Cowry Shell Series



Part 1




 

"How long have you been seeing this guy?" Michael asked.

"I don't know...a couple weeks." Brian lied. He’d been counting the minutes since he met Jonathan. It’d been three weeks, four days, ten hours and twenty-seven minutes since they’d first laid eyes on each other. Brian had never been happier in his life.

"So, is he like your boyfriend or something?"

"Well, considering the fact that I haven't fucked anyone but him since the night we met, I should think so." Brian smiled to himself. He knew exactly how Mikey was going to react.

"WHAT?!" Mikey yelled. Brian had to pull the phone away from his ear. "You mean, you've only known this guy for a few weeks and you're already...monogamous?" Michael whispered the last word like it was a sin to say it.

"Once you meet him, Mikey, you'll understand. He's gorgeous, smart, funny...and he loves me. And...I love him." Brian couldn't believe he’d just admitted that to someone else. He regretted it when he heard the disappointment in Michael's voice.

"So...you're bringing him with you when you come to visit?"

"Yeah." Brian answered. He was a junior in college and was going home for Christmas. He wanted Jonathan to meet his family. Little did Jonathan know that said family consisted of a best friend and a surrogate mother. Brian would never even admit to his parents that he was gay, let alone introduce his boyfriend to them. He hadn't told his parents that he was coming home for Christmas and didn't intend on seeing them while he was there.

"Will you still want to stay here?" Mikey asked. Brian usually stayed with Deb when he came home for vacation.

"No. I don't think your mom would appreciate being woken up in the middle of the night to the sounds of Jon and me fucking, do you?" Brian laughed slightly. It stung a little when Mikey didn't laugh with him. "It's not like I'm going to ignore you, Mikey. Jon and I will be over there every day."

"I was hoping to spend some time hanging out with just you."

"Is that a hint of jealousy I hear, Novotny?" Brian was smirking

"No." Mikey protested and Brian could hear the smile in his tone.

"I'll see if Jon would mind just you and me hanging out for one or two days, okay?"

"Okay." Mikey agreed. "I can't wait to meet him. He must be something to be able to get you to be monogamous." Michael snickered.

"You have no idea, Mikey. You have absolutely no idea."

Debbie was sitting at her sewing machine, mending one of Michael's shirts when there was a knock at the door. She got up and smiled brightly when she saw Brian on the other side. She pulled him into a hug and kissed his cheek, leaving bright red lip prints.

"Hey, Brian. It's good to see you. You're looking handsome, as usual." This was when Debbie noticed that Brian wasn’t alone. Behind him stood a gorgeous, six foot five, muscular, blond haired, blue eyed wonder. "Who's this?"

"Debbie Novotny, I'd like you to meet Jonathan Andrews. Jon, this is Debbie Novotny."

"Brian, I thought you said I was going to meet your family." Jon said.

"You are. This is my family." He smiled slightly, then looked at Deb. "Is Mikey home?"

"No, he's at work right now." Deb moved aside "Why don't you come in and wait for him? He should be home soon." Brian kissed Deb's cheek as he passed and she couldn't help but smile. Brian and Jonathan sat down on the couch and Jonathan put an arm around Brian's shoulders. Deb noticed that Brian snuggled closer to Jonathan and smiled once again.

"You two look awfully comfy. How long have you been seeing each other?" She asked as she sat across from them. Debbie had to keep from laughing out loud when she noticed Brian blush. It was the first time she'd ever seen him react that way.

"Almost two months." Jonathan answered. He kissed Brian's temple. It was obvious to Debbie at that moment that Jonathan was older. Not much, but definitely older. She smiled at the two of them, noticing that she’d never seen Brian smile so much in all the time that she'd known him.

"That's good. From the way you're acting though, I would have thought it was longer." They all smiled at that.

"Um...where's the bathroom?" Jonathan asked.

"Upstairs, third door on the left." Brian answered without thinking before Deb could even open her mouth. He and Jonathan exchanged a quick kiss on the lips before Jonathan went up to the bathroom.

"My God, Brian. He's gorgeous. Where'd you pick him up?" Debbie gushed as soon as the other man was gone.

"We have a class together." Brian smiled. Debbie always loved to see Brian smile.

"So...how old is he?" She asked. Brian laughed.

"Not that it matters, but...he's thirty. He had to wait to go to college because of his parents. Had to work to help them out. I guess it's a good thing, huh?" Brian's gaze wondered up the stairs and a wistful smile touched his lips.

"Brian Kinney, if I didn't know any better I'd think you're in love with him." She couldn't keep a smirk from touching her lips. Her grin grew broader when Brian looked at her.

"Well, Deb. For once I can say, you don't know better." He was positively beaming.

"Ma, I'm gonna need...Brian!" Mikey almost dropped the bag he was carrying into the house. He set it down and ran over, hugging his best friend, who almost fell back down onto the couch. They were both laughing. "When did you get here?"

"Just a few minutes ago." Brian laughed again as Mikey hugged him once more.

"Should I be jealous?" A deep voice asked from the top of the stairs and Mikey noticed Brian blush. He'd never seen Brian blush before. The beautiful blonde man came down the stairs and stood behind Brian, wrapping his arms around the younger man and kissing his temple. Michael noticed that this person was at least two inches taller than Brian.

"Jon, this is Mikey. Mikey, this is Jon." Brian turned his face around so he could give Jon a quick kiss on the lips, then turned back to Mikey, who seemed anything but happy.

"So, this is the infamous Michael Novotny that I've heard so much about?" Jon asked holding out a hand to Mikey. Mikey shook hands with him, then picked up the bag he’d set down and headed into the kitchen.

"Nice to meet you." The words thrown over his shoulder as he walked away. Brian frowned, then looked at Jonathan a minute, who nodded and smiled. They exchanged another quick kiss before Brian moved off into the kitchen to talk to his friend while Jon sat down on the couch and resumed his conversation with Debbie.

"What's wrong?" Brian asked as Mikey unloaded the bag and started putting things away.

"Nothing." Mikey huffed. Brian made a sound like a buzzer.

"Wrong answer, try again." He smiled slightly.

"You didn't tell me he was so...hot." Mikey said. Brian couldn't help but smile.

"You think I would give up tricking for someone that wasn't?"

"So...you really love him?" Mikey asked. He’d stopped putting things away. It was at that moment that Brian realized what was really bothering his best friend.

"Mikey, nothing's gonna change between you and me. I’ll always be your best friend no matter what." He walked over and put his arms around Mikey's waist from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder. "You were here first, remember? No one is ever going to make me push you out of my life. If Jon even thinks about making me chose between you and him, I'll choose you, got it?" Brian could tell that Mikey had relaxed a little.

"Yeah." Mikey nodded. Brian kissed his cheek.

"Now, can you be at least a little happy for me?" Brian tickled Mikey's ribs and was rewarded with a laugh.

"Yeah, I am, really. I think it's great."

While the two friends talked in the kitchen, Debbie regarded the man in front of her.

"I want you to know something right now." She said, her expression going stern.

"Okay." Jonathan indicated that he was listening.

