Brian:

Justin finally calmed down enough for me to get him off the floor. I helped him take his shirt and tie off, then his socks and pants. Actually, I did all the work. He didn’t say anything, or even look at me. He just stood shivering. I pulled back the blankets on the bed and told him to lie down. He did as I said, burying his red puffy face in the pillow.

It hurt that he wouldn’t look at me, but I was also partially relieved I didn’t have to see the pain I caused anymore. I quickly pulled off my own clothes, watching with detached fascination as my hands shook over the buttons. Then I slipped in beside him, our bodies wrapping together as if it were the most natural position in the world.

He was still trembling, and his skin was so cold. Especially his back where he had been sitting against that damn glass door to the balcony. I pulled the blankets up around us, and the skin on skin contact helped him warm up faster. Finally, he stopped sniffling and drifted off. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything as beautiful peaceful as his deep even breathing when he sleeps.

I have lain awake for months in my empty bed remembering that sound. His strong breathing used to lull me to sleep, content with the knowledge that the little intermingling sighs and moans were for me, because of me. He only dreamt of me.

I know he still dreams about me, but it’s not the same. Emmett’s told me about the nightmares. About Justin remembering enough to know I was there and tried to save him but didn’t. I can’t even begin to imagine what they were like the first few months, before he had anyone but his mother to talk to. Emmett said he doesn’t talk about them either.

Justin’s fidgeting in my arms, and frowning now. Is he having another nightmare? I know he hasn’t had one in a while, but what has my being here done to him? I kiss the down turned corner of his mouth and his lips curl back up a little. I should just let him rest peacefully, but I can’t stop kissing his jaw and neck and shoulder, then the same trail backwards. If he can feel my touch in his subconscious I want him to dream of me again. I’m wearing a path along his skin as I move back and forth. I wonder if there will be a groove there when I’m done. I want there to be. I want him to always remember this.

No, that’s not fair. What the fuck was I thinking coming here? I obviously wasn’t, just being a selfish prick as usual. I should just leave now before I do anymore damage. Christ, he thought he was the cripple? Welcome to my world, Sunshine. You healed yourself, but I’m still fucked.

You are the most resilient person I’ve ever met. Persistent little shit, aren’t you? Despite a bat to the head, your fucked up family, and the wrong choice at every turn, you still keep trying. Good for you, kid. You don’t need me here. You never needed me. You just wanted to. I knew you’d be alright.

Despite the Queer Quartet’s ‘help’. Jesus, they couldn’t find their asses with two hands and a flashlight. Some queers they are! How could they not have noticed this little problem? The kid’s future was in his hands, literally, and they’ve let him think it’s over. They let him think he’s done fighting.

Oh, no. Not by a long shot. I’ve got news for you Sonny Boy. Life is a constant uphill battle. Like Sisyphus and that damn rock. You’re probably wondering why bother then, right? Because, you twat, when the rock rolls back down your free until it reaches the bottom and you have to start over. You’re free and it feels so good for that brief moment. That sliver of happiness is what you live for as you start at the bottom again. Each time you push harder, faster, to get another happy moment. Even I know that.

What are they teaching you at that fucking school? Pitt U. Fuck, the name says it all. No wonder you don’t fight anymore. You’re totally engulfed in the pits. What the fuck happened to PIFA? I never understood that decision, but it wasn’t any of my business. Fucking Jennifer.

She had her goddamn chance. She thinks he almost died because of me? Maybe. But he is dead because of her. How can she fucking live with herself? Her ‘love’ smothered him. Like when she tried to shove him back in the closet, or make him go to Dartmouth. And when she kept the gang away during his recovery, and set him up to date that numbnuts, Eric. Thank you for proving my point, Jen. Love is a useless emotion.

He doesn’t need anymore love. Everyone loves our little Sunshine. He needs focus and motivation. He needs a firm hand to nudge him in the right direction. He needs…me. Yeah, me.

