Love Will Find a Way

Chapter 4

Justin finally rolled out of bed around noon. He had spent a restless night, waking up every half hour, thinking about Brian. Something was wrong and it was killing him that he was so far away. He thought about calling Michael, but knew it probably wasn’t a good idea. If Brian wanted to talk to his best friend, he would have called him. He made his way downstairs, thankful that Debbie and Vic were gone. He went straight to the computer, planning on sending Brian an email to see how he was feeling. He was surprised to find one from Brian waiting for him.


To: jtaylor@pitts.net
From: bkinney@aol.com
Subject: Sorry
Date: September 23, 2003


Justin,

I know I always said sorry was bullshit, but I did want to apologize for calling you so late last night. I guess I should stay away from the beam from now on. Don’t worry about me. I am fine. I was just feeling a little homesick last night. Who knew I would ever miss the Pitts? Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say. Thanks for listening to me ramble. Take care of yourself. Later.


Brian


Justin could feel tears threatening to fall. It was obvious that Brian was hurting in some way. This definitely was not the same man who lived his life, no excuses, no apologies, no regrets. He knew he had to do something, but he wasn’t sure what he could do being so far away. He decided to simply reply, assuring Brian that he would always be there if he needed to talk, and waited to see if he would get another phone call. After that, he took a shower and headed to the diner for the night shift.

Five hours later, when the dinner rush slowed down, Justin had more time to think about his situation with Brian. He had no way to get a hold of him without asking someone for his number which wasn’t an option. He didn’t want anyone to know that Brian had called him and his call came up as private on the caller ID. All he could do was hope that he got a reply to the email he sent. Now it was just a matter of waiting him out and that was one thing that Justin hated more than anything else. He was definitely not a patient person.

Brian spent the day suffering from a raging hangover. He should have known better than to drink so much. He had awakened early and sent Justin an email apologizing for his late night call, then he had crashed on the couch trying to sleep the day away. His mind was playing tricks on him and he couldn’t seem to stop thinking about the blond that had come to mean so much to him. By nightfall, he actually started feeling a little human again. He got up and took a shower before ordering take out and settling in to work on his latest project. Ever since he moved to LA, he spent his weekends working from home in an attempt to push away the doubts he was feeling about his move. When he checked his email, he wasn’t surprised to see a reply from Justin.


To: bkinney@aol.com
From: jtaylor@pitts.net
Subject: Re: Sorry
Date: September 23, 2003


Brian,

Please don’t apologize for calling. I told you I wanted to be your friend and I meant it. I will always be here for you. I wish you would open up to me and tell me what’s wrong. I know something is bothering you and I would really love to be able to help you. Maybe you could give me a call and we could talk. Okay, stop rolling your eyes. I know what you are thinking, but Brian Kinney can talk, you know. It wouldn’t kill you. Just remember that I am here and you can call me no matter what time it is and I will listen. Please take care of yourself. I am worried about you. Later.


Justin


Brian stared at the email, unsure of what to do next. Should he call Justin and talk to him? Could he open up to him? Was it really possible for him to talk? He decided to take the easy way out and push everything he was feeling back down. He had spent his entire life keeping his feelings to himself and he wasn’t about to change now. He would be okay.


Three weeks later…

It had been three weeks since Justin had replied to Brian’s apology email and he hadn’t heard a thing from the man. Everyday he would race to the computer to check for some word, but nothing came. He was really starting to worry and knew he needed to do something to ease his mind. All he had to do was figure out where to start. He got the opportunity on Saturday morning. He was lounging around the house, enjoying his first weekend off since starting back at the diner when Lindsay called.

“Hello?” Justin answered the phone, hoping once again that it was Brian.

“Justin! I’m so happy you are home. I need a really big favor. Could you watch Gus for me? Melanie got called into the office for awhile and I have a meeting at the gallery that I can’t miss.” Lindsay explained. She had finally returned to the working world and took her job very seriously.

“Sure, Lindsay. When do you need me?” Justin asked, happy at the thought of spending time alone with Gus.

“About an hour ago, but take your time. I already called my boss and told him I’ll be late. Do you need me to pick you up?” She asked, thankful that he was available to help.

