COMA CONVERSATIONS

Chapter 4

Day 5


“Hi Michael.”

New voice, soft voice.

“Hi, Linds. I can’t believe you came all the way in from New York.”

Soft spoken Lindsay. Michael’s biggest competition for Brian – next to Justin.

“How could I stay away? I love you and Ben. I may be living in New York, but my heart is still with my family.”

“Thank you. I know you won’t upset Ben. Can you just keep talking to him? The doctors say that the more contact he has with familiar friends and family the more likely he is to, well, to stay with us.”

“I understand Michael. You go get a little lunch. Ben and I will be fine.”

Holding my hand, stroking my hand. Soft, but a few callouses.

Door closes.

Hi, Ben. You’ve really caused quite a stir in this family. Almost as big as the one I caused when I moved to New York and moved in with Sam Auerbach.”

That’s right, she’s living with…a man.

“That was quite a surprise to the family. But I realized that he and I had both a physical and emotional connection that wouldn’t be broken. I once thought I had that with Brian.”

It’s amazing how people think they can say anything in front of a coma patient.

“I have a confession to make.”

Here it comes.

“I once, and for a long time, thought my destiny was with Brian. That was until I saw Brian and Justin – really saw them together after Justin returned from New York City.

“Have you ever really looked at those two? I finally did and realized that not even the threat of illness, or my manipulations, could separate them. Even the fact that I was the mother of Brian’s child couldn’t keep them apart.”

Hmmm. So what’s with this Sam character?

“The funny thing is that I always thought I was so much smarter than Michael because I went to college. But it turns out that he was the smarter one. When he found you, he faced the reality that his life was NOT destined to be with Brian, but with someone else. It took me another few years to discover the truth.”

I’m not sure you have it right Lindsay, but that’s sweet of you to say.

“Just the other day, when Melanie called to tell me what happened I realized just how much Michael knew his own mind and desires; so much more than I did. I guess he gets that focused determination from Debbie.”

Focused determination. You haven’t been around much Lindsay. Michael’s been with Brian.

“Debbie didn’t date until she was sure of who she wanted to spend time with and ultimately share her life with. Michael’s a lot like that. He followed his passion. That passion was you, despite everyone’s warnings.”

They should have warned him better.

“Do you know that even Brian didn’t want him to get emotionally involved with you but he did it anyway? That’s probably the first time I realized just how much Michael loved you. He always listened to Brian, but not where you were concerned. You were more important than Brian…and it’s been that way ever since.

“Oh, all couples fight and have differences of opinion but Michael is and always will be in love with one man and that’s you. He may have loved the idea of Brian, as did I, I’m embarrassed to admit, but he was and is in love with you for life.”

You don’t know what you’re talking about Lindsay. It’s still Brian he wants.

“When I spoke with Michael earlier this morning and told him I was coming over he cried. He hoped you’d recover so he could show you how much you meant to him. I won’t tell you what, but he and Brian have been working hard to show both you and Justin just how much you’re appreciated and loved.”

What?

“You’d better recover soon or you’ll disappoint Michael and I know you wouldn’t want to do that.

“Now that I found Sam, I know how important it is to be with someone that encourages you and wants your life to be fulfilled and complete. It took me a long journey, but I finally think I may have found that with Sam. You and Michael are lucky to have found that so much sooner.”

It’s too bad for Michael that I was always the second choice.

“It’s funny thinking back now how Michael and I were both so wrapped up in Brian. Michael always assumed that when Brian would say to him, ‘I love you, always have, always will,’ that he was referring to romantic, relationship love, until he met you.

“I was always under the impression that Brian would be willing to bat for the other team if it was with me, since we’d had sex once in college.”

Now that’s something I didn’t know. I suspected but didn’t know.

“Michael was much wiser than I was. He realized much sooner that Brian’s love for him…us…was that of a devoted and loyal best friend. In Michael’s case it may have been close enough to make them brothers, but never lovers.

“Looking at Brian when he’s with Justin tells the story without the use of any words. They’re like a perfectly executed work of art. They exist for each other and neither is complete without the other in the picture. I’m not sure Sam and I have that, but I’m pretty damn sure you and Michael do.”

That’s what you think. I don’t understand why you can’t see that Michael and Brian are destined to be together.

“Brian and Justin are destined to be together, kind of like you and Michael. Now stop trying to be as big a drama queen as Brian and get better. We all want you back, especially Michael. He has this lost look. It’s like he’s walking around searching for something; he knows where it is but he can’t reach it. Help him reach his goal, Ben…please.”

I love Michael. Don’t be lost Michael, I’m not gone yet.

“Oh my goodness, is that…is that a tear?”

Door opens and closes.

“Michael look. He has to have heard me.”

Holding my hand tight. Not Lindsay anymore. Strong hand, determined hand.

“Ben, please come back to me. I think you can hear me. Please let me know…look another tear! Get the nurse, she needs to see this.”


[TBC]
 

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