Coming Out

Chapter 9

It was late in the afternoon by the time Brian got settled into his new room. He was sitting on his bed, looking around and trying to take in all that happened to him in the last twenty four hours. He knew he was in shock. The reason why they did this, he couldn’t seem to comprehend. He still couldn’t believe that the Taylor’s were willing to take him into their home. Brian was going to do everything he could to make sure they didn’t regret their decision. Even if it meant he and Justin had to cool things off for awhile. It would be torture for him not to be able to touch Justin but how could he do it now? They could still be friends and hang out, but they needed to put their relationship on hold for a bit, just until he could move out. He didn’t want to take advantage of the Taylors’ generosity by fucking their son under their roof. Now all he had to do was get Justin to understand. He decided to go talk to him right away and get it over with.

Justin was sitting on his bed, thinking about Brian living down the hall from him. How was he supposed to sleep at night knowing that HE was sleeping under the same roof? Justin had a fleeting thought that maybe he and Brian should take it easy for awhile, but realized that there was no way that could happen. He loved him so much, and he needed to be with him. They would just keep things cool while his parents and Molly where home. They would find a way to make it work. Justin felt more than heard Brian standing in the doorway, and felt his breath catch at the site of the boy. “Hey,” Justin said, trying to sound casual.

“Hey. Can I come in?” Brian asked, already feeling his resolve to cool things weaken and all he did was look at Justin. ‘Boy am I in trouble,’ Brian thought to himself.

“Yeah, come in,” Justin replied, sensing there was something on Brian’s mind. He had the feeling that he wasn’t going to like what he was about to hear.

Brian closed the door and sat next to Justin on the bed. Wanting to get out what he had planned to say before he chickened out, he started speaking immediately.

“Listen Justin, I’m not sure how to say this so just hear me out before you say anything. I love you and I really want us to be together, but under the circumstances I think it would be best if we…”

His words were interrupted by Justin’s mouth covering his in an earth shattering kiss. Brian lost all thoughts as he opened his mouth to allow Justin’s tongue to join his.

Justin didn’t even think before he covered Brian’s mouth with his own. His only thought was to stop Brian from suggesting what he knew was coming next. As the kiss intensified, everything else disappeared. Justin felt them fall back on the bed in a tangled mess of arms, legs, and lips, only stopping to come up for air when the need was too extreme. Both boys sat up, trying to get a hold of their emotions. Brian found his voice first. “Justin,” he said.

“Brian, I know what you are thinking. I know what you were going to say. I couldn’t let you say it. We can’t go back now!” Justin stated. “We just can’t!”

“You don’t understand, Justin. Your parents were wonderful to take me in. They could have just called the police; or worse yet turn their back on me. But they didn’t. They opened their home to me and let me into their family. I can’t repay them by fucking their son right under their noses. I just can’t do that to them. It’ll only be for a year. Once I can move out we can see what happens. This isn’t easy for me. In fact, this is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I have to do it. Please don’t be angry with me. Please try to understand where I’m coming from.” Brian’s voice cracked at the last statement. This was killing him inside and even worse, he was hurting Justin.

“Try to understand? Oh I understand alright. It was okay last night because you thought you were leaving anyway, but now that you are staying you regret it. Now, you can’t seem to get far enough away from me. Well, if that’s the way you want it, fine by me. In fact, we don’t even have to be friends anymore. Just forget we ever met before and we can nod our hellos as we pass each other in the hallway or sit across from each other at the breakfast table. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to fall for you,” Justin cried, running out of the room before the tears fell.

‘That went well,’ Brian thought to himself before going back to his own room to shed a tear or two.

Brian was still in his room thinking about the conversation he had with Justin when Jennifer came to his door. “All settled in?” she asked.

“Yeah, thanks again for helping me. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay you for all you are doing for me,” Brian replied shyly.

“Brian, you don’t have to repay us. We’re doing this because we want to help you. Following your dreams and becoming a success in whatever you do will be payment enough for us. Now, why don’t you get washed up for dinner? We’ll be eating in about twenty minutes,” she stated, getting up and heading for the door.

“Okay, I guess Justin came home then?” Brian asked.

“No. He called a little while ago and said he was having dinner over at his friend Daphne’s house. He said something about a summer reading program they were interested in. I was a little surprised actually; I thought he would’ve wanted to be here for your first dinner as part of the family. Is there anything going on that I should know about?” She asked. After receiving the phone call from Justin, she had wanted to talk to Brian about what had caused Justin to run from the house so upset earlier, but knew that she needed to wait until she found the right time to approach her son with her suspicions.

“No, nothing’s going on that I know about. You’ll have to talk to Justin about it when he gets home,” Brian replied, hoping that Jennifer didn’t notice how hurt he was at the brush off he’d received from Justin.

“Okay. I just thought I’d ask. I’ll see you at dinner,” she replied cheerfully as she made her way downstairs, leaving Brian to think about what he needed to do to make things right with Justin again.

Dinner was an uneventful affair. Conversation was focused on Brian’s plans for the summer at Ryder, as well as his plans for his senior year. He was surprised by how much interest the Taylor’s had in his life. It gave him a warm feeling inside to know that someone had actually cared about him. All through dinner, Brian couldn’t help but glance over at the empty chair where Justin should’ve been sitting. Jennifer noticed the sad look on his face when he looked at the empty seat and wished she knew what was going on, but decided to just leave the boys alone for the time being and let them work things out for themselves. After everyone was done eating, Brian excused himself to go up to his room. He needed to be alone with his thoughts. Justin found him there a few hours later.

“Hey,” Justin said from the doorway, not sure if he would be welcome inside.

“Hey.” Brian replied.

“Can I come in?” Justin asked tentatively.

“It’s your house.” Brian replied sarcastically.

“Look, I’m sorry about the way I acted earlier. I was hurt to hear you say that you wanted to cool things down for awhile. I acted like a jerk,” Justin said, as he entered the room and shut the door behind him. He slowly approached the bed and sat down on the edge next to Brian, who had been lying down with his arms under his head staring at the ceiling.

“Yeah, you did. I was just trying to make the best out of an awkward situation. If you were hurt, maybe you should have tried to talk to me about it instead of running out of here like the house was on fire. You know Justin; none of this is easy for me either. I have no idea what I’m doing from one minute to the next, and your drama princess routine doesn’t help matters any,” Brian exclaimed. He hated the fact that he was being so cold to Justin, but he’d been thinking about things since dinner and the more that he thought about what had happened, the more upset he got.

“I know, and again I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have run out on you. You have every right to be mad at me. I was being a drama princess. It’s just that I love you so much and you were standing there telling me that we couldn’t be together anymore. I guess I kinda lost it. Anyway, if you really feel that we should stop things between us for awhile, then I guess I’ll just have to deal with that. I don’t want to make things harder for you than they already are.” Justin took a deep breath waiting for Brian to say something. When no response came he admitted defeat. “Okay, well I just wanted to apologize to you. It’s getting late so I’m going to go to bed. I’ll see you in the morning, I guess.” Justin got up quickly and left the room. As soon as he got to his room and closed the door he threw himself on the bed, fighting off the tears that threatened to fall. After talking to Daphne about what had happened with them this afternoon, he realized that he overreacted to what Brian was saying and came home hoping to work things out. Apparently, Brian wasn’t ready to forgive that easily and that hurt, but Justin wasn’t ready to give up. He would just have to wait until Brian wasn’t so upset to try to make things right.


End of part 9
6/16/03

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