Elephants and Ducks

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"Brian, where are we?"

"I thought that was rather obvious, Sunshine."

"I guess I should have said, why are we here?"

"Getting metaphysical, are we?"

"You know, Brian, sometimes, calling you an asshole is a bit inadequate. So, let me try this one more time...Brian, why have you brought me to the zoo?"

"To see how the other half lives."

"Breeders?"

"No. And who's being the asshole now? Animals. Lions and tigers and bears."

"Oh my. I can see bears at a leather bar. Is there a specific reason why you chose to bring me to the zoo today?"

"Not really. It's a nice sunny day. I needed a break. And what better than to take a quiet walk in the zoo with my favorite sonny boy."

"I thought Gus was your favorite sonny boy."

"He's my favorite little sonny boy. You are my favorite big sonny boy. And it's a little easier walking through the zoo with you. At least you won't run off or get lost in the crowd."

"Huh."

"Besides, isn't it nice to be able to stroll on the path. Stop wherever you'd like and just enjoy the day?"

"Yes. I have to agree, this is rather nice. But isn't this a bit out of character for you? Brian Kinney, stud of Liberty, admiring exotic birds, watching the sea lions being fed and what is this obsession you have about elephants and ducks? You've been staring at the elephants for hours."

"Have not."

"Okay, not hours but we've been sitting on this bench for some time now. I'm getting bored. Even the elephants look bored."

"Better hide the ducks, then."

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with the real Brian Kinney?"

"Justin, I swear, I'm the real Brian Kinney. I like it here. It's quiet, peaceful and you have to admit, this day is too nice to waste."

"I'll concede your point, it is a beautiful day. So, how long will WE be staring at the elephants?"

"I don't know. Maybe until one of them gets bored enough to squish a duck."

"Brian, you are one sick puppy. So, I'm asking again. What's with you, elephants and ducks?"

"It's rather a complicated story."

"Feel free to tell it. Apparently we're not going anywhere any time soon."

"It's a little weird."

"I can handle weird. What can be weirder than you and me sitting on a bench at the zoo watching three bored pachyderms?"

"Fine, but when the story becomes stranger than fiction, just remember you insisted."

"Proceed."

"When you and I first got together..."

"That is ancient history."

"Shut the fuck up. When you started spending time at the loft, you remember how much you'd like to watch Animal Planet and the Discovery Channel?"

"Yes, and I still like to watch. I thought you'd never stop bitching about it."

"I have something to admit to you, Sunshine, I used to watch those shows long before I met you."

"I knew it! You're a closet science buff."

"I've been out of the closet for a long time."

"Asshole. Continue."

"Before the age of cable, I had PBS."

"Now that's real ancient history."

"Justin."

"Okay, okay. I'll shut up."

"Thank you. There was this one show, years ago, about animal psychology."

"There's such a thing as animal psychology?"

"This, coming from, Mr. 1500 on his SAT's. Yes, Justin, there is such a thing. This one show was on a study done on zoo animals who displayed abhorrent behavior."

"What kind of behavior is abhorrent for a zoo animal?"

"For example, a polar bear at the Bronx Zoo displayed what could be described as OCD tendencies. Very repetitive behavior."

"Now I get it. Like you in the backroom."

"Justin, I can leave you here."

"Sorry. Go on."

"The zoo brought in an animal psychologist and he found that the poor beast was bored. So they added more stimuli, more toys and they learned to build better housing for the polar bear."

"Makes sense. Like our toy box and when you buy new furniture."

"Something like that. The bear got better, healthier and became content. He stopped his OCD behavior."

"That's interesting. What's with the elephants?"

"Well, they found an elephant from the Phoenix Zoo named Ruby who had similar problems. But when she got bored..."

"Oh no. Don't tell me, she didn't..."

"Yup. She had a pond in her habitat just like they have here. She started squishing the ducks for fun."

"That's gross."

"Tell me about it. Little feather duck pies all over her pen."

"Ew! So, what did they do for her?"

"Ruby and you have a lot in common."

"Me? What the fuck do I have in common with a duck killing elephant?"

"Art."

"Art?"

"Art. Her keepers gave Ruby a broom, buckets of paint and large pieces of plywood. Ruby began to paint."

"You're fucking shitting me, right?"

"Nope. Ruby painted and they sold her paintings at the zoo. I think I may have a print of her last painting."

"Her last painting?"

"Yeah, poor Ruby is up in pachyderm heaven."

"Awe, how sad."

"Yes, but she left us a legacy of art."

"Brian, I'd like to leave a legacy of art but without the duck squishing."

"I hear ya."

"Are we done watching the elephants?"

"Yeah, I'm bored."

"Want to go home and watch me paint?"

"Only if you paint in the nude."

"Isn't that abhorrent behavior?"

"Not from where I'm standing it isn't."

"You won't start squishing ducks, will you?"

"Nah. I'd rather squish you and only you on my bed."

"I can get used to that kind of behavior."

"So could I Sunshine, so could I."

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