Well, little boy, looks like you finally got your wish.

I need to talk to Emmett before I go back to New York. I’m taking over as counselor and confidant and cross bearer, and your mother, or anyone else who gets in my way, can just fuck off. They had their chance and completely fucked it up. You’ve been pushed down one dead end path after another over the last year, but I’m going to make sure you get on the fucking yellow brick road now. Or the Yellow Submarine. Or anywhere else you want to go.

"You hear me, Sunshine?" I whisper in his ear. "It’s gonna be just you and me, kid."

***

Justin snuggled closer in response, and Brian smiled a little. That’s what Justin saw when he slowly opened his eyes, Brian smiling at him.

"Brian," he whispered dryly, tentatively wrapping his arms around the older man more tightly. Brian grunted a little, and Justin finally smiled back. It really wasn’t a dream. "You’re here."

Brian simply nodded and waited for the younger man to fully wake up so they could talk.

Justin couldn’t believe how surreal this moment was. A few hours ago he found out his friends had been lying to him for over a year, and now he was in bed with Brian. The confusion threatened to sweep him away and he hung onto Brian tighter to keep himself grounded in the moment. This was all that mattered. He wanted to stay here forever.

The older man watched as Justin paled, gasping shallowly for air as a fine sheen of sweat broke across his brow. "Justin? Justin, look at me."

Brian wondered if he was having a panic attack. He knew about them, but had never experienced one before. Why now? He preferred the damn near catatonic spell Justin had earlier. Christ, he was totally out of his element here. Emmett would know what to do. Shit. He had to do something himself.

The older man pulled Justin up to a sitting position, thinking it would maybe help him breathe easier, and tilted the younger man’s face up so he could look into his eyes. They looked clear and focused on him. That was a good sign, right? He forced himself to stay calm, to sound calm. "I know you’re scared, baby. Tell me what’s wrong."

Justin blinked at him. He struggled to slam the lid down on his fear and concentrated on matching his breathing to Brian’s like he and Emmett practiced. Okay…. Okay, he could do this. He pushed the other thoughts aside—Eric, his mom, the party-- knowing he couldn’t do anything about them right now. But he had to deal with Brian. He wanted to. This was his chance.

Brian continued to stroke his cheek, relieved the younger man seemed calmer. "Justin, what is it?"

"Nothing," the blonde lied. He was such a fucking coward.

"Bullshit," Brian replied, although not unkindly.

Maybe he wasn’t as ready for this as he thought. Justin batted the other man’s hand away and rubbed his temple to ward off the telltale signs of an oncoming headache. Figures. A skull-splitting headache was not what he needed right now. He felt his widow of opportunity slamming shut as the pain worked it’s way from the back of his skull to directly between his eyes. "What the fuck do you know?" he snapped, irritated by his own weakness.

"I know you."

Justin looked at him incredulously. "What do you know about me? I didn’t see you for a fucking year! You’ve only seen me a handful of times over the last few months, and then we only talked about the weather. Do not think because Emmett and Lindsay have been telling you about my latest class project that you have any real knowledge of what my life is like."

Brian recoiled, but forced himself to remember he had that coming.

Seeing Brian’s pained expression, Justin immediately regretted his outburst. It wasn’t Brian’s fault his mom messed with their lives…although Brian let her… He massaged the bridge of his nose to short-circuit the increasing pain. "It’s just been a long day," he sighed as he lay back on the pillow. "I certainly didn’t think I’d be here with you when I woke up this morning."

"Do you want me to leave?" Brian asked nervously.

The younger man turned away. He was in no shape to deal with this new facet of their relationship and it embarrassed him. "Since when does my opinion matter?" he whined petulantly.

