Relief

The taller, older of the two struggles against the pain to get out of bed, needing to pee real bad. He limps to the bathroom recognizing his pain is more emotional rather than physical. But he limps just the same.

He lowers his sweat pants and empties his screaming bladder. He curses as he is relieved, wanting to scratch but he resists the temptation.

No more temptation.

No more swagger, no saunter, he continues to limp to the kitchen.

He starts to bang the cabinet doors, pulling out cookie packages, shoving aside appliances, looking for...

"Coffee! Where the fuck is the coffee?"

The younger, smaller of the two sits up in bed, he sensed his lover leaving their bed but waited for him to come back. Now the noises from the kitchen confirms his suspicions that the taller man will not return.

He gets up.

"Brian, what the fuck is wrong?"

"Nothing; need coffee."

"Hold on."

Justin slips on his jeans and scurries to the kitchen taking out a new package of coffee beans before Brian has the chance to continue to trash the kitchen. He proceeds to make his agitated lover coffee.

Brian gingerly settles onto a stool.

"Brian what's the matter and where were you?"

"Nothing; business trip."

"Uh huh", Justin replies not convinced, grinding the beans.

Brian had been away for a few days, Cynthia told everyone he was away on business. Justin wondered if Cynthia knew the truth.

"Did it go okay?"

"What?"

"Your business trip, did it go okay?"

"Yeah, peachy, all tidied up."

Justin was about to push for more not understanding Brian's cryptic response but the look on Brian's face told Justin not to go there.

As the aroma of the coffee fills the loft Brian relaxes a little. He wasn't allowed any coffee or cigarettes. Brian found to his astonishment that he could live without the cigarettes but not the coffee.

Justin slides the steaming hot cup of life over to Brian. Hot, black and sweet.

"Thanks"

"Are you going to the office today?"

"No, I'm taking a few days off, I can work from here."

"Okay, want to go to Babylon later?"

Knowing if he said ‘no' Brian would never hear the end of it so he said...

"Maybe; you working at the diner?"

"Later, dinner shift."

"That's nice." He'd get some peace and quiet. Brian shifted uncomfortably on the stool.

Justin topped off his cup, adding more sugar before Brian took the cup over to the sofa.

Justin watches as his lover struggles to walk knowing something's not right.

Brian feels rather than sees the blue lazar beams bore into his back.

"Brian did something happen while you were away?"

"No"

End of conversation.

The loft remained silent until Justin left, needing to do his own errands and work for Kinnetic before his shift.

~Later that night.~

Justin wasn't too surprised that Brian didn't show up at the diner. The gang was there and gone. Close to 10pm Brian walks in still wearing sweats. Justin raises an eyebrow.

"You about done?"

"Yeah"

Justin tosses his apron, grabs his pack and leaves with Brian.

"So I take it we're not going to Babylon."

"You go if you want."

"No, I'm tired, it was busy tonight."

"Suit yourself."

They rode back to the loft in silence.

And this is how it went for the next few days. Barely talking. Brian wearing sweat pants. Justin never knew Brian had more than two pair. Brian working from home, he barked out his orders over the phone to Cynthia and Ted. Barking at Justin, albeit a little softer, his ideas for new ads. Justin in artistic, Kinnetic mode noted the concepts and went to work.

~During the third day of Brian's self imposed exile...~

"Brian what the fuck is wrong? And don't give that ‘nothing' shit. You haven't been out of this loft except to pick me up at the diner. I've never seen you wear so many sweat pants. You barely talk or eat. You look like you've lost your best friend and as far as I know Michael's still around. Not to mention that you wont let me touch you and other than sucking me off you haven't touched me either. I want an explanation and I want it NOW!"

Brian looked stunned. He thought he was doing a good job keeping up the mask. His blond twink was on to him.

"They took it Justin, took the left one."

"What, who took what; Brian's what the hell is going on?"

Brian crosses the loft going to the bedroom, Justin follows.

Brian lays down propping himself up against the pillows. He holds out his arm, an open invitation for Justin to join him. Justin accepts the invitation.

"Brian please tell me." Justin pleads. Brian hesitates, gearing up the courage.

