Uomo Incinta

Part 1

It was two months since the time that Justin had topped him. The younger man had left him for Ethan all of a week ago. Brian found himself completely nauseous when he woke up, having to rush to the bathroom and barely making it before puking his guts out. Normally, this wouldn’t have been a big deal. With all the drinking and drugging he did, throwing up in the morning every now and then was almost routine. The problem was that Brian hadn’t had a drink or a drug since the night Justin left. He’d gone to bed completely sober and still managed to wake up sick.

He sighed heavily. Brian knew what was wrong. He’d been here before, he just didn’t want to think about it. After calling out from work, Brian showered and got dressed. He slipped into his jeans and a t-shirt, leaving his shoes off as he made his way back over to the phone. He stared at the phone for several minutes before finally picking it up and dialing a number that he had memorized.

“Dr. Stephenson’s office.” The cheery voice on the other end said.

“Hey, Margaret.” Brian said.

“Brian? Hi. Haven’t heard from you in a while. Calling to make the appointment for your check up?”

“You could say that.” He sighed heavily.

“Not just a check up this time, is it?” She asked softly.

“‘fraid not.” Brian sighed again.

“Okay, is two this afternoon good for you?”

“Yeah, that’s great. Thanks.”

“I’ll see you then, Brian.”

“Later, Margaret.” He hung up the phone and sighed again. His stomach rumbled soon after so Brian decided to go get a bite to eat, heading to the diner. He hoped that the guys were already gone to work. Debbie had the day off so if they were gone he could eat in relative silence.

“Hi, Brian.” Kiki said as Brian took his seat. “You missed the guys.”

“That was kind of the plan.” Brian said as Kiki came over and placed a cup of coffee on the table. Brian looked up at her. “Could I just get some water?”

“Sure.” Kiki looked a little confused as she made her way to get him a glass of water. Everyone knew that Brian couldn’t function without coffee in the morning. Maybe he’d gotten some at home. That had to be it. “Here you go, sweetie.”

“Thanks.” Brian smiled a little, though it wasn’t genuine. There were very few people in the world that could actually read Brian’s carefully hidden emotions. Kiki was one of them. Nobody knew just how close Kiki and Brian actually were. They’d been friends since before Brian met Michael, but Kenny had moved away shortly before Brian started the school in which he met his best friend. He’d only returned a few years ago and then became Kiki shortly after. Kiki looked over at the other waitress and signaled she was taking her break, then sat down.

“What’s wrong, Brian?” This was Kenny talking. Gone was the falsetto voice. Brian looked up and even though the wig and make up were still in place, Brian saw his old child hood friend.

“You have to swear to me on all that is holy that you won’t tell a living soul.” Brian kept his face grim.

“You know me, Brian.” Kenny raised an eyebrow and Brian nodded. He looked around and made sure no one was with in ear shot before leaning forward.

“It’s entirely possible that I’m pregnant.” Brian whispered before leaning back. Kenny was silent for several seconds, eyes wide, just staring at Brian.

“But.....how....I mean.......you don’t bottom......”

“I did.......once.....recently.”

“With who?” Just then the bell above the door rang and Kenny looked up to see Justin coming in for his shift. Brian looked up as well and just stared at the blonde for a long minute before turning back to the table and looking down with a sigh. “Oh my god........it’s Justin’s?” Brian simply nodded in response. “You have to tell him....”

“I don’t know for sure yet. I have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon.”

“You’ll tell him then, right?”

“I.....don’t know. Maybe.”

“Brian...”

“Not a word, got it?” He looked at Kenny with a stern expression. Kenny held up his hands in defeat.

“Alright. But, Brian.....he has a right to know.” Then suddenly Kenny was gone and Kiki reappeared. She got up and went over, giving Justin a quick kiss on the cheek before getting back to work. Justin looked at Brian for a minute. The older man threw some money on the table and left. The main reason the money confused Justin was because water was always free at the diner.

“So, what brings you in today, Brian?” Dr. Deanna Stephenson asked. She was one of three doctors in the entire state of Pennsylvania that specialized in male pregnancies. In Brian’s mind, she was the best.

“I....um......need a pregnancy test.” He muttered the last part.

“What was that?” She asked with a raised eyebrow. She’d heard him; she just wanted him to say it clearly.

“I need a pregnancy test.” Brian sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

“What makes you think you might be pregnant?”

“Classic symptoms. Morning sickness, increased appetite, and my nipples hurt.” He said. Dr. Stephenson nodded as she took some notes. She took out the needed supplies for a blood sample. For some reason male pregnancies could not be detected with a urine test. After taking the blood, she called for a nurse who then took it to the lab for testing.

“We’ve talked about this, Brian.”

“I know.”

“I thought you weren’t bottoming anymore.”

“I don’t, usually.....but.......” He sighed.

“Must be someone special.”

“You have no idea.” He couldn’t help the smile that played on his lips. It only took about ten minutes for the nurse to come back with the test results and Dr. Stephenson sighed.

“Well, Brian, you are indeed pregnant.” She looked over his chart. “Given your history my only suggestion is abortion.”

“No!” Brian said, looking up quickly. “That’s not an option.”

“Brian....”

“I want to have this baby, Dee.” He had a defiant look on his face that she’d seen before.

“Need I remind you of your history of mis...”

“I know my history, Dee.”

“The last one almost killed you, Brian.”

“I’m willing to risk it.”

