The Party

~Wyndham Hotel, January 2003~

Saturday, 10:00 p.m.

Justin tore his eyes away from his mother’s anguished face and quickly scanned the room. He didn’t see
Brian anywhere so he started across the room to check the lobby.

"Justin, wait," his mother pleaded as she grabbed his coat sleeve.

The young man wrenched his arm free and glared at her. "I think I’ve waited long enough, don’t you?"

Jennifer fought the urge to reach for him again and folded her hands in front of her. "Sweetheart, it
was--"

"For my own good?" he sneered. "Right. Everything I went through—alone--just made me stronger. But
I didn’t have to be alone, did I? You did that. You deliberately made it ten times harder for me."
Justin realized he was yelling now and looked around at the faces gaping at the scene they were
causing in the middle of the ballroom. Hell, what was one more scene? They were certainly getting
their money’s worth.

Tears were flooding Jennifer’s eyes again, but Justin didn’t care. "Which means it was a hundred times
harder for him," he hissed. "I couldn’t remember what happened, but I had my friends and family to
support me. He lived with the memory of it in his head every minute of every day and you exiled him to
suffer alone. It wasn’t his fault, but you punished him anyway. You punished us both because you can’t
deal with who I am. Why couldn’t you just be like dad and stay out of my life!" Ignoring her shocked
gasp, he spun away and purposely strode to the door. He almost made it before Debbie crossed his path
and blocked the exit.

"Deb," he sighed, shaking his head in warning.

The woman raised her hands in defense. "I’m not trying to stop you, hon, I just wanted to tell you
Brian needed to go back to the loft before he went to the airport. You can catch him if you hurry."

He smiled gratefully and kissed her cheek. "Thank you."

Debbie patted his cheek. "I’m sorry, Sunshine. I should’ve done more," she said softly.

Justin shook his head. "I can’t say I’m not mad as hell at all of you, but I understand. Mom put you
in a rotten position. But even she didn’t do it alone. The person I blame most is Brian."

***

~Brian’s Loft, January 2003~

Saturday, 10:20 p.m.

Justin’s cab pulled up to the curb on Tremont Street and the man quickly threw a couple bills at the
driver after verifying Brian’s rental car was still in his parking spot. He jumped from the car and
rushed to the door.

"Shit," he muttered under his breath as he remembered he needed a code to get in the building. He
prayed Brian hadn’t changed it as he punched in the numbers and held his breath. After a long pause,
the latch released and Justin pulled the door open.

Once inside, his nerves almost got the better of him. He glanced at the elevator, but decided to take
the stairs. He laughed nervously when he realized he had rushed all the way over, and was now
deliberately stalling. Unfortunately, during his haste to catch Brian, he hadn’t considered what to
say to the man until now.

He slowly trudged up the stairs, just concentrating on keeping one foot in front of the other. His
heart was pounding hard against his ribcage and nearly leapt from his chest as his cell phone rang.
Justin paused on the fourth floor landing and looked at the caller id display. Eric. He couldn’t
deal with his boyfriend right now. He hadn’t spent any more time thinking about how to explain
leaving in the middle of his own birthday party than he had about what to say to Brian. Justin turned
off his phone and continued up the stairs.

When he was about to turn up the last flight of stairs he heard the loft door open and froze. As he
stood against the wall holding his breath, voices drifted down to him.

"Go back to the party, Mikey. I don’t want everyone to think I deliberately sabotaged Sunshine’s big
night."

"No one will. Even his mom can’t blame this on you, he brought it on himself. He’s twenty years old,
for Christ’s sake, will he ever stop being such a drama princess?"

Brian snorted. "He lives with Emmett and he works with you. He has a better chance of liking pussy."

Michael scowled. "Don’t you have a plane to catch?"

"Yeah. I’m almost ready to go."

"Alright. Well, have a safe trip, and call me when you make your decision. You know we all want you
to come back. Don’t let--"

"Bye, Mikey," Brian cut him off and opened the elevator gate. "I’ll call in a couple of days."