"Brian and Michael have been best friends since they were fourteen years old. Michael loves Brian like a brother and I love that kid like he was my son. So, Jonathan, if you ever even think about hurting Brian in any way, I will hunt you down and castrate you, got it?" She made sure that he understood that she was serious.

"I have no intention of ever hurting Brian, Mrs. Novotny. I love him very much." He smiled at her.

"Good, because I've never seen him so happy before in my life. I can tell that he loves you more than anything, and that's saying something when it comes to Brian. Nobody's ever gotten in under the wire before."

"Under the wire?" Jonathan asked.

"I'm sure you've noticed that Brian’s very defensive where his heart’s concerned." Jonathan nodded. "His parents aren't the best people in the world. I'm not going to say much because I think it's up to him to tell you about them, if he hasn't already. Judging from your reaction at the door I would guess that he hasn't." Jonathan shook his head. "Well, he'll get around to it when he's ready. I just know that Brian didn't have much of a good example when it came to love. But I do know that when he allows love to happen, it is very deep and very sincere and he could get hurt very easily. The fact that he hasn't even known you a full two months and he's already gone says a lot about you. But...Brian put up these defenses to keep from getting hurt. Kind of like barbed wire...you see what I'm saying?" Again, Jonathan nodded.

"That's what you mean by, under the wire. He let me through the defenses." This time it was Debbie's turn to nod.

"I think that's what scares me the most. Brian doesn't let many people in under the wire. To date I know of three, all of which are under this roof right now." She smiled slightly and Jonathan understood.

"I promise you, Mrs. Novotny, Brian's heart has never been in better hands."

They all sat around the dinner table later that night, talking about anything and everything. Jonathan pulled out his wallet and was showing everyone pictures of his family.

"That's my little sister, Jennifer." He pointed to a beautiful, blonde young woman. She was standing next to an equally blonde young man and in front of them was an adorable little boy, who definitely had to be their son. "That's her husband Craig and my nephew, Justin."

"Oh, he's so cute." Debbie took the wallet to get a closer look at the picture. "And look at that smile, just like sunshine." She passed the wallet to Michael who smiled.

"He looks kind of like you." Mikey said to Jon.

"That's what everybody else says."

"How old is he?" Debbie asked.

"Well, in that picture, he's seven, but he'll be ten in a couple of months." Jon answered.

"Yeah, his birthday is like...a month before mine." Brian said with a smile.

"I thought it was rather a coincidence that Brian's family was here in Pittsburgh, since Jennifer and Craig have a house up in the northern part of town." Jon said.

"That is pretty funny, that both of your families live in the same city." Mikey said.

"So, will you be taking Brian to meet your sister and her family?" Debbie asked.

"Craig's a homophobic asshole." Brian answered for Jon. "Kind of like my dad. You know...it'd serve him right if Justin was gay." Brian got up and started to clear the table. Jon got up and started to help. When they were both in the kitchen, Debbie looked at Michael.

"Those poor guys." She sighed softly.

"I'd hate to think what it would be like to not have my family's approval." Michael said.

"Luckily you won't ever have to worry about that, sweetie." Deb smiled.

"I know, ma. I know." He smiled back.

 

Part 2
 

"I got you something." Jonathan said as he lay there with his arms around Brian, basking in the after glow of a Christmas morning fuck. They still had a few hours before they had to be at Deb's for lunch and presents. Brian moved away a little bit and rolled onto his other side, looking Jonathan in the eyes.

"I thought we agreed, no gifts." Brian reached up and stroked Jonathan's cheek.

"I know, but I couldn't resist." Jonathan stood up and went to the dresser in the little hotel room as Brian sat up on the bed.

"Can you believe it's already been a year?" Brian asked. Time seemed to fly by since he’d first brought Jonathan home to meet Debbie and Michael.

"No, I can't." Jonathan said as he sat down on the bed, a little black box in each hand.

"I didn't get you anything." Brian said.

"It's okay. I don't mind." Jonathan handed one box to Brian.

"What is it?" Brian asked as he looked down at the box.

"Open it and find out." Jonathan smiled. Brian opened the box and smiled as well. He pulled out the cowry shell bracelet and look at Jonathan.

"Where did you get this?"

"Remember that trip to Jamaica?" Jonathan asked. Brian nodded, then smiled when it hit him. He hugged Jonathan, then handed it to him, holding out his right wrist. Jonathan smiled and tied the bracelet on.

"What's in that box?" Brian asked eagerly. Jonathan pulled out a matching bracelet and handed it to Brian. After Brian tied the bracelet on Jonathan's right arm, they kissed passionately and ended up making love yet again that morning. As Brian lay there in Jonathan's arms afterward, he couldn't believe how happy he was. The matching bracelets were almost like wedding bands. Brian moved so that he could get a look at the clock.

"Fuck...we told Deb we'd be there in like...fifteen minutes." They both got up and scrambled around the little hotel room. They finally arrived at Deb's about a half an hour late.

"Sorry we're late." Brian said when Deb opened the door. Jon was standing behind Brian with his arms around the younger man. They both had ear-to-ear grins.

"You should have gotten up early so you could fuck and still get here on time." She said with a smile, then laughed when they both blushed before walking in. They both stopped dead in their tracks when they saw the guests that were sitting on the couch.

"Jennifer...hey. I...I wasn't expecting to see you here." Jonathan said as he walked over and hugged his little sister. She smiled and hugged back.

"Well, Debbie here called me and told me you were in town. I thought I would come see you." She then looked past him at Brian. "Who's that?" Jonathan turned and looked at Brian, then motioned for him to come over. Brian did so, though tentatively.

"Jennifer, this is my..." Jon paused for a moment, searching for the right word, then smiled. "Partner, Brian Kinney. Brian, this is my sister, Jennifer Taylor." Jennifer held out her hand and Brian took it, shaking it politely. He was reeling over the fact that Jonathan called him his partner.

"It's very nice to meet you." Jennifer said politely. Brian nodded. Just then a little blonde tornado came running through the house being chased by Michael. Jennifer had seen them coming and stepped out of the way, but Brian was too late. He turned just in time to be plowed over.

"Sorry mister." The young man said as he stood up. Brian smiled and brushed himself off after standing.

"It's okay."

"Justin, I told you to behave." Jennifer said.

"But he started it." Justin looked at Michael.

"It's my fault, Mrs. Taylor." Michael apologized. Jennifer nodded.

"Uncle Jon!" Justin exclaimed as he realized his uncle was standing there. He threw himself into his uncle's arms and they laughed and hugged for a few minutes. Jon looked at his sister a moment and she nodded.

"Justin...I'd like you to meet somebody."

"Who?"

"Justin...this is Brian Kinney. He's my...well, he's my boyfriend." Jonathan said. Brian frowned but only for a second as he realized that the concept of him being Jon's partner would probably confuse the kid. He had to keep from laughing when Justin made a face.

"You have a boyfriend? Does that mean you're a fag?"

"Justin!" Jennifer scolded.

