What The...?
CHAPTER 1
The small living area of the cabin was dimly lit with votive candles. A fire was going in the fireplace and the smell of spiced apples filled the air. Brian breathed in the scent of the cabin and walked into the spare bedroom grabbed a large down comforter and a few pillows and sat them on the floor in front of the fire. He then scattered rose pedals all over the dining room table, and then lit some vanilla spice votives and placed them in the center of the table. He put out the fine china and opened a bottle of Justin's favorite red wine giving it time to breathe.
Justin went in to the bathroom tossed some water on his face and slipped on his robe. He noticed the bruises that were on his arms and chest. He didn't think that he and Brian had fucked that hard that afternoon, but brushed the bruising aside as a really hard fuck and hard work at the diner. He then walked out of the bedroom and smiled at Brian when he saw how much work he had gone through with dinner.
"Hey, I thought you were never going to wake up" Brian whispered when he saw Justin walk around the corner into the living room.
"Yeah, I guess I've been working to hard, I just feel a little run down," Justin replied stifling a yawn.
"Well that's what this weekend is all about, you, me, and recovering from all the stress in our lives. Now come eat," Brian said smiling at the young man standing in front of him. He hadn't realized how tired Justin had been lately until they had gotten to the cabin and all Justin had done when they weren't fucking was sleep, and the dark circles under his eyes were a dead giveaway that he was still exhausted.
The two men ate dinner comfortably feeding one another, and whispering words of care and compassion. By the time they had finished eating they were both extremely turned on and made there way to the front of the fireplace. They both enjoyed this setting the best when it came to sex because it was passionate, but still had that rough rustic feel. Justin began to run his hands along Brian's neck. He proceeded to pull his wife beater over his head and continue to caress Brian's chest. Brian reached over and untied Justin's robe allowing it to fall to the ground. That's when he noticed the bruising on Justin's arms and chest.
"Jus," he gasped, "What the fuck happened to you?"
"Bri, its nothing just hard work and we might have been a little rough last night. They don't hurt," Justin replied kissing Brian deeply trying to take his mind off the bruising that he had just seen, and it seemed to work because they both sunk into the pillows allowing themselves to be overtaken with passion.
Later that evening Brian awoke shivering. The fire had died down in the fireplace so he slipped on his sweats went and grabbed a couple of logs and tossed them on the fire. He then went and grabbed a quilt from the spare bedroom. He quietly lay back down next to Justin covering them both with the quilt. As he lay there watching the young man sleep he couldn't get the bruises he had seen earlier out of his mind, and as he traced circles along his back he noticed some larger purple splotches along his spine. He knew that this was something more than hard work and rough sex. As he snuggled up against Justin he whispered softly, "What aren't you telling me, and who or what is hurting you?"
The next morning Brian awoke to the sounds of hoarse coughing coming from their bathroom. He walked in and found Justin standing over the sink trying to catch his breath. In the light, he could also see the deep bruises that were along his arms, chest, and back. There dark circles under Justin's eyes were much more pronounced than they had been the day before, and that concerned Brian because Justin had slept almost twenty four hours straight.
"Hey" Justin replied with a rough tinge to his voice.
"Hey, are you getting sick?"
"I think its just allergies; after all we did sleep on the floor last night."
"Yeah, maybe we should get a shower so the steam will help your cough then I'll get your allergy medicine out of our bags." Justin nodded at that and both men got in the shower taking time just to hold one another. Justin was so exhausted that he could barely stand so Brian washed him then carried him to bed. He grabbed Justin's allergy medicine then went to the kitchen and grabbed some orange juice and took them both back to Justin. He hadn't been gone but ten minutes at the most, but Justin was already asleep so Brian stroked his cheek rousing him slightly in order for him to take his medicine and drink the orange juice.
Once Justin was settled on the bed Brian went and grabbed a book and lay next to his partner. He attempted to read, but kept looking at Justin. There was no mistaking that something was wrong with his young lover, and as soon as they got back into the Pitts, he was going to go to the doctor to get checked out.
One week after Justin and Brian had gotten back from vacation they sat in Dr. Connor's office. The first couple of days after they had gotten back from their vacation Justin had not gotten any better and Brian had finally insisted that they go see their doctor. Dr. Connor had seemed to think that Justin had an upper respiratory infection. He had ordered some other tests to be done and both men were sitting quietly waiting to hear what those results had come up with.
"Good afternoon, Brian and Justin" Dr. Connor said smiling. Both men returned the greeting, but both kept silent hoping that they would not have to know the outcome of the test results. Dr. Connor continued, "As you both are aware last time ya'll were in here there was some concern with Justin's blood work. He seemed to have an upper respiratory infection, but with the blood results that came back his white count is elevated, but his red counts are low so he's extremely anemic. I had ordered the bone marrow aspiration to look at the reason for the elevated counts and I am afraid I have some bad news."
"Ok," Brian whispered suddenly feeling violently ill. It hadn't been much over a year since he had heard those words when it came to his own health and it really freaked him out to think that something could be seriously wrong with his Sunshine. Justin gripped his hand and breathed in deeply hoping that the nausea that was coming over him would go away.
"Justin I'm afraid that you have leukemia, cancer of the blood." With those words both men felt like their whole world was collapsing in around them.
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CHAPTER 2
Brian's POV:
What the fuck? Did he just say cancer? This just happened to me? How can this be happening to us? He's so strong and has already been through so much. There was the bashing and then the whole fiasco with the fiddler. Then there was Cody and the damn posse. Then there was my cancer. Why did this happen to him? My eyes lock with his and I notice his fear, but besides his fear is concern for me. Even in the darkest moments of this life he has always loved me and now I need to show him and tell him that also.
Justin's POV:
What the fuck? He just told me I have cancer. Cancer that sounds so final and what about Brian he just got over his cancer. Man this world is just fucked up. Cancer, the one word that neither of us wanted to hear ever again and here it was showing its evil head once again. My eyes lock with his and I feel my fear melt away. That man questions love, but now I can finally see the love that he has for me. God I hope that I can survive this.
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CHAPTER 3
Both men went back to the loft in silence to pack. Justin would be undergoing treatment at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center's cancer specialization hospital. The director of oncology there was a former student at Johns Hopkins so the care was going to be excellent. He was going to begin his induction phase of oral chemotherapy as soon as they met with his oncologist Dr. Shaffer, and then he would begin IV and radiation treatments in the morning.
They had called a family meeting at the diner and told their family that Justin had cancer. Brian let Ted and Cynthia know that he was only going to be coming to Kinnetic if there was a really important client and Michael told Justin not to worry about Rage that he would take care of Brett and that all he needed to do was focus on treatments and getting better. Debbie buzzed around not even really focusing on the news that she had been given but silently prayed that Sunshine was going to make it, and Jennifer was the most upset about what was happening with her son and told Brian to take care of him and if they needed anything to let her know.
The drive to the hotel outside the medical center was silent. Then men had requested that the treatments be done on an outpatient basis so Brian could be with Justin. Even though the men lived in Pittsburgh and Brian understood the side effects of cancer treatments since he had gone through them himself Dr. Shaffer insisted that they check into a room in the hotel across from the hospital that way if there were any complications Justin would be within walking distance of treatment.
Once they arrived at the hotel and went up to their suite the anxiety of the doctors' visits and the news they had been given overwhelmed Justin and he collapsed on the bed sobbing. Brian sat next to him and held him close, "Justin you're a fighter and you will make it through this. I have faith in you."
"Brian how can you have faith in me. I have cancer I'm surprised you didn't run screaming in the other direction. You just dealt with all this yourself and now you have to deal with it with me." Justin said as he continued to sob.
"Shhhh, Jus you sat by me during my treatments and even though I was stupid and kicked you out you fought for me and made me let you stay, and I'm going to return that favor. We've been through hell and back in the last year and we can do it again," Brian choked out his voice full of emotion. He knew that he needed to tell Justin just how much he cared about him but he couldn't seem to get those three words out.
"I love you Bri. Thank You," Justin sighed against his chest as the sobs subsided, "Do we have time to go eat. I know I'm going to be sick later, so I might as well eat now."
"Yeah, let's go," Brian then took Justin's hand and as they walked to the restaurant he silently hoped that his Sunshine would make it through this rough illness.
