Coming Out

Chapter 28

After school, Brian headed over to Ryder. Even though he was given the week off, he figured he might as well work since it was easier than going back home. He was in his small office when Marty walked in.

"Brian? What are you doing here? I thought I gave you the rest of the week off?"

"Yeah, you did, but I would rather be here working than at home right now," Brian admitted with a sad smile.

"Uh oh, what happened? Is everything alright at home?" Marty asked, noticing the dark clouds in Brian's eyes.

"Justin and I are finished. I’d rather not be there right now," Brian admitted, hating the way his voice cracked at his words.

"Oh, Brian, I'm sorry. I'm sure you two will work it out," Marty replied.

"Not this time. I'm going to look for another place to live. I can't stay there anymore. It's just too hard," Brian explained. "You don't mind if I work this week, do you? It will make it easier than going home every day."

"I don't mind, Brian, but I still think you need to rest a bit. Especially before you make any decisions. Why don't you spend a few days at my house? We have more than enough room and it might do you some good to be alone for awhile and think things through," Marty offered.

"You don’t have to..."

"I know I don't have to. I want to. Just for a couple of days so you can decide what to do next. These last few weeks have been hard on both you and Justin. You need to take time before you make any decisions you might regret in the future," Marty pointed out.

Brian thought about what Marty was saying and knew that it was true. He didn't want to have any regrets later. "Thank you. I really appreciate all you’ve done for me."

"No problem, Brian. I told you before that I think you're a good kid with a bright future ahead of you. I’ll help you in any way I can. Now here's the key to the house. Why don't you go home and pack a few things then head to the house? Cynthia should be there by the time you get there and be able to show you where everything is," Marty said, taking his key out of his pocket and handing it to Brian. "I’d still like you to take the rest of the week off. You need the time to think things through, and if you need anything, just let me know."

"I will. Thanks again," Brian replied before walking out of the office.

He drove home and packed a bag, making sure to take everything he would need for the rest of the week. He’d planned on leaving Justin a note to let him know not to worry, but before he got a chance to write it, Justin was walking through the door.

When Justin walked into the house after school, the first thing he noticed was Brian's bag sitting by the front door. He slowly walked into the kitchen and found him there, lost in thought.

"Brian," Justin spoke in a hushed tone.

"I was just getting ready to leave you a note. I'm going to stay with a friend for a few days, until I decide what to do next," Brian said, refusing to allow his emotions to show.

"Please don’t do this, Brian. Please don't walk away from me like this. We can work it out, I know that we can," Justin pleaded, not caring about the tears that were falling.

"See, that’s the thing, Justin. I don't know that we can. I don't know that we can work this out. I don’t know how to forgive you for what you’ve done," Brian replied. He approached Justin and placed a hand on his cheek, wiping away the tears that he found there. "I wish I could say that everything will be alright, but I can't. I don't know if anything will ever be alright again. I just need some time. I need to get away from here and think about what I am going to do now. I know that I’m hurting you and I'm sorry for that. It's killing me to do this, but it's what I have to do."

"I’m so sorry, Brian. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you so much. Please remember that. Please remember all that we have and hang on to that. Don't let it all slip away," Justin cried, throwing his arms around Brian and holding on tight.

Brian hugged him back, fighting for his next breath. He didn't know if he had the strength to walk away, but knew that he had to try. He needed the time away to figure some things out without letting his heart rule his mind. He pulled back and looked into Justin's eyes. "Call me if anything happens with your parents," he said, before walking away. He grabbed his bag and opened the door, stopping to take one last look at the man he loved.

"I love you, Brian," Justin said once again.

"I love you, too, Justin. I just don't know if that's enough," Brian replied. He walked out the door and made his way to the jeep before letting the tears fall. He started driving, trying to put as much space between them as he could.

Justin collapsed on the couch and cried at the emptiness that surrounded him. He didn't know what he was going to do if Brian didn't forgive him. He wasn't sure if he would be able to move on without the love and support he began to depend on from Brian. A short time later he heard the front door open and knew that Molly was home. He wanted to pull himself together before she saw him, but couldn't seem to make himself get up.

"Justin?"

"He's gone, Molly. Brian packed some of his things and left," Justin said softly. He continued to lay there, ready to hear the anger and accusations from his little sister. He was surprised when he felt her take him in her arms.

"It'll be okay, Justin. Brian loves you and he’ll come back. Just be patient and it’ll all work out," Molly said, offering comfort. She wasn't sure exactly what had happened between the two of them, but she had to believe that they would work it out.

"I hope you’re right, Molly. I hope you're right," Justin replied, taking comfort in his sister’s arms.

Brian pulled up in front of Marty's house right behind Cynthia. He got out of the jeep and grabbed his bag, steeling himself for the onslaught of questions he knew he was going to face.

"Brian? What happened? You look like shit!" Cynthia exclaimed after looking into her friend's face.

"Justin and I broke up. Marty offered to let me stay here for a couple of days," Brian explained, hoping Cynthia would leave it alone. He should have known better.

"Oh, Brian, what happened? Come inside and tell me everything," Cynthia said, taking his bag and leading him into the house. She showed him to the guest room next to hers and took him in her arms, offering him as much comfort as she could.