“No, that’s okay. My mother was letting me borrow her car for the day to run some errands, so I’ll just have her come over now. I’ll be there in about a half hour.” Justin assured her.

“Thank you so much. I was beginning to think that I would have to cancel.” She told him.

“Anytime. You know how much I love Gus, Lindsay.” Justin had missed the boy so much now that Brian was gone and he didn’t see him as much as he used to.

“I know Justin, and he loves you, too. We’ll be waiting.” She said as she hung up the phone.

Justin called his mother and explained the situation. Jennifer agreed to come over and get him right away. He then jumped in the shower and got ready. After dropping his mother off at her condo, he headed over to the girls house and made it there in record time. Lindsay hugged him tightly and thanked him again for coming before racing out of the house to get to her meeting. Justin took Gus out of his playpen and settled them both on the floor to play. They were having a great time playing when the phone rang. Justin reached for it absentmindedly and was surprised to hear Brian on the other end.

“Hello?”

“Justin? What are you doing there?” Brian asked, shocked to hear Justin answer Lindsay’s phone.

“Mel got called into the office and Lindsay had a meeting so she asked me to baby sit for Gus.” Justin explained, getting up to put Gus back in his pen. He didn’t want to have to worry about him getting into anything while he was on the phone. This was the first opportunity he had to talk to Brian since the night he called him drunk and Justin wanted to be able to concentrate on what Brian would say.

“Oh, well…I was just calling to see how my son was doing. I can just call Lindsay later.” Brian said, unsure of what he should say.

“Brian, are you alright? I was really worried about you after our phone conversation and you never replied to my email.” Justin was hoping to be able to get Brian to open up and held his breath waiting for a response.

“What do you want me to say, Justin. I was drunk and made a mistake by calling you. You have your life now, and I’m not a part of it anymore. I am a big boy and I can take care of myself. You don’t need to worry about me.” Brian assured him with more conviction than he felt.

“Cut the shit, Kinney! I am worried about you. You call me up out of the blue and tell me that you are alone and I’m not supposed to worry? You and I may be miles apart right now, but you will always be a part of my life. I love you damn it!” Justin exclaimed, before realizing what he was admitting. He could hear the silence coming across the line and was worried that he had gone too far. “Brian? Are you there?”

“Come to LA.” Brian replied, shocking both himself and Justin. He didn’t know where the invitation came from. He just knew that after everything that had happened, he needed to see the blond again.

“What?” Justin asked, dumbfounded. He was worried that he said the wrong thing. He never expected Brian to invite him to LA.

“I said come to LA. Are you having trouble with your hearing?” Brian teased, trying to lighten the mood.

“No…I uh, heard you. I just thought I heard wrong. You want me to come to LA? Why?” Justin asked, confused by what was happening.

“Honestly? I don’t know. I just know that I want to see you and I can’t get away right now. Can you? I don’t know what your schedule is these days. Can you get away for a long weekend?” Brian asked, hoping that Justin would be able to find the time and hoping that he would want to.

“I think so. I don’t have classes on Fridays. I guess I could ask for a few days off from the diner. When do you want me to come?” Justin was mentally trying to figure out where he would come up with the money for a plane ticket, but he knew he would hold up a bank if he had to. If Brian wanted to see him, he would move heaven and earth to get there.

“How about next weekend? You could catch a flight Thursday night and leave on Sunday. I’ll make the arrangements and let you know the flight number.” Brian assured him, excitement filling him at the thought of seeing Justin.

“Brian, you don’t have to pay for my ticket. I have some money saved up.” Justin told him.

“I asked you to come here, I’m paying for it. No arguments, okay?” There was no way he was going to let Justin pay for the flight from his savings.

“Okay. Brian, are you sure about this? Do you really want me there?” Justin asked, tentatively.

“I’m not sure about anything anymore, but I do know that I want you here. I promise to be on my best behavior. Just do me a favor? Don’t tell anyone where you are going. I am not in the mood for the questions that would come from this right now.” Brian hated to make Justin lie to his family, but he knew that he would be harassed by everyone if they knew he invited Justin to come for a visit. Especially, since he refused to let Michael come out.

“Oh, believe me…I have no intention of telling anyone. Michael would kill me for sure. He’s been whining for weeks about you not letting him visit.” Justin chuckled, thinking about what Michael would say if he knew.

