Going the Distance

Chapter 10

Brian was unusually quiet on the six hour flight to California, fighting the emotions that were threatening to overtake him. A little voice inside of him was telling him that he shouldn’t be sad; he shouldn’t mourn people who regretted the day he was born. But there was also the voice that insisted that despite the circumstances, Jack and Joan were his parents and they were gone. He was all alone in the world. By the time they stepped off the plane and claimed their luggage, Brian was emotionally drained and dreading the days ahead of him. The only bright spot was that Justin was beside him, silently offering his comfort and support.

As the cab pulled up outside Brian’s childhood home, Justin felt Brian’s body stiffen and placed a hand on his thigh.

“Are you okay? Would you rather stay at a hotel? I’m sure we can find one close by.”

Brian stared at the house a moment before answering. “No, that’s okay. I’ll be alright. Let’s go.”

Justin accepted Brian’s reply and climbed out of the cab, looking around while Brian paid the driver and grabbed his bags. It was a nice home in the middle of what appeared to be a family oriented neighborhood. Sadly, Justin knew the darkness and despair that went on behind the walls of the house. He grabbed his bag and followed Brian inside, trying not to think about the little boy who suffered so much as he was growing up.

“How about if we put our things upstairs first? Then I have to call my aunt and let her know we’re here.”

Justin nodded and followed Brian upstairs and into what he assumed was Brian’s bedroom. Looking around, he noticed several pictures sitting on the dresser of Brian and who he assumed was his friend Michael. They seemed to be happy in the photos, but if anyone looked carefully, they could see darkness in Brian’s eyes. Justin shook those thoughts away and went over to Brian, who was standing at the window looking out at the neighborhood.

“Brian, do you want to lay down for a little while first before calling anyone? You didn’t really get much sleep last night and you look exhausted.”

“No, I’d rather get this over with,” Brian replied as he walked away.

Justin followed him down and into the kitchen and took a seat at the small table while Brian made the call.

“Hey Aunt Kathy, it’s Brian; I’m home,” Brian said when his aunt answered.

“Oh Brian Honey, how are you doing? I’ve been thinking about you since we hung up last night? How come you didn’t just come here with us? I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be alone in that house,” Kathy said with concern.

“I’m not alone. I brought a friend of mine with me. I just figured it would be easy for me to stay here so I can get whatever I need out of the house before going back to Pittsburgh,” Brian explained.

“Oh, when are you going back? You’re going to stay here for awhile, aren’t you?”

“Not too long, Aunt Kathy. I have classes that I have to get back to. I’m in college, remember?” Brian pointed out, expecting the guilt trip he knew was coming.

“But Brian…Mom and Dad are…gone. Surely you would be better off here by your family,” Kathy replied. “Uncle Bill and I thought it would be nice if you came and stayed with us for awhile.”

“Aunt Kathy,” Brian sighed. “I know how upset you are by what happened, but I’m not going to drop out of school to move back here. My life is in Pittsburgh now.”

“No Brian, your life is in California. Your mother told me about the little spat that you and your father had that caused you to rebel and move away, but that’s over now. Now you can come home where you belong,” Kathy explained.

“The little spat? You have got to be fucking kidding me!” Brian exclaimed, losing his temper. “If you want to call years of abuse and neglect a spat.”

“Brian.”

“Forget it. Look, I’ve got to go. I’ll give you a call later and see what arrangements have been made. Good bye Aunt Kathy.” Brian hung up the phone and took a deep breath, trying hard to pull in his emotions.

“Brian? Are you okay?” Justin asked tentatively.

“What? Yeah, I’m fine. I think I’ll go lay down for awhile,” Brian said offhandedly, heading towards the stairs.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, I think I just need to be alone for awhile. I’m sorry,” Brian said softly.

“Don’t apologize Brian. I understand. I’ll be here if you need me,” Justin assured him, kissing him lightly.