Brian’s temper flared. The little shit wouldn’t cut him any slack. Wasn’t he here, instead of back home where he should be? Didn’t he get any credit for trying now? He glared at the younger man, curled in a fetal ball to protect himself from imagined attacks, and realized he had driven him to this point. His ire faded into guilt. "You always mattered," he whispered, but Justin didn’t respond. Not knowing what else to say without making matters worse, he just took Justin’s hand. He brought the hand that Justin still favored though it healed many months ago to his lips and kissed the palm.

Justin was startled by the gesture and looked at the other man. Brian held his gaze, as he kissed each fingertip. He released Justin’s hand and the younger man caressed his cheek. "Don’t go," he pleaded as he instinctively pulled Brian down to him.

The older man lay down beside him and pulled Justin into his arms before kissing his temple. "I’m not going anywhere," he assured his lover before he realized just what he was saying.

Justin’s eyes widened. "Brian--"

Brian silenced him with a finger to his lips. "Later," he ordered gently. There was a lot of shit that needed sorting out, but he wasn’t up to it right now. He knew what needed to be done but he also needed time to regroup and plan. "Do you have anything for your headache?" he asked, changing the subject to something he could control. Medicating pain was his specialty.

Justin shook his head. "I wasn’t expecting…I don’t have anything here, but it should go away if I sleep a little."

Brian contemplated calling the desk for some over the counter relief but thought better of it. Justin was allergic to everything so it would probably do more harm then good. He could only hope Justin was being honest and sleep would alleviate the pain. "Okay, Sonny Boy, just relax," he whispered as he gently rubbed the younger man’s temples.

"Feels good," Justin sighed as his eyes fluttered shut.

***

Justin:

My first thought when I wake up is ‘Brian is here’. In this bed with me. I don’t ever want to move, but I really need to piss.

I thought I was over him. It was so easy to hate him when he ignored me for the first year. But once we started seeing each other and talking again, no matter how hard I tried to fight it, he could still turn me inside out with just a look. No one has ever done that to me. Not even Eric.

Hell, who am I kidding. Eric never made me feel anything except…invisible. He was the perfect boyfriend, the perfect cover. Our ‘relationship’ is total bullshit, but it keeps people off my back. They thought I was normal again if I was dating, so I did it. And he didn’t care. He knows I don’t love him, he loves our popularity though and that’s enough for him. He gets the press for being the man who healed poor Justin. How strong and brave. My hero. Fuck.

It wasn’t all bad. I think I really could’ve had feelings for him when I met him. I was still unwilling to date, I hardly went out except for school functions, to work, or sometimes out with the guys for a beer. Then I met Eric and he was very charming and attentive. And he chased me for months before I gave in. Of course my mom was all for it. She wouldn’t shut up about how wonderful he was. So we started dating just before Brian came back into my life. And their first meeting was when I realized I was just a trophy to Eric, and he hated being reminded that Brian was the actual hero. Which my friends remind him of all the time. They know the score, especially Michael and Emmett, and they won’t let him take credit for something he didn’t do.

I know my friends never liked Eric, but I thought it was just because they were loyal to Brian. Not that that should’ve had anything to do with me anymore, but I like to think it did. Now I know it was partially because of my mom. They knew what she was doing all along, yet let me wander around with blinders on. Some fucking friends.

I can’t believe the party was just a few hours ago, instead of a whole lifetime before. How could my mom have done something so cruel? To me, and Brian? It wasn’t her place to make that decision. She had no right to interfere. I’m sure she thinks it was for my own good, but if she loves me so much, why didn’t she interfere when dad kicked me out? Staying at home with my family would’ve been for my own good too!

I know she regrets that, that’s why she was so adamant I live with her when I got out of the hospital. That was okay, I guess. She tried, and I thought we really understood each other. I thought she really supported me, but now that I’m looking back, knowing the truth, I realize everything she did wasn’t to help me, it was to hide me. Not to protect me, but to change me. She doesn’t like that I’m queer anymore than dad does. And she only pretends to support my lifestyle so she can maintain some kind of control.