Later that evening Justin lay curled in a ball in the middle of the bed. Brian was working on some paperwork for one of his clients at Kinnetic, but was also keeping a watchful eye on his partner. Two hours before Justin had taken his first round of oral chemo and had immediately wanted to come back to the room and sleep. Brian had decided to allow him to rest and take that opportunity to catch up on some work. Justin kept his eyes closed hoping that sleep would come, but it wouldn't. He was scared and all he could think about was that if he died he would leave Brian all alone. He desperately wanted to cry and as one single tear rolled down his cheek a fitful sleep overcame him. Brian continued to look at Justin he knew the young man was struggling with his emotions and gave him some space to think. When it was obvious that he was asleep Brian gave into his one guilty pleasure. He could see the struggle in the young man's body as he slept and knew that emotional toll and physical toll the chemicals were already having was wrecking havoc on his system.
Brian must have dosed off because a few minutes later he felt a hand caress his neck and shoulders, "Hey, I thought you were working." Justin whispered.
"I couldn't concentrate. How are you feeling?"
"Nauseas, but it's not that bad I think its just nerves. The IV tomorrow is going to be the worst. Will you get me a soda from the mini bar?"
"Sure." Brian said walking over to the fridge. He grabbed a bottle of ginger ale and took it to his partner. Justin sat on the large couch that was in the suite and took a sip of the soda. He was really feeling a lot worse than he had admitted to Brian and he silently hoped that the nausea would hurry and pass. Brian helped him back to bed and climbed in next to him. They lay spooned in this position just enjoying one another's company. This was one of the most trying days of their lives and they knew that it was going to only get harder.
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CHAPTER 4
Justin jerked awake suddenly, he was shaking and sweating and the nausea that had been mild earlier was much worse. He just knew he was going to throw up, and ran to the bathroom barely making it to the toilet before he was loosing the entire contents of his stomach. He gagged and heaved until he thought he had nothing left, and he managed to grab some more ginger ale but the fizzing sensation on his throat only made things worse causing him to dry heave leaving his stomach sore and his throat raw.
Brian had intended on staying awake as much as possible in order to keep an eye on Justin, but he must have dosed off because he was awoken by Justin's hoarse coughing. Brian could tell from the sound that he was vomiting, and he quietly went and grabbed some Advil and a bottle of water and walked into the bathroom.
"Baby…" Brian's voice trailed off when he saw Justin. His skin was ashen and he was sitting on the floor in front of the toilet clutching his stomach. "Let's go back to bed."
Justin just nodded and allowed Brian to pick him up and take him back to bed. Once he was back under the covers on the bed, Brian placed a trashcan on the floor then began to stroke his shoulders and neck with a cool cloth. He ached all over, and despite feeling flushed from the vomiting, he felt like his insides were ice. This was one little oral liquid and if this made him feel horrible then how was the IV chemo going to go, and on top of that, he had to have radiation and had seen first hand how sick Brian had been.
"Thank you," he managed to croak out to Brian.
"You did the same for me Sunshine. Now just close your eyes and relax. It will help the nausea."
"Ok Bri. I love you."
"Me too" he replied, and while he watched his partner fight his silent battle he prayed to anyone that would listen for his sunshine to survive this war.
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CHAPTER 5
The sound of the alarm ringing through the suite woke Brian with a start, he sat straight up hoping that the events that had played out were all just a dream then he became aware of his surroundings and realized that it was in fact reality. He reached over and brushed a hand across Justin's forehead causing him to stir slightly. He had been sick most of the night and had finally been able to get to sleep around four. Brian hated to wake him, but they had to be at the treatment center by eight and he knew that it was going to take a while for them to shower and even if Justin didn't feel well enough to eat he still needed to try.
"Jus," Brian whispered in his ear, and he then ran his tongue along his earlobe kissing his way down to his neck. Justin loved being woken up that way and Brian thought that even though he was probably still feeling like hell that it would be a much more pleasant way to wake up than immediately feeling like you were going to vomit.
"Hmmm" Justin moaned and Brian met his lips with a kiss, but Justin pulled back suddenly, and his eyes fluttered open.
"Bri, I can't."
"Can't what?"
"Kiss you, I spent all night throwing up I need to brush my teeth."
"Sunshine, shut up and kiss me I'm sure I've tasted worse," and with that said their lips met in a soft kiss, which suddenly turned feverish and passionate. Their tongues battled it out savoring each other's flavor until they had to part for air.
"I love you Bri," Justin whispered.
"Do you feel up to eating anything?"
"Some dry toast with some sprite or ginger ale. I'm pretty sure that that's all I'll be able to keep down."
"Ok, why don't you go get a shower, I'll take care of breakfast."
After a quick breakfast, the men both headed to the treatment center. After filling out the paperwork, going to radiation therapy, and having a brief meeting with his imaging therapist it was time for Justin to go for his first chemo treatment. Justin's eyes roamed the stark white walls of the treatment center. He was sketching to pass time and as always, his model was Brian. The older man was standing across the room sipping a cup of coffee and trying desperately to fight sleep. He had spent most of the night taking care of him while he was sick and he had gotten up early to go with him to his first round of treatments. He couldn't help but think how much he was loved. As he watched Brian, he made a mental note to do something ridiculously romantic for him as soon as his treatments were over. While he thought about what to do to show Brian how much he was loved he couldn't help but notice that his skin was on fire as the chemotherapy went in to his bloodstream. He didn't understand how something that made you feel like you were going to die was really the only thing keeping you alive. He desperately wanted to wake up from the nightmare and as he continued to look at Brian, he began to slowly drift off to sleep.
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CHAPTER 6
Brian was lying on the bed in the hotel thankful that Justin was resting comfortably. He brushed a stray hair from his forehead and kissed him softly on the temple. He had been sick most of the afternoon after his treatment, but was fine for the moment so Brian stood up and walked into the other room. He plugged in his laptop hoping that he would be able to get a little work done, but his phone rang before he could start.
"Hello?"
"Hi Brian. How's Justin?" Jennifer Taylor asked with slight nervousness in her voice.
"Miserable. He's been nauseas for almost 24 hours. He can't eat without vomiting, and he was so sick last night that neither of us got much sleep."
"How are you holding up?"
"Okay for the most part aside from being exhausted, but I am scared out of my mind that I'm going to lose him before I can work up enough courage to tell him just how I feel. Jennifer, I'm in love with your son, and even though you and I don't always get along one thing we have in common is the love we share for Justin."
"Oh my God, Brian I have waited for you to tell me that for the last year since he moved back in with you after he got back from California."
"Thanks and Jennifer I want you to know that I will do anything for your son, and I will never hurt him. He has treatment in the morning, but if he's not to sick he might want get out of here for while so we will probably come by."
"Thank You Brian. Bye."
Once Brian stuck the phone back on the cradle he looked up and was met with Justin's warm gaze. Brian's emotions almost got the best of him. His skin was slightly ashen and his lips were dry and cracked. The blue of his eyes shone even brighter with unshed tears, and the room let up when he smiled at Brian.
"Hey," he whispered.
"Hey, why aren't you resting?"
"Because you can only sleep so much, and I'm feeling a little bit hungry. Do we have any more crackers or did I eat them all earlier when I was trying to stop throwing up?"
"There are plenty of saltines, and Debbie brought by some of her chicken soup if you think you can manage eating that?"
"That actually sounds good."
Brian stirred around the kitchenette and heated the soup while Justin lay curled up on the sofa watching the Power Puff Girls. They quietly exchanged glances as Brian carried two mugs of hot soup over to the coffee table and handed Justin a sleeve of crackers.
"Thanks baby" Justin said as he quietly sipped his mug of soup. It was soothing on his dry throat and seemed to warm his insides slightly, "Who was on the phone?"
Brian completely froze at that question he knew that he had told Jennifer his true feelings for Justin and didn't want to have him hear that overhearing a conversation, "Your mom. She was checking to see how you were doing. I told her that you were asleep and that if you felt up to it that we would go over there in few days."
"That sounds nice. I'll have to call Debbie and tell her thanks for the soup."
"Yeah," Brian smiled as he sat his mug down and wrapped Justin in his arms. He knew that it made the blonde feel safe and that was one thing that he enjoyed most even more than making out or having sex. Brian began nibbling on his ear working his way down to his neck, wanting nothing more than to be close to his partner. Justin leaned back into the kiss wanting nothing more than to soak up the scent of Brian. He was still weak, but he knew that he wanting nothing more than to be close to Brian. Brian ran his tongue over Justin's lips and own tongue and when they finally broke for air Brian stared deep into Justin's eyes and smiled. He knew that this was perfect, "I love you," he whispered.
Justin beamed he had wanted to hear those words for so long, and he knew that there couldn't have been a more romantic moment than that, "I love you too," he whispered crushing Brian's lips with a kiss, and that night as they made love for the first time the world seemed almost perfect.