Brian mumbled a thank you and went up to his room, closing the door behind him. His thoughts kept going back over the years he had suffered at the hands of his father while his mother looked the other way. How could his aunt really think that he would move away over a little spat with his father? Was she really that oblivious? Is it possible that she never noticed the bruises that he walked around with all the time? He lay down on the bed and tried his best to push away all the memories that were running through his head and eventually fell into a restless sleep.

Justin waited until Brian was gone before calling his mother to let her know they made it in okay. Then he began walking through the house, imagining what Brian’s childhood had really been like inside the confines of the tidy little home. The walls were adorned with pictures and family photos, all of them making an attempt to hide the trouble that was brewing when no one was around. The most startling photo was one of the more recent ones. It was obviously taken at Brian’s high school graduation and Brian was surrounded by who Justin could only imagine was his parents, aunt, and uncle. Brian’s face showed the signs of a forced smile along with a fading bruise around his left eye. Justin remembered the day Brian had gotten the bruise.

He had received a call late one night two days before the ceremony from Brian, who had obviously been drinking. When Justin had asked him why he was so upset, Brian admitted to yet another argument with his father. This one started by a small dent in the family car; a dent that was caused when someone backed into the car while it was parked in the parking lot of the local mall. Brian hadn’t even been present when it happened, but apparently Jack Kinney still felt as if it was all Brian’s fault and he claimed he had to teach his son a lesson about responsibility. Justin could still remember the pain and anguish in his voice. Seeing the proof of Jack Kinney’s abuse caused a chill to run down Justin’s spine. He didn’t like thinking ill of the dead, but Justin couldn’t help but be thankful that the Kinney’s couldn’t hurt Brian anymore. They’d already done enough to him in his lifetime.

After spending a few more minutes looking around, Justin settled down on the couch to watch a little TV but quickly dropped off to sleep, exhausted from their trip.

Brian woke up disoriented and it took a few moments for him to remember why he was at home in his bed. When the events of the last two days suddenly flashed in his mind, he wasn’t sure exactly what he was feeling. With mixed emotions, he climbed out of bed and went downstairs, surprised to see Justin sleeping on the couch. He slowly approached the blond until he was standing above him, staring down at his beautiful features. Thinking about how lucky he was to have Justin there for him, he reached down and lightly caressed his cheek, silently urging him to wake up.

Justin felt a hand of his cheek and his eyes fluttered open to see Brian standing above him.

“Hey,” he whispered groggily as he sat up.

“Hey, did you sleep long?” Brian asked, sitting down along side of Justin.

Justin glanced at the clock before replying. “About an hour, I guess. I didn’t realize how tired I was until I sat down to watch TV. How’re you doing?”

“I’m alright, I guess. It just seems so weird being here without them, you know? I keep expecting them to walk in any minute and yell at me for not taking out the trash,” Brian chuckled, trying to hide the pain he was feeling.

Justin could hear the pain in Brian’s voice and placed a hand on his thigh, trying to offer some kind of comfort. “So what do we do now?”

“I’m not sure. I guess I’ll call my aunt and see what’s going on.” He got up and walked over to the phone, hesitating before picking it up and placed the call.

Justin watched Brian pacing back and forth while he talked to his aunt, noticing the tension through out his body and wished there was something he could do. Brian had been through enough in the last couple of days and he didn’t need anyone adding to his grief. Once the conversation was over, Justin went to Brian and placed a hand on his arm.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. She wants us to go over there tomorrow and spend the day with the family,” Brian sighed.

“Okay, what about the arrangements?”

“Apparently my parents had most of their arrangements made in advance so Aunt Kathy finalized everything today. The wake is from nine to eleven on Monday morning with the burial at noon. She asked me to…uh…pick out the clothes they’ll be wearing.”

Justin could hear the hesitancy in Brian’s voice. “Well, why don’t you go do that now and then maybe we could go out and grab some dinner. It’s after six Pittsburgh time and you haven’t eaten all day.”

The thought of going through his parents’ room made Brian very uncomfortable and he didn’t think he was ready for it just yet. “How about if we go grab something to eat first?”

“Sure, whatever you want to do,” Justin replied.