I see it so clearly now. All those months I thought everyone had given up on me, I think she was keeping them away. I’ll have to ask Emmett. He’s always been a little cool to my mom, and now I know why. Obviously, she wasn’t happy I moved in with him, but it must’ve been a small concession considering I decided to go to Pitt U instead of PIFA.

That had been a long battle between us. Even though my hand was still weak, the doctor said it would improve eventually. I even got PIFA to hold my spot until the winter semester so I’d have extra time to strengthen it. But mom thought it was a bad idea. If it didn’t work out I would’ve wasted a year, and the tuition. She wanted me to enroll at Carnegie Mellon instead. I then realized tuition wasn’t really an issue. And I didn’t want to be a business major. So I investigated Pitt U and found they had a decent art program if I could handle a couple drawing classes, with an emphasis on gallery management. As much as I hated the idea of not drawing again I hated the idea of being totally cut off from art more. This way I would still be part of the art world. And I’d be learning about the business world after all. Not to mention the tuition was much lower, obviously. Mom couldn’t argue with me after that. Unfortunately, it took us too long to reach an agreement and I still had to miss the fall semester.

The idea of another four months cooped up in the house drove me nuts. I wanted out of the prison. But what I had a hard time acknowledging was I was still afraid of crowds and strangers. I never would’ve made it at college that fall. And it pissed me off. I wasn’t surprised my friends didn’t want to see me anymore, I was a fucking wreck. So I decided to win them back. I wormed my way into the group once and I could do it again. Of course I didn’t have Brian as a bridge this time, so I used the next best thing. Gus.

I hadn’t been invited to his birthday party, I don’t think I would’ve gone anyway, but a few days later I finally worked up the courage to go visit and deliver a gift. After all, I named him. Linds and Mel just cried when they saw me. Another situation I thought was strange, but just assumed it was me. And I was just so glad to be back with my friends that I didn’t want to question it. Now I know what really happened. My mom was trying to keep me away from the bad influences, not just Brian but all of them, that almost ruined my life.

So when I forced her hand and returned to my wicked ways, she started introducing me to A-list fags. The upper society fags who don’t flaunt themselves on Liberty Avenue. I guess she decided if I was going to be queer, I should be with queers of my own class. Refined. Discreet.

It must’ve just killed her that I agreed to be part of the GLC committee. Flaunting myself again. Being their poster boy and reminding her constantly that everyone knows about our family drama.

And they learned a lot more last night!

I wonder—Oh, god—

***

Still asleep, Brian’s body was moving on auto-pilot and the man’s morning hard-on was now firmly planted between Justin’s cheeks. The men’s underwear did nothing to dull the sensation as the older man pulled his lover closer and snaked his hand towards the younger man’s cock. Justin’s bladder was definitely going to burst if he was subjected to anymore stimulation so he reluctantly untangled Brian’s arms from around himself and rushed to the bathroom.

He felt much better as he hurried back to bed. He was hoping to snuggle up to the older man again but instead found himself face to face with the a pair of wide open hazel eyes.

"Hey," he whispered hesitantly. He remembered it was always a crapshoot regarding Brian’s mood in the morning. And after last night…

"Hey," Brian uttered dryly. "What are you doing out there?" he asked as he lifted the covers for the blonde to get in.

Justin gladly slid back under the blankets and burrowed into Brian’s arms. Naturally, the artist’s hands started wandering over Brian’s naked torso, as if they had a mind of their own.

The older man caught them just as they were tracing the edge of his briefs. As much as he wanted to fuck the kid and make up for the last year he missed being buried inside that beautiful young man, even he admitted it probably wasn’t a good idea right now. They needed to talk. Christ. Who would’ve thought he was passing up sex to talk?

But then he looked into those eyes, blue as the ocean, and his mouth was issuing an unbidden offer. "Are you sure?" He didn’t know where his resolve to just talk suddenly went, but he couldn’t stop himself. When Justin nodded his consent he was lost.