"No, Jen. It's okay." He smiled to his sister, then looked back at Justin. "Yes, Justin. That means that I'm gay. I like men. So does Brian. And to be honest, so does Michael." He couldn't help but smile as Michael turned bright red. Justin laughed too.

"So...are you two like married or something?" Justin asked.

"No...we're not allowed to get married." Jon said.

"Why not?"

"I don't know, Justin. I just know that we're not."

"Well, that's just stupid." Justin said. "I mean...if boys and girls can get married when they love each other, boys and boys should be allowed to get married too, right?"

"You got a smart kid on your hands here, Jen." Brian commented. Jennifer smiled.

"But...if you're not married, what are those for?" Justin pointed out the matching cowry shell bracelets that Brian and Jonathan were wearing. No one else had noticed them. Jonathan walked over and put an arm around Brian's shoulders.

"They're to let everyone know that Brian and I love each other very, very much." He said, then kissed Brian's temple. Brian smiled and leaned into Jonathan. Everyone was smiling at them.

"That's so sweet." Debbie said, dabbing at her eyes.

"I know." Jennifer said, also dabbing at her eyes. Michael was silently brooding, his arms crossed over his chest. Brian knew exactly what his best friend was thinking and he was getting sick of it. Brian was happy and if Michael couldn't be happy for him then he could just fuck off.

 

Part 3

Three months later, Michael was awakened by the phone ringing at three in the morning.

"Somebody better have died." He answered angrily. There was silence for a moment.

"Somebody did." It was said so softly that Michael almost didn't hear it.

"Brian?" Michael could have sworn that it was his friend's voice, but now the only sound coming from the phone was that of muffled sobs. "Brian, what's going on?"

"Jon...Jonathan" the words were choked out. "He was...driving home...late...there...there was a...a drunk driver..." the last word was cut off as the sobbing got worse. There was the noise of the phone changing hands, then a woman's voice came on the line.

"Michael? This is Lindsay Peterson. Do you remember me?"

"Yeah, you were Brian's beard at his parent's for thanksgiving. Lindsay, what's going on?"

"Brian and Jonathan were coming home from a party and they got hit by a drunk driver, on the driver's side. Jonathan was driving because Brian had a little too much to drink."

"Oh my God, are they okay?" Michael asked.

"Brian's fine. At least physically. He managed to walk away with only a broken arm and a few bruises."

"What about Jonathan?" The words were barely out of his mouth when he remembered what had first been said when he picked up the phone. He almost dropped the phone when Lindsay confirmed it.

"Jonathan didn't make it." At that, the sobbing in the background grew louder. Michael could hear that Lindsay was moving around, then it sounded like Brian was crying into the phone. She’d obviously moved to try to comfort him.

"Poor Brian" was all Michael could manage.

"Brian's going to be coming home tomorrow. The funeral is going to be there in Pittsburgh, as well as the burial. Do you think you can pick him up at the bus station? He should be getting in around three."

"Yeah, I can pick him up, no problem." Michael grabbed a pen and some paper and started to write as Lindsay talked.

"Thank you, Michael." Lindsay said after a while.

"No problem." Michael said, then they both hung up. By that time, Debbie was looking down at Michael from about halfway up the staircase.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

"Brian's coming home tomorrow."

"What? Why? Is everything okay?" There was real concern in her voice.

"Brian and Jonathan were in an accident...Brian made it out okay, for the most part, but..." He could tell by the look on his mother's face that he didn't need to continue. A tear rolled down her cheek as she sat down on the stairs.

"That poor kid" she put a hand over her mouth and let out a shaky sigh.

Brian hadn't said a word the entire time. From the time he got off the bus, to going to Deb's, to the funeral, he just stared off into space. They were sitting in Jennifer's living room after the funeral. People had separated off into groups and Michael noticed that there was a definite distinction between Jennifer's friends and Jonathan's friends. Craig was standing off to one side, talking to some of his friends. Michael noticed that Brian was sitting within earshot. He also noticed that Brian's expression was changing from blank to angry, to livid, to downright pissed off. Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, Brian was on Craig, his good hand around the man's throat, there was a fire in his eyes that Michael had never seen before. Craig's friends tried to pull Brian off of him, but Brian wouldn't budge.

"If you ever say anything like that about Jonathan again I swear to you I will rip your heart out with my bare hands." Brian growled through clenched teeth as he squeezed Craig's throat. Apparently Craig and his friends had been having a discussion about Jonathan's sexuality. When Brian was finally pried off of Craig, it taking six large men for that to happen, Michael walked over to try to calm his friend down.

"Fucking fags." Craig said as Michael passed and he wanted to hit the man right then and there. It's one thing to say stuff like that about someone that's alive and can defend themselves, but to bash someone at their own funeral was down right wrong. Michael managed to get Brian to go outside for some air. He sat on the steps of the Taylor household porch and stared off into space again. Michael sat beside him and put a hand on his back, rubbing it gently.

"I can't do it again, Mikey." Brian finally said after a long silence.

"It'll be okay, Brian. You'll move on and find the right guy." Michael jumped when Brian turned on him quickly.

"Don't you get it? Jonathan was the right guy. I was happy with him. He loved me and I loved...love him. Nothing is ever going to change that. I...I just...he was perfect, Mikey. And now he's gone." Brian looked down as tears began to pour down his cheeks. Michael pulled his friend into a hug and Brian rested his head on Michael's shoulder. "Never again."

"What?" Michael asked.

"I'm never going to love anyone again." Brian said.

"That's not true." Michael said. Brian sat back and looked at Michael.

"Yes, it is. I'm never going to love anyone the way I love Jon. I...I can't go through this again, Mikey. I'm not going to give my heart just to have it broken again down the line. I’m never going to love anyone, ever again. I’m never going to let anyone love me. And..." Brian looked down at his cowry shell bracelet. "I'm going to keep this as a constant reminder, never to give my heart to anyone, ever."

Michael sighed as he looked at his best friend. He could tell that Brian was hurting more than any other time in his life. He’d truly loved Jonathan, had given his heart to the older man, and now that heart was broken into a million pieces. Michael could see the determination in Brian's eyes and he knew that, no matter what happened, Brian would keep the promise to himself. He would never let another soul near his heart again.

"Uncle Brian?" Justin poked his head out the door and looked at Brian a moment. Michael got up.

"I better go see how ma's doing." He then went inside. Justin came out and sat on the porch next to Brian. He looked so much like Jonathan it was almost scary. Justin reached out one small hand and put it on Brian's shoulder, just looking at him with those intense blue eyes, wise beyond their years. After a long silence, Brian pulled the boy into a hug and just held him tight, a fresh flow of tears rolling down his cheeks. Justin was a little shocked at first, but then relaxed a little and just let Brian cry on his shoulder. He’d been comforting his mom in much the same way the last couple of days. He just rubbed Brian's back as he cried. After a while, the sobs finally subsided. Brian sat back and wiped his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Justin replied. "I miss him too." He smiled slightly and Brian couldn't help but smile back. He reached out and pushed a lock of hair out of the boy's face. He really was beautiful.