“This guy must be really special.” She said and Brian just nodded, looking down. She could tell that there was no dissuading him. “Okay, here’s the deal. If you want to have this baby you will do exactly what I say. I’m going to send you home with a set diet. You will follow it to the letter. None of this ‘that’s fattening’ shit. You’re gonna put on weight anyway so a little extra won’t matter. You will reduce the stress in your life, regardless what that takes to happen. You can’t be getting upset all the time. You have to try to relax as much as possible. If you can, stop working all together. If not, see if you can work from home and do as little as possible. The baby comes first, no matter what, got it?”

“Got it.” Brian said with a little bit of a sigh. He’d have to hand off the campaign he was working on to someone else.

“Do you have any questions or concerns?” She asked.

“I.....up until the last couple of days I did a lot of heavy drinking and drugging....” He looked worried suddenly.

“This early in the pregnancy it shouldn’t be too much of a problem. We’ll keep an eye on things though. I’m also going to need you to come see me once a week. We want to keep a close eye on the baby and make sure everything is going smoothly. I don’t want to do like last time.”

“That wasn’t your fault, Dee.” The miscarriage had happened the week prior to Brian’s next doctor’s appointment.

“Not taking any chances, Brian.”

“Okay.”

“I know you’re gonna have a lot of preparing to do for this baby. If you can, have someone else do it for you. And I hate to sound pessimistic but I wouldn’t plan too much until after the second trimester. Usually if we can get you that far, it’s smooth sailing from there.”

“Okay.” Brian nodded. He hated to think about it, but she was right. If he planned too much and lost the baby.....but he didn’t want to think about that.

“Talk to Margaret on your way out. She’ll set up the appointments. She’ll also give you all the paperwork.”

“Okay, thanks, Dee.” Brian said. She just smiled and patted his knee before heading out the door. Brian sighed heavily and headed to the desk. His next stop would have to be the office so he could ask for a leave of absence. He hoped that Vance would understand. As he waited for Margaret to finish up, he started to unconsciously rub his stomach. One thought came into his head. If he couldn’t have Justin, at least he could have his child.







After a long talk with Vance, in which he agreed to give Brian a one year leave of absence, Brian decided to head over to Debbie’s. He needed to tell her what was going on at least. Especially since he had no plans of leaving the loft except to see the doctor once he started showing. She needed to know why that was going to happen. He parked a little ways down the street so that he could have the time to gather up his courage and think about exactly what he wanted to say before he got to Debbie’s house.

Debbie was a little surprised when someone knocked on the door. She wasn’t expecting anyone and all of her boys always just came right in. When she pulled back the curtain and saw Brian, she was severely confused. He, of all of them, never knocked. She opened the door and could tell by the look on his face that something was wrong. Without saying a word she moved aside and he came in, going immediately to take a seat on the couch. She sat beside him and took his hand, but said nothing.

“I.....I saw Dr. Stephenson today.” Brian said softly.

“Normal check up?” Debbie asked, wondering why he looked so worried. When Brian shook his head, she started to understand and she, too, began to worry. “So you’re....”

“Pregnant, yes.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m having the baby.” Brian said with determination.

“Brian.....”

“Justin’s the father, Deb.” He looked her in the eye as he said it. She understood immediately.

“Just.....be careful, sweetie. And if you need anything...”

“I know.” He kissed her cheek. “I’ve taken a leave of absence from work and Dee gave me a diet I have to follow. I’m supposed to reduce stress as much as possible. As long as I just stay home and chill, that shouldn’t be a problem. And....I was told to let other people do the baby shopping for me.”

“That’s probably a good idea.” She nodded. “So.....when are you going to tell Justin?”

“I’m not.”

“What? Why? Brian....he has a right to know.”

“He also has a right to not be obligated to me. If he’s going to come back I want it to be on his terms, not because he knocked me up. I refuse to be the reason that he and Ethan break up, if it happens.”

“So you’re just going to raise this baby on your own?”

“It’s not like I need any money from him. And I’ve got you to help me.” He smiled sweetly and batted his eyelashes and she laughed. “I just.....I don’t want him to think he HAS to be with me. I want him to want to be with me.”

“I understand, baby.” She reached up and touched his cheek. “You do everything that doctor says, got it?” She could feel herself misting up.

“I will.” He smiled a little and kissed her cheek. “I gotta get home, though. I’m kind of tired and I want to take a nap.”

“Naps are definitely a good idea.” They both stood and she hugged him. “I’m so proud of you, baby.” She kissed his cheek and didn’t bother to wipe the lipstick off.

“Proud that I got myself knocked up yet again?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Proud that you’re not just getting rid of it and getting on with your life. That you’re not taking the easy way out.”

“I love him too much to do that, Deb.” He reached up and wiped away the tear that was suddenly threatening to fall. “Fucking hormones...”

“Get used to it, kid. It only gets worse from here.” She laughed.

“God save us all.” Brian smirked and Debbie laughed again. After another hug and kiss on the cheek, he left, heading back to the loft.





After two months of sitting around with practically nothing to do, Brian started to look around the loft. He realized at that point that this was not the place to raise a child. He needed a house. Of course, he should have realized that sooner but part of him was still in denial. That was until he started showing. He stood in front of his full length mirror and sighed heavily as he ran a hand over his slightly bulging stomach.

“It’s only gonna get worse.” He said to himself before putting his shirt back down. One of his tailors was currently working on a paternity wardrobe for him. For some reason, Armani doesn’t do paternity clothes. The tailor agreed to help Brian out and decided he could make money off a line of paternity wear. He was nice enough to let Brian in as part owner of the new line of clothing.

