Weed Assassin



Walter Skinner stretched his long muscular frame as he woke up alone in his large California King bed. He knew he was alone because the sheets beside him were cool and there wasn’t the usual growl as he threw back the covers. Walter wasn’t too concerned, Alex often woke up early even on Sunday mornings as he did today. Having nowhere to go other than his own kitchen, Walter, clad only in his sleep pants, padded quietly to the kitchen. The strong aroma of Alex’s mud aka Russian coffee, filled the air. It was hot and readily available so Walter poured himself a cup, doctoring it up with plenty of milk and sugar to protect his stomach. The retired Assistant Director of the FBI sat at the table with his coffee and his Sunday NY Times.


An annoyed voice spouting many expletives in several obscure languages, broke through Walter’s peace. Assuming they weren’t in any immediate danger, Walter went to find the source of the annoyance.

"Alex, what has got your knickers in a twist?" Walter teased. Alex, the retired (?) triple agent was standing at the side of their house staring at the ground, a scowl on his face.

"Weeds, Skinner," Alex announced, the scowl becoming more pronounced.

‘We’re back to Skinner, now,’ Walter thought to himself, someone wasn’t happy. "And what do you intend to do about them?" Walter ventured in his AD voice.

"Assassinate, I mean eradicate...kill... Get. Rid. Of. Them," Alex finally sputtered.

"Would you like some help?"


"Carry on," Walter proclaimed with a wave of his hand. He knew an agent on a mission when he saw one. Walter went back inside and to the safety of his newspaper.

A couple of hours later, Walter heard a muffled shout, "Going into town!" then the sound of Krycek’s truck roaring to life and rumbling down their driveway. Walter thought nothing of it. Alex was a big boy, he could do whatever he pleased. Walter smiled as he felt his face flush. Alex was a very big boy indeed.

Taking pity on his big boy, Walter decided to put a roast in the slow cooker so that later on after all his hard work, Alex would be rewarded with a hearty meal. That done, Walter went back to his paper this time concentrating on the crossword puzzle.




"Walter?" Alex called him outside, several hours later. ‘We’re back to Walter, mission accomplished,’ Walter surmised as he joined his partner outside who was smiling like a cat that swallowed the canary. More like the rat who got the cheese.

"Wow!" Walter exclaimed. The weeds were gone and in their place were several rows of deep green plants. In front of the green plants were clusters of brightly colored flowers.


"Bless you."

"No, the green ground cover is called Periwinkle Vinca. Commonly known as Creeping Myrtle. It’s a perennial that produces a purple flower."

"And the flowers?"

"Impatiens. They’re annuals but they grow full and bloom all summer. Both are very low maintenance."

"Well, whatever they are they look very nice, Alex. You’ve done a great job!"

Alex blushed with Walter’s praise, awkwardly putting his hands in his pockets. Walter forgot that Alex had grown up with cruelty. Alex was still not used to simple words of praise.

"Come on, I have dinner ready for my resident landscaper," Walter said as he clapped Alex on the back. "You have time for a shower while I get it on the table."

After dinner they shared some fresh baked apple pie that Alex had brought from town. With full bellies and after enjoying quiet conversation, the men retired for the night.

"You are a constant source of surprise," Walter said as he came out of the shower and donned a fresh pair of pajamas.

"How so?" Alex asked as he turned down the bed.

"You can add gardening to your long list of other talents which I won’t mention. I’m really impressed. The ground cover is tasteful and the flowers are colorful without being too girly. I like it."

"Thank you, Walter," Alex said with a kiss. "You know I have many other talents which you can add to your list," Alex casually remarked as he nibbled on Walter’s lips.

"Mmm, care to demonstrate?"

"With pleasure, Walter," Alex purred as he proceeded to demonstrate many of his special talents on his bear.

Sometimes being an expert assassin is a good thing.

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