Going the Distance

Chapter 5

Brian was back at Justin’s door two hours later, trying to keep his nervousness at bay. He still wasn’t sure how he felt about what he had learned earlier. It wasn’t as if Justin’s blindness was a real problem for him, it’s was just that he was beginning to really care about his friend and sort of had hopes of them becoming more. He wasn’t sure how he felt about having a boyfriend that was blind. He didn’t want to be shallow, but it would definitely make things different than what he had expected and he didn’t know if he would be able to handle it. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Justin in any way. Then there was the issue of Justin lying to him since the beginning. The one thing that Brian hated was being lied to. He was always honest with the people around him and he didn’t know if he would ever be able to trust Justin after everything.

Pushing away those thoughts, Brian rang the doorbell and waited for someone to answer. He was a little surprised when what apparently had to be Justin’s mother opened the door.

“Hello, can I help you?”

“Hi, I’m here to see Justin,” Brian replied softly.

“Oh, okay, come on in. I think he’s out back with his father. Follow me and we’ll go find him,” Jennifer offered, allowing Brian to enter the house.

He followed her outside and immediately spotted the blond sitting in the small gazebo with his father, lost in conversation.

“Honey? There’s someone here to see you,” Jennifer called out to Justin.

Justin’s face broke out into a huge smile, causing Brian to gasp from the sight.

“Brian?”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“Mom, Dad, this is Brian Kinney. He’s a freshman at Carnegie Mellon. We’re going to take a ride. I’ll be home in a little while,” Justin said as he got up and joined Brian and his mother.

Brian watched him amazed at the way he moved around as if he could see where he was going.

“Justin, don’t you think it would be better if you two stayed here? Your father and I were going to have a small cook out with some of the neighbors tonight. Brian’s welcome to join us,” Jennifer said, trying to hide her uneasiness with Justin going out without her.

“Mom, Brian and I need to have a talk about something, but we’ll come back for dinner if it’s okay with you,” Justin offered, knowing what his mother was thinking. He hated the way she was always trying to protect him. He very rarely went out without her, unless he was with Daphne.

“Uh…sure. That’s fine. Just don’t be gone too long, okay?”

“We’ll be back in a little while, I promise,” Justin assured her, kissing her cheek.

Brian watched their interaction and knew that she was leery about letting her son go off with a stranger. He noticed them whispering to each other and felt her eyes on him before Justin walked away, leaving Brian to follow.

“It was nice meeting you Mr. and Mrs. Taylor. I promise to bring Justin back in one piece,” Brian said, letting it be known that he was aware of their fears.

“See that you do,” Craig replied, his tone carrying a subtle threat.

Brian quickly joined Justin who had been standing by the gate waiting for him.

“Don’t let them intimidate you. They mean well, they just worry about me,” Justin explained as they made their way towards the front.

“I understand.” Brian walked towards the car before realizing Justin wasn’t behind him.

“Brian, I can get around my house and my yard because I’ve lived here all my life, but once we are outside of there, I need a little direction so I know where to go,” Justin chuckled softly.

“Shit! I’m sorry. I guess I wasn’t thinking,” Brian replied nervously as went back and took Justin by the arm, leading him towards the car.

“It’s okay, Brian. This is all new to you. I tend to take some getting used to,” Justin said as he climbed in the car.

Brian cursed himself as he walked around and got in behind the wheel. He already screwed up and he’d only been in Justin’s presence for five minutes.

Justin could feel Brian’s unease and tried to reassure him. “Brian’s it’s okay, really. Don’t worry about it.”

Brian watched the blond looking out the side window as if he was watching the scenery and didn’t know what to say. “So, uh, what were you and your mother whispering about?”

“I asked her if you were as hot as you sounded on the phone.” Justin giggled.

Brian laughed out loud at that. “And what did she say?”

“She said that if she was twenty years younger my dad would be out on the street.”

“She did? I guess I’ll take that as a compliment. Apparently I’m attractive to the older generation,” Brian teased. “That’s good to know.”

They made small talk the rest of the ride until Brian found a small park where they could talk. He parked the car and shut it off before climbing out. Remembering Justin’s earlier comment, he went around to the other side as Justin was climbing out and led him to a small picnic area, settling them down at one of the tables. He wasn’t sure where to begin, but apparently Justin was.

“Look Brian, again I’m sorry for not telling you about my sight. I was just so excited to finally be able to feel normal that I didn’t want to use ‘my name’s Justin and I’m blind’ as my opener. After awhile it got too late to say anything without admitting that I lied. I didn’t think I’d ever see you so I figured it wouldn’t matter. If you had told me you were moving here I would have been honest.”