After making himself breakfast he made his way over to his computer to see if he could find houses online. He’d managed to get his refrigerator fully stocked with a minimum of fuss. His cleaning lady also did the shopping for him for an extra fifty a week. That was no problem for Brian. He continued looking at the houses online and gave up after about twenty minutes. He just couldn’t find what he was looking for. He needed a realtor. A person that could get to know him and exactly what he wanted. The only problem was he only knew one realtor. He picked up the phone and dialed, sighing heavily.

“Keystone Realty, Jennifer Taylor speaking.” She answered happily. Why was it everyone answered the phone happily now a days?

“Hello, Jennifer.”

“Brian......this is a surprise.” She hadn’t expected to ever hear from her son’s former lover again.

“I thought it might be. I just.....I didn’t know anybody else to call.”

“What is it?” She found herself concerned despite herself.

“I need a house. Nothing big, just enough room for two people.” He said. Jennifer felt a cold lump in her stomach. He was asking for a house for two people and he and Justin had only been broken up for two months. As far as she knew they hadn’t reconciled so....

“I might have a small, two bedroom house on the market.”

“I’d like a three bedroom if you have one. I’ll need the extra room for my office.” Brian commented and Jennifer relaxed. At least Brian and this person he was going to be living with wouldn’t be sharing a bedroom.

“When do you need it?”

“As soon as possible, actually.”

“I think I might have a house to show you. When are you available to see it?”

“Anytime......I....I’m on leave of absence from work right now.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Just......taking some time off.”

“Well, I can show you one of the houses tomorrow morning at eight if that’s okay.”

“That’d be perfect.” He said. “Could you meet me here at the loft and we’ll head over together?”

“Of course. I’ll see you at eight.” She said with a slight smile.

“See you then.” He hung up and sighed. His next step would be to find a shirt that would be baggy enough to hide the bulge of his stomach. The last thing he needed was for Justin’s mother to find out.

Brian hoped that his morning sickness would be done by the time Jennifer arrived the next morning. Unfortunately that was not the case. He’d just finished another round of nausea when the buzzer sounded. He let her in and opened the door a little, then had to rush to the bathroom before he lost it again. It seriously confused him because he hadn’t had anything to eat yet, and yet he was puking his guts out.

Jennifer walked in the door and looked around. She started to move toward the bedroom when she couldn’t see Brian anywhere. That’s when she heard the retching coming from the bathroom. She headed in that direction but before she got to the bedroom door, Brian appeared on the top step. He looked like a completely different person. His face was flushed a little from the vomiting. He was wearing a baggy sweatshirt and loose fitting jeans. In all the time she’d known him Brian had never worn baggy clothing.

“Brian, if you’re sick....” She started and he shook his head.

“I’m fine.” He said with a slight smile, then headed over to the fridge. When he opened it to pull out a bottle of water Jennifer noticed that not only was it stocked, it was stocked with food that Brian didn’t normally eat. Something was definitely going on here. She watched Brian for a minute, trying to figure out what it could be when it hit her. Baggy clothes, change in diet, nausea........

“Brian.......are you pregnant?” She tried very hard not to laugh when he almost spit water across the room. Bad timing on her part to ask just as he was taking a drink.

“Why would you ask that?” He looked like a man trying to hide something.

“I’m a mother of two, Brian.” She said as she gave him a “you’re not fooling me” look. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair before nodding.

“Yes, I’m pregnant.” He sighed heavily. He so didn’t want to tell her that. Maybe he could avoid the topic of who the father was.

“How far along are you?” She came closer to him. This explained why he wanted a house. The loft was no place for a baby.

“About four months.” He answered the extremely loaded question and knew that she would figure it out.

“Four....but........you and Justin.....” She was quiet for a minute. Brian said nothing, letting her draw her own conclusions. “That’s my grandchild, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” It was said as a soft, almost inaudible whisper.

“Justin didn’t say anything...”

“That’s because he doesn’t know.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because he has a right to be with whomever he wants to be with. Obviously that isn’t me. I don’t want him tied to me against his will, Jennifer.”

“You’re right. If you told him, he’d see it as an obligation and he’d end up resenting you later.” She looked down.

“Speaking from personal experience?”

“Craig and I weren’t married yet when I got pregnant with Justin. He was getting ready to leave me for someone else when I told him. So, instead of leaving, we got married. He said he loved me and played the part of the doting husband very well but I knew deep down that he resented me for making him stay with me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter now. It’s in the past.” She smiled and came closer to him. To her surprise Brian hugged her and kissed her cheek.

“You can see her as much as you want. I mean, like you said, she’s your grandchild. I want you to be part of her life, if that’s what you want.”

“She?” Jennifer asked with a smile. Brian nodded, smiling as well.

“Found out yesterday.”

“Have you picked out any names yet?”

“I was thinking Justine Michelle.” Brian said softly, not quite looking her in the eye.

“It’s a beautiful name, Brian.” She touched his cheek. She understood that he was naming his child after two of the most important people in his life.

“Can we go look at the house now? It’s getting a little too emotional in here.” He reached up and wiped a tear from his cheek. Jennifer chuckled and nodded.

“I can drive if you want.”

“That’d be great.” Brian grabbed his jacket and locked up before they headed down to the car.

