Whatever It Takes

Chapter 8

Brian opened his eyes the next morning to see Justin sound asleep next to him. It only took a moment for his brain to register what had happened between them and panic set in. How could he have been so careless and irresponsible? He knew better than to sleep with a patient; an eighteen year old kid that had tried to take his own life the week before. Aside from breaking the oath he took when he went into medicine, he cared about the blond and knew that nothing good could come from their paring. He’d let his own emotional issues interfere in his responsibilities to his patient and he didn’t know how he was going to fix everything.

Rising from the bed quietly so as not to wake its occupant, Brian went to the bathroom to relieve himself then headed for the phone.

“Hello, this is Dr. Kinney. Is Dr. Houser available? Sure, I’ll hold.”

Brian waited for what seemed like an eternity before his colleague finally got on the line.

“Brian, how’s it going? I didn’t expect to hear from you until Monday. This is supposed to be your weekend off,” Bill said in surprise.

“Hey Bill, you know I never really take off. How are things going? Any new admits that I should know about?”

“Forget it, Kinney. I’m not telling you a thing until Monday so if that’s why you called, go back to bed and enjoy the rest of your weekend.”

“Wait, that’s not why I called, I need to refer a patient to you. I’m not sure I am the right person to help in this case. Do you have time for one more?” Brian asked, trying to keep his emotions out of his voice.

“Sure, I can always take one more. I don’t have nearly as big of a case load as you do. Who is the patient? Someone I know?”

“Yes, its Justin Taylor; the eighteen year old suicide patient that was admitted last week. I’ve gotten him past the crisis, but he needs more extensive treatment and I’m just not the person to handle this.”

“Taylor, Taylor…yeah, I remember. That sweet little blond kid that was tossed out by his parents, right?”

“That’s him. Do you think you can fit him in on Monday? He’s going through a lot right now and I don’t want him to go through it alone,” Brian explained, knowing that Justin was going to be upset when he found out what he was up to.

“Sure, just have him call the office on Monday morning and I’ll have my receptionist fit him in. Now get off my phone and have some fun, Kinney. I’ll talk to you on Monday,” Bill replied before hanging up the phone without giving Brian a chance to say anything further.

Brian immediately dialed the next number on his list.

“Hello?”

“Hey Mel, I need a favor,” he said quietly.

“Hey Brian, what do you need? And what are you doing up so early on your day off? Don’t you ever sleep?”

“Occasionally. Listen, would it be too much to ask that you put Justin up at your place until we can come up with a plan for him?” Brian blurted out, waiting for her reaction, which he knew wouldn’t be pretty. He was right.

“What the fuck did you do, Kinney?” Mel yelled into the phone.

“That’s not important, Mel. I just need you to do this for me; no questions asked, okay?”

“Brian,”

“Please?”

“Oh, alright, but I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for Justin. He seems like a nice kid and I want to help. Are you still going to come help with the tree today?”

“That’s probably not a good idea, Mel. I’ll just bring Justin by in a few hours and drop him off. Tell Gus that I had to work or something. With Justin there, I shouldn’t be missed too much,” Brian replied.

“Just answer me one thing Brian, so I know how to handle this. Did you sleep with him?”

“Mel,”

“Never mind, I think I already know the answer to that. I knew there was something between the two of you when you were here yesterday, but I thought you of all people would be able to control yourself. You are the most professional person I know. This kid must really be something special,” Mel said softly.

“He is. Thanks again, Mel. I’ll talk to you soon.”

Brian hung up the phone satisfied with the arrangements he made. He quietly walked back into the bedroom to see Justin laying there staring at the ceiling.

“Hey,” Brian spoke softly.

“Hey, I guess you have everything worked out, huh? It doesn’t matter what I want or how I feel,” Justin replied gently, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall.

“Justin, it’s for the best. After what happened last night, it wouldn’t be a good idea for you to continue to stay here any longer. I’ve arranged for Dr. Houser to take over your case and Mel was more than happy to have you stay with her,” Brian explained.

“Fuck that!” Justin exclaimed, quickly climbing out of bed and reaching for his clothes.

Brian was taken back by Justin’s outburst. “Justin, listen to me.”

“No, I think you’ve said enough. I never wanted a shrink to begin with. I only agreed because I thought you were different. I thought that you really cared about what happened to your patients. Apparently I was wrong. You’re just as useless as the rest of them. Well, thanks but no thanks. I’ll be out of your way in a few minutes. Tell Melanie, thank you but I’m going to make other arrangements.” Justin was fighting to keep control of his emotions even though he was dying inside.

“Justin, please don’t do this. Don’t let what happened between us ruin your future. You need to talk to someone about what happened. You can’t just pretend everything’s okay. Besides, where will you go?”

“I’ll sleep on the streets if I have to, anything is better than being some charity case. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be just fine.” Justin grabbed the few things he had with him and headed towards the door, wanting to get as far away from Brian as he could.

“Justin, wait,” Brian said as he grabbed Justin by the arm.

“Let me go!”

“Not until you calm down and listen to me,” Brian said sternly.

“What’s the point? There’s nothing left to say. You got what you wanted. I’m out of here.” Justin started for the door again.

“You don’t understand,” Brian said as he stood in front of the door, giving Justin no way out.

“Oh I understand perfectly. You fucked me and now you want nothing to do with me. You’re washing your hands of me, just like my parents did,” Justin snapped, a single tear escaping and rolling down his cheek. He needed to be alone. To figure out what to do next. He had stupidly allowed himself to start falling for Brian and he didn’t know what he’d do without him.