"I just hope that he's happy, wherever he is." Brian managed to say. Once again, Justin smiled.

"Oh, I'm sure he is. Because...he knows that he's loved." At these words tears started rolling down Brian's cheeks again. Justin pulled Brian into a hug again.

"Everything'll be all right, Uncle Brian. You'll see."

"Why do you say that?" Brian didn't realize he'd spoken that out loud until Justin answered him.

"Because you have lots of people that love you and will help you through. Like...Debbie and...and my mom...and Michael. They all love you." Justin let loose one of his thousand watt smiles. "And me. I love you, Uncle Brian." Brian couldn't keep the smile from his lips.

"I love you too, Justin." He said as he hugged the boy tight. He had a feeling this kid was going to be a part of his life for a long time.


 

Part 4
 

It’d been almost two years since Jonathan’s funeral and Justin was starting to worry. Truth be told, he’d been worrying for the past two years. Brian promised him he’d stay in touch, but no one had heard from or seen the man since he went back to school shortly after the funeral. Justin had written to his “uncle” several times but each time he got no response. He really started to worry when his most recent letter was returned. Apparently, Brian moved.

Brian and Jonathan got an apartment together a mere four months after they started dating. To everyone that knew them it was a match made in heaven. They knew, had it been legal, that Brian and Jonathan would have gotten married on or shortly after their first anniversary. What surprised Justin wasn’t the fact that Brian had moved, but that it had taken him two years to do so. Justin guessed that Brian had been holding on to memories of Jonathan for all this time and was finally ready to move on. He wasn’t sure why, but that concerned Justin. Especially considering that the older man had completely shut all of Jonathan’s family out of his life. There were a lot of questions that Justin wanted to ask and he knew that Brian was the only person he could talk to. He wouldn’t be able to go to either of his parents about the feelings he’d been having lately. Especially given how his dad treated both Brian and Jonathan.

That’s when Justin remembered Brian’s best friend. Surely Brian wouldn’t want to lose that contact. He hadn’t seen Michael or Debbie since the funeral. From the way Debbie doted on him during the short time that he’d known her, Justin guessed that she’d be happy to see him. He told his parents he was going to Daphne’s, the first blatant lie he’d told them, then got on his bike and made his way to Liberty Avenue.

Debbie was a little shocked when she saw a boy, looking no older than eight or nine, walk into the diner. It was after a couple of minutes that she recognized the boy. He’d grown in the two years since she’d last seen him and his hair was a little darker. She could tell that he was starting to lose his baby fat as well. That boy was going to be dangerous when he grew up.

“Sunshine?” She asked and the boy turned to look at her. His face lit up with the smile that earned him the nickname.

“Hi, Debbie.” He said as he walked up to her. She pulled him into a hug.

“It’s been so long!” She let go and looked at him. “You’ve grown a bit.”

“Not much.” He sighed. Debbie could tell the boy was destined to be short and he didn’t like it one bit.

“I don’t see you for two years and suddenly you show up? Is everything okay?” She asked. She smirked as she noticed Justin’s eyes following the trail of a man that was heading for the restroom. A particularly good-looking man. She cleared her throat and he blushed.

“Actually, I was looking for Uncle Brian.” He looked a little worried. Before Debbie could say anything, the bell above the door rang and Justin turned to see Michael walk in, followed by Brian. “UNCLE BRIAN!” He yelled as he ran at the man.

Brian almost fell flat on his ass as he suddenly found his arms full of a small, blonde boy. He managed to barely maintain his balance and pushed the boy back at arms length. He looked into a pair of the most dazzling blue eyes he’d ever seen.

“Justin?” Brian asked. Justin smiled and nodded. He took a good look at Brian and frowned a little. Brian was a lot skinnier than Justin remembered, looking almost anorexic. He wondered if the older man was taking care of himself. When Justin looked into Brian’s eyes he saw sadness and pain. He wanted to hug the man but Brian wasn’t letting that happen. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you.” Justin said. He was too busy studying Brian to notice the men that were actually checking him out regardless of how young he was.

“You shouldn’t be here.” Brian said. He sighed slightly when the blonde started to pout. Brian was never able to resist Justin pouting. “Come on.” He grabbed Justin’s hand in his right hand and started to leave. That’s when Justin noticed that Brian was still wearing the cowry shell bracelet.

“But Brian…” Michael whined.

“Later, Mikey.” Brian shot over his shoulder before the door closed, Justin barely getting through it before getting hit with it. Brian was practically dragging the boy behind him as he made his way to where he’d parked. “Get in.” He ordered after he unlocked the doors. Justin did as he was told, getting into the passenger seat.

“What’s wrong?” Justin asked after a minute.

“You don’t need to be coming to Liberty Avenue, Justin. Your parents would be very upset if they found out you were here. They don’t know you’re here, do they?”

“They think I’m at Daphne’s.” Justin answered and Brian sighed.

“Liberty Avenue is a dangerous place for you, Justin.”

“I didn’t know where else to go. I need to talk to somebody and you’re the only person I know that might understand.”

“Understand what?” Brian was suddenly concerned. Why did Justin feel he couldn’t go to his parents?

“I think I’m gay.” Justin looked down as if embarrassed. He looked up when Brian laughed.

“You’re what? 13?”

“Yeah.”

“How can you possibly know?” Brian asked.

“I don’t like girls the way other guys do.”

“Maybe you’re just a late bloomer.” Brian commented. Justin shook his head.

“I like sneaking looks at the guys in the showers in gym class.” Justin admitted with a blush.

“Sheer curiosity.” Brian said. He refused to believe Justin was gay. There was far too much that could happen to him and Brian wanted to protect Justin from all of it. Justin, however, was starting to get furious. The one person he thought he could trust was turning out to be no better than his parents. He tried a different tactic.

“How old were you when you realized you’re gay?” Justin asked. Brian sighed, knowing he was trapped.

“I was twelve.”

“Then why isn’t it possible that I actually know now?”

“Because it’s different now than it was back then.”

“Yeah, I mean. It’s more socially accepted now. You don’t have to spend your life lying about who you are.” Justin’s voice was filled with sarcasm.

“Homophobia is worse now because people aren’t hiding. People get shot and stabbed and beaten to death all the time. You never hear about it because gay bashing isn’t interesting news I guess, but it happens. Add AIDS on top of that….” Brian had to stop before his emotions got the best of him. He didn’t want to think about any of that happening to Justin. Justin stared at the older man in shock. He hadn’t realized what all was happening in the gay community. He could also tell that Brian was really worried. Justin reached over and took Brian’s hand. The older man looked at him with unshed tears glistening in his eyes. “You’ve led a very sheltered life, Justin. It should stay that way. At least for a little while longer.”

“But…” Justin started.

“No buts. Justin, I’m not saying you don’t know you’re gay. To be honest, I kind of predicted it. You just need to stay away from Liberty Avenue until you’re older. You need to not even think about having sex until you’re older.”

“How old were you?” Justin asked.