When they got to the house, Brian was already in love and he had only seen the outside. It was a beautiful little one story brick house with a bay window in the front and rose bushes all around. The door was inset a little bit, protected from the wind by the garage and from the rain by a little overhang. Jennifer opened the door and gestured for him to go in. The entry way was painted a soft blue which complimented the pale yellow of the living room. He moved over to the kitchen and smiled. The bay window was actually a little dining area. The kitchen was huge, almost as big as the one in the loft.

Brian then moved to see the rest of the house. There was a small hallway leading to the master bedroom and the other bedroom. Through the doorway and immediately to the right was the third bedroom. Brian opened the door and smiled. The walls were painted alternating pink and lavender with the ceiling divided into pie slices of color that led to the walls. He looked at Jennifer.

“Guess we know where Justine will be sleeping.” He said and she chuckled with a nod. They moved to the other small bedroom and found it painted a shade of pale green.

“This was the boy’s room. He loves green.”

“It’s a great color and should be perfect for an office.” Brian nodded and moved onto the visitor bathroom as he liked to call it. The top of the walls was a pale beige, just darker than cream colored; the bottom was alternating blue and white stripes. Dividing the sections was a border with green and brown and blue dragon flies. “This is cute.”

“You can change any of it.”

“No, I like it.” He smiled and moved onto the master bedroom. The walls were still painted the original white. One thing that Brian noticed was that all of the bedrooms had windows that faced the back yard. Through the window Brian could see a school over the fence.

“That’s the elementary school. The middle school and high school are equal distance in opposite directions.”

“It’s perfect.” He then looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “Why are they selling it?”

“Can’t afford it. The mom hasn’t worked in about six years, since the oldest was born, and the dad lost his job recently. They’re moving in with his parents.”

“How much are they asking for the house?” Brian’s brow furrowed in thought.

“It was appraised at ninety five thousand.” Jennifer answered honestly.

“Offer them a hundred and fifty.” When her eyes went wide he said simply. “They need the money and I can afford it.” They shared a smile before she made a note.





Brian had been moved into the house for a month and was just getting settled in. Dr. Stephenson talked to him seriously about the stress that moving causes but he said simply that he had it all under control and was completely calm and relaxed. He’d hired movers that he trusted and knew would do a good job. When she’d told him that paint fumes were bad for the baby, he’d told her the painting had been done three years ago and wouldn’t be a problem.

“You’ve got it all figured out, don’t you?”

“Yup.” Brian said with a smile. “I even have people that are moving the furniture around for me and hanging the pictures and all I have to do is sit back and tell them what to do.”

“So you’re following my advice?”

“To the letter.”

“That’s great.” Dr. Stephenson said. Brian smiled. They finished the check up and he made his way home, planning on taking a nap before dinner.





Jennifer decided, since she was in the area, that she would stop at the diner for lunch. She hadn’t seen Debbie in a while because of work conflicts and so forth and wanted to say hi to her as well as get a bite to eat. She also wanted to talk to Debbie about Brian. She understood Brian’s resistance in telling Justin, but she wanted to make sure that he wasn’t completely alone in what he was doing. Debbie was just getting off work when she got there.

“Jen, honey, what brings you in?”

“Thought I’d get a bite and talk to you but you seem to be leaving.”

“I can spare a minute for you. Come on have a seat. Kiki, get her the pink plate, would you?”

“Sure, Deb.” Kiki said before going to the back. They took a seat in one of the booths.

“What’s up?”

“I haven’t seen you in a while, that’s all.” Jennifer wanted to bring up Brian slowly.

“That’s bullshit and we both know it, Jen. Now spill.” Debbie removed her jacket and set it beside her. Jennifer sighed and started toying with a spot on the table.

“I’m worried about Brian.”

“What about Brian?” Debbie started to panic. Did Jennifer know? Would she tell Justin? Had Brian already told Justin? A million questions running through her head.

“He’s pregnant with my grandchild.” Jennifer said softly, respecting Brian’s wishes to keep it a secret as long as possible.

“So he told you.”

“He called me looking for a house and I found out on my own. Put two and two together.”

“So he’s told Justin?” Debbie sighed with relief.

“No. He has no plan to.” Jennifer sighed. Debbie looked at her a minute.

“Jennifer, I think it’s in Brian’s best interest if Justin finds out.”

“It’s his choice.”

“You don’t understand.”

“What don’t I understand?” Jennifer looked at Debbie confused.

“He’s gonna kill me if he finds out I told you this.” Debbie sighed. “I don’t know how much you know about the gay community. Are you aware that men getting pregnant happens all the time?”

“Yeah.” Jennifer nodded.

“Were you aware that only bottoms can get pregnant? It’s kind of like in the hetero world. Only women can get pregnant. Well....only men with a propensity toward bottoming can get pregnant.”

“No....I wasn’t aware.......but....I thought Brian was a top?”

“Brian’s a bottom. Has been since the beginning. He just converted to topping because of some problems he was having.”

“What kind of problems?” Part of Jennifer’s brain was telling her that she shouldn’t be having this conversation. That Brian should be telling her this. The much larger, louder part was telling her to get as much information as she could.

“Brian is extremely.......fertile. So to speak. He’s the kind of guy that if he just thinks about getting fucked he ends up pregnant.”

“How many times has Brian been pregnant?” Jennifer’s eyes were wide.

“This will make pregnancy number five. Although I should say that Brian was fourteen when he lost his virginity.”

“But.....what happened all the other times?”

“The first pregnancy was aborted. Brian was just about to turn fifteen when he found out. We both knew he couldn’t handle a kid at that age and his parents would have caused a miscarriage if he hadn’t had the abortion. Problem is that Brian has been torn up about it ever since. He calls in from work every year on the baby’s due date to this day. Which explains why he’s wanting to have this baby. He told me he couldn’t handle another abortion.”