Justin heard the gate shut and the car moved to the ground floor. A moment later he peered around the
corner and saw the loft door was shut again. He stood there looking at the door and felt a flood of
emotions wash over him. It had been eighteen months since he last knocked on that door and Brian sent
him away. Would he do it again? Justin wondered if he would be as devastated this time as he had been
then. He had a year to recover last time, but now the feelings were fresh again and he couldn’t
remember anything but the pain of being rejected. The only thing stopping him from fleeing the whole
scene was a driving need for answers. He deserved that much, regardless of what Brian thought.

Taking a deep breath, he bounded up the last few stairs and knocked on the door before he lost his
nerve.

Brian flung the door open. "I said--" Realizing it wasn’t Michael, Brian blanched. "Justin? What
the fuck are you doing here?" he barked, suddenly taking control of his emotions.

Justin felt himself shiver from the cool façade, but forced himself to step forward. He hadn’t been
there for over a year and couldn’t stop himself from quickly taking in the loft’s interior again.
Everything seemed the same, except it was all covered in anticipation of another extended absence.
Even more appropriate. It truly reflected the cold neglect he felt in Brian’s presence. "I—I
just—We need to talk."

"We have nothing to talk about. Go back where you belong." To your lover, to your party, to your life
without me. He gently shoved the younger man back and shut the door.

Justin stood on the opposite side and stared at the large metal door in shock. Instinctively, he
started pounding it with his fists. "Brian! Brian, let me in!"

Brian’s hands shook as he filled a glass with whiskey and walked to the bedroom. If he could just get
in the shower, it would drown out the pounding and yelling until Justin went away again.

He was just climbing the stairs to the bedroom when the pounding stopped. He turned and looked at the
door, imaging Justin’s slim frame slumped against it on the other side. ‘Go away,’ his mind pleaded.
He once thought nothing would be harder than sitting in that waiting room for three days while Justin
fought for his life, but after the last few days he realized how wrong he had been. Seeing Justin
happy and well, yet out of his reach, had been much, much worse. He couldn’t wait to get back to his
own life and the peaceful solitude it offered. "Just leave me alone," he whispered to the empty room
as he turned back to the bedroom.

"I won’t go away this time," Justin shouted after him. "I know what she did. I know why you left."

The glass slipped out of Brian’s trembling hand and shattered on the floor.

"Brian!"

***

~Wyndham Hotel, January 2003~

Saturday, 9:00 p.m.

"You’re being a prick," Justin hissed.

"Why? Because I’m having a good time?"

"Because you’re drunk, and pawing the goddamn waitstaff."

"Jealous, Sunshine?" the other man sneered.

Justin shook his head, his strained smile still camouflaging his anger to any observers. "No, I don’t
give a shit what you do, just don’t humiliate yourself anymore. You’re the fucking host. Act like it."

"I think you’re more worried about me humiliating you."

"Hardly," Justin snorted. "It’ll just make me more stoic. I’m a survivor, remember?" Justin spat back
bitterly. He was again wondering what made him think co-chairing this fundraiser was a good idea. Even
though it had been over a year since the bashing, whenever Justin attended a GLC event everyone fawned
over him like a celebrity. He hoped taking a more active role would get them to treat him more normally,
but it just made it worse. He was their poster boy.

"And we all know who to thank for that," Eric slurred.

Justin rolled his eyes. "Brian has nothing to do with this."

"Whenever he’s in town you’re a fucking cunt. I wouldn’t need to get attention somewhere else if you
remembered who your boyfriend is," Eric sulked.

Justin glared at him. Could he have been a little louder, the couple in the corner hadn’t heard.
"The waitstaff is finished serving at midnight. I trust you’ll give them your undivided attention—see
they clean up properly and get paid," Justin replied coolly and walked away.

***

Michael continued to babble on about some new shipment he received at the store while Brian watched
Justin and his lover. The man couldn’t believe Justin gave that asshole the time of day, let alone
fucked him more than once. It was just another example of how Justin had changed since the bashing.

Jennifer got her wish, she got her son back, and turned him into a fucking Stepford son. Except for
being queer, you’d never think her perfect little country club boy belonged anywhere on Liberty Avenue.
Brian smiled to himself. Who would’ve thought the former King of Babylon would be co-hosting the GLC’s
annual student scholarship benefit. Co-hosting with his perfect 4.0 Carnegie Mellon alumni boyfriend.
The boyfriend Jennifer set him up with. The boyfriend without a job. Brian laughed and Michael laughed
too.