Brian grabbed the keys to his mother’s car and they headed outside. Once again, Brian hesitated staring at the car as memories washed over him. He thought back to the day he got his drivers license. Michael drove him to the test because his mother had been too busy with one of her church groups. After passing, he had driven Mikey’s car around town all afternoon enjoying the freedom of being behind the wheel. Once he had gotten home, Brian raced into the house to show off his license, but his excitement was short lived. Apparently he had forgotten to clean out the garage before he left and Jack had been drunk and waiting for him. The beating had been severe and it had taken Brian three days to recover. He never got the chance to tell them that he passed the test and by the time he remembered he figured there was no point. They didn’t care anyway.

“Brian, are you sure you want to do this? Maybe we should just see about having a pizza delivered,” Justin suggested, noticing the far away look in Brian’s eyes.

“I didn’t think it would be this hard, you know. Everywhere I look I remember something…no, I’m alright. Let’s go.” Brian pushed away the memories and climbed into the car, refusing to let himself fall apart.

They had a nice dinner at a small Italian restaurant a few blocks from the house, and then Brian took Justin for a ride around his hometown. He pointed out all the places he and Michael used to hang out and relived the good memories he had there. They ended up outside a small house sitting in the middle of a run down neighborhood.

“Who lives here?” Justin asked when Brian killed the engine.

“Mikey. You don’t mind if we go say hello, do you? I haven’t talk to him much lately and I want to say hello,” Brian explained, looking back towards the house he used to run to when he needed to get away from his parents.

“No, not at all. Do you want me to wait here?”

“No, I want you to meet Mikey. Let’s go,” Brian climbed out of the car and walked around to grab Justin’s hand before they made their way to the door. He knocked lightly and waited a few seconds until the door was retched open and a Debbie Novotny appeared before them.

“Brian! Oh Honey I’ve missed you!” Debbie exclaimed, pulling Brian in for a big bear hug. “How are you doing Kiddo?”

Brian enjoyed the warmth that ran through him at the greeting. “I’m okay, Deb.”

“”I’m sorry about your parents. We just heard this morning. Michael tried to call you at the dorms but someone named Ben said that you were on your way home.” Debbie stepped back, finally noticing the blond standing next to him. “And who’s this gorgeous hunk?”

Brian couldn’t help but laugh at the stunned look on Justin’s face. “This is Justin. Justin, this is Michael’s mother Debbie.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Justin replied meekly, extending his hand.

“So you’re the boyfriend that I’ve been hearing about. Fuck the handshake and give me a hug. Anyone who’s close to Brian is family.” Debbie grabbed Justin and pulled him close to her.

Justin was taken back by Debbie; he’d never met anyone quite so loud before but he liked her immediately.

“Ma, who’s that at the…Brian!” Michael exclaimed at the top of the stairs as he saw his friend standing on the door step. He ran down and threw himself at Brian, thrilled to see him.

“Hey Mikey,” Brian said as he pulled out of the hug. “This is Justin.”

“Hey Justin.”

“Hi Michael.”

“Okay, let’s get out of the doorway. Brian, I made your favorite, Apple Pie, in honor of your return. I hope you’re hungry.”

“Actually, we just had…” Brian stopped when he saw her hurt expression. Debbie was never happy unless she was feeding someone. “We’d love to have a piece of pie.”

“Okay, coming right up,” Debbie beamed as she walked towards the kitchen.

Michael laughed as he watched the interaction between his mother and his best friend. “You know Brian, you can tell my mother no now and then.”

“You can, too,” Brian chuckled.

“Are you kidding? I have to live with her,” he laughed.

A few minutes later everyone was sitting around the kitchen table eating pie, when Debbie stared questioning Brian.

“So, where are you boys staying?”

“We’re staying at the house, Deb. Where else would we be staying?” Brian replied.

“Brian, do you think that’s a good idea. I mean…all those memories.”

“It’s fine Deb. I’m alright,” Brian assured her, but the look that Justin gave her told her a different story.

“Why don’t you two stay here tonight? This way you and Michael can catch up and we can get to know Sunshine here a little better.”

“Sunshine?” Justin asked in confusion.