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Chapter 7
"Hey Love, wake up," Brian said as he slammed his hand down on the snooze button on the alarm. Last night had been spectacular. They made love until two in the morning just savoring each other's bodies, but once again it was time to go back to hell. He rolled over to face Justin and immediately knew something was wrong. Justin's skin was flushed and his breathing was ragged. "Justin?"
"Not again Brian. I'm too tired, and my head is throbbing, and I'm to cold" he replied with a thick tinge to his voice followed by a raspy cough and his whole body shook with chills.
"Jus, you have fever. Let's go to the center." Brian said quickly throwing on some sweat pants on and dressing his lover in the same. He sat Justin in the wheel chair that they had been given at the treatment center, and pushed him out the door.
Once at the center Justin had severe chills. He was immediately taken back and put on a breathing machine to help his cough and his temperature was taken and his blood drawn. He kept drifting in an out trying to stay coherent but nothing seemed to be helping. Brian was a nervous wreck and paced the floor until Dr. Shaffer showed up.
"Good Morning, Justin I think we need to admit you for a week or so."
"Why? I want to stay with Brian?" Justin asked.
"Well it looks like you have an infection, so we need to give you antibiotics and watch your blood counts closer, and we can arrange a way for Brian to stay with you."
"Ok" Justin said listlessly. All he wanted to do was sleep and tell Brian how much last night meant to him. Brian followed Dr. Shaffer into the hall and questioned him about what was going on.
"What is it?"
"Looks like pneumonia, however I am concerned with the fact that he has developed an infection so soon into treatment, and considering his history for drug allergies it could be a reaction from one of the drugs in his chemo regimen. Also, it could be a cold that he caught before he was diagnosed, and because his system was already weak due to the cancer the chemo and radiation could have just made it worse. I'm going to go make the arrangements, and I'll also make sure there is a way for you to stay with him."
"Will he be ok?" Brian replied dryly. He had finally shared his feelings of love and now he was more scared than ever of losing his lover.
"It's going to be rough, and I'm not going to lie and say yes because I don't know, but he's a fighter."
"Yeah that he is." Brian smiled knowing that Justin would fight like hell for them and his life.
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Chapter 8
Brian sat next to Justin's bed watching him sleep. It had been a week since Justin had been admitted to the hospital. His breathing was still ragged and his skin was pale. Justin's blood work came back negative for any infection, but there was still no diagnosis as to the cause of the fever. Brian stroked the hair back from his lover's face and placed a cool cloth on his forehead. Dr. Shaffer seemed to think that the fever was being caused by an allergic reaction to one of the drugs in the chemo regimen so in order to break the fever they had to stop the drugs, and then flush his system with fluids. Because he was being given cortisone treatments for his breathing and so many fluids Justin's features were swollen and barely recognizable, and all Brian wanted to do was pick him up, take him home, and erase the last few weeks of hospitals and doctors.
"Brian? Why don't you go get something to eat? Michael's waiting outside and wanted to talk to you too. I'll stay for a while." Jennifer said as she walked into Justin's room.
"Thanks Jen, I'll be back as soon as possible." Brian replied as he walked out of the room.
"Hey Brian, how is he, and how are you?" Michael asked. He could see the many emotions written all over Brian's face and knew that if he didn't get Brian to open up the man was going to have a nervous breakdown. He had only see him this upset once when it was concerning Justin and that was the night of the bashing. He could tell that Brian felt helpless and that he was quickly loosing control.
"No change, and how do you think I feel," Brian snapped the stress of the whole situation had built up and he just started yelling at Michael, "How would you feel if it was Ben? Justin is in that room lying in a bed sick and there is nothing I can do, and then everyone keeps asking me how I am. You want to know how I feel; you can't know how I feel. The doctors don't know what's wrong and when I try to find out they just push me away. I just want it to all go away..." Brian's emotionless demeanor melted away, and he collapsed into Michael sobbing, and Michael just guided them both down to the floor and allowed his friend to cry for his lover.
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Chapter 9
POV MICHAEL
Damn cancer, first my best friend and now his lover. I wish this disease would just stop if not for the whole world then just this little corner of it. They have both been through so much, and even though I might not have liked Justin at first the Boy Wonder has turned out to be a really good friend, and he has also helped this man sitting here have a heart. I never saw Brian have emotions before Justin. I know they love each other. Damn It, Justin better survive this.
POV JENNIFER
Leukemia, my baby boy has leukemia. He's so sick and I'm scared out of my mind. I'm glad he's not alone though. I never thought I would say this but God I am thankful for Brian Kinney. He is the one person that will keep my son fighting. When he told me he loved Justin I couldn't understand that at first. I see it now in the way that he holds my son's hand, and in the way he breaks down when with Michael. Justin baby please survive this. We all love you Brian most of all.
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Chapter 10
"BRIAN," Justin gasped and sat straight up his breathing erratic and his body shaking as his sweat soaked through his t-shirt. Brian sat straight up in bed at the sound of Justin's cry.
"Justin? Shhh its ok," he rubbed circles on Justin's back and shoulder's soothing his fear. That's when he also realized that his fever had broken because there was sweat soaked through his clothes and sheets.
"Fuck, I thought it was all just a dream. This is really happening. Shit." Justin sighed leaning back against Brian. He knew that he had been in the hospital for a week, but everything that had been happening to him had been fuzzy, and that last truly coherent thought had been making love to Brian after Brian had told him he loved him. "What happened?"
"You had an allergic reaction to one of the drugs in the chemo, that explains why you had been so sick and that also explains the fever. They admitted you because your fever was really high and they thought that you had pneumonia, and Dr. Shaffer ended up having to detoxify your system by giving you cortisone and fluids."
"Can you help me to the bathroom? I need a shower."
Brian carried him into the bathroom, turned on the shower and gently stripped him of his soaked clothing. He buzzed the nurse to have her change the sheets and then undressed himself and got into the shower with Justin. The fever had left him weak and he was barely able to stand on his own. Brian helped him shower then helped him get dressed then carried him back to bed.
"Bri, did you tell me you love me or did I dream that?"
"Why baby?
"Well the last thing I really remember was you telling me you love me, and then we made love. We were eating chicken soup, and I had sat my mug down and you came up behind me and started kissing me, and we paused for air and your eyes locked on mine and you said I love you. It was so special and really natural. Did all that happen?"
"Yeah, all that did happen. I do love you."
"I love you Brian."
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Chapter 11
Dr. Shaffer allowed Justin to leave the hospital a few days after the fever broke, and he was doing much better. The chemo regimen that he had been on was switched, and he felt a little better than he had. He still got sick after treatments, but not for as long, and he felt like he wasn't as weak. He even felt well enough to go out for coffee, and that's just what he wanted to do.
"Brian, can we go get coffee? I don't think I've seen the sun in a week, and I'm feeling a little better."
"Ok where do you want to go?"
"I know this sounds crazy, but I want to visit Debbie at the diner."
"Ok, but you know eat something light, and you know that some of the gang is most likely going to be there so are you up to seeing them?"
"Yup," Justin said as he pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater. His clothes were too big for him, and hung on him like sheets, and because his skin was pale you couldn't help but notice that he was sick. Brian looked him up and down and smiled to himself. He definitely knew what would make Justin happy after stopping by the diner.
"Why don't we go to the mall also? You could really use a few new pairs of jeans and some sweaters that fit. I know that all you have wanted to wear is sweats cause you've been feeling so sick, but since you are starting to feel a little better and want to go out some clothes shopping is in order."
"Thanks I was wondering about what I'm going to wear around since all my clothes are huge."
"Well now you have your answer."
The two men walked through the mall later that afternoon holding hands and just enjoying the time that they had together. They got the normal amount of stares that they normally got when walking through the mall, but this time they were more focused on Justin instead of the two of them. Since the chemotherapy was leaving his ability to fight infections low he was still able to go out in public but he had to wear a surgical mask to keep his risk of infection low. They went to the Levi store and bought a few pairs of jeans and to American Eagle to buy some sweaters. When they were standing in line at American Eagle, a little girl caught Justin's attention and smiled at him. Her innocence drew Justin to crouch down to her level and he motioned to her to come over. When she was standing next to him he asked, "I bet you want to know why I'm wearing a monster mask."
She just nodded her head, and about that time her mom walked up and stood next to her, "I'm sorry sir. I didn't mean for her to stare. She's five and she has never seen someone dress like you or hold hands with his boyfriend before."