“Good. I’ll call you tonight and give you the information. Give Gus a kiss for me and I’ll talk to you later.”

“Later, Brian.”

“Later, Justin.”

As soon as Justin hung up the phone he called Debbie at the diner. He needed to make sure she kept him off the schedule for the following weekend.

“Liberty Diner.” She answered the phone in her usual chipper voice.

“Hey Deb. Listen, I was just invited to go away with a group of guys from school. I need to have next weekend off. I’ll be leaving Thursday night and won’t be back till Sunday night. Is that going to be a problem?” he asked, holding his breath.

“Of course not, Sunshine. You have been moping around for months now. I’m happy that you are finally going to go out and have some fun. I will cover for you if I have to. Just promise me you will have a good time.” Debbie assured him.

“Thanks Debbie. I really appreciate it. I’ll see you at home.” Justin couldn’t help the smile that was planted on his face. After all this time, he was finally going to see Brian again.

“Okay, hon. I’ll see you later.” Debbie hung up the phone, wondering what had caused the sudden change in Justin. She had been trying to get him to go out with friends for months, but he kept refusing. Now all of the sudden he was going away for a long weekend? He was up to something and Debbie had every intension of finding out what it was. She pushed aside her questions and got back to work, promising herself that she would talk to him before Thursday and get him to tell her what was going on.

Brian glanced at the clock and saw that it was about 10:00 pm in the Pitts. He reached for the phone. He couldn’t believe he had asked Justin to come for a visit. It just kind of came out, but he didn’t regret it. Ever since Justin agreed to come, Brian hadn’t been able to stop smiling. He didn’t know what would happen over their weekend together, but just knowing that he would see Justin again was enough for now. Justin answered on the third ring.

“Brian?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Did you work things out for the weekend?” Brian asked, suddenly afraid that he had changed his mind.

“Yep, all set. I told Debbie that I was going away with some friends from school. She was so happy that I was getting out that she agreed to cover for me at work if I need her to.” Justin explained. He was worried that after their conversation, Brian would change his mind, but obviously he still wanted him to fly out.

“Good. Your flight leaves at 4:00. That should put you in LA at around 6:00 my time. Is that okay?” Brian asked.

“That’s perfect. I have classes till 1:00. I’ll have enough time to go home and shower before heading to the airport. Are you really sure you want this? If you changed your mind, I’ll understand.” Justin said, wanting to give Brian a way out if he wanted.

“Justin, I told you before, I want you here. I’ll email you all the information. All you have to do is get on the plane. Are you having doubts about coming out? I promise to behave myself.” Brian joked, trying to ease Justin’s mind. “I didn’t invite you out here for a fuck if that’s what you are worried about. I just wanted to see you. We’re friends, right?”

“Yes, we are friends, and that wasn’t what I was worried about. I’m sure you can behave yourself.” Justin replied with a chuckle.

Brian wished he was as sure as Justin was. The thought of having the blond in his loft was causing a tightening in his groin. “Okay, then I guess I’ll see you on Thursday.”

“Yeah, see you on Thursday. Later Brian.”

“Later.”

Justin couldn’t fall asleep that night. He kept wondering what the weekend was going to bring. Brian promised to behave himself, but Justin wasn’t sure if he really wanted him to. He would love nothing more than to be back in Brian’s bed, but he knew that it would be awkward enough between them just sharing a loft. The last time they saw each other was when Justin walked away with Ethan and they never really talked about it. Justin finally convinced himself to stop worrying. Brian wanted them to be friends and if that’s all they had, he would have to be happy with that. At least they were still in each other’s lives. He couldn’t ask for anything more. He drifted off to sleep dreaming about his weekend away.

By Thursday afternoon, Justin was a bundle of nerves. He left the campus at one, racing home to shower before heading to the airport. He was shocked to find Debbie waiting for him.

“Hey, Sunshine. Are you all packed and ready to go?” She asked, ready to confront Justin with her suspicions. She finally realized that Brian was in some way linked to Justin’s good mood. She had watched him all week and saw the excitement that had been building with each day. There was no way that much happiness was coming from his friends from school. He was as happy as he was when he and Brian were together and it made Debbie feel good to see the light in his eyes again.