“That’s understandable. I don’t know that I’d be able to handle it either.” They were quiet for a minute. “You said he’d been pregnant four times before?”

“Yeah.” Debbie nodded. “The other three times were all miscarriages. Usually in the middle of the second trimester.”

“Which is where Brian is now.” Jennifer started to look panicked. Debbie nodded.

“Each miscarriage was worse than the one before. The last one.....the one that made Brian switch to topping to prevent getting pregnant again, almost killed him. If Michael hadn’t come in when he did, Brian would have bled to death.” Jennifer put a hand over her mouth. She couldn’t believe it.

“So that means....”

“Brian’s risking his life. This pregnancy could end up killing him.” Debbie looked down.

“He.......he’s risking his life to have Justin’s child.” It was said more than asked.

“If you ask me it just proves how much he loves Sunshine.” Debbie commented. Jennifer nodded and they sat quietly for a minute.

“I have to go.” Jennifer said as she stood. She needed to get to Justin and she needed to get to him now.

“Later, Jennifer.” Debbie said before standing herself. She only hoped she’d done the right thing.







Jennifer made her way to the apartment Justin was currently sharing with Ethan. She hated the place and she was suddenly hating Ethan for taking Justin away from Brian. Brian needed her son now more than ever and she intended to let him know that. He didn’t have to end his relationship with Ethan, he just needed to be there for Brian and for his child. She pulled up just as he was walking up to the building from the bus stop.

“Hey mom.” He said as she got out of the car.

“Hey sweetie.” She said as she came over and kissed his cheek. He looked at her a minute.

“You’ve got that ‘we need to talk’ look on your face.” He said with a slight smirk.

“We do need to talk.” She said. Justin’s smile faded when he saw how serious she was being.

“Okay, come on up.” Justin said as he opened the door to the apartment building. Luckily Ethan had class until five. He opened the door and stepped in, leaving it open for Jennifer. “What’s up?” He asked.

“We need to talk about Brian.”

“What about Brian? He’s out of my life, mom. I don’t want anything to do with him.” Justin was suddenly angry.

“There’s something you need to know.”

“I don’t care, mom. Anything that has to do with Brian is no longer my concern.”

“This is your concern, trust me.”

“What could possibly be wrong with Brian that has anything to do with me?”

“He’s pregnant and it’s your baby.” Jennifer said matter of factly. Justin’s jaw hit the floor and his face went pale.

“He......but......how......” He sat down, still totally in shock.

“Apparently you topped him some time before you broke up.”

“Just one time.”

“It only takes one time, Justin.” She smirked as she remember the sex ed class she’d been forced into in her early teens. That’s exactly what they had said then.

“But.....only bottoms can get pregnant.....”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, Justin. Brian’s a bottom.” She then proceeded to tell Justin everything Debbie had told her. She hoped that her son would come to the same conclusion Debbie had.

“He’s risking death to have my baby.....” It was said more than asked. Jennifer nodded. Justin looked her in the eye. “I have to talk to him.”

“Justin, he doesn’t know that you know. He didn’t want to tell you.”

“Why not? It’s my baby too.”

“She, first of all. He’s having a little girl. Justine Michelle.” She smiled when a small smile spread across Justin’s face.

“A little girl?”

“Yeah.” Jennifer said. Justin shook his head, having gotten side tracked.

“Why didn’t he want to tell me?”

“Because he wanted you back in his life because you wanted to be back in his life, not because of the baby. He didn’t want to tie you down to him if you wanted to be somewhere else.” She looked him in the eye. “You don’t have to leave Ethan to be there for Brian, though. He needs you, Justin, whether as a lover or just as his friend.” He seemed to think that over for a minute before nodding.

“I need to think about this.”

“Think quickly.” She said with a kiss to his cheek. He nodded and kissed her cheek before she left. Brian was having his baby and risking his life to do it. Suddenly the lyrics to a corny old song he’d heard came into his head. Having my baby, what a wonderful way to say you love me.

The first place Justin went to look for Brian was the loft. When he found someone that was definitely not Brian living there, he called his mother and got the address of Brian’s new house. It took him three buses and a cab to finally get to Brian’s house. He was a little surprised to see an actual minivan sitting in the drive way of a house that looked nothing like anything the Brian Kinney he knew would own. Justin made his way slowly up to the door and knocked. When he received no answer, he tried the door bell.

Brian had been in the middle of a shower when he heard the door bell. He wasn’t expecting anyone, but he thought perhaps it was Jennifer or Debbie coming to check on him. He stepped out of the shower and threw on his robe, tying it loosely around his ever growing waist, and made his way to the door. He sighed heavily as he noticed that he was already waddling. When he opened the door and saw Justin he was more than a little surprised.

“So it’s true....” Justin said as he looked at Brian’s bulging stomach. Though Brian was only about five months along, and Dr. Stephenson assured him he was indeed only having one child, the diet that Brian was on, and the lack of exercise caused the older man to gain weight. Brian sighed heavily, then moved aside and motioned Justin in.

“I take it your mother told you?” Brian said as Justin passed him. Justin made his way into the house and looked around.

“Nice place. I like your kitchen.” About two seconds after he said it, he broke into a smile remembering that it was the first thing he said about the loft. “And yes, my mom told me.”

“She wasn’t supposed to.” Brian moved over to sit on the couch.

