The End Justifies the Means

Chapter 11 - Confrontations 3 - Michael and Brian

As Michael made his way up the stairs to the loft he couldn’t help the feeling that things were still incredibly out of balance. He paused at the third floor landing and pulled his list out of his pocket. It certainly seemed like everything was falling into place. Brian and Justin were back to their normal routine and Justin would be leaving to continue conquering the art world in New York, JR was happy and healthy, his mom was, well, his mom and Ben had been straight with him…so to speak.

Yet Michael still had the sneaking suspicion that something wasn’t quite right. He refolded his list and put it back into his pocket and continued up the steps. It would be relaxing and fun to get lost in Rage for the afternoon. All the business with all those insurance and legal people was overwhelming and since he was nursing a minor hangover it was even more difficult to listen to all that mumbo-jumbo.

When he finally reached the landing in front of Brian’s loft he pulled out his key and looked at it. Then he smiled and returned it to his pocket and knocked on the door. This was not an emergency and growing up included facing and respecting boundaries. Michael’s key was for emergencies only…and when Justin was definitely NOT in town. Yep, Michael smiled, I’m not as clueless as I used to be.

Brian opened the door to a surprised Michael.

“Hi, Brian, I thought you’d be at work. I’m supposed to meet with Justin.”

“A clandestine meeting in the loft, should I be concerned?” That had both of them laughing out loud.

Justin came down the bedroom steps to discover Brian and Michael laughing. He smiled thinking about how times had definitely changed. Three years ago, he might have been threatened by a scene like this one and now it actually made him smile. Maybe the fact that these two were really growing up and learning to be independent adults, with a great friendship, was rubbing off on Justin, too. For a long time it seemed that one or both of them was always stuck in the past. When Michael showed growth, Brian would backslide and then when Brian made an effort, Michael would be threatened and regress. This was definitely MUCH better.

“Hey,” Justin called out to let his presence be known.

“Hi, Justin. Are you encouraging Brian to play hooky while you’re in town?”

“Hardly, he just can’t seem to get enough of my ass so he keeps popping up wherever I go.”

“Dream on, Sunshine, that ego is in overdrive.” Brian smirked. “Aren’t you two supposed to be working? I’ll be at my computer. I have some work to do myself but nothing that I can’t do from the comfort of my own home.”

“No problem, I just hope you won’t feel rejected if we ignore you.” Justin smirked right back.

“That’s in the past. You can both have fun playing in your fantasy land and I won’t feel the least bit threatened.”

“Or jealous,” Michael added with a little hint of a playful cough.

Justin snorted remembering the fiasco revolving around the production and development of the first issue of Rage. Brian simply rolled his eyes and headed up to the bedroom to change into something more comfortable.

While Brian was in the bedroom Justin and Michael set up Justin’s laptop on the dining area table and started spreading out notes and sketches. Michael had a number of creative story ideas revolving around the incidents of the past few days. Rage was a wonderful outlet for both Justin and Michael. It was the place they could resolve all their worst fears and anxieties, and celebrate their joys. The writer and artist could channel a fantasy world where the three main characters could solve all the problems of both their own lives and the world they lived in.

Brian returned barefoot in his traditional, 'in for the afternoon or evening' attire of a black wife-beater and jeans and found the two working diligently to making the streets safe for fags everywhere in Gayopolis. He decided to leave them alone and went straight to his own computer at the other side of the loft to work with some ideas for a couple of campaigns that were in process at Kinnetik. While he had a wonderfully creative team of ad men and women, he always liked to see what he could come up with as opposed to what they presented at the weekly staff meeting and campaign review.

Most of the work that was currently in process involved revisiting and redesigning ads for current clients. Although this was almost a formality for Kinnetik, as they never lost a client once they signed on, Brian didn’t want his team to ever get lazy. Having to compare their ideas to Brian’s always kept them on their toes.

After a couple of hours of continual working Justin got up to get bottles of water and snacks for Michael and himself. “Hey, do you want anything?” he called over to Brian.

“Water would be great.” Brian got up from his computer to stretch as well. He’d accomplished all that he’d wanted to at this point.

Michael walked over to get his water, “I want to thank both of you for all your help and support. This has been a rough time. Thanks to both of you I can see a future for me and the comic store.”

“Yeah, Mikey, what are you planning?” Brian asked, glad to hear that Michael seemed fairly upbeat.

“Well, I thought about all your suggestions and decided to look for a place that’s closer to the Liberty Diner. That way I can check on Ma when I want to and I don’t have to rebuild from the ground up. There are some small storefronts for rent. I even called your mom, Justin. She’s going to line up some visits for me tomorrow.”

“That’s great. What about the money to restock?”

“Here’s the kicker, some of that stuff I gave you over the years…that you thought was shit…well some of it is worth thousands. Certainly enough to start searching for new rare comic books and stocking the shelves of a new store with current releases.”

“Who knew, maybe I should take them back.” Brian quipped.

“A few years ago I might have thought you were serious, but, well, thanks.”

“No sweat, Mikey, it’s for a good cause and it’ll keep you off the streets.” Brian smirked.

“Fuck you.”

“Sorry, that position is already taken.”

“And don’t forget it!” Justin added for good measure and the three laughed, snacked and relaxed.