“With a smile like that, what else would I call you? What do you say?”

Justin blushed slightly at Debbie’s comment before replying. “It’s fine by me. What do you think Brian?”

“Come on, Brian. We can watch old movies and stay up late?” Michael offered with a smile. He had missed Brian so much since he moved away.

“You sure you don’t mind?” Brian asked Justin, who nodded his response. “Alright, we’ll stay here. Thanks Deb.”

“Anything for my boy. Damn, it’s so good to see you. I just wish the circumstances were better.”

“Me too.”

Conversation moved onto school and how much Brian liked Carnegie Mellon and Pittsburgh, and then turned towards Justin.

“So Justin, where do you go to school?” Deb asked suddenly.

Justin looked around the table as realization set in. He turned to Brian. “You didn’t tell them?”

“It never came up, I guess,” Brian said guiltily. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed that his boyfriend was blind. He just didn’t know how to bring it up. He was afraid they would give him a hard time about it.

“Tell us what?” Debbie continued.

“I’m not in school right now. I lost my sight when I was a baby and only got it back about three weeks ago.” Justin sat there watching the shocked look on Debbie and Michael’s face.

“You mean you’re blind?” Michael exclaimed.

“No Mikey, he was blind. He got his sight back three weeks ago. Weren’t you paying attention?” Brian said sarcastically. That was why he never said anything. Michael was famous for his insensitivity.

For the next hour, Justin was bombarded with question after question about what his life was like and what it was like to be able to see again. Justin was patient with them, answering all of their questions, all the while feeling a little hurt that Brian had never told them. They obviously knew who he was but never knew anything about his life. He planned on having a long talk with Brian about it, but knew that it wasn’t the time. He would wait until after they returned to Pittsburgh and things settled down.

Brian sensed that Justin was upset with him and wanted to change the subject. “Okay, so what movie do we want to watch first?”

“How about Dirty Dancing? I finally bought it on DVD,” Michael suggested as he got up from the table.

“Lead the way, Mikey.” Brian stood up and grabbed Justin’s hand, pulling him up and kissing him softly. “I’m sorry; it wasn’t you,” he whispered so no one would hear.

“Whatever, we’ll talk about it later. Let’s go, Michael’s waiting for us.” He disengaged his hand and followed Michael out to the living room, leaving Brian to watch him go.

They watched Dirty Dancing, as well as a couple other favorites before finally heading up to bed around 2:00 am. Justin was climbing into bed in the guest room when Brian walked in.

“Is it safe to sleep in here, or should I go down and sleep on the couch?” Brian asked from the doorway.

Justin didn’t reply; he just moved to the edge of the bed and held back the covers in silent invitation. He may be hurt by what happened earlier, but Brian was going through a hard time and Justin wasn’t cruel enough to add to it.

Brian walked in and closed the door behind him, stripping down to his underwear and climbing into bed. He took Justin in his arms and sighed with relief when Justin went willingly. “I really am sorry. I swear it had nothing to do with you. I just wasn’t sure how they would react and I didn’t want them giving me a hard time. My feelings were all that mattered and if I was okay with it, their opinion didn’t count. Does that make any sense?”

Justin thought for a minute before answering. “I guess; I was just surprised. I never knew that you were ashamed of me.”

“I wasn’t ashamed, Justin. I’ve never been ashamed of you and I never would be. I guess I just didn’t want them judging you by your disability without getting to know the real you. They’ve always been very protective of me,” Brian explained as his hand ran circles over Justin’s back.

“It’s okay Brian, I understand. Don’t worry about it. You have enough to deal with now without having a drama queen boyfriend giving you a hard time,” Justin laughed, pushing aside his hurt. He didn’t have a right to judge Brian; especially when he kept his problem a secret for months. “Now we should probably try to get some sleep. Tomorrow’s bound to be a long day.”

“I love you; you know that, right? I don’t know how I would be getting through this without you.”

“I know; I love you, too.”

Justin kissed Brian lightly and turned on his side, feeling Brian spoon up behind him as exhaustion over took them both and they fell asleep.

End of part 10
10/17/04

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