"Justin you remember that trick?"

"Which one, there's been many."

"The one with the bet."

"Yeah"

"Well he..."

"You did him?"

"Justin do you want to hear this or what?"

"Go on, wait, did he hurt you?"

"No, nothing like that; he's a doctor."

"Doctor of what, sexology?"

"Fuck you"

"Sorry"

"He found something and suggested that I have it checked out, so I did. It's no big deal."

"Brian you're not?"

"No, I'm not."

"Thank god"

"God has nothing to do with this."

"Brian you're scaring me."

"I'm not too thrilled about this either."

"Brian I've never known you to bullshit me and you don't do it well so get to the point."

"A lump."

"Huh?"

"He found a lump so I had it checked out; they took out my left nut and replaced it with a prosthesis. Now I wait for the test results."

"FUCK! And you chose not to tell me! How fucked is that?"

"I know how you get, big drama queen."

"No you don't Brian. Don't you ever assume anything about me. What did the doctors say?"

"Everything looks okay, all clean, nothing spread but they took a biopsy of the surrounding lymph nodes. I'm waiting for the results."

"I'll wait with you."

"No you wont, you go on. You go to work, you help Cynthia run Kinnetic, you go back to school."

"Now who's the drama queen. You sound like you're not going to be around and what the fuck do I know about running an ad agency?"

"Cynthia will teach you."

"No, you're going to teach me. I'll go back to school and I'll cut back at the diner to spend more time at Kinnetic but you're going to teach me."

"Bossy bottom"

"I'm serious Brian; and you're never, ever going to hide something important like this from me again. Do you understand, never again."

"Yes sir"

The silence was deafening as Justin turned into Brian's chest and held on.

"When will you know?"

"Should be today."

They hung on to each other, in the quiet. Brian feeling the strength of Justin's arms, his spirit. Justin willing all he has to Brian.

The ringing of the phone wakens them.

"Yes, this is Brian Kinney. No you tell me now. FUCK HIPAA! You tell me now or I'll sue your ass and I have the bitchiest lawyer who'll do it. Okay - I understand - thank you - yes that's fine - I'll be there."

"Well?"

"I'm fine, it didn't spread."

"Shit, that's fucking fantastic!"

Justin wanted to jump into Brian's arms but he gives the relieved man a hug instead.

"What do you have to do?"

"I have a follow up appointment in a couple weeks. I need to be checked regularly and they suggested that I..."

"Please don't tell me they said no sex."

*laughing* "I can fuck as much as I want."

"That's a relief."

"But the doctor did have a talk with me, he just reminded me of it again."

"What?"

"Justin, sit, we need to talk."

"I thought that's what we were doing."

"Justin"

"I know, shut up, sit down. Go on."

"Justin you know I never do it raw, that you're, uh, fuck, I don't know how to say this."

"Let me try. Brian I know what you do and what you wont do with a trick and I know what you'll do with me and only me. And I also know there are lots of nasty germs out there that can lower your immune system and make you susceptible to, to..."

"To having one's ball cut off."

"Exactly, so you want me to get checked out?"

"Yes and one more thing."

"More?"

"If we were a little more, uh..."

"Monogamous?"

"I was going to say exclusive, yes if we were then I wouldn't have to worry about you."

"Worry about me."

"Yes"

"Brian you are so full of shit. If this wasn't so serious I'd be laughing."

"Justin"

"Fine Brian, so you don't have to worry about me I wont fuck or suck anyone else but you. Happy now?"

"Ecstatic"

"It works both ways you know."

"I know"

"You okay with that?"

"Do you I have a choice?"

"Yes you do, you can be responsible for your own health, the consequences of your actions and listen to your doctors or you can fuck it all and put me at risk."

"I choose the former."

"Right answer."

"Uh, Justin?"

"Brian no one needs to know. You're still the stud of Liberty Avenue who's busy building up his agency and who has a very young, very demanding twink for a partner that you have to service and keep happy. So you don't have the time or the energy to fuck around anymore."

"Just so you understand the sacrifice I'm making for you."

"Oh I understand alright."

"That's a relief."

"A very big one," Justin says as they head for the bedroom.

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