Brian dipped his head and kissed him. It was the first time in over a year…the first time since the parking garage. He pushed the memory away and focused on this kiss. Soft at first, just a light pressing of their lips together, then a little more pressure was applied as they sucked at each other’s skin, savoring the taste and feel. Brian was trying to keep his desire under control by going slow, but when Justin’s wet little tongue slithered out and probed for access he couldn’t deny him.

Justin gasped as Brian devoured him, sucking his tongue inside and stroking it hungrily with his own. The younger man eagerly matched Brian’s passion and soon had the older man struggling for air himself. They broke briefly for a few gulping breaths before diving into each other again.

As tongues dueled fiercely around lips and teeth, hands began to stake their claim as well. Justin’s slid over Brian’s well sculpted back as Brian caressed the younger man’s chest. His fingers nimbly teased one nipple to a stiff peak before turning to the other with the gold ring. He tugged on it and the blonde gasped.

Brian tore his mouth away from Justin’s, blazing a hot, wet trail down the younger man’s neck. He licked, and bit, and sucked hungrily at Justin’s skin as he slowly descended to pull the ring with his teeth. Justin’s hands flew to Brian’s hair, nails digging into his scalp, as he writhed beneath the older man. "Please…"

Brian looked up at the blonde’s pleading eyes. "What do you want, baby?" he asked huskily.

"You…I want you inside me," was the desperate reply that sent a direct signal to the older man’s cock.

Brian kissed him roughly, their tongues tangling together again, as his long arms stretched down to caress his ultimate prize. He kneaded the plump buttocks firmly and was rewarded with the blonde’s eager, hitching, moans in response.

Despite the year that lapsed since their last time together, Brian remembered all the things his young lover liked most. He knew where to touch and kiss and how to keep the kid on the edge until he screamed. But he had no interest in breaking the other man right now. He only wanted to please him.

Brian reached over the side of the bed and rummaged in his overnight bag until he found the condoms and lube. He kneeled between the blonde’s thighs and lifted his legs over his shoulders. He put some lube on his fingers and brushed the puckered hole that was now exposed to him.

Justin groaned and lifted his hips, rubbing against the probing digits.

Feeling the younger man rock against his hand, Brian teased him by massaging the ring of wrinkled folds with the tip of his finger, but he didn’t push any deeper than the first knuckle.

Justin wiggled against him, anxious to be impaled fully. "Briiian," he whimpered desperately.

Finally giving in, the older man leaned over the blonde so he could watch the blue eyes more closely when they reflected Justin’s pleasure as he was penetrated. He slowly eased one finger into the tight tunnel and the younger man moaned appreciatively as Brian stroked all the right spots.

When he added a second, Justin’s senses were overloading. Although he’d exchanged blow jobs with a few tricks, Eric had been his only lover since Brian, and he rarely bottomed for him. As much as he loved anal stimulation, only Brian knew how to really please him. The man helped him discover and learn every nuance of sex and his body and it was a high standard meet.

Brian was again kissing his way down the blonde’s lithe form, but he wasn’t bothering to dawdle on the way to his destination. He took Justin’s cock in his mouth without preamble, sucking vigorously on the swollen head before sliding his lips down the hard shaft. It wasn’t long before he had a synchronous rhythm between his mouth and hand that was guaranteed to make the younger man come quickly.

But Justin still wanted more and he didn’t want to come without Brian inside him. Knowing he couldn’t stand the dual sensation of being sucked and fucked much longer, he urgently pushed the other man away. He reached for a condom and tore it open, signaling Brian it was time. The older man lifted himself for the blonde to reach his cock and groaned when Justin gave him a few teasing strokes before rolling the condom on. The younger man also slicked the shaft with lube, finally giving the full sac a firm squeeze before allowing Brian to move into position.

"Ready?" Brian growled in anticipation.

"Yes, just…go slow, okay? It’s been a while," the blonde replied.