Brian looked at his friend. What did he say? Didn’t matter, Michael was still happily blathering on.
Brian glanced back at Justin. Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise? The younger man was still smiling, but
Brian knew that smile. It was obviously as fake as Deb’s wig. When Justin genuinely smiled at you,
you never really saw it as much as felt it. Justin suddenly walked away from Eric, head high, still
smiling, but Brian saw the slight tremor in his shoulders.

His eyes bore into Eric’s head as he tried to determine what had happened between the lovebirds. The
little shit just walked the other way and refilled his glass, obviously cruising the bartender. Brian
wanted to personally wipe the smirk off the fucker’s face, but knew it wasn’t any of his business. He
slammed his empty glass on the bar. Why did he agree to come at all? He should already be back in New
York, preparing his presentation for Vance. Then he looked up and saw the blonde bobbing in the crowd.
Right, Justin invited him.

After a year of avoiding the young man, Brian was forced back to Pittsburgh more often for work the last
six months and couldn’t keep ignoring him without the entire ‘family’ on his back. Amazingly, the two
men had slowly worked their way through the awkwardness and were on relatively civil terms. That didn’t
mean Brian still didn’t feel like he’d been punched in the gut every time he saw the that sunshine smile,
but it was much better than the truck that ran over him the first time they saw each other again at
Gus’ second birthday party.

Brian saw Justin cast a glance around the room, then bestow a genuine smile his way. Fuck.

***

Justin saw his mom making her way toward him and cringed. He knew she was going to start in about how
it would appear that he and Eric weren’t getting along. Fuck it, they weren’t. Then he saw his
sanctuary. Eric and his mom would stay away now. They wouldn’t want to make a scene, but he wasn’t
above it at this point. This would certainly titillate the gossipmongers.

"Care to dance?" he asked his former lover. Brian couldn’t hide his shock and Justin laughed nervously.
"Come on, be a pal and save me here." Suddenly realizing what he said the younger man paled. "Shit,
Bri—I just meant—fuck!" He glanced at his mom and grimaced. "Shit," he muttered again as he reached
for a glass of wine.

Brian recovered quickly, aided by the younger man’s sudden outburst. It was the first real emotion
Brian had seen from him since… the night he told Justin he was moving to New York. The older man took
the wineglass and set it back on the bar. He saw Jennifer bearing down on them and fixed on a broad
smile. "Sure." Fucking bitch. She’d had her way for over a year, she could give him this one night.

Justin took Brian’s hand and led him to the center of the ballroom. Once there, he anxiously turned and
faced the other man. Brian took over, sliding his arm around Justin’s waist and pulling him close. He
then put Justin’s free hand on his shoulder and turned his other hand, gently clasping Justin’s weak
hand in his own.

The younger man noticed Brian’s hesitant grasp and he stiffened defensively. "It doesn’t hurt," he said
coldly. He wiggled his fingers like a petulant child. "It’s fine."

Brian appeared to have no reaction except for a little squeeze of his hand as he twirled his partner
across the floor. He knew the hand was fine, and that Justin had begun drawing again, but Justin had no
idea. The younger man had no idea how much of the past year Brian knew about. He got constant updates
on Justin’s life from Lindsay, Michael, and Emmett. The older man knew when Justin got some of his
memory back, when Gus first said Justin’s name, and when the teen dropped out of PIFA. Justin didn’t
piss without him hearing about it from the three musketeers.

***

Jennifer watched Brian waltz her son around the room and twisted the napkin in her hand more tightly.
She could hear people around her talking about them as well, shock waves rippling through the room as
everyone realized who was dancing with Justin, again. She looked around trying to find Eric, hoping he
would have the good sense to cut in, but she couldn’t see him.

