Whatever It Takes

Chapter 3

Brian made his way back upstairs to make his rounds. He checked in on all his patients, pleased with how everyone appeared to be making progress. With any luck, all his patients would be home for the holidays the following week. All except one. As he approached Justin’s room, his mind began to race with all the things he wanted to say to the young man. He wanted to take him in his arms and assure him that everything would be okay, but he knew he couldn’t make that promise. All he could do was try to help Justin come to terms with his father’s hatred and find a way to make a life for himself. He knocked lightly on the door and waited until he heard a faint response before he entered.

“Hey, Justin. How are you feeling?” Brian asked, noticing the dark circles under Justin’s eyes.

“Like shit.” Justin replied with a small smile.

“Well, it’s nice to see you smile when you say that. I think we might actually be making some progress.” Brian joked back.

“Dr. Kinney, can I ask you something?” Justin asked tentatively.

“That’s what I’m here for, Justin. What do you want to know?” Brian pulled up a chair and sat beside the bed, realizing that Justin seemed to be opening up a bit.

“Why do you care what happens to me? I mean, what makes you care so much about your patients? My own father can’t even love me enough to care if I live or die, so why do you?” Justin looked away as he spoke. He didn’t want the doctor to see the pain he was feeling.

“Justin, I made a decision when I graduated from college that I would give my patients everything I had. There are people out there, people like you, who for some reason have no one to turn to. They need someone to help them get through the tough times. I knew that I could be that person. Believe it or not, I know what it’s like to feel unloved and unwanted, and I don’t want anyone to have to go through that alone.” Brian replied, surprised by his slight admission.

“You do? Who made you feel that way? Was it your parents?” Justin was shocked by his doctor’s reply. He never would have guessed that the strong, caring man before him had anything other than love in his past.

Brian knew he didn’t want to even touch that subject with his patients, especially Justin, and cursed himself for sharing too much information. “How about if we concentrate on you for the moment, okay?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I know it’s none of my business. I guess I was just shocked by what you said. When I look at you, I imagine you with a loving family, a wife, and two kids. Maybe even a dog behind a white picket fence.” Justin admitted, feeling a slight blush cross his face.

Brian couldn’t hold back his laughter at the vision Justin created. “I think you are reading one too many romance novels, Justin. Let me just say that my life is far from perfect. I have just learned to accept that this is my life and try to make the best out of it. You will, too, one day.”

“I guess so, but it’s kind of hard to accept the way things are right now. I’m scared, Dr. Kinney.” Justin admitted in a hushed voice.

“I know you are, Justin, and I understand. You just have to trust me. You will get past this one day, and when you do, all of it will just be a distant memory.” Brian almost felt like a hypocrite as he spoke. His life wasn’t too bad, but he sure as hell didn’t walk around rejoicing in his good fortune.

“I guess I have no choice but to trust you. It appears that you are all that I have left.” Justin replied honestly.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence. Now how about we get started on your recovery?” Brian needed to change the subject. Hearing that he was all Justin had caused feelings he didn’t know what to do with.

For the next hour, Brian listened to Justin talk about the happy childhood he had, taking notes for later. He was shocked to find out that Justin grew up in a happy and stable home with parents who showed their love everyday. No wonder he went to such drastic measures when his father disowned him. The poor kid didn’t have a clue how to handle his father’s rejection. Glancing at his watch, Brian realized that he had a staff meeting he needed to get to. As much as he hated to leave just when Justin was opening up completely, he had no other choice.

“Alright, Justin. That’s enough for now. I have a meeting I need to get to, and you look like you could use some rest. Why don’t you lay down for a bit?” Brian suggested.

“Yeah, I think I will. Who knew talking can be so tiring?” Justin admitted as he slid down and made himself comfortable. He fell asleep immediately.

Brian smiled when he noticed that Justin had fallen asleep instantly. He took a few moments to watch the younger man sleep, noticing the peaceful expression that crossed his face. It was amazing how someone can be so troubled, yet seem so peaceful in sleep. He turned and walked out the door, happy that the younger man was getting some much needed rest.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. Brian was happy with his last visit to Justin and headed home beginning to think he was making progress. Now all he had to do was worry about where Justin was going to stay after he was well enough to leave the hospital. He knew he couldn't keep him there just to provide a roof over his head. He would have to either discharge him with the order of outpatient therapy, or refer him to a long term care facility, where he could possibly be assigned to another doctor. Either option was out of the question and Brian was racking his brain to come up with a solution.

As he entered the loft, he heard the phone ringing and raced to answer it.

"Hello?" He answered breathlessly.

"Hi, Brian. Are you busy?" Melanie asked, noticing the strange sound of Brian's voice.

"No, I just walked in the door. What's up, Mel?" he asked, taking off his jacket and heading to the kitchen for a beer.

"I was just wondering what you were doing for Thanksgiving. I know you usually come for dinner, but I wanted to double check with you and make sure you were still going to be here." She explained.

"Of course I'll be there, Mel. As if Gus would let me go anywhere else." Brian laughed, knowing that what he said was true.

"You got a point there. Should I expect you to bring a date?" Mel asked, cautiously.

"Mel? Are you feeling okay? I could have sworn you just asked me if I had a date." Brian said sarcastically.

"Oh, that's right. What was I thinking? Brian Kinney with a date? I have a better chance of seeing peace in the Middle East." Melanie replied.