“It doesn’t matter how old I was, Justin. I just know that I was far too young. Promise me, Justin. Swear to me that you won’t worry about it for a while. I….” He paused, wiping at his eyes and sniffling. “Losing Jon was bad enough, Justin. I can’t lose you too.”

"I promise, Uncle Brian.” He said as he leaned over and hugged the older man. Brian held onto him tightly and, as he had at Jon’s funeral, he began to cry. He hadn’t shed a tear since the funeral and it felt good to let it all out. Especially with someone that he could trust not to hurt him while he was so vulnerable. The pain was part of the reason that Brian had avoided Justin. He just looked too much like Jon. When Brian finally calmed down, he sat back and wiped his eyes.

“I better get you home.” He said. Justin nodded.

“I gotta get my bike.” After the bike was loaded into Brian’s car, they drove toward Justin’s house. The ride was made in complete silence, neither one of them sure what to say. After Brian removed the bike from his trunk, he and Justin exchanged a quick hug.

“Remember what I told you.” Brian said affectionately.

“I will.” Justin smiled. “Will you promise me something, Uncle Brian?”

“Anything, kiddo.” Brian smiled.

“Actually stay in touch with me this time? I really miss you.” Justin looked down for a second. Brian gently lifted Justin’s chin so they could look into each other’s eyes.

“I will.” Brian promised, sealing the deal with a kiss to Justin’s forehead. Justin’s face lit up with his sunshine smile and Brian couldn’t help but smile back. After another quick hug, Justin headed up to the house. Brian watched until the blonde disappeared inside, then got in his car and headed home, fully intent on keeping his promise.

 

Part 5
 

Brian was awakened at two in the morning by someone pounding on his door. Having been suffering from insomnia for quite some time, Brian had only been asleep for about fifteen minutes when the pounding started. He looked at the clock and sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to be able to get back to sleep. Regardless of the reason for the pounding at the door, Brian knew it was going to keep him awake. Nothing good happened at two in the morning.

“Hang on a minute.” He yelled as the pounding continued. Brian took a minute to put on a pair of sweat pants before opening the door. He was more than a little shocked to see Justin standing on the other side. The boy had obviously been crying for a while and was carrying his backpack as well as a duffel bag. At fifteen years old he’d grown to all of five feet seven inches. Being on his high school’s swim team had toned his body, though he hadn’t lost his bubble butt. Brian shook his head to clear it, reminding himself that the gorgeous young man in front of him was his nephew, sort of. Besides the fact that he was only fifteen. “What happened?” Brian asked as he slipped his arm around Justin’s shoulders and led him over to the couch.

“He kicked me out.” The boy sobbed. When they sat down and Justin put his backpack and duffel bag down, Brian wrapped his arms around the younger man. Justin rested his head on Brian’s shoulder as he cried. Brian rubbed his back soothingly.

“Who kicked you out?”

“D…..Dad.” Justin managed. Brian suddenly grew very angry.

“What happened?”

“Mom…..mom caught me kissing this guy from school….we were just kissing….” Justin looked up at Brian. He remembered the promise he’d made to his uncle about holding off on sex. “She….she told Dad. When he asked me what I thought I was doing I told him I’m gay and he kicked me out.” Justin started sobbing again. “I didn’t know where else to go.”

“It’s okay.” Brian said as he reached up to stroke Justin’s hair. “You can stay here until we get things figured out, okay?” Justin sniffled and nodded, wiping his eyes with his hands. “Why don’t you try to get some sleep?”

“Okay.” Justin said, wiping his eyes again. He made his way into the bedroom. Justin stopped at the top of the stairs and turned to look at Brian. “Thanks, Uncle Brian.”

“Anytime, kid.” He smiled. Justin managed to smile through his tears before going and getting in bed. Brian sat on the couch making out a game plan. He was going to have a long talk with his former sister-in-law.

The first thing Brian did the next morning was call in to work and let them know that a family emergency came up. He said he’d only be late and would be in after lunch. After that was done he went in the kitchen and started making breakfast. He knew Justin well enough to start making eggs and bacon and toast. He made more than enough for the two of them, anticipating Justin’s teenage metabolism.

The smell of cooking bacon and fresh coffee caused Justin to stir. His growling stomach caused him to come fully awaken. He first went into the bathroom to relieve his aching bladder and do something about his morning hard on before slipping on a pair of jeans and heading into the kitchen. He hadn’t done anything about his bed head and was still about half asleep.

“Morning sunshine.” Brian said with a smirk. Justin grumbled something in response as he poured himself a cup of coffee. “You know, caffeine stunts your growth.” Brian commented. Justin glared at him and flipped him off before taking a long drink of the hot liquid. Brian laughed as he finished with the last of the bacon. “You better eat quick or you’ll be late for school.”

“I’m not going to school.” Justin said matter-of-factly.

“The fuck you’re not.” Brian said. The conversation turned into a stare down for several minutes before Justin finally relented.

“Fine.” He sighed. Brian chuckled. Once Justin was dropped off at school, Brian headed toward the Taylor residence. He’d been reassured by Justin that his mom would be home, having been a stay at home mom since Molly was born. Brian thought about what he was going to say as he made his way through town. What he wanted to do was ream both Jennifer and Craig for what happened, but he knew that would get them nowhere. The best thing to do was to approach them calmly and rationally. He decided to talk to Jennifer alone first, knowing she was the more rational of the two. He pulled up to the house and took a deep breath before getting out and going up the walk. He knocked on the door before losing all resolve and tried to wait patiently for someone to answer.

“Brian…” Jennifer had a shocked look on her face.

“Hello, Jennifer.” Brian tried to remain calm. “We need to talk.”

“About?” Though she’d been brought up with better manners, she had yet to invite Brian in.

“About the fact that Justin showed up at my door around two this morning with some of his clothes saying he’d been kicked out because he’s gay.” The ice in Brian’s tone was unmistakable. He noticed Jennifer sigh with relief before she moved aside to let him in.

“Justin’s with you?”

“He’s at school right now but I’m letting him stay with me for the time being, yes.” Brian answered.

“Thank God. I didn’t know where he’d gone.” She started to move into the kitchen.

“You wouldn’t have that problem if he hadn’t been kicked out in the first place.” Brian wasn’t even trying to hide his anger now. Jennifer stopped and looked at him.

“Craig is the one that kicked him out.” Jennifer defended.

“You could have stopped him, Jennifer. Or you could have kept your mouth shut. Tell me, Jennifer, what was it that possessed you to tell your blatantly homophobic husband about your son’s homosexual activity?”

“I’m just worried about him…”

“Worried enough to get him kicked out of the house. I truly misunderstood the depth of your concern.” Brian’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.

“How was I supposed to know that Craig was going to do that? I had no idea that he would go so far as to kick Justin out.” Jennifer was starting to get angry.

“You had no idea? You had no idea! How about the fact that you had to sneak around behind your husband’s back just to see your gay brother? Or what about Craig talking bad about Jonathan at his funeral? And that’s just the ones that I know about. You’ve lived with the man for how many years now? You can’t claim ignorance when it comes to the fact that Craig hates gays, Jennifer. It’s obvious in everything the man does.”