Instead she caught Debbie’s eye, and quickly turned away. She didn’t need to hear her friend’s opinion
of what she’d done again. She knew perfectly well that Debbie blamed her for Brian’s leaving, but she
wasn’t taking responsibility for his decision. She just told him to stay away from her son, she didn’t
care how he did it. That was his decision, and frankly, she thought he was a coward. Considering how
often Debbie told her that he loved her son, she couldn’t believe he gave up that easily. Debbie said
it showed how much Brian loved Justin, that he gave up his friends and family, his own son, for Justin’s
sake, but she didn’t agree. At first, she did feel guilty, thinking she drove Brian away from Gus, but
then she realized no man who loved his son would leave, for any reason. He was no better than Craig,
and it doubled her resolve. That, and Justin’s breakdown the night Brian left.

She would never forget the tantrum Justin had when he returned from Brian’s that night. If she had only
been able to keep him away until Brian was gone, it would’ve been easier, but Justin snuck out of the
house to find the man that had been avoiding him again. When he finally returned he was more agitated
than she’d ever seen. He destroyed his room, tearing artwork, flinging books, all the while screaming
Brian was leaving him.

Jennifer was beside herself that he would get hurt again and tried to calm him down. That’s when she
learned the truth about Brian Kinney. Until that moment, she actually believed he cared for her son.
Then she found out what a heartless monster he really was. Jennifer was begging Justin to stop so he
wouldn’t hurt himself again, when he suddenly collapsed on the floor, wracking sobs quaking through him.
"He doesn’t want me," the teen wailed. "He doesn’t want a cripple. I wish I was dead."

Jennifer’s heart broke for her son, and then completely hardened against Brian Kinney. Watching them
dance together now, her anger rose again. She damn well wasn’t going to let Brian back into Justin’s
life now. Not when she was the one who put him back together after Brian destroyed him, after Brian ran
away. She’d see him in hell first.

***

As Brian led him around the room, Justin struggled for some small talk, but he couldn’t come up with
another safe topic they hadn’t already beaten to death over the last few days. Finally, he just fell
back on his duties as host. He hadn’t thanked Brian yet anyway. "Thanks for coming, Brian, your very
generous donation--"

Brian noted the formal tone and felt the little glimmer of the old Justin slipping away again. "Save
it, Sonny Boy," he replied, brusquely cutting off the polite rhetoric he’d heard spew out of the man’s
mouth to every guest.

"But you bought a whole table," Justin gushed. "I just wanted to say thank you. Not only was it sweet
of you to make sure everyone else could come, but it was one of the largest individual donations we
received. They’re probably going to send you some cheesy certificate. And definitely put you on the
hit list for next year."

Brian rolled his eyes. It wasn’t that big a deal (compared to other major fundraising events, this was
pretty small potatoes), but he was secretly thrilled Justin thought so. And it scored him some major
points with the munchers and Deb, although he would’ve done it anyway. He knew Deb and Vic couldn’t
afford $200 a plate, but they would’ve found a way, just to be with Justin on his birthday. "Ted said
I needed another deduction," Brian lied smoothly.

And he could immediately tell Justin wasn’t buying it. "It was the best birthday present ever, honest,"
the younger man insisted. Brian smiled, pleasantly surprised by how much he was suddenly enjoying
himself.

Until he felt a tap on his shoulder. They two men hadn’t realized the song ended until Jennifer
interrupted. "May I have the next dance?" she asked.

Justin tried to hide his disappointment since he was hoping to stay with Brian a little longer. He
angrily pushed the feeling aside and forced a smile. He was always trying to get more from Brian, even
now, and it had to stop. "Sure," the younger man replied to his mother. He reached for her hand, but
she turned to the other man.

"I meant Brian, sweetheart," she clarified as she took the older man’s arm. "Oh, Eric’s looking for
you, he’s over by Emmett," she added, pointing to the table his friends were at.

Brian managed to keep his face an expressionless mask, but he couldn’t stop the jealousy that coursed
through his body as Justin walked away and he was left with Jennifer, the obvious diversion. The band
started the next song and he reluctantly put his arm around her waist. He really wanted to just walk
away as well, but his perverse nature got the better of him. It obviously irked her to be this close
to him now, and that pleased him more than dancing with her disgusted him.