"I'd rather not talk about it right now, Cyn. I didn’t get much sleep last night and want to lie down for awhile," Brian replied, throwing himself down on the bed.

"Oh, I'm sorry. You rest for now. We can talk about it later. If you need anything, I'll be right next door. Just let me know."

"Thanks. I just need some sleep right now," Brian replied, feeling himself sinking into sleep before he even got comfortable. He was emotionally exhausted and wanted to sleep away his troubles. He was out in a matter of minutes.

Cynthia watched her friend succumb to sleep and knew that he was hurting. Whatever happened between the two of them had to be pretty bad for Brian to leave his home. She just hoped that whatever it was, he would open up to her and let out his feelings. Otherwise it was going to eat him up inside until there was nothing left. She walked out of the room and shut the door, heading to her own room to do her homework. She wanted to be finished by the time he woke up so she could be there for him, like he always was for her.

Brian woke up disoriented, unsure of where he was at first. Once he remembered the day's events, he was overcome with sadness deep in his heart. He and Justin were apart. It was inconceivable, yet he knew it was true. Looking around the room he realized that it was late, the sun had already set and the room was lit only by the street lights outside. He got out of bed and headed to the bathroom across the hall. Once he was done, he headed back to his room to do some thinking, but Cynthia showed up a few minutes later.

"Hey, how’re you feeling?" She asked, trying to see his face through the darkness.

"Like shit. I don’t know what to do, Cyn. Everything is so fucked up and even though I don't want to live without him, I don’t know if we can work it out," Brian said, feeling the emptiness engulf him once again.

"Brian, tell me what happened. I know you said that he was pushing you away after the accident, but I thought you guys had worked through it," Cynthia said, anxious to hear what had caused them to part.

"I walked in on him and his friend Jason yesterday. They were undressed and on the couch when I got home from work. I don’t think they actually did anything yet, but who knows what would have happened if I hadn't gotten done work early? I gave him my heart, Cynthia. How am I supposed to trust him again?" Brian asked rhetorically. He wished it was as easy as asking for advice and receiving it.

"I don't know the answer to that, Brian. I wish I did. But I do know that Justin loves you. Maybe you should try talking to him. He's been going through a lot lately with the accident. I'm not saying that excuses what he did, but maybe you need to hear his side of the story. Now why don’t you come downstairs and I'll make you something to eat. No one's home. Uncle Marty had a dinner party to go to and won't be home for hours," Cynthia said, pulling Brian off the bed and dragging him downstairs.

Cynthia cooked them dinner and they drank some wine, all the while making sure to keep the conversation off Justin. By the time 10:00 pm rolled around, they were feeling a little tipsy and ready for bed. They said good night at Brian's door and went their separate ways. Brian got undressed and climbed into bed, feeling lonely without having Justin in the house. Before he could think about what he was doing, he reached for his cell phone and hit number one, calling Justin.

"Brian?" Justin answered immediately.

"Yeah, it's me," Brian replied, not sure of what to say next.

"Where are you? Are you okay?" Justin asked, not trying to hide his concern.

"I'm fine. I...I guess I'm just not used to going to sleep without hearing your voice. Maybe I shouldn't have called," Brian replied.

"No! I'm glad you called. I missed hearing your voice, too. Brian, please come home. We can work this out if you just give me a chance to make it up to you," Justin pleaded.

"Why?"

"Why what? Why do I want you to come home? Because I love you and I want you here with me," Justin replied.

"No. Why did you do it? Why did you risk everything we have for Jason?" Brian whispered, needed to know what had happened.

"Jason had nothing to do with it. I don't know, these last few weeks I've just felt so alone. So scared. I know you were there for me, but it wasn't the same. I could have lost both of my parents in one night. It was almost too much to take. Then on top of it, I had to put my whole life on hold to take care of Molly. I love her, but I don’t want to be her parent. Yesterday, when she called me and asked me if she could go to Kelly's house after school, I felt guilty for being relieved. Jason was there when I got the call. All I kept thinking was that here was my chance to be me again. He was only coming over to watch TV. That's all, but he had a joint," Justin stopped talking and took a deep breath before continuing. "He said it would help me relax. That's all I wanted. To finally relax and just be me for awhile. I don’t know what happened. My head started swimming. I couldn't think straight. I know it doesn't excuse what I did, but you have to believe me when I say that I never meant for it to happen. I love you, Brian. You’re my whole life and I don't know what I am going to do without you. Please tell me you can forgive me. Tell me that you’ll give me another chance."

"I've got to go. I'll call you tomorrow," Brian replied, disconnecting the call. He needed time to think about what Justin had just said. What would he have done in the same situation? How would he react if his whole world was torn apart in the blink of an eye? Hearing Justin's point of view made him see how things could get out of control. He needed to figure out what to do with the information he’d learned. Pushing away the thoughts that were invading his mind, he rolled over and forced himself to go to sleep. Tomorrow he would think about his future. Tonight he was just too tired to deal with it all.

Justin put the phone down and curled up in a ball. He was happy that Brian had called. It gave him an opportunity to tell his side of the story. Now all he had to do was hope that Brian loved him enough to give him a second chance.

End of part 28
1/25/04

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