NOT GOOD ENOUGH

Jim Ellison grinned as he backed the truck into a parking spot.  “Gotta admit, Chief.  Your mom picked a good restaurant.”

Blair Sandburg eagerly nodded.  “I love Mama Rosa’s.”  He kissed the tips of his fingertips.  “Primo.”

The two men got out of the truck and began walking across the parking lot. 

“Looks like a full crowd tonight,” Jim observed.  “I’m glad your mom made reser…”  He suddenly stopped.  “That’s my father’s car.”

Blair peered in the darkness at a dark BMW.  “Are you sure?”

Jim slowly nodded.  “I memorized the license plate.”

“Why would you do that?” Blair curiously asked.  “Do you have mine memorized?”

Jim grinned.  “Yep.  VIN number, too.”

Blair fondly smiled at his partner then glanced at the BMW again.  “Kind of a coincidence, huh?”

Jim’s blue eyes narrowed, and he extended his hearing.

‘They’re late, William.’

‘Only by a few minutes, Naomi.  If they were going to be seriously late, Blair would have called.’

‘You’re right.  I’m just nervous.  What if they don’t understand?’

‘Everything will be alright.  Blair will understand.  It’s Jim I’m concerned about.  He does have a temper.’

“Jim?”  Blair gently stroked the older man’s arm.  “Jim?”

“Chief, why would  your mother be sitting with my father inside the restaurant waiting for us?”

Blair’s blue eyes widened in surprise.  “What?”

Jim nodded.  “Naomi’s worried that we won’t understand.  Pops told her that you’ll understand.  He’s concerned about me.”  He coldly smiled.  “Seems I have a temper.”

“What’s going on?”  Blair’s arms began waving around as he paced.  “How do they even know each other?”  He suddenly whirled around to stare at Jim.  “Are they getting married?”

Jim caught his breath.  “Sandburg, can you see Naomi wearing a wedding ring?  Because I guaran-damn-tee you that William Ellison will slap a wedding ring on his wife’s finger.”

“Well, no…”

“Can you see Naomi living in William Ellison’s house?”

“Well, no…”

“Can you see William Ellison sitting cross-legged at some new-age retreat sniffing sage and contemplating the mysteries of the universe?”

“Well, no…and why do you call my mom ‘Naomi’ and your father ‘William Ellison’?”

“I seriously doubt they’re getting married, Sandburg,” Jim grunted.  “But I don’t….”

“Oh, crap!  They know!  About us!”

Jim reached out and grabbed Blair by the shoulders.  “Sandburg…Chief!  Calm down.”  He watched as Blair took several deep breaths.  “So they know about us.  So what?  You were going to tell your mom anyway, right?”

“Yeah, but later…like maybe in a couple of years…”

“Sandburg!”

“Okay, soon,” Blair grumbled.  “I just wanted to keep us…us for a while longer.”

“I know,” Jim whispered.  He pulled Blair into a hug and quickly kissed the top of the smaller man’s head.  “Come on.  Let’s face the music.”

“So much for a nice quiet dinner,” Blair mumbled.

“There’s nothing to say we can’t have a little fun with them,” Jim pointed out.  “After all, they don’t know that we know they know.”

“My head’s starting to hurt,” Blair complained.  “Play nice?”

Jim sighed.  “Okay,” he reluctantly agreed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Sweetie, you know I only want what’s best for you.”  Naomi Sandburg reached across the table and squeezed her son’s wrist.

“I know, Naomi.”  Blair impishly smiled at his mother.  “That’s why we’re eating at this nice restaurant, right?  ‘Cause you know how good Italian food is for me.”  He ignored the muffled snort from the man sitting next to him.

“Oh, Blair.  Please take this seriously.”

Blair removed his wrist from his mother’s grasp and patted her fingers.  “I am, Naomi.  Trust me.  I am.”

“Well, although Jim might disagree, I’ve tried to do my best for him.”  William Ellison cleared his throat.  “My methods might not have been the best…”  He saw three pairs of eyes staring at him with varying degrees of disapproval and cleared his throat a second time.  “Nevertheless, that was my intention.  And it’s still my intention.”