Jennifer simply wanted to get her son away from Brian, and back to his boyfriend. She figured she
could stand a few minutes of the man’s company since he would be leaving again soon, but she
underestimated the fury that rose up when he smirked at her. After a moment she composed herself, but
couldn’t go on without saying anything. "Brian, it was very kind of you to come tonight, but--"

"I’ve overstayed my welcome," he finished for her.

She had the decency to appear chagrined, and shook her head. "Of course not."

"Then what," he snapped impatiently, cutting through her bullshit. He knew Ms. Taylor was only
pretending to be Ms. Manners. "You said ‘but’…"

"You are more than welcome to stay as long as you like since you did pay for your admittance, but in the
future I would appreciate it if you would adhere to our agreement and not see my son," she replied icily.

"No."

Jennifer glared at him. "How dare you--"

Brian leveled his eyes on hers. "Watch me. I gave you a year to turn him into a perfect clone of Craig,
but we have the same friends and family so if we happen to be somewhere together, I’m not avoiding him
anymore. If you have a problem with that, tell him he can’t see me."

Jennifer gaped at him, and Brian considered that his cue to leave. He’d had enough for the night, for
the week actually, and decided to go. Turning back to the table, he spotted his friends and went to
say his farewells.

"But you can’t go," a tipsy Emmett squealed. "We’re having a special birthday party for Princess in
their suite upstairs after the rest of these duddies go home. It’s been so long since we’ve had the
whole gang together," he pouted for effect.

Brian looked around the table at ‘the gang’. There was Michael and his boyfriend, Paul; the married
munchers; Mike and Mark, the doublemint twins that Justin went to school with at U Pitt; Ted, alone as
usual; Emmett, waiting for his go-go dancer boyfriend to finish his shift at Babylon; and Justin and
Eric, who’s attention seemed to be straying again. No, he didn’t want to party with the gang.

"I’m sorry you have to leave," Justin replied. "Linds mentioned you’d be back again in a few weeks
though, is that right? We can all get together then."

Eric’s eyes narrowed to slits as he glowered at his lover and headed for the bar again. He didn’t get
far, however, before Justin reached out and grabbed his arm, yanking him back. "Can you manage to say
goodnight to our guests before you pass out, please?"

Eric jerked his arm away and bumped into the table, overturning several glasses that soaked his pants.
"Not now, I have to go change," he huffed.

"Into what?" Justin snapped.

"Back to a frog?" Emmett snarked.

"Just go to the restroom and dry them off," Justin ordered.

Everyone watched Eric stomp off and then turned to Justin. "Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry we ever talked you
into this committee work," Lindsay apologized.

"It’s not the work, it’s the rest of the committee," Melanie retorted.

Justin tried to shrug it off. He just wanted to get through the rest of the evening and he would deal
with Eric later. "Where’s Brian?"

"He left," Paul replied, nodding to the man’s form at the door.

"What?" Michael exclaimed. "He didn’t even say good-bye."

Everyone rolled their eyes and exchanged bemused glances. Paul took Michael’s drink from his hand.
"I’ll wait here." Michael gave his lover a quick peck and took off.

Paul took a sip of the warm beer in Michael’s glass and grimaced. "Anyone need a drink?"

Six hands shot in the air. The twins went to the bar to fill the drink orders as Justin continued to
mingle.

***

Brian slipped his arm around Debbie’s waist and kissed her cheek. She eyed him wearily and sighed.
"You’re leaving."

Brian rolled his tongue in his cheek and simply nodded.

The woman gave him a tight hug. "He was happy to see you," she whispered before letting him go.

"I’ve been seen all week," Brian replied, being deliberately obtuse.

She knew he was pretending. "You dance well together. I haven’t seen him that happy in…a long time,"
she told him. "You looked happy too."

Too tired to spar with her he just scowled. Did she really think that helped in any way? Sure, he got
to let Jennifer have it, but he got no satisfaction from telling her he would continue to see Justin
since he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. Gratefully, he was spared anymore of the woman’s insipid musings by
Michael’s barreling into them. "Mikey, wanna go for a ride?"

Michael grinned. "Sure."

"Uh-uh," Debbie interjected. "It’s Sunshine’s party and I won’t have everyone slipping off to God only
knows where."