“Why not? I have a right to know about my child, Brian.” Justin came around and stood in front of Brian.

“I have no intention of being an obligation. You can be a part of her life if you want, but you.....just.....do whatever the fuck you want to do, okay?” He looked down.

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t want you to think that I’m trying to get you back. That.....that I’m going to use this baby to lure you away from Ethan. I would never do that, I want you to know. If you’re happy with him, be with him.”

“I never said I was going to leave Ethan, Brian. I came over here because I want to help you. My mom told me....” He stopped, he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to know what Jennifer imparted.

“What?” Brian raised an eyebrow. Justin sighed.

“My mom told me about the other pregnancies.” Justin said, looking down.

“What?! How the fuck......Debbie.” Brian sighed and stood, starting to pace. “I can’t believe she fucking told Jennifer and then Jennifer had the nerve to tell you. Is there nothing secret in this fucked up family?”

“Apparently not.” Justin tried to smile but Brian’s angry look shot him down.

“She had no right. That other stuff.....that doesn’t matter.”

“Brian.....she said that this pregnancy could kill you.”

“That’s none of her business!” Brian almost shouted. He started feeling a dull ache low in his abdomen but didn’t think anything of it. He looked at Justin. “What happened in the past has no bearing on this pregnancy now. I’m fine. I’m handling things on my own. I don’t need you.”

“I’m not allowed to be here for my child?” Justin asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes, you’re allowed to be here for Justine, if you want to be part of her life, you can, but that doesn’t mean you have to be here now. Until she’s born, you’re not needed.” He tried to play off that the pain was starting to grow more intense.

“Brian.....”

“Don’t ‘Brian’ me. I know what I’m doing. I’m seeing the doctor on a regular basis. I’m following all of her instructions. Dr. Stephenson is helping me out with everything. I’ve done everything she’s told me to do and I’m perfectly........ow.” Brian grabbed his stomach as a sharp pain shot through from front to back.

“Brian....” Justin moved closer.

“I’m fine.” Brian said. His face had gone pale and he looked like he was going to be sick.

“I’m calling an ambulance.” Justin started to head toward the phone.

“I said I’m.....AH!” Brian then collapsed like a ton of bricks. He lay in a heap, hands on his stomach, face contorted with pain. Justin made his way over and grabbed the cordless phone, then went back and knelt beside Brian, stroking his hair and whispering comforting words as he talked to the 911 operator.

“It’s gonna be okay, Brian.” Justin said over and over as he kept stroking Brian’s hair. When the ambulance arrived, Justin rode along in the back as Brian was taken to Allegheny General. Justin was forced to wait in the waiting room while Brian was examined. It seemed to be taking forever and Justin figured they had contacted Brian’s doctor. The only thought that was running through his mind at that moment, however, was please let them both be okay.







After all of about ten seconds of sitting still, Justin started to pace. He’d called both his mother and Debbie and was waiting for them to arrive. He was afraid of what they would say to him. Suddenly, a wave of guilt passed through Justin. He’d caused the stress that had put Brian in the hospital. If Brian lost the baby, it would be his fault and Brian would never forgive him. Justin sat down hard in a near by chair and stared straight ahead as tears rolled down his cheeks. He’d come to the realization that not only would Brian not forgive him, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.

Justin was still sitting like that when Jennifer and Debbie showed up. The two women stopped and watched him for a minute before moving over to sit on either side of him. It wasn’t until Jennifer’s hand came to rest on Justin’s back that he looked up. He looked into his mother’s eyes and she began to well up as soon as she saw the pain and guilt swimming amongst the blue. When Justin rested his head on his mother’s shoulder, he started to cry.

“Shhhh, Justin. It’s gonna be okay.” She rubbed his back. Debbie just offered her support, staying quiet.

“This is all my fault......he’s here because of me.....” Justin cried. Debbie looked over him at Jennifer.

“Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?” She asked. Jennifer nodded and sighed.

“It’s not your fault, Justin.”

“Yes.....yes it is. He got upset because of me.....we were.....we were kind of arguing and I told him that I knew about the other pregnancies and he started getting really mad and......” he started to cry again.

“You told him?” Debbie asked.

“Well, he wouldn’t listen to me other wise.” Jennifer sighed.

“I’m sorry.” Justin said. Jennifer and Debbie sighed and Jennifer stroked his hair. Neither could think of anything to say to comfort the blonde. .

Brian stared at the ceiling as he waited for Dr. Stephenson to come in. His hand was unconsciously rubbing his stomach as he silently prayed his little girl was okay. He sighed as he thought about what happened. If he just hadn’t ignored that first dull pain, this wouldn’t have happened. The fact that he’d gotten upset over stuff that shouldn’t have bothered him made things even worse. He jumped slightly when Dr. Stephenson entered the room. She had a scowl on her face as she made her way over to the bed.

“I guess I deserve that dirty look.” Brian said softly.

“What caused it?” She asked matter of factly.

“I......he showed up.” Brian sighed. During the time that he’d been seeing her, the situation with Justin had been discussed so she knew the whole story.

“He had a right to be upset. You should have told him.”

“You know the situation, Dee.”

“Yeah, I know.” She sighed. They were silent while she checked his vitals.

“Please tell me she’s okay.” There was genuine fear in his voice.

“I’m going to have to do an ultra sound to make sure but everything seems to be okay for now.”

“What exactly happened?”

“You started having contractions, just like with the third one. There was some mild spotting too. Fortunately the contractions stopped on their own once you got calmed down. We’re not taking any more chances, though. You’re being put on bed rest.”