“This is different.” She said quietly.

“You thought because Justin is his son and not just his brother-in-law that maybe Craig would suddenly be okay with it?” Brian asked incredulously, laughing when Jennifer nodded. “How can you be so naïve?”

“Craig loves Justin. He always has. He’s always been proud of Justin.” Jennifer was trying not to cry.

“Obviously his love for and pride in Justin has its limits.” Brian said. Before Jennifer could comment, Craig came in the door, having come home for lunch.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He asked Brian angrily.

“Nice to see you again too, Craig.” Brian ground out. ”I’m here because Justin is currently staying with me since you kicked him out.”

“He’s not staying with you.” Craig said. “You’re the reason he is the way he is.” That statement made Brian laugh.

“You honestly think I made Justin gay? Homosexuality is not a communicable disease, Craig. It’s not a learned trait. It’s something ingrained from birth. Being gay is like being blonde or having blue eyes. Yeah, there are ways to hide it but you can’t change what you are inside no matter how hard you try.”

“My son is not gay. I won’t allow that in this house.” Craig said.

“Craig…” Jennifer started.

“No, Jennifer. If he wants to come home, that’s fine, but he will not go out, he will not talk about it and he will never see Brian again.”

“So, in order for him to live here he has to deny who he is, what he thinks and how he feels.” It was said more than asked. When Brian received no response he started up the stairs. Craig and Jennifer both stood there for a moment before following Brian. When Brian got to Justin’s room he located Justin’s luggage under the bed and started to pack as much of Justin’s things as he could.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Craig asked. Brian continued to pack as he talked.

“There’s no way in hell I’m going to let Justin live here. He deserves to be in a house where he’s loved and accepted for who he is, not what someone else wants him to be.” Craig reached over and started to grab Brian’s arm. Brian glared at the man. “Need I remind you what happened at Jonathan’s funeral? Do you really want to see what I can do with two good arms?” At that, Craig backed off. Brian finished packing and started to head downstairs.

“Brian…” Jennifer said as he was getting into his car.

“Yeah?” Brian sighed.

“Take care of him.” She said. Brian could see the worry on her face. This wasn’t what she wanted but at least she knew with Brian, Justin would be safe.

“I will.” Brian answered before getting in his car and driving off.

When Brian got home from work carrying two suitcases, Justin knew what happened. Brian went to talk to his parents and things hadn’t gone well. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly to calm down so that he wouldn’t start crying again before going over and helping Brian with the bags. He refused to make eye contact with his uncle, knowing if he did, he’d lose it. He didn’t want to see what was going on in Brian’s head because he was afraid he wouldn’t like what he saw.

“How was school?” Brian asked in an attempt to lighten the mood a little.

“Okay. I got an A on my history report.” Justin answered as he took the bags into the bedroom.

“That’s great.” Brian said, following Justin. He started to clean out some of his drawers before moving to work on making room in the closet. Luckily he had a smaller closet in one corner so that he could store some of the stuff there. Justin started to unpack, stopping when he looked at the drawer Brian had emptied. The older man hadn’t even thought twice about letting him stay. Justin sniffled. Brian came over and hugged him.

“I’m sorry.” Justin said as he tried not to cry.

“For what?”

“For…..for being a pain…..for…..” He started to cry.

“Justin….you’re not a pain. If I didn’t want you here you wouldn’t be here.”

“I’m just getting in the way…”

“No, you’re not.” Brian hugged Justin. “You’re not getting in the way. You’re not. You can stay here as long as you need. Okay?” He stroked Justin’s hair.

“Okay.” Justin answered, though he didn’t move out of Brian’s arms. After a couple of minutes Justin started crying again. “Why does he hate me?” The pain in his voice made Brian’s heart break and he only held tighter to Justin.

“Because he’s too stupid to understand what a beautiful, brilliant young man you really are. I would be proud to have a son like you, and I’m proud that you call me your uncle even though I’m not really. You’re amazing, Justin. I just wish Craig could see that.”

“You really think so?” Justin asked as he looked up into Brian’s eyes. Brian smiled and kissed his forehead.

“I know so.” He said. Justin’s face lit up with a smile. Brian reached up and wiped the tears away, then kissed each cheek. “Now, go get cleaned up and we’ll go get something to eat.”

“Okay.” Justin smiled again and went to shower and change clothes. They spent the night talking about different things in their lives, neatly avoiding the subject of Justin’s parents. That night they lay together, Brian’s arms around Justin, Justin’s head resting on Brian’s chest. While the younger man slept, Brian couldn’t help but wonder how anyone could turn away such a gifted, intelligent young man. He vowed from that moment on to do everything he could to make sure Justin felt loved and accepted, no matter what.

 

Part 6
 

It was Justin’s first day of college and he was extremely nervous. He’d been accepted to the Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts with a little help from one of his teachers and he was afraid that he wasn’t really good enough. Brian was paying the tuition. He’d agreed without thinking twice. Justin smiled when he thought about how great his life was.

Though his father kicked him out four years earlier, forcing the blonde to stay with Brian, things had only gotten better since. Justin learned first hand that all the rumors about Brian being a selfish, uncaring asshole were completely untrue. The Brian that Justin knew was kind, loving and generous, but he never told anyone about that.

He felt very lucky that Brian hadn’t meant for his stay to be short term. Four years was a long time to live with someone that you weren’t really related to in any way. Especially a teenager. All of Justin’s friends envied him living with his “uncle.” Brian didn’t really have any set rules. He especially didn’t tell Justin not to do something he did himself. He had four simple rules that were very easy to follow. Only get drunk if there’s someone you can trust to take you home. Never do the drugs that Brian stayed away from. Always use a condom and be home before he set the alarm which was usually around three in the morning. Anything else was left up to common sense.

As Justin stared at his reflection in the full length mirror Brian had in the living room, he couldn’t believe how much he’d changed since he first met the man he’d grown to call his uncle. Brian helped him make a lot of discoveries about himself in the past eight years. He learned that it was okay to fight for what you believe in, that it was okay to be an out and proud gay man and he’d learned to have confidence in himself and his abilities. Brian was always there to give him advice which was usually exactly what he needed to hear. Brian never held back the truth to spare his feelings. Most importantly, though, at least to Justin, Brian loved and accepted Justin the way he was, never expecting him to change anything about himself. That was what he loved the most about Brian.

Justin smirked when Brian called out of work for the day. Brian said he wanted to take Justin to school, pick him up from school and be available if he needed anything or in case anything happened. Justin could tell that Brian was worried about how Justin would handle college life. He knew from his cousin that it wasn’t the same as high school. The two were light years apart.

“You ready?” Brian asked from the top of the stairs into the bedroom. Justin turned and swallowed hard. Brian was standing there in a tight, white t-shirt and equally tight, black jeans. His hair was still damp from his shower and it was obvious he’d merely run his fingers through it. Though Justin had seen Brian like that several times it had never affected him quite the way it did then. He had to concentrate to keep from getting hard instantly.

