Tell Me

Justin's POV:

"No way." "Ole."

He looks so tired, sounds so tired. I wish I could help but he doesn't know I know.

He won't tell me, can't tell me.

Maybe he thinks I won't love him if he's less than perfect. We're all less than perfect. My hand still doesn't work right, but Brian...

Image is everything to him. I love him so much, need him so much, in love with him so much. I wish he could tell me. He won't.

He looks thinner, weaker. I wish he'd tell me what his chances are. God, please don't take him from me, from us. We all need him. Our lives revolve around him. I know that's the truth even though some of us won't admit it. He won't admit it.

I wish I was bigger so that I could take him in my arms, protect him like he's always protected me. Even when he pushed me away, he was protecting me, from himself. I love him for that, never stopped.

He's laying here telling me about a trip I know he didn't take. Painting pictures of a fantasy vacation that never happened. If it were only true.

TELL ME! Damn you and your fucking pride.

I can't cry, I won't cry. I have to be strong, for him. Please Brian, hear me, tell me.

He's drifted off to sleep and I can only hold him, will him whatever strength I have. I'd cut off one of mine to give him if it would help. He wouldn't take it even if it were possible. No, he'll just keep it all inside, not tell me or Michael. Keep it to himself, protect us, protect himself.

I once told Daphne that I had seen the face of a god; he's a man, in my arms, broken but in my arms and I won't let go. No matter how much he pushes I won't ever let go.

Somehow I have to let him know that I'll love him until we...

No, no talk about death. I'll make him live, I'll make him tell me, even if it kills us both, he will tell me.

I love you Brian Kinney. You will tell me, sometime, and I'll wait. Forever if I have to but I'll wait.

Tell me Brian. Tell me it'll be okay, that you'll be alright. That you'll be here to love me, argue with me, laugh with me, dance with me again.

This is so unfair! He just started to get his life back together again. His agency, paying off the debt, survived the Pink Posse and my stupidity. He survived his parents, my parents and now to have it all taken away, it's fucking unfair. Why is life so unfair?

He's deep in sleep now. That little wheeze he makes is so cute. He'd kill me if he knew I thought he was cute. Brian fuckin' Kinney cute, hot, beautiful, forever young, and cute. I love that wheeze. I love his face, his eyes, his nose, and oh god that mouth. I love him. Love him, all of him, and the imperfect him.

Tell me, Brian. Tell me.

I love you Brian; tell me.

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