Meant To Be

Chapter 7

Brian was brought out of a deep sleep by the sound of the phone ringing. Cursing the person who would dare to call him at this ungodly hour, he let it ring, instead reaching over to the boy sleeping next to him. As he closed his eyes, ready to drift back off to sleep, he was startled by the voice that was leaving a message on his machine.

“Hey Brian, it’s Mikey. I guess you’re probably still sleeping. I thought we could hang out today. I haven’t seen that much of you lately. I’m leaving my mom’s now, so I’ll just come by the loft. Don’t worry, I have my…”

The voice was interrupted when Brian reached over and grabbed the phone. ”Hey, Mikey, what’s up?” He asked, looking over at the blond, who was now awake and looking at him with guilt in his blue eyes.

“Brian, you are there. Justin spent the night at a friends house, according to his parents, and they said they didn’t expect him back till later. So I thought we could hang out today. We haven’t spent much time together lately.” Michael pointed out.

“Sorry Mikey, I was just on my way to the office. I have some projects I need to finish up before Monday.” Brian replied, wondering when he was going to be able to stop lying to his friend.

“Oh…okay. I guess I’ll just go home then. Maybe Justin will call me later. I feel bad because I had to cancel on him last night. Uncle Vic wasn’t feeling good and Ma had the night shift, so I stayed here with him.” Michael explained.

“How’s he doing?” Brian asked, suddenly worried about Vic.

“He’s getting better. It’s just a cold, but we wanted to make sure it didn’t turn into anything more. He says he’s feeling better this morning.” Michael answered.

“That’s good Mikey.” Brian said, relieved that Vic was feeling better. He glanced over at Justin, who by now had gotten out of bed and was getting dressed. “I have to go, Mikey. I’ll call you later.” Brian promised, hanging up the phone.

“Hey, where do you think you’re going?” Brian asked, grabbing the boy’s arm and pulling him down on the bed.

“Oh Brian, what did we do?” Justin cried, distraught over what had happened between them.

“If you don’t remember, then I must be losing my touch.” Brian joked, hating the look of regret on Justin’s face.

“You know what I mean, Brian. I don’t want Mikey getting hurt over one drunken fuck.” Justin stated, not even realizing what he was saying.

Brian felt like he had been slapped. Even though he was new to all of this feelings bullshit, he was sure that last night had been more then a drunken fuck. “Whatever. Just go then.” He growled, getting up and heading into the shower, hoping to wash away the hurt he was feeling at the blonds words.

Justin watched Brian go into the bathroom and close the door before sitting down on the bed and dropping his head into his hands. He didn’t know what to do next. After spending so much time with Michael, he managed to learn a lot about the man in the shower. He knew that he didn’t believe in love, and that he never did the same trick twice. That was his way of life. Yet he also knew that Brian had felt something for him, otherwise he would never have put his friendship with Michael on the line by tricking with someone that his friend was interested in. He didn’t mean to call what they did a drunken fuck, he knew that it was more then that. He was just confused by everything that was happening. He knew he couldn’t leave until he had a chance to talk to Brian, so he sat there and waited for the man to come out of the shower.

Brian got out of the shower a few minutes later, hoping that Justin was already long gone. He took a quick glance in the mirror and didn’t like what he saw. Looking into his eyes he saw a mixture of pain and sadness, feelings that he wasn’t supposed to experience. What had this kid done to him? Well, it didn’t matter anymore. Whatever was going on between them was over now anyway. It was for the best. He wasn’t meant to feel things for other people, anyway. He walked out of the bathroom and found Justin sitting on the bed, lost in thought. “What the fuck are you still doing here?” Brian growled.

“Brian, I think we need to talk.” Justin said calmly.

“There’s nothing to talk about. You said it yourself, it was a drunken fuck. End of story! So finish getting dressed, and get out!” Brian exclaimed. He tried to walk away, but Justin grabbed his arm to stop him from leaving.