Brian ignored her. "I need to go back to the loft. I have a few more things to take care of before I
go."

"And this party sucks," Michael whined. "Who wants to watch Eric make an ass out of himself anymore?"

"I do," Vic snickered.

"That’s why Justin needs us," Debbie reminded her son. "He’s got his hands full trying to wrap up this
party, so someone needs to keep any eye on that little asshole."

"Don’t look at me!" Michael huffed. "I don’t know why Justin keeps seeing him, but it’s none of our
business."

Debbie sighed. They’d had this argument several times since Justin and Eric started dating so she knew
there was no use in pushing it again. "Fine, I’ll watch the soggy bottom boy," she conceded, "just
hurry back before we move the party upstairs."

"Let’s go then," Brian pressed. "Things to do, remember?"

"It’s getting late," Michael warned. "Can’t you just leave it?"

Brian barely heard him as he was fighting within himself to keep his feelings regarding Justin
internalized. He had to get out before he saw the man again. Unfortunately, despite his best
intentions, his eyes wandered on their own, taking one last look at the blonde …

~Brian’s Loft, July 2001~

Brian took one last look at the blonde in the photograph before he slipped it into the pocket of his
carry-on bag as Michael came up the stairs to the bedroom. "What?"

Michael nervously stepped closer. "I said leave it."

Brian stared blankly at him. "Leave what?" He carried the bag to the door and set it next to his
other luggage. He turned to his friend, still waiting for an answer, when Michael reached up and
pulled the bloody scarf out from under his collar before he could react. Brian automatically grabbed
his wrist and yanked it away. "Don’t," he barked.

Michael stared at his friend, confused by the raw emotion etched on the tired face. He’d never seen
anything like it from his friend and it frightened him. It frightened him more than finding Brian
trying to kill himself with that same scarf just before the Prom. "Brian--"

Brian shoved him away and turned his back, pretending to concentrate on some paperwork on his desk
while he composed himself.

Michael didn’t try to touch him again, but he needed to finish what he started. "I know you took this
job to get away from it, so I’m just saying, you won’t get away from it if you take it with you."
Brian still ignored him, but Michael knew he had heard. He gently squeezed his friend’s shoulder.
"Call me when you land," he added before quietly leaving.

Brian heard the door close behind him and let out the breath he’d been holding. He pulled the scarf
from around his neck and held it tightly as he sat in the fading light until his taxi came.

~Wyndham Hotel, January 2003~

Brian was startled from his reverie by Debbie. "I just don’t know what Sunshine sees in that boy," she
fretted as Eric staggered back across the room.

"It’s what Jennifer sees," Vic countered.

Debbie snorted. "So, he comes from a good family. That apple rolled quite a ways from the tree."

Vic knew his sister was about to start another rant about Jennifer’s disregard for Justin’s happiness
and he realized Brian couldn’t handle it so he stepped between them and cut her off. "You take care,"
he said as he hugged the younger man.

"Yeah, I’ll call soon," he mumbled as he pushed his way to the door. As much as he wanted to, he didn’t
let himself take any comfort in Deb’s comments because he knew Michael was right. He had to leave it
all behind if he wanted to get away again, and he really needed to get away.

Unfortunately, they didn’t get much further to the exit before Emmett and Paul caught them.

"Yoohoo! Boys, wait! I have a fabulous idea," Emmett called.

***

Furious, Debbie grabbed Jennifer’s elbow and pushed her outside to the lobby.

Jennifer smiled wanly at passers-by until they were alone. "What are you doing?" she hissed as she
pulled her arm free.

Debbie crossed her arms defiantly. "That’s what I was going to ask you. You just couldn’t leave them
alone for five minutes could you?"

Jennifer squared her shoulders and stared back. "I don’t want him near my son. Justin finally has his
life back together, I won’t let him jeopardize that."

Debbie fought hard to control her temper. "I don’t see the harm in them being friends."

"You don’t?" Jennifer seethed. "Brian is the reason Justin was drinking while underage and taking
drugs, and going to that…dance club."

Debbie shook her head. "You know your son went to Liberty Avenue all on his own before he even met
Brian."