“I guess I can see your point. I wasn’t completely honest with you, either. I should have told you I applied to Carnegie. I guess I was worried that you’d tell me not to come and I don’t know…” Brian stopped, trying to figure out what to admit about his feelings. “I just didn’t want you to do that.”

“I wouldn’t have tried talking you out of coming here, although I am surprised that you did. What made you come all the way to the Pitts?”

“Well, I wanted to get as far away from Jack and Joan as I could, but the thought of going to a place where I wouldn’t know anyone was a little scary. I figured that if I came here, at least I already had one friend,” Brian explained, knowing that there was more to it than that, but not wanting to admit anymore.

“I guess that makes sense,” Justin replied, trying to hide his disappointment. He had been hoping that Brian wanted more from him than his friendship.

“What happened?”

Justin knew exactly what Brian was asking him and took a deep breath before answering.

“When I was about two years old, I came down with a bad case of Meningitis. I wasn’t really expected to live, but luckily I did survive. Unfortunately the disease attacked my brain, taking away my sight.”

“You’ve been blind since you were two?”

“Yeah, I don’t remember ever being able to see. I was too young.”

“That must be hard…”

“Sometimes it is, but since I don’t remember seeing before it’s not as hard as you think. If you were to lose your sight right now, it would be tragic. For me, I can’t miss what I’ve never had, you know? There are times when I still curse God for doing this to me. I still have moments where I wish I’d never survived all those years ago, but mostly I just live my life the way I always have. It’s who I am.”

“With modern technology the way it is, there’s nothing anyone can do?”

“No, but not for lack of trying. I’ve been through so many different doctors and treatments trying to come up with something that might return my sight and nothing worked. I finally told my mother to stop looking. I couldn’t take one more let down. Every time they wheeled me into the operating room I would think maybe this is it. Maybe this time it would work and I would be able to see again, but each time I woke up the same way as I went to sleep and I couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve accepted my life the way it is for the most part. I guess there will always be a part of me that wishes I could be just like everyone else, but I try not to let it get me down.”

Brian watched Justin while he spoke, finding his respect for him grow. Justin seemed so brave to accept his lot in life, although like he had said. You can’t really miss something you never had. Without thinking he reached up and caressed Justin’s cheek. “I’m sorry you had to go through all that.”

“Don’t!” Justin snapped, pulling back from Brian’s touch. “Don’t feel sorry for me. You can love me, hate me, think I’m great, think I’m an asshole; just don’t feel sorry for me! I hate when people feel sorry for poor blind little Justin. I can’t see, so what? I’m not an invalid. I’m not a cripple. I just can’t see.” He rose from his seat, carefully walking away, but unsure of where he was going.

Brian watched Justin for a second before jumping up and quickly approaching him. “I’m sorry, Justin. I didn’t mean it like that. Shit! I just meant that I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. No one should have to go through what you did.”

Justin spun around and faced Brian. “It’s life, Brian. Things happen. You shouldn’t have had to go through what you did with your father either. Life is unfair, but we all have to live through it and if we’re lucky, we survive with out sanity intact. This is why I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me.”

“I feel a lot of things for you right now, but sorry isn’t one of them,” Brian replied quietly.

“Well, what then? What exactly are you feeling?” Justin asked, holding his breath for the answer.

Without thinking about why, Brian took Justin in his arms and covered him mouth in a strong kiss, feeling a jolt shoot straight to his groin at the contact.

Justin was taken back by the gentle assault, but quickly returned the kiss with all the passion and emotions he’d been feeling towards Brian since the beginning. He moaned into the kiss, parting his lips and allowing Brian’s tongue to enter his mouth. It was his first experience with someone and the heat radiating through his body both excited and terrified him. All too soon, he felt Brian pull away and tried to hide his disappointment that the lost of contact.

“I’m sorry,” Brian said, trying to get his breathing under control.

“You’re sorry that you kissed me?”

Brian thought about the question for a moment. “No, I’m not sorry that I kissed you. I’m sorry about the way I just grabbed you without warning,” he explained softly.

“Well, in that case, apology accepted. So, what happens next? Was that supposed to be a friendly kiss, because I have to say, I’ve never kissed Daphne like that,” Justin said, trying to lighten the mood.

“Justin, I have to be honest with you. I’m confused and a little scared,” Brian replied.

“Thank God,” Justin sighed. “I thought I was the only one,” he explained.

Brian smiled at Justin’s words. “How about we take things slow and just follow our instincts; see where we end up?”

“I think that sounds like a good idea. We don’t even know each other that well. We may find out that we actually hate each other,” Justin teased.

“I seriously doubt that, Justin,” Brian chuckled before turning serious. “I just need you to promise me…no more lies, okay?”