“For how long?” Brian asked. She looked at him like he was a complete idiot.

“For the duration of the pregnancy, Brian. You are not to get out of bed except to go to the bathroom and take a shower. That’s it.”

“But....that’s four months....”

“I know that.”

“I......I live alone, Dee. You know that.”

“Is there someone that can stay with you? Or that you can stay with?”

“I.....I don’t know.” He sighed heavily.

“Well, you’ll have to find out, because I’m serious.” She glared at him and Brian sighed. After the tests to prove that Justine was in fact okay, Dr. Stephenson went out to the waiting room.

Jennifer and Debbie looked up as soon as they heard someone approach. Justin had cried himself to sleep by that time. His head was resting in Jennifer’s lap and she continued to stroke his hair. They both looked worried, but that was only natural.

“Are they okay?” Jennifer asked before Debbie could speak.

“I have to run some more tests to be sure, but they should be fine.” Jennifer had gone with Brian to a couple of his visits so Dr. Stephenson knew her already.

“Can we see him?” Debbie asked.

“Right now he needs to rest and I get the feeling he’s a little annoyed with the two of you. Give him some time to cool off.” Dr. Stephenson said. The two women nodded. “I’m ordering him on bed rest, though.”

“But he lives alone.” Jennifer said.

“That’ll have to change.”

“He can stay with me.” Debbie spoke up. She looked at Jennifer for a minute.

“I think it’d be better if we stayed with Brian. I mean.....he’s going to be annoyed enough about having to stay in bed for the next four months. I don’t think it’d be good for him to have to leave his house.” Jennifer said.

“You’re probably right.” Dr. Stephenson commented.

“Well, we both have to work.” Debbie looked at Jennifer.

“We could do it in shifts. You work mostly nights, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I work days so I’ll be getting off work about the time you need to go to work.”

“When will you sleep?” Justin asked as he sat up, rubbing his eyes.

“I was just thinking that.” Dr. Stephenson said.

“So how do we do this?” Debbie questioned.

“Three shifts.” Justin answered. “Debbie, when you get off work, you go home and sleep. I’ll handle things for a couple of hours until I have to go to class. You come around the time I have to leave, Mom, you show up around the time Deb needs to go to work. Sleep when Brian sleeps. Sound good?”

“Sounds reasonable to me.” Debbie said.

“Me too.” Jennifer smiled.

“Now you just have to clear it with Brian.” Dr. Stephenson said. The three exchanged horrified looks which caused Dr. Stephenson to chuckle as she walked off.







It had been a month since Brian was put on bed rest and he was certain he was going insane. He couldn’t do anything without someone there asking him what he needed. Once when he sneezed, Jennifer started to call the doctor, fearing he was sick. The problem was that he couldn’t really tell them to go away. He needed them around. He hated that he needed anyone so much.

The worst of the three was Justin. The younger man still felt guilty about putting Brian in the position he was in even though it wasn’t actually Justin’s fault. The guilt that Justin felt had him treating Brian like something fragile, not even letting him walk to the bathroom without assistance.

“You gonna hold it for me too?” Brian asked the first time it happened. Justin only blushed in response, making Brian laugh.

He passed the time by reading or chatting online on his lap top. Sometimes he’d play games on his computer. Every now and then he would play cards with Jennifer or dominoes with Debbie. When he was in a good enough mood he’d actually let Justin draw him. Though Brian thought he looked fat and hideous, Justin insisted that the older man never looked more beautiful. A lot of his time was spent sleeping, however. He found himself growing more and more exhausted as the days went by. Dr. Stephenson was so adamant that Brian stay in bed that she even came by the house for his weekly check ups.

His emotions were getting worse as well. Brian would go from crying one minute to angry the next and laughing shortly after that. He hated that he had no control over his feelings and it didn’t help that Debbie said this was probably how Brian would be all of the time if he hadn’t had Jack and Joan for parents.

One day was particularly bad. It was Justin’s turn to stay with Brian and when the younger man arrived, he heard Brian crying. He wasn’t sure what to do at first. Finally he went into Brian’s bedroom and started to move closer, planning to sit on the bed and comfort Brian.

“Get away from me!” Brian practically screamed causing Justin to jump.

“Brian...”

“No! Stay away from me.” At that point Brian lay down on his side and buried his head under the pillow, continuing to cry. Justin tried to move closer again.

“Brian, what’s wrong?” He asked, tentatively sitting on the bed. When he received no objections to that action, Justin reached out and touched Brian’s arm.

“You don’t love me.” Came the muffled reply.

“What?” Justin questioned, confused. Brian lifted the pillow.

“You don’t love me.” He said before lowering the pillow again, his voice muffled as he continued to talk. “I’m risking my life to have your child, not to mention the hemorrhoids and the nausea and the back pain and the stretch marks.....I’m going through all this and you don’t fucking love me.”

“Brian, what are you talking about, of course I love you.”

“You love me?” It was asked in disbelief.

“Yes, I love you.” Justin answered. The pillow was lifted and Justin was shocked to see the glare on Brian’s face.

“Then why are you with Ethan?” His voice was pure venom.

“I’m not anymore, actually. We broke up about two weeks ago.”

“You didn’t break up because of me, did you? I didn’t want that.” The anger was suddenly replaced with sadness and guilt.

“In all honestly, technically we did. He didn’t want me helping you anymore. He said you didn’t need me.”