The sudden confession made Brian’s heart skip. After all this time, even the new boyfriend that replaced him hadn’t been able to rid the boy of the ridiculous notion that he would only let someone he loved inside him. And Brian was glad.

Their eyes locked together and the older man pushed in slow and steady, gauging Justin’s reaction by his expression and pausing for him to adjust as needed.

Justin tried to relax and eventually the initial discomfort was replaced with radiating pleasure as the thick shaft grazed his prostate on its journey. Brian saw and felt the change in his lover and deliberately withdrew and stroked against the sensitive gland again. The blonde keened and clutched at the older man to pull him deeper. In response, Brian willingly relinquished control and plunged in to the hilt.

"Brian…" Justin gasped. His lover started moving with long slow strokes and the blonde whimpered. "Ahh…Brian…Bri…"

The older man finally broke their gaze to nuzzle the blonde’s neck and Justin cradled his head, pressing kisses along his face. The momentum built and each man strained to keep their desire in check, to prolong the moment just a little more, although their bodies were moving in a relentless rhythm that could not be slowed.

So close to the edge, Brian finally reached between them and squeezed the blonde’s cock. The hard shaft jerked in his hand and Justin groaned, flexing his hips to push into the fist. "That’s it, baby, come for me," Brian urged as he moved his hand and cock in the same tempo.

Justin’s head thrashed and his back bowed as the first wave slammed into him. "That’s my boy," the older man hissed through clenched teeth as the velvet tunnel clamped down like iron around him. "My baby…"

The blonde writhed beneath him and blindly sought the man’s mouth to be joined everywhere. When Justin plundered his mouth and sucked his tongue out, the older man shuddered violently as his release was drawn out as well.

Slowly Brian’s senses returned and he noticed the younger man’s body continued to tremble. He suddenly realized Justin was crying. The older man tried to pull away but the blonde held on tighter. "Baby, what is it?" he rasped hoarsely as he wiped the tears away. "Did I hurt you?"

Justin shook his head, desperately trying to compose himself but unable to stop the rush of emotions. At the instant he was feeling the most pleasure in Brian’s arms, he also felt the most vulnerable and a floodgate of unchecked feeling burst open, threatening to drown him.

After a moment, the blonde calmed down and Brian rolled to his side, discarded the condom and pulled the younger man into his arms. "Okay now?" he asked, stroking the soft hair under his chin.

Justin sighed heavily and Brian felt his frame shudder. "Yes. I’m so-orry," he hiccuped. "I don’t know why…it just—"

"I know."

The younger man looked up and Brian thumbed away the few remaining tears. "I thought I’d never have you again," he confided.

Justin nodded and snuggled closer. He couldn’t believe Brian understood.

The older man kissed his temple and soothingly stroked his back until they both finally drifted off.

***

They woke a few hours later when the house phone rang. Brian groggily disentangled himself from the blonde leech and picked up the receiver. "What?"

"Bri, it’s Emmett. I’m sorry it’s so early, but I need to talk to Justin."

"What for?" Brian groused.

"He needs to call his mom. She came busting in here this morning and…well, I—she thinks Justin went to New York last night."

"What?"

"Ohhh," the man lamented, "she was looking for Justin and I had his computer on. Dirk and I were looking at New York hotspots, you know, because you promised me a weekend in the city for helping out last night. Anyway, I forgot to turn it off last night so she saw it this morning and assumed he was looking at bars and…things…and she left in a real big hurry, I don’t know what she’s going to do!"

Brian glanced at Justin who was trying to hear Emmett’s side of the conversation. He pushed the younger man away. "Why don’t you make some coffee and see what we’ve got to eat," he whispered.

Justin frowned slightly but nodded. He suddenly realized he was hungry.

When the blonde was gone, Brian turned his attention back to the phone. "I don’t give a shit what Jennifer does," he hissed.