“I’m all ready. I just need to jump in the shower. What are you doing here? I thought you had a shift at the diner?” Justin asked.

“I did, but it was pretty slow so I thought I’d come home and see you off. What time are your friends picking you up?” She saw the panic in his eyes and had to control her desire to laugh at his charade.

“Uh…actually, I am…uh…meeting them at airport.” Justin told her, looking away to avoid her eyes. He hated lying to her, but didn’t want to break his promise to Brian.

“Really, and where did you say you were going again?” She continued, determined to make him break.

“Uh…we’re going to Chicago?” He offered, hoping he sounded more convincing than it appeared.

“Are you asking me or telling me?” She countered, enjoying watching him squirm. He was so bad at lying.

“I’m telling you. We are going to Chicago.” Justin assured her.

“Alright Justin, out with it. Tell me what’s really going on, and before you tell me another lie, I know Brian is involved.” Debbie said, watching the surprise in Justin’s eyes.

“Brian? What makes you think Brian is involved?” Justin asked, curious as to what Debbie knows.

“Justin. You have been moping around for months, ever since you found out Brian moved away. Now all of the sudden, you are walking around with a huge smile on your face, claiming to be going away with friends that I have never heard of? I haven’t seen you this happy since you were with Brian, so why don’t you just spill it?” Debbie laughed at Justin’s reaction.

“Alright, but you have to promise you won’t tell anyone. Brian doesn’t want anyone to know right now.” Justin insisted.

“My lips are sealed, now open yours.” She demanded.

“Brian and I have been emailing each other occasionally. He finally called me about a month ago and he sounded so alone. I was really worried about him, but you know Brian. He wouldn’t open up to me. I didn’t talk to him again until he called Lindsay’s while I was there watching Gus. He asked me to fly to LA. He said he wanted to see me. I don’t know what’s going to happen or why he wants me there, but I have to go. I think he needs me. Please don’t tell anyone. Let me just see what happens while I’m there.” Justin pleaded. He hoped he could trust Debbie with his secret.

“Oh Sunshine, I am so happy you are going to be there for him. I talked to him a few weeks ago and he seemed so sad. I promise not to tell anyone where you are, but do me a favor? Tell me the next time you are planning to disappear. I want to know where you are in case of an emergency. I may have a big mouth, but I do know how to keep a secret.” Debbie assured him as she pulled him in for a hug.

“I will, Deb, and thanks. Now I better get ready. My flight leaves at 4:00 and I definitely don’t want to miss it!” He said as he headed up the stairs.

“Oh, and Justin? Give him a big kiss for me.” Debbie said with a smile.

“If you insist.” Justin replied, with his trademark smile firmly in place.

As Justin’s plane was landing, he couldn’t help the butterflies he had in his stomach. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to react to seeing Brian again after all this time. So much had happened in the last three months and he didn’t know how to be around the man anymore. As he walked off the plane and moved through the airport, he could almost feel Brian’s presence in the large area. He spotted Brian immediately, at the same moment Brian found him, and the world seemed to stop as they made their way towards each other.

“Hey.” Justin said, somewhat shyly.

“Hey.” Brian replied.

Brian leaned down to place a soft kiss on Justin’s lips, but as soon as their lips met a fire sparked between them and they were lost in a heated kiss, each trying to devour the other. When breathing became necessary, they pulled back and were shocked to realize they were in the airport. Neither one of them gave it much thought while locked in their embrace.

“I guess we better get your bags and get out of here before they call security and have us thrown out.” Brian laughed nervously.

“I think you’re right.” Justin responded. As they walked towards the baggage claim, Justin couldn’t help but asked the question that was racing through his mind. “Brian, what exactly are we doing?”

“I have no idea, Sunshine. I thought I was just having a friend come to visit, but now I’m not so sure. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all?” Brian admitted, feeling more confused than ever.

“Or maybe it was your best idea yet?” Justin replied, needing Brian to understand that he was okay with what was happening between them.

“You know I might not be able to keep my promise about being on my best behavior, right?” Brian asked, wanting to let Justin know what was going on in his mind.

“I’m counting on it. Now let’s get out of here.”

They found Justin’s bags and headed out of the airport hand in hand, both anxious for their weekend together to begin.


End of part 4
11/05/03
 

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