Justin stood up to speak to her mom, "It's fine ma'am. My partner has a son abut her age and he looked at me the same way earlier today. His moms were just as apologetic. It doesn't bother me though," he smiled at the little girl and continued, "I have a big bug in my blood and this mask helps keep other bugs from getting in."
"Is the bug going to die," the little girl asked.
"I hope so. The doctors are trying to squish him, but he always runs away." he said as Brian walked up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"I hope they catch him," the little girl smiled at him one more time and walked off hand in hand with her mom.
"You ok?"
"Yeah, let's just go home."
Once they got back to the suite Justin's emotions overwhelmed him. He wanted nothing more than to forget the incident at the mall. He had been ok with it at the time but he was soon feeling helpless and vulnerable. He walked up to Brian and started kissing his neck and unbuttoning his shirt.
"Justin, we can't do this. You counts are to low and if I'm carrying anything you could get really sick again" Brian said. He had seen the pain on Justin's face when the people had been staring, and he knew that he wanted nothing more than to be comforted by love making, but it just wasn't possible.
"Fuck my counts and fuck this disease, Brian. I can't take this anymore. I'm always sick. When I do feel good I want to go places but I can't without this fucking surgical mask and the whole world staring at me. That little girl was so innocent she had no idea that the man she was talking to might die. I can't fucking take it anymore." Justin paused and ran his fingers through his hair and it came out in clumps in his hand, "Fuck and now my hair's falling out and I know that chemo and radiation are supposed to cure but what kind of bullshit is that...," Justin's voice began to tremble as the tears shone in his eyes.
"Baby, shhhh," Brian wrapped his arm around Justin forcing him to calm down, and as Justin's anger melted into sobs he felt powerless to do anything for him.
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Chapter 12
Justin awoke to soft kisses being placed on his neck and shoulders. He loved being woken up that way and quietly moaned with content. It had been a week since his minor nervous breakdown after the incident at the mall, and since letting all of his feelings out he was feeling more stable emotionally. It had been a month since he had been diagnosed with leukemia, and even though it had been a rollercoaster month in the way of his health things couldn't have been more perfect. Today had been his last day of induction treatment, and when they had gone into Dr. Shaffer's office for the weekly meeting he told them that he was pleased with the results of his bone marrow aspirations and blood work. He wanted him to go on post remission therapy which meant he would be given four more weeks of IV chemo at the same dosage he had been being given then he would get to go home and take oral chemo until told to stop. He and Brian couldn't have been more excited. He rolled over to meet Brian's smoky gaze while leaning into each kiss, "Hmm what's up?"
"Me and you," Brian replied reaching down and running his hand gently over Justin's hard cock. They hadn't been able to make love since the last time, and now that Justin's counts were significantly lower Brian wanted to please his lover.
"Hmm," Justin moaned at the gentle caress that was soon followed by Brian's tongue wrapping around the tip of his cock, "Let me do the same to you."
Brian shifted his position so that Justin could suck him while he did the same to him. Justin enjoyed sixty nine because he felt that it was incredibly intimate to bring your lover to orgasm through oral sex at the same time they were doing it to you. He also liked how Brian responded to his ministrations by giving him equal pleasure.
Brian stroked his tongue up and down Justin's shaft. He also nibbled and sucked the underneath side of his balls while probing his hole with his fingers. Justin stroked his tongue up and down Brian's inner thigh causing his lover to tremble. He proceeded to suck his shaft and fondle his sac. He then took his hands and probed Brian's hole with his damp fingers. He wished Brian would let him suck his balls like he used to before the surgery, but even a year later Brian was still sensitive about the fake testicle. Both men moaned and sucked until they were both shooting into one another's mouths. Once the caught their breath Brian rolled over kissing Justin deeply allowing their flavors to combine on their tongues. He nibbled and sucked each of his nipples and continued back down to his balls.
"Brian, ahhh," Justin moaned unable to make coherent sentences.
When Brian sensed that he was close he lubed two fingers and slipped them inside opening Justin's hole. He prepared himself with the lube and positioned himself over Justin and whispered in his ear, "I love you Justin Taylor."
Waves of pleasure washed over Justin as he felt Brian enter him raw. He never imagined how good the skin on skin contact would feel, and moaned into each kiss that he and Brian shared. Brian thrust slowly and deeply into Justin matching each thrust with a kiss. He moaned into each kiss savoring Justin's flavor and scent. Before long waves of pleasure washed over both men as they held onto one another tightly crying out in pleasure. Brian held Justin close until their breathing became more even then he rolled off of Justin and withdrew.
"Why Brian," Justin whispered as he snuggled into Brian's arms.
"Because you're only mine and I'm only yours," Brian whispered and as he held him as he drifted off to sleep he whispered, "We're going to make it. You'll see," but only hoped it was true.
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Chapter 13
"Cynthia, It's Brian."
"Hey Boss."
"I need your help. I'm bringing Justin home today, and I have a surprise for him. I need you to use the key you have to the loft and go in and make it look ridiculously romantic, and I also need you to have dinner ordered. I don't care what it is or how the loft looks I just need it taken care of by 6, and if you need help call Emmett."
"Okay, why are you being so secretive?"
"You'll find out soon enough I promise," Brian said and smiled to himself as he hung up. They had been waiting for that day for a month since Dr. Shaffer had told them that Justin was going to start post remission therapy. Dr. Shaffer was very pleased with Justin's blood work and bone marrow biopsy and had said that as long as his counts were that high that they had achieved complete remission and that it was safe to start the oral treatment and go back home.
Brian had wanted to do something special for his sunshine since he had been sick and since he had already told him he loved him and they had made love raw he thought a romantic dinner with a surprise ending was in order. He slipped the little velvet box out of his jacket pocket and smiled. He had seen the set of platinum and diamond wedding bands in the jewelry store window one afternoon while out buying Justin some ginger ale and crackers. He never had envisioned himself as the type of person to settle down, but considering the events of the past year he knew that he desperately needed and wanted Justin in his life.
Justin had had a particularly rough treatment that afternoon since they had decided to give him the last dose of IV chemo and radiation all on the same day. He had been incredibly nauseas all afternoon, and had decided that if he slept he would feel better. Brian stirred around the suite packing all their things from the last two months and took their bags to the car. He went and checked out, and then went back to the suite and carried Justin to the car. The drive back to the loft was quiet and Brian thought about what he was going to say to Justin.
"Hey Baby, wake up. We're home." Brian whispered against Justin's ear causing him to stir. His eyes fluttered open still heavy with sleep and Brian almost melted right there at the site of his lover. "Do you want me to carry you?"
Justin nodded and Brian slipped his arms around him and lifted him out of the corvette. Justin leaned his head against Brian's shoulder during the elevator ride up to the loft, and was sound asleep once more before they were even inside. Brian went and laid him on the bed covering his frame with the duvet and then went outside to get their bags. Once back upstairs he tossed their bags aside and took a moment to survey the loft. Cynthia had really outdone herself. The food was in the oven on low and there was champagne chilling in an ice bucket. The futon mattresses and floor pillows had been scattered around the living room with candles lining the window seal and coffee table. There were also candles leading into the bedroom and bathroom leaving dim romantic lighting in each one of the rooms. He was in shock and it couldn't have been more perfect.
"Bri," Justin whispered from behind him.
"Hey baby," He replied turning around and brushing his hand across Justin's forehead a habit that he had gotten into since Justin lost his hair.
"What's going on?"
"Well there's something I wanted to show you. Close your eyes," Brian said taking Justin's hand and leading him into the living room. He pulled the box from his pocket and opened it revealing the rings and said, "Open your eyes."
Justin gasped when he opened his eyes. Brian was kneeling before him holding the box with the wedding bands. He had never imagined that Brian would have done what he was about to do. Tears ran down his face as Brian spoke.
"Justin Taylor, you are my world. I know that I haven't always been there for you like I should have and I know that there are times when I don't say what I feel, but Jus I love you. When I thought I was going to die from my cancer and leave you alone that was the hardest thing for me, and when we found out you had cancer too I felt like the world was collapsing around us. I never want to lose you or you to lose me. Sunshine you are the light in my life and I want the whole world to know that nothing can part us. Will you be my husband?" Brian asked while sliding one of the bands on Justin's hand.
"Yes Brian I will be your husband," Justin replied tears streaming down his face. He had never thought that Brian would ask him to marry him and it felt almost surreal. He couldn't have been happier than he was that very moment but he couldn't help but shake that nagging feeling that cancer wasn't behind both of them for good.