"Yes, you do. What time is dinner?" Brian had a brief thought of poor Justin being alone on a family holiday.

"Dinner is at five, but you can come over at three and spend some time with your son if you would like. He's been asking about you lately. I don't think the phone calls every other night are enough for him anymore." Melanie explained.

"I know, Mel. I was supposed to have off this weekend, but something came up. How about if I take him next weekend? I'll pick him up Friday night and bring him back on Sunday." Brian told her, feeling guilty for not having time for his son.

"Sounds good. I'm sure that will keep him quiet for awhile. Oh, and I'll make sure there is an extra setting available just in case you would decide to bring someone to dinner. Talk to you later, Brian." Mel said, hanging up before he had a chance to refuse once again.

Brian just chuckled as he hung up the phone. He couldn't believe how close he and Melanie had become in the last couple of years. They used to share a mutual hatred for each other, but ever since Lindsay had died they found out that they really had a lot in common when it came to their personalities and views of the world. Now that they were the remaining parents of their special little boy, they knew that they needed to get along and work together to raise the boy to be happy and well adjusted. Their friendship began to grow and he knew that Lindsay would have been proud of them.

Brian stripped his clothes off and took a shower, trying to wash away the thoughts of Justin that kept plaguing his mind. After throwing on his favorite sweats, he ordered take out and booted up the computer, wondering if he should order some entertainment as well. He scrolled through endless profiles, trying to come up with someone who would satisfy his needs. The only problem with that was that he seemed to be comparing everyone to a certain blond that kept invading his thoughts. He angrily shut down the computer when his food arrived and settled down to watch a movie while he ate his dinner. His appetite not being all that big, he finished eating quickly and went to bed, hoping that he succumb to sleep quickly. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. He spent most of the night tossing and turning, finally drifting off to sleep about four hours before the alarm went off. So much for his much needed rest.

The weekend passed by quickly. Brian spent a lot of time at the hospital, talking to Justin and getting him to open up about what he was feeling up to the moment he slit his wrists. The bandages were a constant reminder of how serious things had been and Justin had decided he wanted to do whatever he could to make sure he was never in that position again. Things were going good and by Wednesday morning, Brian felt that Justin was ready to be released, continuing his treatment on an outpatient basis. The only problem was that the kid had no where to go. He had been racking his brain for the last few days, trying to come up with a solution, but so far nothing realistic came to mind. He figured he would be able to prolong his discharge through the holiday weekend, but knew he would need to take action by Monday. He saved his visit to Justin for the end of his rounds, like always, and entered the room unprepared for what he saw. Justin was lying in bed, the sadness he was feeling evident by the look in his eyes and the tear stained face. Brian spoke softly, praying that this wasn't a setback in their progress.

"Justin? Are you alright?" Brian asked as he approached the bed.

Justin jumped, startled by Brian's appearance. He never heard the man enter. He sat up quickly and wiped his eyes, trying to pull himself together. "Yeah, sorry. I'm fine."

"You don't have to apologize, and you certainly don't look fine. Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?" Brian couldn't keep the concern out of his voice.

"Oh, don't mind me. I'm just being dramatic. It's nothing. Really." Justin tried to assure him, but his voice lacked conviction.

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that? I am the professional, remember?" Brian teased, trying to lighten the mood.

Justin looked down at his lap, trying to avoid looking at the man as he spoke. "It's just that tomorrow is Thanksgiving and not only am I stuck in the hospital, but I don't have anywhere to go anyway."

Brian watched the tears begin to form on Justin's lashes again, and couldn't help the words that flew out of his mouth. "Justin, it's okay. You are being released today, and you do have somewhere to go."

"I am? I do? Where am I going to go?" Justin asked with bewilderment.

"You are coming home with me." Brian replied, surprising himself and wondering when he was going to learn to keep his mouth shut.

"I'm going home with you?" Justin asked, his voice filled with bewilderment.

"Uh, yeah…I feel you are ready to be released today, and since you have nowhere else to go at the moment, I thought you might like to crash at my place. I don't have a spare room, but you are welcome to my couch. I'm sure it has to be better than being in this stuffy room. With the holiday being tomorrow, all the state agencies are closing early, so there really is no way to find you a place to stay until next week. It's your call. I can hold off on your discharge until Monday if you would rather stay here." Brian offered, trying to figure out why he couldn't seem to keep a professional distance with the blond.

"No! I mean…I don't want to stay here, but are you sure? Do you really want me invading you and your family during the holidays?" Justin asked, feeling a little apprehensive at the thought of going home with the gorgeous doctor.

"Yes, I'm sure." Brian lied, not wanting to be honest with himself or Justin at the moment. "Besides, I was told last night that I was expected to bring a guest to dinner tomorrow, so it looks like you're it." He couldn't help but wonder what Melanie's reaction was going to be when she saw him walk in with a boy Justin's age. Although Justin was definitely no boy, just a young and very troubled man. "So, what do you say? You want me to start working on your discharge papers?"

"Yes. Thank you so much, Dr. Kinney. I really appreciate this." Justin assured him, suddenly feeling hopeful that his holiday wouldn't be as bad as he thought it would.

"Okay, then, be ready by five. Oh, and Justin? You might as well call me Brian." He replied, before turning and walking out the door.

"Thanks, Brian." Justin spoke softly to the empty room. He got out of bed and headed for the shower, anxious to get out of the hospital and begin his new life.


End of part 3
12/08/03

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