Justin I Love You
Justin was away visiting relatives with his Mom and Molly in
Cynthia observed
that Brian was grumpy, cranky and snapped at Bob/Brad every chance he
got. When he started to snap
at Cynthia she had about all that she could
take. It was getting late on
Friday afternoon and she was getting tired of Brian’s latest
outburst. As Brian was pacing
and cursing Cynthia slammed her appointment book and yelled, “I
quit”. The anger in her
voice startled Brian. He looked
at her wide eyed and she continued, “if you don’t leave now I’m
going to quit; do leave you quietly or do
I?” She left him no choice;
he packed up his briefcase and picked up his
jacket. Heading for the door
with slumped shoulders he suddenly stopped went back to Cynthia’s desk
and gave her a peck on the cheek.
“Sorry”, he said in a tone usually reserved for Justin when
caught by him being an asshole.
“Out”, said Cynthia pointing at the door in a gentler tone
sensing the true remorse in the man.
Brian slithered out.
Relishing in the quiet Cynthia returned to her work starting with
the phone calls.
Brian went
home not happy to be there alone but not in the mood for Woody’s or
the diner. After depositing his
briefcase on his desk he went into the
bedroom. He kicked off his shoes
and removed his jacket, loosening his tie as he lay
down. Thinking he’d close
his eyes for only a few minutes sleep overtook him.
Brian found
himself in the throws of a horrible
nightmare. All his demons came
back to haunt and plague him.
Jack, fucking Rage, Ethan, Mikey’s birthday
party, the prom. He kept
seeing Justin’s face fading farther and farther
away. Justin would ask Brian
if he loved him and when Brian hesitated Justin
would retreat further. Brian
would open his mouth to try to say the words and nothing would come
out. Finally there was nothing
left Justin was gone and Brian was left cold and alone.
Brian woke
up in a sweat screaming for Justin.
Reaching out for him Brian felt the cold empty expanse of the bed
and abruptly sat up. Slightly
confused he got out of bed to remove the remainder of his
clothes. He opened the closet
and saw all of Justin’s clothes were
missing. Panicked he opened
Justin’s drawers and found them
empty. He looked in the bathroom
all of Justin’s toiletries were
gone. Running through the loft
he checked the bookcase no art books; the CD rack was devoid of all of
Justin’s horrendous music; the pantry empty of all of Justin’s
snacks and junk food. Brian picked
up the phone and dialed Justin’s cell---‘the number you have reached
has been disconnected no further information available’---“what
the fuck?” Brian dropped
the phone and cried. He didn’t
understand, they hadn’t argued, he didn’t trick, no drugs, only
an occasional drink or cigarette; what did he
do? Why would Justin leave
him? Brian called the office,
the service picked up. He tried
Cynthia at home but when her machine picked and he tried to leave a message
he got cut off, when he tried to redial the line was
busy. He tried Deb’s but
no one was home, Mikey, Em no answer.
Brian stared at the receiver in disbelief he couldn’t reach
anyone. He went back to
bed.
The tears that
were stinging his eyes were now streaming down his
face. He curled up in to a ball
in the middle of the bed…
“Justin
I love you, where are you?”
“Here
Baby I’m here”
“Justin?”
“Right
here Bri”
“Oh Justin
I love you, why did you leave me?”
“Bri I
was only gone a few days”
“No you
left me, you took everything its all gone, your clothes, your books, CD’s
everything!”
“No Baby
you were having a nightmare, its all here look”
Brian sat up
and looked around. Through his
tears he saw the full closet, Justin opened his
drawers and all his things were in place.
“Justin
it seemed so real you left me”
“Why would
I leave you?”
“Cause I, I”
“What
Bri”
“Cause
I wouldn’t say I loved you, love you”
“Baby
that was years ago you say it all the time with words, every time you look
at me, hold me and make love to me”
“Justin
please hold me I need to feel you, know you’re
real”
“I’m
real I love you”
“Justin
why are you home, you weren’t due back for a few more
days”
“I missed
you”
“Missed
you too Baby…Justin?”
“Yes
Baby”
“Make
love to me”
“Oh yes
Brian”
As the lovers
undressed each other Justin whispered softly to Brian his words of love and
assurance. Justin made love to
Brian throughout the night and almost till
dawn. Leaving his sleeping lover
for only a few moments in the morning he called
Cynthia…
“I’m
sorry to wake you”
“It’s
okay”
“You were
right Cyn”
“I figured,
he alright now?”
“Yes I
think so”
“There’s
nothing important for Monday so why don’t you two spend it
together”
“Maybe
we will I’ll call you”
“Don’t
worry Justin and thanks for cutting your trip short”
”No problem I’m right where I want to be; later Cynthia”
”Bye Justin”
“Justin?”
“I’m
right here Baby go back to sleep”
“I love
you Justin, love you so much”
“I love
you too Brian always and forever”
“Mmm
forever”
“Sleep
now”
“Sleeping
now”
Sabina