Jim leaned back in his chair, reminding Blair of a cat lazily lounging until its prey arrived.  He felt Blair’s elbow in his ribs and inwardly sighed, regretting his promise to play nice.  “I hear you, Dad.  And you’re right about your methods.”

“Then we all understand!” Naomi smiled at each of the men.  “Sometimes parents make decisions or do things that…well, may not have the best outcome but were done with the best of intentions.”  She directed her smile at Jim.  “After all, you turned out quite well, Jim.  Your father must have done something right, didn’t he?”

Jim and William stared at each other for several seconds.

“Well, I’m ready to order!”  Blair clapped his hands together once and looked around for their waitress.

“Right, Naomi,” Jim drawled.

William cleared his throat again and also looked for their waitress who fortunately arrived and took their orders.  When she left, the four people at the table sat in silence until Naomi nervously spoke.  “So…anything new in your life, Blair?”

Jim watched his partner in amusement as Blair tried to swallow his water without choking.  “Yeah, Chief.  Anything new?”

Blair glared at the man next to him.

William turned to Naomi.  “Jim’s playing with us, Naomi.  He’s very good at it,” he confided.  He turned back to his son.  “In fact, he’s decided to wait us out and put us off balance.” 

“Me, Dad?  I’m just here to enjoy a meal with my father and my partner’s mother.”  Jim shrugged and reached for a breadstick.  “Who, I didn’t realize, even knew each other.”   He held the bowl of breadsticks out to Blair.  “Want one, Chief?”

Blair took the bowl and put it back on the table.  “Mom, what’s going on?  Jim may be able to stand the suspense, but I can’t.”

Naomi nervously glanced at William.  “We thought this conversation would be easier if we all just sat down together and talked about it over a nice quiet dinner.”

“Figured a public outing would keep the yelling to a minimum?” Jim wryly asked. 

“Ignore Jim for now Naomi,” William sourly advised.  “I am.”

“William!”  Naomi shook his head.  “No one is going to ignore anyone.”  She looked across the table at Jim.  “Jim, will you listen to me?  Will you hear me?”

“Of course I will, Naomi.”  Jim half-smiled.  “But I reserve the right not to agree with you.”

Naomi sighed.  “Jim Ellison, you are an incredible man.”

“Mom!”

“Hush, Blair.  Mother’s speaking now.”

Startled, Blair sat back in his chair, eyes wide in surprise.

“As I said, Jim, you’re an incredible man,” Naomi continued.  “While I can never agree with your decision to join the military or the police department, I understand you have this need to protect people.  And I understand that you do that now….to the very best of your ability.”  She shook her head.  “I’ve been a guest in your home and seen how tired you are at times…and how hard you work to find people who have hurt others.”

“Naomi…”

“No, Jim, let me finish,” Naomi demanded.  “You have a good soul, James Ellison.  I’ll never agree or support some of your methods, but your intentions are the best.  You’ve protected more people than you’ll ever know by finding and arresting those who prey on the weaker.  You’ve sacrificed your health and your body to do that.”

Blair reached out and squeezed Jim’s arm.  “Right on, Naomi,” he whispered.

“And Blair, you’re a brilliant young man,” William spoke up.  “Jim’s going to be angry, but I had you investigated.”

“You did what?!” Jim furiously hissed across the table.

“Hush, Jim.  Your father’s talking.”

“Excuse me?!”  Jim glared at Naomi.

“I wanted to know what sort of person had become so important to my son,” William explained.  “I won’t apologize for it because I found out, to both my relief and surprise, that you’re an honest man who genuinely cares for Jim.”

“Uh…” Blair glanced at Jim then at William.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” William advised.  “You’ve stood on your own since you were sixteen.  I admire that.  Your way isn’t mine and never will be.  We value different things…have different goals.  But you have strength.  If you didn’t, Jim would’ve run rough-shod over you a long time ago.”

“William and I realized that the two of you are growing even closer together.”  Naomi stared reproachfully at her son.  “I’d hoped, Blair, that you and I have the sort of open relationship that would allow you to tell me you’d fallen in love with Jim.”

