For the Love of Shopping

"Brian, where the fuck are we?"

"Florida."

"I know we're in Florida. Why are we in Florida?"

"Shopping."

"Shopping. Shopping?! You flew us a 1,000 miles to go shopping? Are you fucking nuts?"

"So I've been told. Look, Sunshine, the last time I was here I found this neat little winery. The wine is good, and refreshing and I can't get it up north. So if Mohammed wont go to the mountain..."

"The mountain goes to Mohammed; I get it."

"Besides, don't you want a little fun in the sun?"

"Sure, but we have only a few days."

"Plenty of time to replenish my wine cabinet and maybe pick up some new furniture."

"You're not thinking of bringing a sofa on the plane, are you?"

"Twat. They ship."

"Uh huh. So why can't the wine be shipped?"

"Caused its banned."

"Banned?! Brian, are we doing something illegal?"

"Technically speaking...I haven't a fucking clue. The liquor merchants have a lock on what gets sold and where. That's why this particular wine can't be sold up north. So here we are, Florida. Home of sun, oranges and..."

"Wine."

"Exactly."

"And we can bring it on the plane."

"Yes. I'll re pack it so it's safe and mark it fragile. It's for our own consumption, it'll be fine."

"Okay. But I don't want to get arrested for smuggling contraband into Pittsburgh."

"Your mother would kill me. Here we are!"

"This is a winery?"

"Yeah, this is a winery."

"Looks like a warehouse."

"You're half right, it was a warehouse. Now, it's a winery."

"Where are the vineyards?"

"The grapes are grown in another part of the state then sent here for processing. Come on, let's take the tour."

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"That's quite enough for you, little boy. Put down the wine glass and step away from the bar. You're not supposed to swallow. Swirl and spit. Swirl and spit."

"Too late."

"I can see that. Go sit outside on the bench while I buy my wine. Okay?"

*giggle* "Okay, Bri."

"Justin, sit and stay."

"Woof."

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"Ready?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Yup, got my wine. You sure you're okay?"

"I'm good."

"That goes without saying."

*giggle*

"Let's go for a walk around the town. St. Augustine is beautiful and a very historical city. The fresh air should sober you up."

"Okay."

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"Look, Brian, Armani!"

"Look, Justin, wrong Armani."

"His brother?"

"Maybe. You sober now?"

"Yeah, sorry."

"Don't be, you're a cute drunk."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah and I'll prove it to you later."

"Brian?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm..."

"You're hungry."

"Uh huh."

"Figures. I've got just the place in mind. We'll eat then go back to the hotel."

"Okay."

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"Brian, where are we?"

"Florida."

"Shit. Where in Florida?"

"Somewhere between St. Augustine and Daytona. We're going to the Shark House."

"At Marineland?"

"No. It's a restaurant. They have the best crab legs and hot wings. You'll like it."

"Okay."

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"I am stuffed!"

"I'm not surprised. You must have eaten 20 wings and 10 crab legs."

"They were good."

"They better be. I'm not wiping your ass off the bathroom floor if you get sick."

"I wont get sick. I promise."

"Good."

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"Brian, what are we going to do today?"

"Shopping."

"Shopping, again? Oh joy, rapture."

"Sarcasm? From my little Mary Sunshine?"

"I'm little Mary, go fuck yourself. Bri, I'm tired of shopping."

"You may get a kick out of it."

"What makes you say that?"

"Look at the name of the store. Let's see what comes up in there."

"I think I'm going to like shopping."

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