“Brian, please listen to me. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.” Justin tried to explain.

“There’s no need to explain. I understand. We were drunk, we let things get out of hand, and it won’t happen again. We won’t tell Mikey, and everybody will be happy. Now if you will excuse me, I have things to do. I think you know your way out.” Brian walked away, needing to put some space between them.

Justin watched Brian’s retreating back, overwhelmed by the sadness that had settled in his chest. He finished getting dressed and headed for the door, but not before stopping by the computer desk where Brian was sitting, checking his email. “Look Brian, I’m sorry about this. I guess I kinda freaked. If you want to talk about it, give me a call.” He grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and wrote down his phone number. “Later.” Justin whispered, then walked out of the loft, leaving Brian alone with his thoughts.

Justin walked around for awhile, not really headed in any direction. His mind went back to what he and Brian had done last night, and he couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face. He meant what he had said to Brian. He didn’t regret what had happened. It was the best night of his life. The only problem was that he felt so bad for going behind Michael’s back. It’s not like he and Michael had a commitment or anything, but he knew what he did was wrong. Brian was Michael’s best friend, and he was sure there was some unspoken rule about sleeping with your current…whatever’s…best friend. Well, it didn’t matter anymore, Brian would probably never speak to him again after what had happened, so he would just put last night behind him and move on. “If only it was that easy” He mumbled to himself. When he finally made it home, his mother met him at the door.

“Hi honey, I’m glad you’re home. Your father and I are taking your sister to a movie, and then out to dinner. Do you want to go with us?” Jennifer asked, hoping he would agree to go. She was starting to worry about him. He seemed so sad all the time.

“No thanks, Mom. I think I’ll just hang out here tonight. I’m not in the mood to go out.” He replied, thankful that he would have the house to himself. The last thing he wanted to do was go out and try to pretend that everything was okay when his heart was breaking.

“Okay, if you’re sure. There’s leftovers in the fridge if you get hungry. Oh, and someone named Michael called here looking for you. Is that a new friend of yours? He sounded rather old.” She asked.

“No, I work for his mom at the diner. He was probably just calling to give me my schedule. I’ll call Debbie later.” Justin replied, hoping his mother didn’t question him any further. When he had gotten the job, he told his mother that it was at the diner across town, not wanting her to know he was working on Liberty Avenue. Everyone in Pittsburgh knew what kind of things went on down on Liberty, and he didn’t want to explain how he had gotten the job. He breathed a sigh of relief when she didn’t question him further.

“Alright, I guess we’ll see you later. If you decide to go out, make sure to lock the door and leave me a note so I know where you are,” she told him before walking out the door.

Justin spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening thinking about how he was going to break the news to Michael. He needed to end things with him before it got anymore out of hand. He finally scraped up the courage and called him.

“Hello.” Michael answered.

“Hey, Michael, it’s Justin,” he replied.

“Hey, Justin. I was just thinking about you. I’m sorry about last night. My Uncle Vic needed me.” He offered.

“That’s okay, I just ended up staying at a friends house. How’s you’re Uncle doing?” Justin asked, feeling his courage fade away.

“He doing okay. I know it’s silly to worry about a cold, but when you have HIV, even something as simple as a cold can kill you if you’re not careful. Anyway, I called earlier to see if you were up to Babylon tonight.” he asked.

“I think I’ll just stay in tonight. My family is out and it’s pretty quiet here. I’m gonna try to get some sleep.” At least Justin wasn’t lying about that.

“Okay, well then, will I see you tomorrow?” Michael asked, sounding disappointed.

“Sure, I work till five. Come by then.” Justin heard himself answer, kicking himself for not saying what he had planned on saying.

“Okay, I’ll see you then. Goodnight Justin.”

“Goodnight Michael” Justin replied, hanging up the phone.

“Fuck” Justin yelled to the empty room, before heading up to his room. He lay down on his bed with thoughts of Brian running through his mind, and drifted off to sleep.