“Yeah.” He managed. He hated that he was having thoughts like the ones running through his head about Brian. It was just wrong.

“Let’s go.” Brian smiled and walked to the door. He noticed how Justin moved so that they brushed against each other as he passed and couldn’t help but smile a little more. Suddenly, he cleared his throat, remembering that Justin was technically his nephew. He couldn’t think like that. It was rather difficult, though. Brian had gotten to know a lot about Justin over the past four years. He’d learned that they had a lot in common. Even when it came to career choices.

Justin was planning on studying graphic design and marketing, wanting to get into the art area of advertising. Brian thought it had something to do with his involvement in Justin’s life. He smiled at that thought. Knowing he having a positive impact on someone’s life made him feel really good. He was very glad that Justin seemed to only follow his positive example. Justin didn’t do drugs, or drink, or go to clubs, or fuck around. He didn’t do any of the things Brian did because he didn’t want to, not because he was told not to. Brian knew that deep down, Justin was a good kid. He did the right thing regardless of what his friends said. That made Brian extremely proud of his nephew.

Justin grabbed his stuff off the counter and started down the stairs. Brian found it extremely difficult to keep his eyes off Justin’s ass. It was, by far, the most perfect bubble butt Brian had ever seen. Just his luck it had to belong to the young man that called him uncle and that he’d treated like a son for the past four years. He shook his head and followed.

Both were quiet on their way to the school. Justin was worrying about his classes and Brian was worrying about Justin. They actually arrived at the school a little early. Justin got out of the car and started to walk toward the building.

“Justin.” Brian called as he got out of the car. Justin turned to look at him. “You need money for lunch?” He started to pull out his wallet when Justin blushed slightly and nodded. He came back to where Brian was standing. Brian slipped the money into his pocket, then reached up and adjusted the collar of his jacket.

“Thanks.” Justin said with a slight smile.

“You need anything, I’m just a phone call away.” Brian reminded him.

“I know.” Justin looked into his eyes and couldn’t help the smile that formed. “It’s my first day of college and you’re acting like it’s my first day of kindergarten.”

“Just hard to believe, that’s all. Seems like just yesterday you were an ten year old terror tackling me in Debbie’s living room.” He smirked and Justin laughed.

“I’ll be okay.” Justin reassured both himself and Brian.

“I know.” Brian said, then he leaned in and kissed Justin’s forehead. Justin looked at his watch.

“I better get going. Don’t want to be late on my first day.”

“Later.” Brian smiled a little.

“Later.” Justin said as he turned to walk off. Brian watched until Justin disappeared into the building before getting in his car and leaving.

“So, who was that hot guy that dropped you off?” Michelle asked. She was a five foot two, blond haired, blue eyed dancer. She and Justin met during orientation and found that they had three core classes together. They sat at a table in the cafeteria munching and talking about their day.

“That’s my Uncle Brian.” Justin answered.

“Your.....uncle?” She asked with a raised eyebrow. Michelle mouthed “okay” then turned back to her lunch.

“What?” Justin asked.

“Nothing. I mean....I’m an open minded person. What you do in your family is your business.” She said without looking him in the eye.

“What are you talking about?” Justin was thoroughly confused.

“Before I enlighten you, do you mind if I ask which of your parents he’s related to? Is he your mom’s brother or your dad’s brother?”

“Neither.”

“Huh?”

“Brian isn’t my blood uncle. He was in a relationship with my mom’s brother Jon. I was nine when they met. If my uncle hadn’t died he and Brian would probably still be together now.”

“So he’s not your blood uncle?”

“No, he’s my adopted uncle.”

“Why did he drop you off?” Now Michelle was the confused one.

“My dad kicked me out when I was fifteen because I’m gay. I’ve been living with Brian since.” Justin answered.

“So you’ve been living with Brian all this time?”

“Yes.”

“That explains so much.” Michelle said with a nod.

“I’m glad I helped you understand. Now will you explain it to me?”

“What do you need me to explain?” Michelle asked. Justin sighed, she was already frustrating him the way Daphne did before she went out of state to college.

“What the hell you’re talking about. What does me living with Brian for the last four years and Brian not really being my uncle have to do with anything?” Justin asked before taking a drink of his Sprite.

"You’re fucking.” Michelle said matter of factly, earning her a Sprite shower.

“What? No we’re not.” Justin protested.

“You’re not?”

“No, what would make you think that?” Justin asked.

“I watched you two together, Justin. That was not the actions of an uncle and nephew. The way he was looking at you....” She shook her head.

“What?”

“How can I put this delicately?” She asked and thought about it for a minute. “He’s warm for your form.”

“What? No....that’s impossible.....he’s practically been a father to me for the last four years.”

“Is he gay?” Michelle asked.

“Yes.” Justin answered in a “well duh” tone.

“Has he seen you naked?” Michelle accidentally walked into the men's room while Justin was taking a piss, getting a nice view of his dick.

“Lots of times.” Justin never thought anything of it.

“Are you close?” She was hoping she wouldn’t have to spell it out again.

“Very. We tell each other everything. I even know stuff that his best friend doesn’t know.”

“He wants you.” Michelle said. “And from what I can tell, you want him too.”

“I....” Justin blushed.

“I might not be an artist with an eye for detail but I do know love and lust when I see it.” She stated. Justin sat there in silence for a long time. He knew that he had feelings for Brian. They’d been developing recently, though he wasn’t sure why. But, could Brian really feel the same way about him? Could Brian want him that way? There was really only one way for Justin to find out.

 

Part 7
 

The first thing Justin did was stop at the grocery store on his way home from school. He was done with classes at three and he knew that Brian wouldn't be home until at least six which gave him plenty of time. He had to ride the bus to get everything done, but he got home in one piece and started putting the groceries away. Fortunately, he didn't have to work tonight and he hoped that Brian wouldn't have to work late. He was going to put his plan in motion and he needed the older man to be there or it wouldn't work.

After the groceries were put away, Justin went into the bedroom and started to look through his clothes, trying to pick out the perfect outfit. Part of his brain was screaming that this was sick and wrong. This man was like family. He'd been a virtual father to Justin for the past four years. They were extremely close. But another part of him kept reminding him that there was absolutely no blood relation between the two of them and what he was feeling was perfectly alright. Then there was the fact that this man had been practically engaged to his uncle almost nine years ago. They'd be related if Jon hadn't died. But they weren't related.

"This isn't wrong. This is perfectly okay." Justin told himself as he placed a bright blue sweater on the bed with a pair of khaki pants. He looked at it a minute, then put the bright blue sweater back and exchanged it for a pale blue knit shirt. After selecting the perfect pair of shoes, he nodded and went to start on dinner. Once everything was ready to go, Justin checked the clock and saw that he still had about an hour before Brian would be home. That gave him time to take a shower and get dressed before he started preparing dinner. He'd already set the table with Brian's finest dishes, a small bouquet of flowers he'd gotten at the grocery store and two twelve inch, white taper candles which he planned to light shortly before Brian came in the door. As soon as Justin stepped out of the shower he heard the phone ringing. He ran to pick it up just in case it had been ringing while he was in the shower.

