst mistake for both of them had been Ethan. Justin reflected on all the circumstances that combined to cause that situation. Now THERE was real insanity. Between Justin’s ever-present insecurities in the post-bashing year, and Brian’s fear of accepting and giving love openly, the two were heading for a disaster akin to a full-speed train wreck. Fortunately, during their separation Brian once again demonstrated through his actions that Justin was always foremost in his thoughts. It may have taken Justin some time to face reality, but once he did there was never any doubt that he had only one soul-mate, and that was Brian Kinney.

So why had Michael’s earlier revelation shaken him so. Was it the kiss that shouldn’t have been permitted according to their rules back then or was it something more? Of course, Justin knew that it wasn’t simply the kiss. He’d broken that rule when he fucked that virgin at Daphne’s party. Oh shit!--Deny it as he might he was jealous and scared. The old fears of Michael’s place in Brian’s life had been reignited. Now it was time to face reality…

Brian wanted Michael sexually no more than Justin wanted Daphne in that way. And Justin had walked that route and nearly lost his best friend so he knew what the consequences would have been for Brian and Michael. This was a piece of history that struck hard because it was the one stand-out time that Brian didn’t tell Justin the truth. He may not have out-and-out lied, but it was clearly a lie of omission. Had Brian lied other times? Justin didn’t think so, but he also knew that before the two could commit to each other 100% it was a question that had to be answered by both of them.

Full disclosure was the insurance policy that Justin wanted riding on his future with Brian. Anything less just wouldn’t be acceptable.

Justin looked at the love of his life sleeping next to him and began to stroke his hair. He knew Brian would agree, and that alone was a comfort. Soon he couldn’t resist and decided it was his turn to play Prince Charming to Brian’s Sleeping Beauty. He chuckled at how gay his analogy sounded and decided that he’d keep that one to himself.

Leaning down to kiss Brian he smelled the beautiful scent that was his alone. As Brian stirred the kiss grew more passionate and Brian held Justin close to him. Their feelings slowly escalated until pure passion took over and they made love, face to face so they could capture the moment in each other’s eyes. When they were both spent, Brian held Justin gently, alternately kissed and stroked his blond hair and whispered, in a barely audible voice, “Stay, love me.”

“Always,” Justin murmured. He intended to make sure Brian’s insurance policy was carried out 100% as well.

After a few more minutes Brian and Justin forced themselves to get up and shower. It was one of the fastest and least active showers they’d ever taken but time was now working against them. They were already late for visiting with Michael and Ben and knew that they’d get grief about the reason. At least they had used enough forethought to call ahead so dinner wouldn’t get cold.

As they drove, Justin ventured to ask Brian about Ben, “So, how was he when you picked him up?”

“He looked even worse than he did yesterday. I can’t believe Michael hasn’t noticed.”

“Remember, Brian, he lives with Ben 24/7. The change has probably been so gradual in his eyes that he didn’t realize how bad off Ben was. And now with the fire and the comic store gone, I don’t think Michael is seeing anything clearly.”

“You’re probably right.”

“You remember when you returned from Ibiza?”

“Don’t remind me.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t realize just how sick you were. I believed you when you said it was just jet lag that caused you to look so tired. Let’s face it, Michael really doesn’t want to deal with the fact that Ben could get sick.”

“I know that Michael doesn’t want to face the reality of Ben’s illness. I think Ben feels the same way. They’d both like to pretend it doesn’t exist. But burying their heads in the sand will only get him sicker. Ben needs to face this head on and he MUST tell Michael.”

“Brian, should I be worried? What’s really wrong with Ben, did he tell you? Can you tell me?” Justin asked. The sincere concern in his voice was apparent.

Brian knew that Ben needed to confess everything to Michael. He also knew that he could trust Justin to keep his confidence so he proceeded to tell him everything that he learned from Ben earlier that morning.

“Ben should be in the hospital and he’s at home instead! What use is he to his family if he gets sicker…or worse?”

“That, my dear Sunshine, is the million dollar question and I wish the Professor would answer it honestly.”

The two drove the last few minutes of the trip in silence. Brian thinking how lucky he was that his health seemed to be in good order, and he’d remained cancer free for almost two years.

Justin realized that he shouldn’t sweat the small stuff. His issues with Brian, and his own insecurities, were small time compared to what Ben and Michael were facing.

 

*~*~*~*~*
 

Dinner at the Novotny-Bruckner’s was fairly uneventful. Michael ate his meal with enthusiasm as did Hunter but Ben spent more time pushing his food than allowing it to pass his lips. While Brian and Justin noticed and acknowledged it by nodding to one another, no one else at the table seemed to notice.

Finally Hunter spoke up, “Why aren’t you eating? It’s all the health food shit that you like and Michael actually cooked it pretty well.”

Ben forced himself to perk up and take another bite as he answered, “I’m eating, I just choose to dine rather than shovel my food in. If I ate the way you do I’d never get to taste anything.”

“Sometimes it’s better that way,” Hunter laughed but he still kept a close and suspicious watch on his Dad. It had taken him his entire life to find parents that loved him, and knew how to care for him, he wasn’t about to let them take any risks.

After dinner Ben instructed Hunter to go upstairs and do his homework and the four adults went into the living room to discuss Michael’s concerns about how to proceed from there. The four talked about how Michael’s insurance money would be best utilized. He certainly didn’t have enough to cover the lost collection of collector’s comics and toys but he did have enough to rebuild. He also could start fresh in a better or different location which might save money. For example if he found a storefront that was up for lease he could assume that space and it would leave a lot more for replenishing his stock.