Emmett snorted. "I didn’t particularly care for her company this early either, but I don’t think Justin wants her searching New York for him. And you should be grateful I didn’t sic her on you two at the hotel, so be nice. Just tell him to call her and let her know he’s okay so she stops bothering the rest of us!"

"Whatever," Brian muttered, as he searched the night table for his cigarettes.

"Um…Bri, is everything okay?"

"Fine, Emmett. Good-bye."

"Wait! How was…is he--what’s going on?"

Brian was about to tell the other man to fuck off and hang up when he remembered Emmett was probably his only ally in this mess right now. Sure, the others said they wanted Brian back in Justin’s life, but he also knew once he conceded he was wrong, they were going to run him through the ringer for making Justin suffer for the last year and a half. Besides, Emmett knew the kid better than anyone else right now, and Brian needed the extra eyes and ears if he was going to help Justin get his life back, especially from New York. For now.

"We’re feeling it out," the older man finally responded.

Emmett snickered. "I bet."

"Fuck off," Brian snarled.

Emmett sensed the man’s tension and regretted making fun. "I’m sorry, Brian. I know this has been hard on both of you. Are you okay?"

Brian lit his cigarette and took a deep drag. "Just peachy. But he needs a lot of help. Especially now that he knows I fucked up. I should never--"

"Tut, tut," Emmett cut him off. A remorseful Brian Kinney was a sign of the apocalypse and he could only handle one crisis at a time right now. "Water under the bridge, honey. What are you going to do now?"

Brian smiled slightly. Not that he’d ever admit it, but Emmett’s pardon meant a lot to him. "I’ll be around."

"Are you taking that job and moving back?" Emmett asked.

Brian glanced quickly at the door to make sure Justin was still out of earshot. "I don’t know yet. But Justin doesn’t know anything about it, and I want to keep it that way. I need you to make sure no one tells him until I know what’s going on."

"I think he’d feel better knowing you’re going to move back. He needs you."

Brian was quickly losing patience again. "I’m not going to get his hopes up. I have to get Ryder to sell to Vance first. And even then I’m not sure I’ll be transferred here."

"But--"

"Emmett," Brian warned. "He needs to concentrate on school and taking care of himself. Whether I’m here or there won’t matter because you’re going to help me make sure he’s okay."

"Of course," Emmett replied sweetly. He knew better than to push Brian anymore. Just getting the man back in Justin’s life was a major accomplishment. Princess was going to feel so much better about things now. He could feel it in his bones.

***

Justin quietly hung up the extension he’d been using to listen in and hurried back to the kitchen before Brian came out of the bedroom. He knew he shouldn’t have eavesdropped, but he could tell by Brian’s hushed whispering that he wasn’t supposed to hear, and well, the phone was right there. And they were talking about him. He knew it, and it was unfair. He wasn’t going to let them get away with plotting shit behind his back anymore.

And they were! Brian was thinking about moving back to Pittsburgh and lying about it. For his own good. The younger man didn’t know whether to kiss or kill him.

He was just pouring water into the coffeemaker when Brian came up behind him. The older man had slipped on a robe and wrapped another around his lover.

"What’s taking so long?" Brian asked as he fastened the belt for the younger man.

"I couldn’t find the coffee," the blonde lied. "It’ll be ready in a minute."

"What about food?"

"There’s fruit, and whipped cream in the fridge, I assume from Emmett," Justin replied, "or we could order room service."

"What do you want to do?" the older man asked.

"I’m not really hungry." All thoughts of food disappeared when his stomach became a big knot.

Brian knew that was a lie. He wrapped his arms around the blonde and turned him in his arms so he could see his face. "What’s wrong?"

Justin forced a smile. If Brian suspected he knew the truth, who knows how the man would react. Instead, he concentrated on the positive. Brian was there. His smile brightened naturally. "Nothing. Nothing’s wrong."