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Chapter 14
The days seemed to fly by since they had been home. Justin had gotten back into his art finding it therapeutic, and Brian went back to Kinnetic. The gang had been slightly shocked when the boys had walked into the diner wearing the matching rings, but it wasn't all that unexpected. Brian had been hopelessly committed to Justin since he had moved in with him after his job in California, and the cancer diagnosis had only made them closer.
The decided that they wanted to be legally married so decided that when Justin was strong enough to travel that they would take a weekend trip to Canada and make it official, and when they got back to the Pitts they would have the big commitment ceremony that Justin had always wanted.
Justin sat in the loft flipping through a formal wear magazine when the sound of the phone ringing pulled him from his thoughts. He was finally feeling strong enough and he and Brian planned on leaving within the month to go to Canada provided that his test results came back with good results, and that Dr. Shaffer said it was okay for him to travel.
"Hello."
"Is Justin Taylor in please?"
"Hi Dr. Shaffer, this is Justin," Justin choked out. He never heard from his oncologist about his results and he had this gut feeling that something was serious.
"Justin I need you and Brian to come down to my office this afternoon because we need to discuss some of your latest test results."
"Dr. Shaffer, what's going on," Justin's voice trembled slightly knowing that something was definitely wrong.
"Well I'm not completely sure, but there is some cause for concern that you might have relapsed."
Justin almost passed out he knew that that was bad and he knew that his chances for survival now were lower, but worst of all to him was the fact that he might not be able to marry Brian and that is what hurt him most of all.
When Brian walked into the loft later that evening he saw Justin lying on the couch, and The Yellow Submarine was playing quietly on the TV. He sat his briefcase and coat down and went over to his fiancée. He noticed that he was curled in a ball and had obviously been crying.
"Justin, baby what's wrong," Brian whispered.
"Dr. Shaffer called. We have to go in and see him. He thinks I've had a relapse," Justin began to cry once more just thinking about it.
"Oh fuck baby, how long ago did he call and why didn't you call me," Brian asked while wrapping Justin in his arms.
"About 3 hours and I didn't want to bother you at work," Justin replied between sobs wanting nothing more that for this nightmare to end. He was about to be married to the man of his dreams, and the damn cancer had to come back. He hated it and wanted it to all just go away.
"I wish you would have. You aren't going to push me away," Brian whispered as he tried to sooth his young lover and take his pain away.
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Chapter 15
The next day both men walked into the oncology center to meet with Dr Shaffer. Justin had been awake most of the night throwing up, and Brian had been up with him trying to make him calm down knowing that making himself sick over the situation wasn't going to help.
"Justin how are you doing today," Dr Shaffer asked as he walked into the exam room.
"I was sick half the night thanks to our little conversation yesterday. I need to know what's going on with my body. I feel like I'm getting better, but why are the test results saying something different?"
"Well it seems as if the blasts aren't responding to the treatment. With your form of leukemia sometimes the mutated white blood cells that are being produced will stop responding to treatments. Because the immune system starts to build immunity to the drugs and in your case because there is only a certain combination of drugs we can give you those cells reached that immunity much faster than normal. You feel like you are getting better because the chemo level is still high enough in your blood from the pills that the cancer isn't spreading yet."
"What does that mean," Brian asked not liking the sound of this conversation at all.
"Justin has to have a bone marrow or stem cell transplant in order to survive, and he has to begin IV chemo right away."
"How do we find the bone marrow," Justin asked.
"The most likely candidate for successful transplant is a sibling then if they don't match we look at parents and next of kin, and then if those candidates don't match we go to the national bone marrow and stem cell registry"
With that said the men excused themselves and thanked Dr. Shaffer for all of his help. They went home to the loft and packed their bags, and went back to the hotel. Justin was extremely concerned because he knew that his only hope for 100 percent cure was bone marrow from Molly, and he just hoped that Molly was a match.
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Chapter 16
"Mom, calm down and listen please. Mom please just calm down ok. Fine, talk to Brian" Justin struggled to stay calm while talking to Jennifer. He and Brian hadn't told anyone about his relapse for the simple fact that they wanted a week without anyone coming in and saying that they were feeling sorry for them. They had spent that time just being together and enjoying one another's company, but when that time was up Justin knew he had to call Jennifer and talk to her about the transplant.
"Hi Jen, it's Brian. We need you to come to the hotel that we stayed at last time Justin was sick and talk about some things. I know this has been difficult to hear but there is more that we need to talk about Jennifer and Justin needs us to be strong right now especially me and you. Would you please just calm down and come up here. Thanks."
"Thanks," Justin replied weakly. He had been back on IV chemo immediately since they had found out his cancer was out of remission, and it was a lot stronger than before, and he felt much weaker.
"Are you feeling ok?"
"Nauseas, but what else is new. I practically puked my toenails up this morning. I feel like shit and I want this to end. I hope Molly is a match, and even though she doesn't understand all that is going it's the only thing that might just work. Fuck I feel like I've been run over by a truck. I'm going to take a nap maybe by the time mom gets here I'll feel better. I love you."
"Love you too, baby."
While Justin slept Brian pulled out his laptop and began to do some research on the transplant procedure. He saw that Justin would have to go through a bone marrow harvesting procedure to protect him against rejection, but the part that bothered him the most is that Justin would be put in isolation and have his immune system suppressed with extremely high doses of chemo therapy which would essentially kill off his immune system. During that time he would be susceptible to any minor infection which was extremely risky, and that's what scared him to death.
"What are you reading," Justin asked as he walked through the living area and went in the kitchenette to grab ginger ale and a sleeve of crackers.
"Just the procedures for a bone marrow transplant. Did taking the nap help you feel any better?"
"Nope worse, I'm hoping that the soda and crackers will settle my stomach. This nausea is almost as bad as it was when I was taking that drug I was allergic too. Its just…", his voice trailed off as he ran to the bathroom. Brian walked in and smoothed circles on his back as he continued to vomit. When the heaving finally subsided he leaned against Brian heavily, "Sorry, I know you can't stand it when I throw up."
"Shh, you can't help it," Brian said helping him off the floor and back to the couch. He wiped his forehead with a damp cloth and placed a trashcan next to him. "Why don't you stay here and rest and I'll handle your mom after all she is going to be my mother in law."
"Yeah that sounds like a good idea. I love you."
"Love you too," Brian said kissing him on the forehead and walking down to the lobby to meet Jennifer.
"Hi Jen," Brian said when he walked up to Jennifer.
"Hi Brian, where's Justin?"
"He's not feeling well he's been really sick and I told him to stay and rest."
"That's probably best. Now why did you call me down here, last time Justin was sick ya'll came to me. Is something more serious?"
"Let's go talk about this somewhere quiet," Brian said and led her into the hotel restaurant. Once they were seated he explained the situation to her and showed her the research he had done earlier. He made sure to explain that Molly was going to be the best likely candidate since she was a sibling and that siblings were normally the best match, but the hardest part of the news was telling her that without a bone marrow mach Justin was going to die because his cancer would only respond to specific treatments, and that even though he was responding well right now that there was no guarantee that it would be that way in the future.
"Okay Brian. I'll take Molly tomorrow and while I'm there I will also get checked, and I will call Craig and let him know what's going on because he needs to be tested as well," Jennifer said softly almost on the verge of tears.
Brian took her in his arms and soothed her. He just felt this overwhelming sensation that no matter what the outcome was with the Taylor's that Justin was going to survive this.
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Chapter 17
Brian had been sitting with Justin all night in the small isolation cubicle. He watched his lover's pained expression as his body fought his weakening immune system, and he desperately wanted to have some form of skin on skin contact even if it was just a brush of the finger tips, but since Justin was in isolation visitors had to gown out which meant they were in sterile gloves, shoe coverings, surgical masks, and caps. It had been two weeks since they had told Jennifer that Justin needed a bone marrow transplant, and two days after that meeting Dr. Shaffer had called and told them that he had some promising news. The preliminary blood work on Molly showed that her bone marrow was compatible with her brother's and as soon as they made sure she had no viruses or infections, and Justin had been through immune suppressant therapy they would be able to do the transplant.
"Brian, go and rest and I'll stay with him awhile."
"Thanks Deb."
When they finally told everyone that Justin was going to be hospitalized for six weeks the gang had set up a list of visitation hours for them to take shifts staying with Justin. Brian always took the night shift, and if he wanted to stay longer throughout the day he had priority, but Debbie had looked through the window while gowning out and noticed that Brian was dosing off and decided to take her turn. Brian leaned over and kissed Justin on the forehead through his surgical mask and proceeded to walk down the hall to the room that had been set up for them to rest and regroup, and that was when all shit hit the fan. Brian heard shouts coming from the hallway outside the family area.
