“Justin”, the older man screamed, waking the young blond from a fitful sleep.
“Justin don’t
leave!”
A soothing pale arm wrapped around the sweat
soaked older man.
“Shhh, I’m hear, it’s alright,
go back to sleep, I’m not
leaving.”
The older man relaxed a little rolling, the
younger man spooning into his back, whispering, “I’m here, I’m
here”; thinking it’s going to be a rough few
days.
The ad exec paced around his office, throwing
papers, barking out orders.
Cynthia cleared his calendar for the next few days, she never spoke
but she knew. She consulted
her special Brian calendar and knew, the next few days will be
tough.
Brian didn’t understand what or why he
was feeling this way, he only felt.
He was tired and anxious but would never admit it to
himself. He busied himself in
useless work.
Justin knew, Lindsey too, Emmet had some idea
but would never speak, Mikey had no
clue. All personal calls to
Brian’s office ceased for a few days except for
Mikey. Brian would take
Mikey’s calls then slam down the receiver, Mikey had no
clue.
Later that night they made love, the older
man hung on to Justin with desperation.
Justin repeating and professing his love and devotion over and
over. Maybe they’ll sleep
tonight.
They’ve been together for years now and
survived it all. Brian still gorgeous, successful approaching 40; Justin,
youthful and beautiful in his late
20’s. Their partnership
was on equal footing, they wear rings as a sign of commitment; no ceremony
yet but it will happen soon.
“Justin, no,
please”
He wakes
screaming. Justin holds onto
him to stop the trembling. God
this is a bad one, maybe we’ll call the doctor, no Brian hates
doctors. One more day, we’ll
wait one more day and see.
They go to the diner early for breakfast. Debbie was about to say, ”What the hell happened to you, you look like shit”; Justin stopped her with a look. “Coffee honey?”
“Please.”
Justin went to spend the day at his studio,
Brian headed for the office.
“Nothing important today boss.”
“Good”, then slammed the
door. More pacing,
“what’s wrong with me?”
A few more hours of pacing, he called
him.
“Hey”
“Hey, are you
busy?”
“No, I’m just about finished with
my painting, you want to meet up?”
“Yeah, I’ll be there in
15.”
“Okay,
outside.”
“Yeah.”
Justin got into the jeep, the ‘vette long
gone. Brian always loved his
jeep. They drove on the highway
going nowhere, both silent.
Finally Brian pulled into a truck stop, they got
out. Justin followed Brian to
a nearby picnic table and watched him
sit. Brian turned away, the
tears came. Justin hugged him
tight. Justin was now the strong
one, the protector, if only for a few days out of the
year. Brian needed Justin’s
strength; he sobbed hanging onto his lover for dear
life. Justin clung to him giving him the strength and love Brian
needed.
“I love you Brian, I will never leave
you.”
“I know, I love
you.”
It was almost over; maybe they’ll sleep
tonight. Justin drove back home,
his lover weak but steadier.
They made love, sweet and passionate without
the desperation of the night before.
They drifted to
sleep.
Brian mumbled a little but screams were
gone. Brian buried his head
into Justin’s chest and strong
arms. He was at
peace.
The fear dissipated, they managed to ride out
the wave of yet another anniversary of the Rage
party.
Tomorrow will be a good
day.