"He was just a kid, but Brian is an adult and he should’ve known better."

Debbie smiled slightly, remembering Brian’s resistance. "He did. Brian did everything he could to get
rid of Sunshine, but he’s one persistent kid. Although, I guess you finally saw to that."

Jennifer glared at her. "I did what I had to."

"You broke his heart," Debbie replied sadly.

"Brian broke his heart! And I can’t believe we’re having this conversation again, especially since
you’re the one who warned me about him in the first place. We both know it was inevitable, I just
helped Justin get over him sooner than later."

Debbie snorted. "Did you just miss the show in there? They’re still drawn to each other like bees to
honey."

"Because Brian keeps--."

"He left town!" Debbie cut her off. "He tried like hell to stay away because he knew Sunshine wouldn’t
take no for an answer, never did. But I’m starting to think this thing between them is stronger than
any of us ever imagined."

"Debbie, please," Jennifer sighed in frustration.

The other woman bit her tongue. She didn’t know how to explain it anyway. Hell, she wouldn’t believe
it if she hadn’t seen it herself. Repeatedly. Justin and Brian just seemed to have a sixth sense
where the other was concerned. Of course, the two men didn’t know it, but their friends started seeing
signs after Brian’s first visit back.

"You asked him to stop seeing Justin and he did. I just think enough time’s passed now that they should
be able to enjoy each other’s company without it being a federal offense. They have the same friends,
hell, we’re all family and we should be able to be together."

Jennifer hiccuped a small laugh. "That’s what Brian said."

Debbie eyed her warily, but before she could respond, she saw Justin behind his mother.

"What else did he say?" he asked.

Jennifer turned and paled when she realized her son had heard them.

Justin waited for a moment before deciding he didn’t want to hear anything else she had to say and he
could get the rest from Brian. The other man was still at the other end of the ballroom with Michael
and Emmett when he walked the Dean out to the lobby and overheard Deb, so Justin hoped he could still
catch him before he left. As he rushed back into the room, his mind replayed what he’d heard over and
over. How could she? How could she let him think Brian didn’t care?

As he scanned the room, Lindsay rushed over. "Sweetie, is everything alright?" she asked, although it
clearly wasn’t.

Justin stared at her for a moment. "You knew, didn’t you?"

"Knew what?" she asked puzzled.

"That my mom told Brian not to see me anymore," he growled.

Lindsay instinctively stepped back from the angry young man., holding her hands up defensively. "I’m
sorry, Justin," she admitted. "We didn’t know until long after he left."

Melanie overheard her wife and joined them, wrapping her arm around him. "Baby, are you okay? He
never wanted you to know, but he thought it was best for you."

Justin grimaced. "He thought leaving me was best?"

"You’re young, sweetie, he thought you’d get over it," Lindsay replied.

"But he never did," Melanie added. "He never stopped asking about you. It was hard enough for him to
get over the bashing, but being away from you made it worse and he needed to be sure you were okay."
She deliberately ignored Lindsay’s frown at sharing so much. She wasn’t bound by any loyalty to keep
Brian’s secrets like her wife, and despite what people thought of her hostile relationship with Brian,
she only wanted to help. It was about time someone did something.

Justin felt his stomach clench in knots and a wave of nausea rolled over him. All this time, everything
that hadn’t felt right wasn’t real anyway. How could he have not known? "I have to find him."

Lindsay nodded. "He was just talking to Emmett," she told him, trying to see Brian through the crowd,
"you go find him and Mel and I will help Er—we’ll wrap things up here."

***

"Why the fuck would I want to do that?" Brian snapped.

Emmett shrunk back slightly. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but he’d forgotten how nasty Brian
could be when he hadn’t met his cock quota for the evening. "For Justin," he offered. He was tired of
beating around the bush, and if Brian was going to kill him as everyone expected, he’d rather just get
it over with.

"What the fuck has he got to do with anything?" Brian asked, sure to keep his tone even, despite the
sudden increase in his heart rate.

"Christ, Brian, everyone saw you two drooling on each other during your little twirl around the dance
floor. Stay tonight, see what happens."

Brian didn’t know whether to kiss him or kill him so he opted for a compromise. "Don’t you think Eric
would object?"