"Jennifer, you are not going to let your fag son have our daughter's bone marrow. He is sinful and doesn't deserve to live. And that man he lives with can burn in hell with him."
Brian slid into the hallway making sure that neither Craig nor Jennifer saw him and continued to listen to the conversation.
"Fuck you Craig. OUR son is sick and his sister has something that can save his life. I am the full legal guardian of Molly and have the right to sign the papers for her operation without you, and that man's name is Brian and he is engaged to our son and he is going to be a much better husband to our son than you ever were to me so I suggest you back off."
"Why? I bet he wouldn't do shit to me considering the last time we spoke I almost broke his ribs, and their wedding wont be legal anyway, and they can…," he was suddenly cut off by a hand pushing him into the wall heavily.
"Fuck you, you sorry son of a bitch. You don't call Justin for almost four years and you don't even bother finding out if he's okay after the bashing and then after you hear about him getting leukemia you show your face just to make sure that his sister doesn't give him the one thing he needs to stay alive. I love your son more than you ever did after you found out he was gay, and you never treated Jennifer with any respect so if you show your face around either of them again I will find out so get the fuck out of here now or I will call the police and file a restraining order," Brian hissed and once he was done speaking he let go of Craig who walked off not even speaking again. They just hoped that Craig took Brian's threat seriously and didn't show back up again.
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Chapter 18
The next week went by rather quickly. Justin continued to take the high doses of immune suppressants, and Brian continued to stay by his side. It had been almost three weeks since Justin had started the transplant procedure, and Jennifer was sitting with him when Dr. Shaffer came in to give an update so she went to wake up Brian.
"Brian," Jennifer whispered lightly shaking him awake.
Brian jerked awake sitting straight up almost jumping off the bed, "Is he okay?"
"Yeah, he's fine. In fact he told me not to wake you but I thought you might want to know that the doctor just came in."
"Thanks," Brian said hugging her and went to go see Justin.
"Hey you, I told mom not to wake you up," Justin said giving him his sunshine smile when Brian walked into the room. Since he had started therapy all of his hair had fallen out again and he was wearing a blue bandana that brought out the blue in his eyes making Brian melt when he looked at him.
"It's okay she thought I might want to know that you were having a meeting with Dr. Shaffer," Brian said leaning over and kissing him on the forehead through the mask. That had become their most intimate form of contact besides holding hands since Justin had been placed in isolation, and both men couldn't wait until the transplant was over.
"Good to see you two are still sharing intimacy because that closeness is going to be extremely important for the next few weeks. Justin your immune system has been knocked out and once your sister has her harvesting operation we can precede with the transplant. Your mom and I will have to talk next to arrange a time for Molly to have her surgery, but I'm hoping that the transplant will be able to take place by Friday which gives us two days. Does that sound good to you?"
"Absolutely Dr Shaffer, thank you." Justin said as he wrapped Brian in a hug and practically squealed with delight. He knew he wasn't out of the woods yet, but he couldn't help but breathe a small sigh of relief that at least the heavy chemo was finished with or so he hoped.
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Chapter 19
Two days later Justin's long road to survival began. Molly was scheduled for the harvesting operation at nine, and if everything went well Justin should receive his new marrow by noon. Jennifer sat in the surgical waiting area with Debbie waiting for word on Molly while Brian stayed in the isolation ward with Justin. Around noon just like predicted the surgical team came to Justin's room with the bag of marrow. It was a red jelly like substance that would take almost seven hours to infuse.
"Hi Justin and Brian," said Kelly, the young nurse on Justin's transplant team, when she walked into the room, "I'm going to take your vitals ever fifteen minutes, and if you start to feel itchy or see anything that looks like a rash develop let me know immediately because it could be signs of early rejection."
"Okay," Justin said as he watched the marrow run through the tubing into his arms and thanked his sister for the precious gift she had given him.
The first day or two after the transplant Justin's system seemed to be responding positively to the transplant. The transplant team was keeping a close eye on his heart by putting him on a monitor, and they were also making sure that he didn't develop an infection. The third day however he started to feel tired and he had a headache. When Kelly came in and took his vitals she noticed that he had a fever, which sometimes was the first sign of rejection.
Justin was immediately put on antibiotics, but he had an allergic reaction to the first round which caused him to break out in hives. He was being pumped so full of fluids that his face and limbs swelled to where he was almost unrecognizable. Brian paced his room night and day only leaving for long enough to go to the bathroom or get coffee, and then he came immediately back to his side. He tried to sleep when Justin did, but was too nervous and worried to sleep much longer than twenty or thirty minutes at a time.
"Brian," Jennifer said tapping him lightly on the shoulder.
"Yeah," he replied as he woke up.
"Go sleep, I'll stay with him and come get you if something changes okay."
"No, I'm staying with him."
"Okay," Jennifer said then left the room.
About that time Justin stirred slightly, "Brian where are you?"
"I'm here baby."
"Promise me something. Promise me that if I die you will move on," Justin said barely above a whisper.
"Baby, I can't promise you that, but I can promise you that I will always love you, but you are a fighter and you will fight this thing and Molly's marrow will work, and if not they will put your marrow back in you, and we'll start over okay. Justin you will fight this. I love you."
"Brian, I love you." Justin whispered his eyes fluttering shut as the heart monitor went flat.
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Chapter 20
The room flew into a whirlwind of activity of doctors and nurses. No one was sterile, and CPR was begun. "JUSTIN," Kelly shouted in his ear trying to get any response, and Brian sat in shock listening to the flat line on the monitor.
"You were just a fuck…,"
"Brian, I want you inside me…"
"I want a second chance…"
"Brian, I love you…"
"I want you to move back in…"
"Brian talk to him," Kelly encouraged pulling him over to the bed, "He can hear you."
"Leukemia…"
"Jus, I love you…"
"Will you be my husband…"
"Relapse…"
"You're a fighter…"
"Justin, baby, come back please come back to me. I love you and we have a wedding to plan. After all, we can't just run away to Canada and not let Emmett have his wonderful affair, and Daphne would kill us if she didn't see me get married and proclaim I'm off the market. Damn it, come back to me baby, please fight, I love you. I love you," he whispered.
"We have a rhythm and his blood pressure is returning to normal," one of the doctors said as the green line of the heart monitor returned to steady peaks and valleys. Brian was sweating from fear, and as he calmed down he relaxed his grip from around Justin's hand for fear of hurting him and breathed a sigh of relief. His baby had come back.
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Chapter 21
"Brian," Justin moaned, his voice was hoarse and filled with pain.
"I'm here baby," Brian said as he rubbed circles on his back.
"Am I going to be able to get another pain shot?"
"I'll ask Kelly when she comes in."
It had been three days since Justin's brush with death, but he still wasn't out of the woods. He was alert and fever free, but because of the procedures done to bring him back he was in extreme pain. Dr. Shaffer had been in earlier that morning and the word on the blood counts were really good. The white cells were at 900 and his platelets and red cells were very good too. Molly's marrow had taken hold and was beginning to work properly, and if everything continued to look promising he would be free to leave the hospital in a couple of weeks.
"I can't believe I almost died," Justin whispered as he stroked the back of Brian's hand trying to calm him and reassure him that he was fine.
"Yeah, they had to shock your heart. You scared me. I thought I had lost you."
"Babe, you should know by now that I am stubborn and you are never going to lose me."
"God, I hope not," Brian said as he held him close.
Justin began to get stronger as the days went by, and just like Dr. Shaffer had said he was released from the hospital six weeks after the transplant. He was still weak but the bone marrow aspiration and blood work showed that there were no cancer cells in his blood and that the new marrow was beginning to function to its full level. He was in remission again.
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Chapter 22
Justin was working on his wedding gift for Brian, a picture of him and Gus, when the phone started ringing in the loft. He and Brian had planned to leave town for Canada just as soon as they got the okay for Justin to travel because they wanted nothing more than to be married. It had been a month since he had been released from the hospital, and he had had a bone marrow aspiration and blood drawn two days ago and he was expecting a call from Dr. Shaffer about the results.
"Is Justin Taylor in please?"
"Hi, Dr. Shaffer this is Justin,"
"Justin I just wanted you to know that I have some really good news for you. Your bone marrow aspiration came back negative for cancerous cells and the new marrow has grafted very well. You are showing no signs of rejection, and your counts are good enough that you can travel to Canada, but just be sure that you wear your mask on the plane ride. Have a safe trip, and I will see you in two weeks."