“That’s not it, Justin,” Brian tried again.

“That’s exactly it, Brian. Now get out of my way. I’m leaving.” Justin gently shoved Brian aside and made his way out the door, running down the stairs without looking back.

As soon as he hit the cold air, the tears he’d been holding back began to run down his face. He took of running down the street, ignoring the sound of Brian calling him. After what seemed like hours, but in reality was only a few minutes, he finally came across a small park where he knew he could sit down and think. He found a small bench and dropped his bag down before slumping down himself and crying for what he had lost. He had really thought that Brian had cared about him, but he should have known better. There was just something about him that made others push him away. Even Daphne couldn’t wait to get to the other side of the country and away from him. Ignoring the below freezing temperatures, he continued to sit on the bench wishing he had finished the task that he had started the week before.

Brian followed Justin downstairs and out the door, calling to him as the blond ran away. He wanted to follow him, but he didn’t have any shoes on and the sidewalk was too cold on his feet. He didn’t think frostbite would help the situation. He raced back upstairs and finished getting dressed before grabbing his keys and running to the jeep. He spent the next three hours riding around the area, looking for the kid before realizing that it was a lost cause. He eventually made his way back to the loft, hoping that maybe Justin had returned. Unfortunately, Justin was still no where to be found. He reached for the phone and called Mel, thinking that Justin might have ended up there. Otherwise he didn’t know where to look. Justin really had no where else to go.

“Hello?”

“Hey Mel, did Justin show up there by any chance?”

“Justin? No, I thought you were going to bring him by,” Melanie replied in confusion.

“Yeah, well he over heard me on the phone this morning and he wasn’t happy. He basically told me to go fuck myself then took off. I have no idea where he is,” Brian admitted.

“What? God Brian what have you done? I thought he had no where else to go?”

“He doesn’t, Mel. Shit, it’s ten degrees out there and God knows where he is. I don’t even know where to look. What am I going to do?” Brian cried in anguish.

Melanie could here the self hatred and fear in Brian’s voice and knew how upset he was. She would reprimand him later. Right now he needed her to be there for him. “Look Brian, he’s a smart kid. I’m sure he’ll find somewhere to stay. Maybe he went home to his parent’s house?”

“I doubt it. We ran into his mother yesterday at the supermarket. She told him all he had to do was tell his father he wasn’t gay and he would be allowed to move back home. That sick bastard. How could he throw away his own son?”

“Damn! Brian, I wish there was something I could do. Maybe when he calms down he’ll call you. Once he realizes that he over reacted and has no where else to go, he’ll probably show up on your doorstep and say he’s sorry. I mean, it’s freezing out there. No one could survive sleeping on the streets in this weather. He knows that,” Melanie said without thinking.

“That’s what I’m afraid of, Mel.”

“Shit, Brian…I’m sorry,”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not like I haven’t thought about that possibility myself. Listen, if you would hear from him, please call me. I’m going to go back out and keep looking. Later,” Brian said, hanging up the phone and heading back to the jeep.

Justin was still sitting in the park a few hours later, trying to decide what to do. He had lost feeling in his hands and feet ages ago and knew that he wouldn’t last another couple of hours in the cold. He may have tried to kill himself the week before, but Brian had made him see how wrong that was. Life at the moment may not be what Justin had hoped for, but he wasn’t ready to end it all. He stood up and tried to make his way towards the street, hoping to find someone to give him a ride to his parent’s house. He didn’t want to think about what he’d have to say to his father to be allowed back into the family, but what choice did he have? He’d just have to pretend to be something he wasn’t until he figured out what to do next. As soon as he reached the street, a car came by and Justin raised his arm to flag them down. The woman behind the wheel stopped and asked him if he needed some help. She could see the pale face and dark circles under his eyes and knew he was in some kind of trouble.

Justin sighed in relief when the woman asked him if he needed help, but before he could reply, his knees buckled and he felt himself falling to the ground. The last thought that went through his mind was Brian before the world went black.

Five hours later and with little hope, Brian made his way back to the loft. Again he had hoped to find Justin when he returned, but again, the blond was no where in sight. He took off his jacket and headed towards the liquor cabinet, pouring himself a shot of beam. He was freezing from scouring the streets trying to find Justin and hoped the kid had found shelter. He couldn’t imagine how he would survive without it. He downed the shot and poured another, blaming himself for the situation both he and Justin were in. If anything were to happen to Justin, he would never forgive himself. As he walked into the living room, he noticed the blinking light on his answering machine and hoped it was Justin trying to reach him as he hit the play button.

“Hello Brian, it’s Bill. Listen, I just wanted to let you know that that kid Justin Taylor was brought into the ER a little while ago. Apparently a woman found him wandering around the streets. She offered him help but he passed out before he could respond. He’s suffering from hypothermia and hasn’t regained consciousness yet, but I think he’s going to be okay. I don’t know how long he was outside, but luckily he doesn’t have frostbite. I’m going to keep him here over night and then try talking to him tomorrow. I just thought you might want to know. Talk to you later.”

The machine went on to play the next massage, but Brian never even noticed. He was already on his way out the door. He needed to get to the hospital and see for himself that Justin was okay. Then he was going to ring the kid’s neck for pulling a stupid stunt like that. Then he was going to take him in his arms and offer him the comfort that he should have offered that morning. He’d worry about the consequences later.


End of chapter 8
7/2/04

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