Justin continued, “Michael told me he had a long talk with Ben and that he came clean about everything.”

Brian looked skeptical, “When was this Mikey?”

“Today. I really feel like we opened new doors and that Ben won’t be taking his illness too lightly.”

Justin looked from Brian to Michael and sensed something wasn’t quite aligning. “That’s great, Michael. So how are you going to work your schedule around Ben?”

“What are you talking about? He’s at home and whenever I finish my work, or finish getting to the business of finding a new place to work, I’ll go home and help him out. In the meantime, he’ll stay in touch with his doctor.”

Brian looked surprised, “After all you just talked about, why didn’t you push him to get admitted to the hospital like the doctor wanted in the first place?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Michael stared at Brian like he’d grown a third eye.

“Oh shit,” was all Brian could say.

“Michael,” Justin took up the slack, “When today did you talk to Ben? I thought you said you worked everything out.”

“I did. We talked at about four in the morning. He filled me in on everything.” Then Michael looked from Justin to Brian and realized something was amiss. “What the fuck is going on?” he demanded in a louder voice than he intended. Panic was clearly setting in.

“Talk to your husband again, Michael.” Brian said in a steady voice.

“No Brian, I tried that. I talked to Ben last night and in the wee hours of the morning. If you know something that I need to know you fuckin’ better tell me.”

“Michael calm down,” Justin tried to act as mediator, but that’s hard to do for two colliding asteroids.

“Don’t tell me to calm the fuck down. This is my husband. Remember how you felt when Brian had cancer and he wouldn’t tell you…do you?”

The sting was still there in that memory and Justin turned away clearly understanding and empathizing with the pain and fear Michael was feeling. “Brian, talk to him, you have to,” was all Justin could add.

“Fuck, he was supposed to tell you everything.” Brian yelled and wiped his hand over his face. “Why the fuck does he think he needs to be such a god-damned martyr?!”

“Brian, please,” Michael said and looked at his friend for help.

“Okay, Michael, my guess is he told you just about everything but left out a few choice details.”

“Like what,” Michael was getting impatient.

“Like that the doctor thinks Ben needs to be hospitalized in case anything out of the ordinary happens during all this drug experimentation. He shouldn’t be home…and he knows it.”

“Then why the fuck would he tell me that he’s going to be okay as long as he follows the doctor’s orders and checks in?”

“Maybe because he didn’t want to worry you while you’re dealing with your own career crisis, or maybe, maybe…”

“Maybe what, Brian?”

Although this discussion, or argument, was really between Michael and Brian, Justin couldn’t help wonder what Brian had to say. He kept thinking back to a time when doors were slammed and dvd’s were thrown. A time when he wasn’t sure if Brian would live to see the next year or die trying to do so.

“Maybe he’s so scared to face the reality of his condition that the thought of going to the hospital is too much for him. That accepting the care he really needs might mean that he really is so sick that he could lose everything. Maybe denial is the only place he feels safe right now. And maybe he can’t make the best decisions unless someone who cares about him shoves him in the right direction.”

Justin and Brian looked at each other. The memories were not that long in the past and it brought a tear to Justin’s face. The pain that both of them had gone through. The pain of denial and the pain of the unknown were still palpable in the room at that moment.

Then Michael broke the brief silence, “No!” He paced back and forth. “No, I can’t let this happen. Please Brian, Justin get me to Ben right now. I don’t trust myself to drive safely, but enough of this shit. He is not going to die and he is not going to cross the line into AIDS if I can do anything to stop it. Get me the fuck home now!”

Brian threw a button down shirt and shoes on and then with jackets in place they all left. Brian drove Michael’s car and had Justin follow in the ‘vette since they’d need it later. During the ride to the house, Michael called Ben’s doctor and told him that Ben had decided that he really should be in the hospital. Unaware that Ben hadn’t spoken to Michael directly, the doctor told him how relieved he was that they’d made this decision. Ben would be much safer and have the best opportunity to get healthier faster under constant medical supervision, and if anything out of the ordinary occurred it would be under control immediately. Michael closed the phone and sat still and quiet as Brian brought him home.

When they arrived at the house Ben was coughing and looking even weaker if that was possible. “Get your ass out of bed and get in the car. We’re going to the hospital. The doctor is expediting the admission as we speak.” Michael demanded.

“Michael, what are you talking about? I told you…”

“You left out an important chunk of what you told me. The doctor recommended hospitalization and that’s where we’re going.”

“I should sue that doctor for opening his big mouth.”

“He thinks you told me. Brian opened his big mouth when I told him we’d talked and you confessed everything. He thought you really had.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, shit. Right now I’m pissed as hell at you for risking yourself for whatever fucking reason. But first I want you to know that I’m nothing without you so you damn well better get healthy…and fast! Now get your shoes and jacket on and get in the fucking car!”

Ben had never seen Michael quite this determined. It was a side of him that was new. He followed Michael’s instructions and made his way into the back seat of their car. Michael sat with him while Brian drove and Justin followed.

It would take some time for Ben to heal, but at least now the process could start in earnest, and then Michael could have it out with him about the meaning of being truly equal partners. Michael was done being taken care of by his alpha male, it was time they shared their lives… He laughed at his next thought… like Brian and Justin.


 

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