"Do you think Justin cares?"

Brian ignored the loaded question. "Mikey, let’s go."

"So you’re just going to leave him again? Like this?" Emmett taunted. Deep in the recesses of his
brain, common sense was telling him to shut up, but the alcohol controlling his tongue wouldn’t listen.

"Like what?" Brian returned. "With a boyfriend who obviously adores him so much he’s fucking green
because I’m here? Justin’s on the Dean’s list at school, for Christ’s sake. He holds two respectable
and decent paying jobs along with going to school. And volunteers his fucking time to the community."
Brian softened his voice a bit, realizing it wasn’t Emmett he was angry with. "And his friends and
family would do anything for him. What horror am I abandoning him too?"

A perfect example of why Brian Kinney was one of the top advertising executives on Madison Avenue,
Emmett thought as the man suddenly left, finally making his escape. Brian could sell glasses to a
blind man and make him believe he could see. But Emmett wasn’t buying today, and he desperately hoped
the hotshot exec didn’t believe his own hype as well.

***

Justin was crossing the dance floor to the other doors when his mother caught him. "Sweetheart, I know
you’re upset, but we need to talk about this. Tomorrow we’ll sit down and--"

"Tomorrow?" the young man yelled. "I’m not waiting until tomorrow, but it doesn’t matter because I
have nothing to say to you. I need to find Brian."

"Justin, please," she begged. "Don’t do anything you’re going to regret. You’ve worked too hard to get
your life back. Don’t let him ruin it again."

"He never ruined anything, you did! There was nothing wrong with my life, until you tried to change it.
For months, I’ve felt like… this isn’t me. And it’s not. I want my life back, I want me back."

***

~Brian’s Loft, July 2001~

"Brian! Brian, let me in!" Justin shouted as he pounded on the heavy door.

Finally, the door rolled back and Brian glared at him. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Justin was startled by the man’s cold demeanor. "I-I just wanted to see you," he stammered.

Brian swept his arm around to show the teen the loft’s disarray. "As you can see, I’m busy."

Justin glanced at the boxes in various stages of packing and Brian had to look away as the color
drained from the teen’s cheeks. "What’s going on?"

"Did the blow to your head affect your eyesight? I’m packing. I got a job offer in New York and I’m
taking it."

Justin started trembling from shock. This couldn’t be happening. It was just another nightmare. He
frantically looked around for Hobbs. He would be here any minute, always was. "No….no….nooooo!"

Brian turned and saw the boy collapse against the counter. He grabbed the teen and shook him. "Justin!
Justin, look at me."

The confused teen slowly focused on him, and realizing the reality of the situation, started to cry.
"You can’t go. You can’t leave me. Don’t leave me," he begged. "I need you."

Against his better judgment, Brian pulled the boy to him and held him close. He hoped he could avoid
this scene because he knew he would change his mind. "No, you don’t. You’re gonna be better off now,"
he whispered, reminding himself why he had to go, why he had to keep it together and not give in.

"No," the teen moaned against his chest. "No!"

Brian pulled Justin’s head up and forced himself to look into the boy’s sad eyes. "Remember what I said
before? When I walk out that door, I won’t look back, and I expect you to do the same. It’s the same
deal as before, Sonny Boy, nothing’s changed."

No, that wasn’t right. Justin could feel it deep in his gut, the change that was interwoven with every
fiber of muscle and nerve, and he knew Brian was lying. He knew Brian was lying and why. Everything
had changed. He had changed, and Brian didn’t want him anymore.

***

~Brian’s Loft, January 2003~

Saturday, 10:25 p.m.

"Brian! Brian, let me in!" Justin shouted as he pounded on the heavy door. Exhausted, he leaned his
forehead against the cool metal and willed Brian to open it. Two hours ago, he never would’ve imagined
he’d be here, that he’d feel as lost as he had the night Brian left. Everything had changed again, but
this time he wasn’t listening to Brian’s bullshit lies.

"I won’t go away this time," he shouted to the man through the door. "I know what she did. I know why
you left."

Then he heard a crash inside.

"Brian!" he yelled again. "Brian, answer me!"

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