Justin blanched at Brian’s question. “I promise, no more lies.”

They sealed their deal with a soft kiss, then Brian led Justin back to the car and they headed back to Justin’s house.

“Brian, you don’t have to stay for my parent’s cookout if you don’t want to. That was just my mother’s way of trying to keep me in her sight,” Justin explained honestly.

“I’m in town less than twenty four hours and already you’re trying to get rid of me?” Brian teased.

“No, it’s not that. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to stay. If you’d rather go back and finish getting settled in, I’ll understand.”

“I’ll tell you what, let me call Ben and see if he needs his car back anytime soon. If not, then I’d like to hang out for awhile.”

Justin just smiled at Brian’s reply.

Brian called Ben as soon as they got back to the house, only to find out that Ben was going out with some friends and didn’t need his car. Satisfied that they had all night, Brian and Justin joined the small gathering already underway in the back yard.

Brian watched in awe as Justin made his way around the yard talking with his neighbors and having fun despite the fact that he couldn’t see. He’d never known anyone who was blind before, but he had always assumed that they were poor lifeless people with very few friends that spent most of their time sitting at home with their dogs. It was obvious that he had a lot to learn. Brian was brought out of his thoughts when he felt someone plop down beside him.

“You must be Brian,” Daphne said with a smile.

“And you must be Justin’s nosey friend Daphne,” Brian shot back with a chuckle.

“Lucky for you, otherwise you wouldn’t be here staring at Justin as if he was the main course on the menu,” Daphne giggled.

Brian blushed shyly, but didn’t respond.

“Look Brian, I’m sure that you and Justin talked earlier and straightened everything out. I just want to make one thing clear. From everything Justin has told me, you seem like a really great guy so I’m willing to let what happened this afternoon go because I know Justin was wrong about not telling you. Now you know and you’re still here, so I’m going to assume that you two are going to maintain your friendship.”

“Yes, we are,” Brian replied, not sure of where Daphne was going with her speech.

“Good, just keep one thing in mind. If you hurt him again, I will kick your ass,” Daphne stated sternly.

Brian laughed at the girl’s bravado. “That’s sweet, Daphne, but I really don’t think it’s any of your business.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Brian. Whatever happens to Justin is my business. Don’t make me prove it to you,” she replied softly, placing a gentle kiss on Brian’s cheek before walking away.

Brian watched her walk away, knowing deep down inside that she meant every word of her threat.

Justin was trying to make his way back to Brian when Daphne stopped him.

“Hey Justin, you look rather happy tonight.”

“I am…Brian and I talked things out and he’s not upset with me anymore. Thanks again for calling him, Daph. You’re the greatest,” Justin said, hugging her tightly.

“I know I am,” she teased. “Just be careful, Justin. I know you have strong feelings for him, but remember you guys are just friends. Don’t get your hopes up too high for something more. Give him time and see what happens.”

“He kissed me, Daph.”

“He did? When? What happened?”

Justin laughed at his friend’s excitement and proceeded to tell her about their afternoon in the park. Once he was finished he sighed deeply, trying to calm his excitement. “So, what do you think its means? Do you think there’s a chance we could be more than friends?”

“I’d say your chances are pretty good. Just be careful and for God’s sake, no more lies,” Daphne replied with a chuckle.

“Never again, Daph,” Justin assured him.

Daphne looked up and saw Brian approaching them. “Here comes your ‘friend’ now.”

“Hey, I think I better get going. I still have a few things to do before I’m settled in,” Brian stated. He hated that he had to leave, but he didn’t want to rush things and what he was feeling for Justin was beginning to scare him. He needed some time to think.

Justin struggled to hide his disappointment. “Oh, okay. I’ll walk you out front.”

They walked to Ben’s car in silence, neither one of them sure what to say. Justin broke the silence first.

“Well, I guess I’ll talk to you later.”

“Do you want to…” Brian stopped, wondering what they could do together since Justin couldn’t see. This was all so new to him.

“Do I want to…what?”

“I don’t know, do something tomorrow?”

Justin couldn’t help but smile at Brian’s offer. “Sure, why don’t you call me tonight and we can decide what to do.”

“Okay, give me a couple of hours and I’ll call you when I’m all settled.” Brian reached out and placed a hand on Justin’s cheek before gently pulling him in for a soft kiss. “Later.”

“Later, Brian,” Justin replied before turning and heading back to the cookout. He knew he had a spring in his step, but he didn’t care. Brian was everything he had thought he would be and more and Justin couldn’t wait till they were together again.

Brian watched Justin walk away feeling overwhelmed by his thoughts for him. His first day in Pittsburgh may not have started out the way he had expected, but it turned out to be a good day after all.


End of part 5
6/30/04

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