"Thank you Dr. Shaffer," Justin almost squealed.
When Brian walked into the loft after coming home from the office he was attacked by Justin, "Settle down and tell me what's going on."
"Well Bri, all my blood work came back and Dr. Shaffer told me that I'm showing no signs of relapse or rejection which means I have an appointment in two weeks and until then we are free to go to Canada !"
When Brian heard that he picked up his fiancée and swung him around hugging him tightly and kissing him deeply until they had to come up for air.
"Let's leave tonight. We can drive and that way you don't have to wear the surgical mask and risk any kind of infections, and it's only a six hour drive so we will still have plenty of time to spend in the city."
The men decided to pack enough things for a weekend celebration. Brian called to make sure that the surprise suite he had had arranged for Justin was still available for the weekend and that the Justice of the Peace would be able to perform their ceremony, and Justin called the family and let them know that they were going out of town for the weekend. They were finally getting married.
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Chapter 23
Brian smiled at Justin as he glanced over at him. He was curled up in the passenger seat sound asleep. He had been asleep most of the drive, and even though it was beautiful in early fall Brian didn't want to wake him. He had been tired a lot since the transplant, but according to Dr. Shaffer that was normal and that there was nothing to worry about especially since his tests had just come back with excellent results. Later when Brian stopped for gas he reached over and kissed Justin causing him to stir.
"Hey you, where are we?"
"Canada, you slept almost the whole way we have about an hour left till we get to Toronto. I'm going in to grab some water do you want anything?"
"Water and for you to kiss me," Justin said as he sat up and kissed Brian deeply.
"Hmm," Brian said once they broke for air, "you definitely are feeling better."
The rest of the night passed fairly uneventfully, they drove the rest of the way to the city and checked into the hotel that they were going to be staying at. When Justin stepped away to call the gang to let them know they had made it to Canada Brian spoke with the desk clerk about the surprise suite and had they arrangements made. Tomorrow was going to be a wonderful day.
The next morning Justin awoke to the smell of fresh coffee. He glanced over at the clock and realized that it was already noon. He slid out of bed, pulled on his robe and went to find Brian, however when he stepped into the kitchenette Brian wasn't there but there was a note next to the coffee maker.
Sunshine,
I had to run pick up our marriage license. The ceremony is at 2:00 so meet me downstairs at 1:30.
Brian
Justin drank his coffee, showered and pulled on dark gray slacks that hugged his hips and a blue sweater that brought out his eyes. When he glanced at the clock a second time it was already 1:15 so he decided to head down to the lobby thinking that Brian might be down there early. When he walked in to the lobby Brian was standing by the front door. He was wearing black slacks and a black sweater, and Justin almost melted.
"You ready to go," Brian asked.
"Yeah," Justin whispered as he brushed his lips up against his partner's.
The men caught a cab and headed to the courthouse. They met with the Justice of the Peace and exchanged vows in a small outdoor ceremony. After the wedding, they had lunch at a small outdoor café, and went to a few of the art museums. They had an early dinner at a small eloquent restaurant then finally decided to go back to the hotel.
"Our carriage awaits," Brian said taking Justin by the hand and leading him outside. Next to the curb was a horse drawn carriage with a dozen sterling roses on the seat, and a bottle of champagne. Brian helped Justin into the carriage then climbed in behind his husband wrapping him in his arms.
"This day was perfect and so romantic, when did you plan all this," Justin asked.
"I've had all of it planned since before I asked you to marry me so this is why my heart was so set on coming here, and I'm just glad that you are still here for me to share this with. I love you Justin," Brian said as he tightened his grip around Justin's waist.
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Chapter 24
"Brian, why aren't you letting me see anything," Justin asked more curious than ever. They had spent the rest of the carriage ride looking at the stars and sneaking subtle kisses whenever the driver wasn't looking. They had arrived a few minutes before and Brian had blindfolded him before they got on the elevator.
"In time Sunshine," Brian said as he led Justin from the elevator to the honeymoon suite, and as he opened the door and guided Justin inside he asked, "Are you ready for your surprise?"
"Yeah," Justin said as Brian removed his blindfold. Justin was shocked. The honeymoon suite at the hotel was completely done in deep red and white. The curtains were gauzy and the bed was covered in red rose petals on a white down comforter with large fluffy down pillows. The bathroom was done the same way with white robes and red towels. The Jacuzzi tub was filled with rose petals and bubbles, and next to the bath was a tray of tuxedo strawberries. Every room was lit dimly with candlelight or firelight, and there was quiet music playing in the background.
"Brian it is so beautiful, thank you for tonight."
"Your welcome baby, and that's not all I have for you," Brian said seductively and took Justin in his arms and kissed him deeply. They each slowly removed one another's clothing never breaking their kiss.
Justin slowly began running his hands all over Brian's body slowly following his motions with his tongue. He worked his way all over his chest and neck and down to his cock. He proceeded to lick and tease Brian's cock all the while fondling his balls.
"Hmmm Jus, suck them." Brian moaned almost incoherently.
"Are you sure," Justin asked wanting to make completely sure that Brian wanted that.
"Yes baby suck them," he purred.
Justin took his husband's balls in his mouth being sure to pay careful attention to the real testicle. He sucked and nibbled until Brian was crying out and shooting his load. Justin then proceeded to kiss his husband deeply letting his own flavor mingle with Brian's.
Later in the evening Justin lay with his head on Brian's chest as they soaked in the Jacuzzi tub. They were both content with one another's presence and finally glad they were married.
"Close you eyes baby, I have one more surprise for you."
"Hmm okay," Justin replied closing his eyes.
Brian proceeded to reach down behind the tub and pull out a small box, "Okay baby open your eyes."
Justin opened his eyes and gasped as he saw the platinum and heart shaped diamond Claddagh rings nestled in the velvet box that Brian was holding, "Babe, they're beautiful but we already have rings,"
"Yeah, but I thought it would be nice to exchange these rings at home during our vow renewal ceremony since we have been through so much and the Claddagh ring represents love, friendship, and loyalty, and I believe that you and I share all those. I love you."
"I love you too."
They proceeded to make love through the night and finally settled down about 5:30 in the morning, and as they held one another close they dreaded going back to Pittsburgh for the fear of what might be waiting in the coming weeks.
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Chapter 25
A few days after the trip to Canada the guys were sitting in the loft looking up wedding sites on the internet. They had decided that they were going to have their vow renewal ceremony at the outdoor gardens in downtown with a dinner party at the loft afterwards. They were still debating on the color of the tux vests and flowers. They wanted something simple yet elegant and romantic. Brian was running his hands along Justin's back lovingly when Justin gasped in pain.
"What's wrong baby?"
"I don't know they way your hand was stroking hurt all of a sudden."
"Pull up your shirt, let me see."
When Justin pulled up his shirt Brian noticed that there were some small bruises on his back. He knew they had had a rough night of hard sex and thought that that was most likely what it was but he still was slightly worried since the first signs of a relapse could be bruising, "you have bruises on your back, are you feeling okay?"
"Yeah, I've been tired but Dr. Shaffer said that that was normal and besides I just got a clean bill of health before we left for Canada and I have another aspiration and check in a few weeks, and besides if I was feeling weak and sick I would let you know."
"Thanks baby," Brian said kissing him deeply.
After another few hours of web searching, they were both exhausted. They finally had all the arrangements made, the gardens were booked, the formal wear was picked out, and they had even called and asked Rev. Tom to come and conduct the ceremony. They went to bed and were so tired that they just held one another and slept. Later in the evening Justin awoke feeling like his skin was crawling. He went to the bathroom and flipped on the switch being careful not to wake Brian, and that was when he noticed the rash that was on his hands and legs, and immediately knew something was wrong.
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Chapter 26
He continued to stand in the bathroom in shock. Dr. Shaffer had told him that he was not going to be completely out of the woods until several years after the transplant and that there would still be possible complications after the procedure. He knew he had been tired a lot lately, but he had pretty much felt that way since the transplant, and he had been so busy traveling and planning the vow renewal ceremony that he hadn't really given anything a second thought. He also wasn't that concerned with the fact that he was tired because before he had left for Canada he had been given a clean bill of health.
"Baby, what's going on," Brian asked as he stumbled into the bathroom, "you've been in here…," but before he was able to finish his sentence he noticed the rash on Justin's arms and legs.
"I'm broken out in this rash, and I'm nauseas."