“I’m so sorry!” Brian started to sob, sitting up and hugging Justin. Justin sighed and reached up to stroke Brian’s hair.

“It’s okay, Brian. We were going to break up eventually anyway. This just sped up the inevitable.” He kept his voice calm and soothing.

“So you’re not mad at me?” Brian asked as he sat back, rubbing his eyes. Justin couldn’t keep from smiling because Brian looked just like Gus at that moment.

“No, I’m not mad.” Justin said. He kissed Brian on the cheek and the older man smiled. Shortly after that, Brian fell asleep. Justin went into the living room and collapsed on the couch. He definitely did not like emotional Brian.







The mood swings only seemed to get worse as time passed. Jennifer wasn’t at all surprised to find Brian practically sobbing in Debbie’s arms when she arrived at the house. Neither of them noticed when Jennifer walked into the room until she cleared her throat.

“Brian, I’m gonna go talk to Jennifer, okay?” Debbie said. Brian sat back a little and nodded, grabbing a tissue and blowing his nose loudly. Debbie got up and headed out of the room with Jennifer following.

“What’s the crisis today?” Jennifer asked. Debbie sighed heavily.

“He went to the bathroom and freaked because he couldn’t see his feet at all. He could see his toes a couple of weeks ago. Now he can’t see them.”

“So he’s crying because he’s gotten bigger.” It was said more than asked.

“It’s kind of understandable.....I mean......he’s got really big feet.” Debbie said.

“He has to understand that the reason he’s so big is because he can’t exercise.”

“Don’t say that to him. He’ll start sobbing and saying you think he’s fat. I think he spends all of his waking hours crying. It’s starting to get a little irritating.”

“He really just doesn’t know how to handle it. You said this is the first time he’s gotten this far into a pregnancy?” Jennifer asked. Debbie nodded.

“Never made it past the second trimester.”

“So he’s not used to this.”

“Jennifer....” Brian’s call came from the bedroom. Both women made their way in and were a little shocked at the sight before them. Brian was a little pale, he was starting to sweat and he had both hands on his stomach.

“Brian....what’s wrong?” Jennifer asked, worriedly.

“It hurts.” He practically whimpered. Jennifer and Debbie exchanged looks before Debbie went to call Dr. Stephenson. Jennifer moved to sit beside Brian and he took her hand, squeezing as another wave of pain ran through his abdomen.

“It’ll be okay, Brian.” Jennifer kept her voice calm as she reached up to stroke his hair.

“I’m scared.” He looked her in the eye and Jennifer could only describe the look she saw as pure panic. She leaned in and kissed his forehead.

“I know, sweetie. The doctor’s coming.” She said softly. Debbie came back into the room and sat down on Brian’s other side. When another wave of pain ran through Brian at exactly the same interval as the first two, Debbie and Jennifer exchanged glances again.

Dr. Stephenson arrived a little over a half an hour after she was called, having been in the middle of another appointment. Jennifer had been timing the pains and found that they were coming about twelve minutes apart. Jennifer and Debbie were asked to leave the room during the examination.

“I’m pretty sure he’s in labor.” Jennifer said with a worried expression.

“He’s still got a month to go, though.” Debbie was worried as well.

“The pains were twelve minutes apart, Deb.”

“It could be false labor.” Debbie commented.

“I hope so.” Jennifer sighed. They both jumped when De. Stephenson came out of the room.

“I’ve called an ambulance.” She said.

“Is it that bad?” Debbie questioned.

“His water broke while I was examining him.” Dr. Stephenson sighed heavily.

“Is the baby going to be okay?” Jennifer asked.

“The baby should be fine.” Dr. Stephenson said. “It’s Brian that I’m worried about.”

“What do you mean?” The two women asked simultaneously.

“I was checking Brian’s heart rate when he had a contraction. Most of the time when a contraction hits, the heart rate goes up.”

“Most of the time?” Jennifer asked.

“Brian’s dropped. Drastically. His blood pressure dropped as well.”

“What does that mean?” Debbie asked.

“First of all it means we’re going to have to do a c-section. I honestly don’t think Brian could survive natural child birth.”

“And second?” Jennifer asked.

“Second, we’re going to have to pray that he lasts long enough to get into the OR for the c-section.” She sighed. Debbie and Jennifer both exchanged worried glances before going back into the room with Brian, hoping the ambulance would get there soon.

“I want Justin. Where’s Justin?” Brian asked frantically as they started to load him into the ambulance.

“We tried to call him but his cell phone is off.” Jennifer answered. “He must still be in class.” She was being allowed to ride along with Brian to keep him as calm as possible.

“Did you leave him a mes.......ow!” Brian squeezed her hand. The contractions were getting worse. Not only were they more painful, they were lasting longer.

“Yes, I left him a message.” Jennifer answered. Brian simply nodded as he tried to breathe through the pain. Jennifer held his hand, trying to comfort him as much as possible. Flashes came back to her of the two times she’d given birth and she smiled just a little. It may have been hell but it was well worth it.

“When can I have drugs?” Brian asked the paramedic. Jennifer couldn’t keep the chuckle from escaping.

“Soon.” The man answered. Brian nodded again. About couple of minutes into the ride, Brian had a particularly strong contraction and his heart rate and blood pressure dropped dangerously low. His breathing became shallow and his face went pale. Jennifer started patting his cheeks as the paramedic tried to find out exactly what was wrong.

“Come on, Brian, stay with me.” Jennifer said, her voice filled with worry. It’s the last thing Brian heard before the world went black.

 

On to Part 2