Shortly into the discussion, when it seemed that things were going smoothly, Ben got up barely noticed by Michael as he was looking at Brian and Justin, facing the opposite way. However it didn’t go unnoticed by either of their two friends that Ben was clearly unsteady on his feet. While his cough had slightly diminished he appeared light-headed and even paler than during dinner which was certainly a hard pallor to achieve.

At that point Brian stood up and said, “Why don’t we take five, Mikey? I think I need to check out your bathroom, without Sunshine this time.” And with that he walked near Ben and put his arm around Ben, “Professor, how about reminding me which way I should be heading?”

Michael threw a cushion from the couch at him as he left the room. Justin just sat back and smiled knowing that Brian would be there to take care of Ben. As the two walked up the stairs Justin hoped that Brian could talk some sense into the stubborn man. He was martyring himself for Michael and it was obvious that this was not something that Michael would ever want.

When Ben and Brian reached the top of the stairs Brian was practically carrying Ben to his bed. He helped him get the right combination of medications together according to the doctor’s outline and then handed them to Ben with a full glass of water. Confident that the medication was working in his system, Ben started to try to get out of bed when he was abruptly, but gently, pushed back.

“Don’t you dare get out of this fucking bed. You’re out of your mind. Michael wants you alive and well and if he has to stress about it while you’re recovering he’ll stress about it, but Ben don’t put this off.”

“I’ll be okay. Just leave me alone, please.”

“You are NOT alright. In fact, you’re anything but. You’re killing yourself like some fucking sacrifice just so Michael and Hunter think you’re okay. Well, here’s a red alert Professor, Hunter knows.”

“What the fuck do you mean?”

“I mean that your Academy Award winning performance at dinner sucked, and Hunter knew it. He was watching you closely at dinner and is fully aware that something is wrong. Now are you going to lie to him, too?”

“I promise if I don’t start feeling much better by tomorrow morning I’ll tell the entire story to Michael and I’ll check myself into Allegheny General.”

“That’s the first piece of common sense that’s come out of your mouth in two days.”

“Look, Brian, I really appreciate you letting me play this out my way. I know you think I’m crazy right now, but I promise not to let this go any farther. I’ll let Michael know everything in the morning.”

“You’d better Professor or I may just have to come over here and kick your ass, which I can only do because of your currently weakened condition.”

“Thanks for everything,” Ben tried to smile. “I assume you told Justin.”

“Yes, we don’t keep any secrets from each other. I know you’re scared, Ben, but so am I, and so is Justin for that matter. But the people who can support you most, Hunter and Michael, you owe them the right to love you and be there for you. Don’t shut them out. It doesn’t work, and I’m speaking from experience.”

Ben simply nodded his understanding and then leaned back against his pillow and closed his eyes. “I’ll let Michael know you were feeling tired and decided to stay up here and rest,” Brian added and softly touched Ben’s arm. As Brian left the room and closed the door all he could think of was, ’Don’t do this alone, Professor. You’ll need the strength of your family and friends. I learned that the hard way.’

Upon Brian’s return to the living room he let Michael know that Ben was taking a rest and the three friends got back down to the nitty-gritty of putting Michael’s business back together. They worked hard and thoughtfully and as it began to get too late for any more productive ideas to be placed on the table Justin suggested they all call it a night.

Michael and Brian both couldn’t agree more. Then Michael smirked a bit as he pondered aloud, “Hey, this would make a great issue of Rage. Rage and JT help Zephyr when he’s left floundering in a deep space abyss. What do you guys think?”

Brian rolled his eyes and gave his old friend a hug and said, “Bye, Mikey.”

Justin followed suit and said, “Bye, Michael. Sounds like a good idea. When you get it on paper in more detail I’ll draw it up.”

At that moment Michael added, “Justin, will I see you again before you go back to New York?”

Brian smiled and looked at Justin. Justin’s uncharacteristically chipper response was, “Yeah, you’ll see me around.”

Michael watched his two friends walk to the Corvette and was surprised to see Brian take Justin’s hand in his. That was definitely not something that was characteristic of his best friend. Michael wondered if something was up that he wasn’t aware of. In the meantime, he went upstairs to check on Hunter and his homework progress and then Ben to see if he was resting quietly.

Hunter assured him that he was doing well and didn’t need any help and then he alluded to the fact that maybe someone else needed Michael’s help a lot more than him. Michael blankly stared at Hunter in confusion but went straight to his bedroom. From a distance all he saw was his husband sleeping peacefully. Here was his rock. The only person in the world who could truly keep him grounded and focused AND feel incredibly loved.

However, as Michael approached the bed he realized that Ben was wheezing. And even more worrisome was how he looked. How had he missed this? Was he so wrapped up in his own problems that he didn’t see that his lover, his husband, was in pain or worse? No, it couldn’t be! Michael couldn’t believe that he’d been so focused on the store and its insurance policy that the one real insurance that he needed to stay centered and alive was so ill. He touched Ben’s face and it was warm and yet he noticed that he was slightly shivering. He turned on his bedside lamp and saw that Ben’s face was almost white.

It was time for Michael to grow up some more and be a man but first he had some questions that needed answering so he gently nudged Ben out of his sleep.

When Ben was able to focus, Michael asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Did Brian spill the beans?” With that Michael was somewhat startled but let it pass for now.

“No, but you just did. We obviously need to talk—or rather you need to talk and I need to listen. So get talking.” Michael looked into Ben’s beautiful face and touched his cheek lovingly. “Tell me.”

And Ben finally did…or so it would seem.

 

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