Jim’s eyes automatically flickered to the tables close to them.

“And I understand, son, that you prefer to keep this quiet,” William assured him.  “Trust me, I have no intention of broadcasting your private business.”  He lowered his voice.  “It’s no one’s business that you and Blair are sleeping together.”

“Are in love,” Jim replied, his voice equally low.

“But…the two of you…”  Blair looked in confusion.

“I was worried, Sweetie…worried you would be drawn even more into Jim’s violent world by becoming his lover,” Naomi explained.  “So I went to William.”

“And I was concerned that Blair’s academic work would endanger Jim.”  William shrugged.  “We found we had something in common.”

“Mom, I make my own decisions.”

“Blair would never…”

“Listen to us!”  Naomi’s hand slapped the top of the table.  “Yes, we were trying to figure out ways to separate the two of you.”

“Except I knew Jim would be far too stubborn to even listen to me,” William grumbled.

“I even thought I would tell you I was seriously ill so you would come away with me to a retreat,” Naomi admitted.  “But I knew you’d never forgive me for it.”

“You’re right, Naomi,” Blair coldly replied.  “I wouldn’t.”

“And I wouldn’t let Blair face that alone,” Jim firmly added.  He glared at his father.  “So what stopped you?”

“Stephen.”

“Stephen?”  Jim slowly shook his head in confusion. 

“He’d come by to tell me and Sally good-bye before heading to Singapore.”  William’s blue eyes twinkled.  “Well…and to get some of Sally’s walnut fudge brownies.”  Amused, he saw Jim’s eyes momentarily glaze over in remembrance.  “Anyway, he overheard us talking and…was a little upset.”

“More than a little upset,” Naomi corrected.  “He made us see how wrong we were.  How much we would lose by interfering.”  She glanced down at the table.  “How thankful we should be that both of you are in our lives.”

“Stephen said that?” Jim turned to Blair.  “Stop elbowing me, Sandburg.”

“Yes, Stephen said that.”  William nodded.  “He said a lot more, in fact.”  He reached for his water glass.  “None of which is pertinent to this conversation.”

“I bet,” Jim muttered.

“I can’t believe Stephen did that,” Blair murmured.  “I didn’t think he liked me all that much.”

“Oh, Blair!  Stephen said he was…well…unsure of how things were between himself and Jim,” Naomi explained.  “And he said he was a little intimidated by you.  You were so smart and so close to Jim.  He didn’t want to force a place for himself.”  She looked at Jim.  “I told him he was being silly.  That he should talk with Jim…and with you.”

“Yeah, we can do that,” Blair nodded.  “Invite him over for dinner when he gets back from Singapore.”  He looked at Jim who nodded in agreement.

Then Jim looked back across the table.  “So what’s with this dinner?  Part of your confession and repentance of sins?”  He jerked suddenly.  “Sandburg, I swear…you elbow me one more time…”

“Shut up, Jim,” Blair sternly ordered.  “That was out of line.”

“We wanted you to understand how much we value the both of you,” Naomi slowly spoke.  “Jim, I didn’t want you to think that I was accepting your relationship with Blair just because of Blair.  I wanted you to know that I believe you are a good person.  And I know you’ll try your best to protect Blair just like you try to protect everyone else.”

“And I wanted Blair to understand that I know he’ll do his best to protect you, Jim,” William continued.  “And that I’ll do nothing to interfere in your lives…and I hope you understand that I’ll do whatever I can to support the both of you.”

“All we want is to find a way to be part of each other’s lives.”  Naomi smiled.  “Maybe, someday, one big happy family?”

Jim and William stared across the table at each other. 

“Maybe,” Jim reluctantly acknowledged, knowing Blair was watching him closely.

“Someday,” William nodded.  Looking past his son, he saw their waitress approaching with their order.  “Ah, our food is coming,” he said with relief.

“So this dinner wasn’t a way to tell Jim and me that we’re not good enough for each other?” Blair asked.

William smiled at Naomi and squeezed her hand.

“No, Sweetie.  It’s a way to explain that William and I know we’re not good enough for the two of you.”

April 2011

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