"Hello?" He asked.

"Hey. You okay?" Brian's voice came through the phone. Justin couldn't keep himself from smiling.

"I was in the shower." He answered. Brian swallowed at the image that popped into his head of Justin standing in the living room in nothing but a towel still damp from his shower.

"I wanted to let you know I'm running a little late." Brian finally managed to get out. He was amazed that his voice didn't crack.

"How late?" Justin's smile fell immediately. He sighed inwardly that his plan was going to be ruined.

"Not very. I should be home by seven." Brian answered as he started looking through some paperwork.

"Oh, okay." Justin's smile returned. His plan could still be set into motion.

"So, I'll see you then." Brian said.

"Yeah, see you then." The two men hung up at the same time and Justin went back to work. He'd have time to do a little more than just cook dinner now that Brian was going to be late.

When Brian walked in the door he was more than a little surprised. The lights were low and there was soft music playing on the stereo. He could smell something amazing cooking in the kitchen and Justin was nowhere to be found. At first, he was just curious. The candle lit table with a vase of flowers sitting in the middle and his best plates got his heart racing. He was almost in full on panic mode when Justin finally came out of the bedroom.

"Hey." Justin said with a smile, but the smile soon faded. Brian's eyes were wide and he was looking around as if he had no idea where he was or what was going on. "What's wrong?" Justin's voice was filled with concern as he started to walk over to Brian.

"Justin.....what.....what's going on?" Brian asked before really looking at the young man in front of him. Justin was wearing a tight, pale blue sweater that brought out his eyes and showed off his body. The khaki slacks he was wearing hugged his ass perfectly and his hair was neatly combed. He was gorgeous. Normally, this fact would have calmed Brian down but tonight it only made things worse. He was having thoughts about Justin that he just didn't want to be having. Brian started to hyperventilate as a full blown panic attack set in. He hadn't had one in a while. Justin became increasingly more worried and started to mentally curse himself when he realized what was going on.

"Brian, you need to calm down, okay?" He walked over and took Brian's things, setting them down before he took the older man's arm and started to lead him over to the couch. They sat together and Brian started trying to take slow, deep breaths. He needed to calm down. This was Justin. This wasn't someone that Brian didn't care anything about. And they weren't actually related. They weren't really family. But even telling himself that over and over and over again didn't help. He couldn't get his heart to stop racing. Brian closed his eyes and tried very hard to calm down but it just wasn't working.

Justin started to gently rub Brian's back, soothingly whispering that everything was going to be okay. That he just needed to take slow deep breaths and calm down and everything would be fine. Without even thinking about it Brian lay down on the couch with his head in Justin's lap as he tried to calm down. Justin was a little surprised at first but he then started to gently stroke Brian's hair, trying to help any way that he could. Brian kept his eyes closed and tried to enjoy the touch. It was soothing and Justin's soft voice was helping a great deal. Before long, Brian had finally calmed down. He didn't want to move, though. He was really enjoying the feel of Justin's fingers in his hair.

"You okay now?" Justin asked. He was still worried about Brian. He had no idea the man would have a panic attack over something like this. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Brian and he'd managed to do exactly that. He sighed inwardly. After a couple of minutes, Brian sat up and ran his fingers through his hair before running his hands over his face.

"Yeah, I'm okay." He nodded and sighed before looking at Justin. "I....sorry. I didn't mean to freak out like that."

"It's okay." Justin smiled softly. He wanted to touch Brian's cheek but he was afraid it would be unwelcomed. "I....this was too much. I'm sorry."

"I just.....if you have a date or something..." He was grasping at straws, but he wanted to clarify exactly what was going on.

"No....no date." Justin looked down, his hands folded in his lap.

"So this really is what I think it is?" Brian was trying very hard to keep from having another panic attack. He managed to succeed even when Justin nodded his head. He took a couple of deep breaths to help remain calm. "It's....kind of out of nowhere. Isn't it?"

"I did a lot of thinking today and I realized a lot of things and....I just....I don't know." Justin sighed. "Don't worry about it. It was stupid." He got up and started to go over to the table.

"Justin." Brian stood and turned to look at the blonde, though he didn't try to move closer. Justin stopped and looked at Brian, a single tear rolling down his cheek. Brian sighed. He hated that he'd caused that tear. "This wasn't stupid. It was just..... unexpected. That's all." It was at that moment that Brian realized there were two possible reasons for the panic attack. The first was the thought that Justin was trying to tell him he had feelings for him. The second was the thought that Justin might be having a date with someone else. He didn't want to think about Justin with anyone else. The thought always made him angry. Jealousy was not something he ever admitted to having but he felt it every time someone else showed the slightest bit of interest in Justin.

"Unexpected, or unwanted?" Justin wanted the truth. He deserved that much. He stood his ground, staring at the man he'd called Uncle since he was ten years old.

"Unexpected." Brian said softly. He started to move closer to Justin. Justin looked up at Brian and almost gasped at what he saw. There was love in the beautiful hazel eyes, but not like there had been before. This was something different. Something Justin had never seen before. Brian came closer until they were merely inches apart and touched Justin's cheek, using his thumb to wipe away the remnants of the tear he'd shed.

"I've been attracted to you for a while." Justin admitted, a slight blush creeping onto his cheeks.

"Well, I have to admit I've had some rather interesting thoughts about you lately, too." Brian smiled a little, chuckling when that made Justin blush even more. "You’re an amazing young man, Justin. Smart, talented, funny, beautiful..." Brian continued to look into the beautiful blue eyes. "I just don't know if I'm the right person for you. I'm a lot older, I'm not exactly a saint.....then there's the fact that I'm still not completely over Jon..." Brian looked down a moment.

"Do you think maybe this has something to do with the fact that I look just like him?" Justin was starting to feel a little disappointed. He didn’t want to be Brian's replacement for the love he'd lost all those years ago. Brian looked up quickly, once again locking eyes with Justin.

"No. Justin, don't ever think that. You may look a lot like Jon, but you two are completely different people. I never felt for Jon the way I feel for you. It's totally different."

"Really?"

"Justin, I wouldn't be telling you how I feel if I thought it was just a residual of missing Jon. I would never hurt you like that." He leaned in and kissed Justin lightly on the lips. Justin closed his eyes and enjoyed the contact, though it was brief.

"I love you, Brian." Justin looked him in the eye, the faintest smile touching his lips.

"I love you too, Justin." Brian smiled just a little bit. It’d been a long time since he'd said those words to anyone without meaning them platonically. Brian leaned down and gave Justin a soft, lingering kiss that spoke volumes of the feelings he had for the young man. Justin wrapped his arms around Brian's shoulders, one hand going up to the back of the older man's head, holding him in the kiss. Brian's arms slowly found their way around Justin's waist, pulling him closer as they continued to kiss. They broke apart when the need for air overpowered their need for each other. Brian rested his forehead against Justin's and they smiled at each other, panting slightly.

"So....what do you think my mom's gonna say about this?" Justin asked. Brian's only response was to laugh.
 

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