Brian immediately grabbed the ear thermometer and handed it to Justin. He was concerned because they were told when Justin left the hospital right after the transplant that if he were to run fever or break out in a rash that it could be the first signs that he was rejecting the transplanted marrow. He knew that it was also the most likely scenario because it had only been a week since all of Justin's tests had come back clear.
"Bri, I'm scared," Justin replied weakly. He was nervous and on the verge of a panic attack, and he knew that if he allowed himself to panic it would only make things worse.
"I know Jus," Brian said reading the thermometer once it beeped, "but we have to go to the hospital. You have a fever."
"Fuck, I thought I was better," Justin mumbled while he stumbled back into the bedroom to get dressed.
"So did I," Brian said as he also get dressed, "It's going to be okay, maybe its just an allergic reaction and they'll give you some Benadryl, but we have to make sure."
Once at the treatment center's twenty-four hour emergency clinic both men were becoming increasingly worried. The nurse had taken one look at Justin and then another look at his chart, and took them straight back to the exam room. He checked Justin's vitals and made sure he relaxed then left the room.
"Damn he was hot," Justin gasped once the nurse left the room.
"Yeah, but not as hot as you and also very straight, besides since when was a married man allowed to look," Brian smirked with a twinkle in his eye.
"Just an observation," Justin replied pulling his husband towards him locking his lips with a kiss.
They continued to just hold one another as they waited for the on call oncologist to arrive. Once she was there she admitted Justin for observation and began a full blood work up. Two hours later when the blood work came back she ordered an aspiration and their worst fears were brought to light. It seemed as if Justin had developed graft versus host disease, and his body was rejecting the new bone marrow.
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Chapter 27
After the news that Justin was possibly rejecting his bone marrow Dr. Shaffer was called and Justin was immediately placed in isolation. He hated being in that room with the little window and not being allowed to have any close intimate contact with Brian. It killed him, and that had been the worst part of the transplant procedure. It had been a long night, Justin was asleep and Brian was sitting in the chair next to him half asleep when Dr. Shaffer came in.
"Brian, I'll talk to you out in the hall since he's asleep."
"Okay," Brian followed him into the hallway stripping out of the isolation garb on the way out the door, "what's going on with my husband?"
"Well according to the blood work and aspiration he is still cancer free, but it looks like he has scarlet fever which is the cause of the rash not bone marrow rejection like the other doctor thought. I want to go ahead and keep him in isolation until his fever is down and I want to go ahead and increase his immune suppressant medication which once again means no crowds for awhile."
"Thanks for the news Doc," Brian said then went back to sit with Justin. He was still sound asleep, and his pale skin and blond hair made him look like an angel. Brian pushed a stray strand of hair from his forehead and kissed him through the surgical mask. Once he was satisfied that Justin was well enough to be left alone he went and called Jennifer.
"Hello" Jennifer said cheerfully.
"Hi Jen, Justin's back in the hospital," Brian said choking back the sudden tears that he felt stinging his eyes.
"Brian, just sit tight, I'll be right there."
Once at the hospital Jennifer made her way up to the isolation floor to find Brian. He had sounded on the verge of a breakdown when they had spoken on the phone and she knew the way he had behaved when Justin was hospitalized that last time. She knew that her son in law needed someone there as much as her son did. She went ahead and gowned out and walked quietly into her son's room hoping that someone would fill her in on all the details soon.
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Chapter 28
"Hey mom," Justin whispered not wanting to wake Brian who had fallen asleep sitting in the chair next to his bed, "I'm worried about him."
"Well he's worried about you. What's going on, he just told me to come up here that you were back in the hospital."
"Dr. Shaffer said that I have scarlet fever which explains the rash on my arms and legs. He said the bone marrow is working and that there are no signs of rejection, but in order to help me fight the infection I have to stay in isolation. I am also going to be given an increased dosage on my immune suppressant drugs and some high dose antibiotics. I'm going to be weak for awhile, but at least I'm not rejecting."
"Yeah that's good," Jennifer replied taking her son's hand.
A few moments later Brian began to stir. He sat up and rubbed his eyes squinting against the lights of the hospital room, "Hey Baby."
"Hey sleepyhead, I love you."
"Love you too. Did Dr. Shaffer come and talk to you while I was asleep?"
"Yeah, he told me what was going on and that I will have to take more immune suppressant drugs and antibiotics, but if everything goes well it shouldn't take that long for me to get out of here so we can have the renewal ceremony."
"Sounds good to me, but for right now let's just focus on getting you better and out of here," Brian said hugging him.
The next week went by in a blur. Justin was pumped so full of antibiotics and immune suppressants that he was tired and listless. He wasn't nearly as sick as he had been during the transplant, but it was still taking a lot of medicine to help his already weakened immune system to function. Dr. Shaffer came everyday and made sure that everything was good and exactly one week after his hospitalization Justin was given the all clear and sent home with orders to not go around crowds or travel. He had beaten the infection, but how many more was he going to have to go through before he was cured.
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Chapter 29
"Justin and Brian it's time and I'm so proud of you both," Jennifer said as she smiled at her son and his husband. The day for their vow renewal ceremony had finally arrived. It had been a month since Justin's last hospitalization and since then he had been healthy. Because of needing to avoid crowds though it was decided that the ceremony would be at the loft instead of the gardens. They had strung white twinkling lights all over the ceiling and had dimmed the lights and added candles on the window ledges. They had also scattered rose petals of all different colors on the floor and tables.
"Let's do this," Justin whispered as he reached up to straighten Brian's tie and kiss him on the cheek. As they walked to the space by the windows at the loft "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)" was softly playing since they had chosen that as their song.
Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
There wasn't a dry eye in the room when Justin and Brian made their way into the room to pledge their love for one another in front of their family. Debbie was sniffling softly as she leaned up against Emmett and Ted. Michael and Ben were kept sneaking glances at one another as they thought back to their wedding day. Melanie and Lindsey were openly crying and thankful that they had gotten back together after the whole split after Sam, and Jennifer and Molly were hugging each other thankful that Justin was still alive.
Look into my heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
One Brian and Justin were at the front of the room the music faded out and Rev. Tom spoke, "family and friends we are gathered here to witness the renewal of wedding vows. As you know love is about caring and compassion, being one with that person, and loving that person unconditionally. As you know Brian and Justin have chosen today to commit that love in front of their family after a year of extreme hardship and trial. They have shown that they understand that marriage is not to be entered into lightly, and they have fought for that love every step of the way. Brian and Justin have chosen to write their vows and I will now let Brian proceed."
Brian took Justin's hands in his and began, "Jus the last year has been so hard. Seeing you sick has been the most difficult thing that I have had to do in the entire time we have been together, but no matter how bad you felt you were always concerned about me. The love you showed me during this past year gave me the strength to keep loving you and holding you no matter what. Justin, you came into my life and tore down the walls around my heart and allowed me to learn how to love, and no matter how many stupid things I did you always accepted me for who I was. Justin Taylor you complete my soul and I will always love you."
Justin continued to grip Brian's hands as he spoke, "Bri the last year has taught me more about love than I ever though it would. When I was sick you held me and cared for me in a way that no one else could have. You showed me unconditional and supportive love. The love you showed me gave me the strength to keep on living when I was ready to give up. Brian, I might have taught you how to love, but you taught me how to fight for love and when the biggest fight to keep love was my life you were their and never left my side. Brian Kinney, my soul and life are complete because of you and I will always love you."
Rev Tom then spoke, "Brian and Justin do you promise to love, support, and cherish each other in wealth and poverty, sickness and health, good times and bad till death parts you? Do you promise that you each will do your best to communicate and help the other one, and no matter what happens always love and trust each other?
"We do"
"The rings please."
Brian handed the Claddagh rings to him as he continued, "Rings are a sign of outward and everlasting commitment. When Brian and Justin wear these rings they will be a symbol to them and to everyone that sees them of the commitment they share. Brian take this ring and place it on Justin's finger saying with this ring I am committed to you."
Brian looked Justin in the eyes, slid the ring on his finger and said, "With this ring I am committed to you"
"Justin take this ring and place it on Brian's finger saying with this ring I am committed to you."
Justin looked Brian in the eyes, slid the ring on his finger and said "With this ring I am committed to you"
"Well now that we have all witnessed the vows and exchanging of rings it is my great pleasure to introduce to you Mr. Brian Kinney and Mr. Justin Taylor-Kinney partners in life. You may now kiss" Brian swept Justin into his arms and kissed his lips passionately letting the taste of his husband cause his heart to melt even more, and as the evening of celebrating their love continued both men could see that life was going to be perfect no matter what was thrown in their direction.
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