Laugh Out Loud
Slowly Jim Ellison’s blue eyes opened. He automatically reached for what he privately called his ‘living breathing personal blanket’ then frowned. The space beside him in his bed was empty. While that wasn’t necessarily out of the ordinary since Blair Sandburg couldn’t stay quiet longer than a couple of hours, the space beside him was devoid of warmth.
Which meant that Blair had been up for quite a while….without Jim.
Normally Jim wouldn’t have thought too much about it. Blair didn’t need as much sleep as Jim and couldn’t stand just laying in bed. So, to keep from waking Jim with his restless squirming, Blair would quietly get up and go downstairs for a while.
But last night, Blair had been more quiet than usual. Which for Blair meant not engaging in his usual verbal stream of consciousness about whatever was running through his mind.
Jim carefully extended his senses and found Blair downstairs in the living room. He smelled the odor of burning candles and fondly smiled. ‘Must be meditating.’ Then he heard Blair softly laugh followed by the sound of crumpling paper. Then he smelled paper burning.
Knowing he wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep without knowing what Blair was up to, Jim sat up and looked for his robe. Then he sighed and glanced over his shoulder and down into the living room. ‘Yep. Wearing my robe again. Gonna buy him one of his own so he’ll leave mine alone.’ Then he ruefully grinned as he got to his feet and walked to his dresser. He found comfortable sweatpants and pulled them on and inwardly chuckled. He silently admitted how much he enjoyed pulling on his robe and smelling Blair’s scent on it.
Resigned to buying himself a new robe, he walked down the stairs and to the couch, making enough noise so Blair wouldn’t be startled. He leaned down and kissed the top of Blair’s head.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s okay.” Jim walked around the couch so he could sit next to Blair. “What are you doing at…” He glanced at the VCR clock. “…at 2:17 in the morning?” He took in the burning candles and the saucer with charred crumbs of paper in them. “More precisely, what are you burning at 2:17 in the morning?”
Blair leaned back with a smile. “I was thinking this evening…about how lucky I am and the choices I’ve made.”
“Uh-huh. And that relates to burning paper at 2:17 in the morning in what way?”
Blair chuckled. “Choices, Jim. Choices.” He ripped a page from the small notebook in his hand. Leaning forward, he touched the paper to the candle’s flame and watched it burn. As he watched he softly laughed once again. “This is Cindy’s phone number and…well, other information.” He glanced at Jim from the corner of his eyes. “I was serious about her at one time.”
“I don’t remember a Cindy,” Jim coolly replied.
“Before your time,” Blair explained. “I was seventeen when I knew her.” He held the paper until it was almost consumed by fire then dropped it into the saucer. “See, Jim. I made a choice then. I was serious about her but then…for some reason I just knew she wasn’t going to be the most important person in my life. And the person that I truly love should be just that.” He grinned at Jim. “See, that person is you.” He grinned when Jim lazily smiled back at him.
“I am, huh?”
“Yeah, you are.”
Jim nodded after a few seconds. “So you’re burning Cindy’s number and…other information?”
Blair nodded. “And laughing out loud.”
“Why?”
“Because I realize now that it wasn’t just Naomi’s example that caused me to flit from one relationship to another.” Blair stared down at the book then at Jim. “I always thought that was why. That’s all I’d been exposed to. I never saw a relationship that lasted more than a couple of months at the longest. So what did I know about maintaining that kind of a relationship?” He nodded to himself. “Then I met you.”
“Me? Sandburg, my marriage failed. Remember?”
“Exactly.” Blair smiled and ripped another page from the book. “Goodbye, Connie,” he laughed.
Jim watched the paper burn then rubbed his face. “I’m sure this all makes sense to you, Chief. But it’s pushing 2:30 in the morning, and I have problems following your reasoning after a full night’s sleep. Can I have the condensed version?”
“We were practicing, Jim.”
“Practicing?”
Blair nodded. “Oh, we didn’t know it at the time. I’m sure you put everything into your marriage to Carolyn that you possibly could. Just like I threw myself into all my relationships. But deep-down we knew we weren’t with the right people. So it was practice. We were learning. Both the good and the bad.”
“Remind me not to mention this to Carolyn,” Jim wryly requested.
“Duly noted.” Blair held another page to the fire and laughed. “Bye, David.”
“Wait a minute! Is that your little black book you’re burning?” Jim demanded.
“It’s not so little,” Blair defensively shot back.
“Jeez, Sandburg, do you know you could sell pages from that thing and probably make enough to pay for a decent Hawaiian vacation for the two of us?” Jim pointed out. “Brown and Rafe…and Megan, too…would probably mortgage whatever they have for pieces of that thing.”
Blair eyed Jim with reproach. “Jim…really…the people in this book have intimate knowledge about me. Do you think I’d just let people in the bullpen have access to that type of stuff?” He sniffed and looked back down at the book. “Besides, Megan’s seeing some guy in the Gang Unit. Rafe’s seeing some woman from where he banks.” He suddenly snickered. “And Brown’s trying to work up the nerve to ask Serena out.”
Jim sighed. “Well, there goes Hawaii.”
“You’re tough. You’ll live.” Blair patted Jim on the knee. “Go back to bed. I’ll be up in a minute. I can finish this anytime.”
Jim grunted as he stood. “Yeah, I probably don’t need to listen to a litany of names from your past anyway.” He paused at the foot of the stairs. “Why the laughter, though?”
“Because I’m happy, Jim. I ended up with you.”
Jim stared into the happy face of the man sitting on the couch then chuckled in return. “And I ended up with you.”
THE END
Lyrics for Laugh Out Loud by the Robert Cray Band
I can look back now at all the years; I paid my dues; Every broken heart, every dead end; All those blues
It don’t matter now; Tears I’ve waded through; I can laugh out loud; I ended up with you
I can laugh out loud; At all the times I failed the test; Lost someone; And came out second best
I can see now; I had to learn a thing of two; I was practicing then; To get it
right for you
Life and love; Ain’t it a mystery; This road I’ve struggled down; Has thrown some curves at me
Who would have guessed; The grand prize would be mine? This late in the game; This far down the line?
I can look back now at all the years; I paid my dues; Every broken heart, every dead end; All those blues
It don’t matter now; Tears I’ve waded through; I can laugh out loud; I ended up with you
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