Brian didn’t believe him, but the smile seemed genuine. And he was about to ruin it. "Your mom’s looking for you. She just gave Emmett the third degree. She thinks you ran away to New York again."

Justin barked a surprised laugh. "So?" he replied as he poured them each a cup of coffee and handed one to Brian. Brian had nothing else to say about it so he let it go. The older man sat on the sofa and Justin curled up on his lap. "What happens now?" he asked.

Brian looked at the fire for a moment, then back at the blonde. "You’re going to do whatever you want, baby. Without anyone’s interference."

"What about you?"

"I’ll be behind you every step of the way."

Justin smiled. "You just want to look at my ass."

"Uh-huh," Brian agreed.

"Brian, what about us?"

"There isn’t an ‘us’, Justin." The younger man stiffened and started to get up but Brian grabbed his arm. "We live in two different cities and you’re in college. I want you to enjoy it. Try new things and meet new people."

Justin looked at him for a moment, then slowly nodded. "You’re right."

Brian stared back at him. The blonde had given up too easily.

"I suppose you have work to do, huh?" Justin asked changing the subject.

Brian nodded warily. "Yeah, I have a meeting tomorrow I need to prepare for."

"That’s too bad, I thought maybe we could—well, never mind."

"What? Did you want to do something?" Brian tried not to sound too eager. Christ, he was pathetic.

Justin shrugged. "It just seems a waste to have this suite all day and not enjoy it. I mean, we both had a rough night," he added. "I just thought it would be nice to use the jacuzzi and relax, or sit by the fireplace, you know?"

The older man suppressed a smile at the kid’s obvious ploy. Brian had been thinking the same thing, imagining Justin stretched out on the rug… "Check out’s at noon," he reminded the blonde, and himself.

"There’s still time for a bath," Justin countered. "We need one anyway." He got up and dropped his robe on the sofa before heading for the bathroom. "You coming?" he called over his shoulder.

"Definitely," Brian replied, right behind him as promised.

***

Afterwards, they ordered room service and made arrangements to keep the suite another night. They weren’t actually staying, but it was almost noon and they weren’t ready to leave.

"It’s too expensive for just a few hours," Justin protested half-heartedly.

"I’ll expense it," the other man replied. "And, it’s eight hours until I have to leave." Justin opened his mouth to say something else but Brian silenced him with a kiss. "You want to waste time talking?"

Justin shook his head and lay down in front of the fireplace, tugging the older man with him.

***

Justin collapsed on his lover, exhausted and sated. Brian rolled them over, discarded the used condom, and pulled a blanket from the sofa to cover them.

The blonde snuggled closer. "Brian?"

"Shhh," the drowsy man chastised.

Justin turned and prodded the older man. "I don’t want to waste time sleeping," he complained.

Brian pried one eye open. "We’ve got time," he grumbled before his eye drooped closed again. He couldn’t believe how much more stamina the kid had developed in a year. And how much he’d lost.

The younger man didn’t say anything, but Brian could tell he was still staring. He opened his eyes again. "What?"

"Huh?"

"You wanted to ask me something, what was it?"

Justin looked away. "I was just wondering when I will see you again. I mean, I know we’re not…together," he quickly glanced at the man, then back at the fire, "but I just—I like when you’re around."

He knew it was going to be hard, being away from Brian again, pretending to be interested in other guys while he waited to see if Brian moved back to Pittsburgh, but he felt better than he had in a long time. This was their second chance, and he was going to see it through. Not because he was still in love with Brian, but because it was his decision. No one was taking that away from him again.

Brian didn’t know what to say. He was going to stick to the plan because he knew it was best for Justin. He deserved the chance to choose his own path. The older man just hoped the kid still loved him in the end, because he knew he would. Maybe then…

"Brian? When will I see you again?" Justin repeated.

The older man pulled the blonde back into his arms. "In your dreams, baby," he whispered in his ear. "Now go to sleep, and I’ll be right here when you wake up."

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