Brian was sitting alone in the loft, finishing off a bottle of beam. The sun had set hours ago, leaving the room dark, except for the reflection of the street lights. He thought about what had happened with him and Justin earlier and decided that maybe he had overreacted. This was all so new to him. He didn’t like feeling the way he had ever since meeting Justin. After the boy walked out, Brian went to the office to try to get some work done. He figured that would be one less lie he told Mikey. He spent 4 hours there before he realized that he wouldn’t be able to get anything accomplished with his mind on Justin, so he went home and started drinking. Now he was drunk, and he still couldn’t get the blond out of his head. Knowing he should just go to bed, he staggered over to the phone number on his desk. He stared at the phone for a few minutes before picking it up and dialing.

Justin woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. Glancing at the clock, he realized that it was 10 o’clock. He had been sleeping for 5 hours. He picked it up on the third ring.

“Hello?” he answered, sleepily.

“Hey.” Brian said.

“Brian?” Justin quickly sat up, surprised that he had actually called.

“You said I could call…” Brian suddenly felt foolish for making the call.

“No, it’s okay. I guess I’m just surprised that you did.” he replied.

“Were you sleeping?” Brian asked, noticing the time.

“Yeah, but that’s okay. Is something wrong?” Justin asked, worried that maybe something had happened.

“I’m not sure.” he answered.

“You’re not sure if something is wrong?” Justin asked, confused by Brian’s reply.

“I’m not sure of anything.” Brian slurred.

“Brian, I think you’ve had too much to drink.” Justin said, realizing that Brian was drunk.

“That’s funny, I was thinking that I haven’t had enough. I still can‘t stop thinking about you.” Brian chuckled.

“Brian.” Justin whispered, his heart pounding.

“I’ve tried, ya know.” Brian stated.

“You’ve tried what?” Justin asked, still confused by what Brian was saying.

“I’ve tried to stop thinking about you. I even left the state, but you just came with me.” Brian answered.

“You mean when you went to Chicago? Justin asked, surprised.

“I kissed you. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t help it. So I hopped a plane, to try to forget, but I couldn’t. You were with me the whole time.” Brian admitted.

“Brian, I don’t know what to say.” Justin’s mind was racing by what he was hearing.

“Say it wasn’t a drunken fuck.” Brian whispered.

“Brian, it wasn’t a drunken fuck. Last night was the best night of my life. I just hate what we did to Michael.” Justin explained.

“You think I’m happy about it? Do you think I like the fact that I have…” Brian stopped in mid sentence, not sure if he could go on.

“You have what, Brian? Talk to me.” Justin encouraged, knowing that if he didn’t get him talking now, he never would.

“Never mind, I don’t know what I’m saying. It must be the beam talking.” Brian laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

“No, Brian, finish what you were going to say.” Justin demanded. Brian didn’t answer right away, and Justin thought he had lost him. “Brian?” he called.

“Do you think I like having…feelings for my best friend’s boyfriend.” Brian spoke in such a quiet voice, Justin almost didn’t hear him.

“Brian,” Justin didn’t know what to say about what Brian had just admitted.

“You know what? I think you were right. I think I had too much to drink. Is there any chance that we could forget that we had this conversation?” Brian asked, knowing what the answer was going to be.

“No, we can’t.” Justin chuckled.

“I didn’t think so, but it was worth a try. What are you doing tomorrow night? Do you have any plans?” Brian asked.

“I’m seeing Michael after work.” Justin answered.

“Maybe you could stop by after that.” Brian suggested.

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Justin questioned.

“Probably not, but you will be here, right?” Brian asked.

“Yeah, I’ll be there.” Justin replied.

“Goodnight, Justin.” Brian said.

“Goodnight, Brian.” Justin replied.

Brian hung up the phone and fell asleep, a smile plastered across his face.

Across town, Justin laid awake in bed, wondering what he was getting himself into.


End of part 7
6/26/03
 

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