Coming Out

Chapter 16

Justin looked over at the clock on the nightstand and saw that it was already 3:00 am. He hadn’t been able to go to sleep. His mind was too busy replaying the last few months over and over again, trying to figure out where he’d gone wrong. The tears had finally stopped a few of hours earlier. Now all that was left was an emptiness Justin had never felt before. He couldn’t figure out what caused Brian to have a change of heart, but he knew it had something to do with his parents. Everything between them was fine up until the day that Joan had her stroke. In fact, Brian seemed happy to see Justin when they found him at the lake. It didn’t seem possible that Brian’s feelings could’ve change overnight. Something more had to be going on, but Justin didn’t have a clue what it could be. He’d just have to give Brian some time to work out whatever was bothering him and hope that he would come back to him in the end. Justin’s thoughts were of Brian as he finally drifted off to sleep.

Brian awoke with a pounding headache. His first thought was to go to Justin for a few minutes of TLC, but then reality set in. There wouldn’t be anymore running to Justin for anything. He had shattered both their hearts the night before when he told Justin to move on. He lay in bed, wondering for the hundredth time if he was doing the right thing, but knew that he had no other options. He needed to keep Justin at a distance so the boy wouldn’t get dragged down. He was going to see that he stuck to his plan. Getting out of bed and heading for the bathroom, he ran into Justin in the hallway, wearing just a towel, his body still wet from the shower that he obviously had just taken. Brian felt his mouth go dry at the sight before him, but shook off those thoughts before he forgot all about his plan and took Justin in his arms. He was brought out of his thoughts as Justin spoke to him.

“Hey,” Justin said cautiously, not sure of how he was supposed to react to Brian now. The break up was bad enough, but having to pass Brian in the hall every single day was almost more then Justin could bear.

“Hey, how’d you sleep?” Brian asked before he could stop himself. He wanted to keep a safe distance from Justin for awhile, making it easier for him to move on, but after seeing the dark circles under his eyes he couldn’t help but worry.

“How do you think I slept, Brian? My asshole boyfriend dumps me for no apparent reason and you expect me to carry on as if nothing happened? Fuck off, Brian!” Justin exclaimed before storming off to his room and slamming the door in a true drama queen moment. He promised himself that he wasn’t going to show any anger or resentment towards Brian, but he couldn’t help himself. ‘How dare he ask how I had slept? Did he really think that I was going to come into my room and go to sleep as if my life wasn’t being torn apart?’ Justin thought to himself. He needed to get out of the house for awhile and get his head together. There was no way he could spend the day cooped up with Brian and keep it together. He dressed quickly and made his way downstairs, hoping to be able to avoid another confrontation.

Brian went to the bathroom and then hurried back to his room, hating himself for upsetting Justin once again. It was stupid to ask how he had slept when Brian already knew the answer, having tossed and turned himself all night. He lay back on his bed and thought about the situation he was in. There was no way he could move back home, not after what had happened at the hospital. Maybe he should just call the police and report his parents. Then he would be sent away and he wouldn’t have to worry about upsetting Justin anymore. The only problem with that scenario was that Brian knew his future would be ruined if that happened and he worked too hard to get where he was to just throw it all away. All he could do was wait it out and hope that things would get better in time.

When Justin reached the kitchen he saw his mother standing by the sink and lost any control he might have had.

“Oh Mom…” Justin sobbed as he ran into his mother’s arms. He didn’t care if he was reacting like a child. All he wanted to do was have his mother make it all better.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Jennifer asked as she comforted her son. She didn’t know what had Justin so upset, but she figured it had something to do with Brian. She continued to hold the boy, rubbing circles on his back like she did when he was little, until he calmed himself enough to tell her what happened.

“Mom, Brian broke up with me last night and I don’t know what to do. I love him so much and I don’t know what’s wrong with him. You have to talk to him. You have to find out what’s bothering him. Please Mom!” Justin begged, hoping that there was some way she could get through to him; otherwise, he didn’t know what he was going to do.

“Honey, I tried talking to him last night. He wouldn’t tell me what was bothering him. He just reassured me that he would be okay. I don’t think there is anything I can do. Maybe if you just give him some time he’ll come around. I know it’s hard, but it’s not the end of the world. Things always have a way of working out. Believe me, I know,” Jennifer replied, wanting to take away some of the pain her son was experiencing. She remembered what it felt like when she lost her first love and wished she could protect Justin from that kind of torment.

“What do I do in the meantime? How am I supposed to live down the hall from him? I don’t know if I can do it, Mom. I don’t know if I can just pretend that my heart isn’t breaking every time we’re in the same room together,” Justin cried, hoping that he would wake up and find that it was all just a bad dream.

“Justin, you don’t have much of a choice right now. Until things get worked out, you need to control your emotions. Maybe you should start hanging out with your friends for awhile. Go to the movies or take a bike ride. Just get out of the house and forget your troubles for awhile. I think that would be the best thing for both of you right now,” Jennifer suggested.

“I guess so, but could you just try to talk to him again? Maybe you can get through to him,” Justin said, finally able to get a hold on his emotions. He hated that he was carrying on like he was, but he couldn’t handle the thought of him and Brian not being together.

“I’ll see what I can do, but I don’t think he’s ready to talk to anyone right now. You have to remember all that he’s been through lately. The kind of treatment he had to endure from his parents would be enough to throw anybody for a loop. He might just need some time to sort it all out and realize that it had nothing to do with him. Try to be patient and we’ll see what happens,” Jennifer replied, wondering if time was really all he needed. Who knew what kind of psychological damage may have been done after all of the years of abuse he had to endure.

“Thanks for everything, Mom. I’m going to go take a walk and then maybe stop by Daphne’s. I just need to get out of here for awhile. Do me a favor and keep an eye on him. I get the feeling he’s not doing so well either,” Justin said before kissing his mother and walking out the door.

Jennifer watched her son walk away and felt a burst of pride for the way her son wanted to protect Brian even after what happened between them. She went back to what she was doing; her mind filled with thoughts about what she could do to help her two sons through the mess they were in. About an hour later she heard Brian enter the kitchen. She could tell by the look on his face that he was in just as much pain as Justin was, if not more, and knew that the break up had nothing to do with Justin.

“Good morning Brian. How’re you feeling?” She asked, feeling sorry for the confused boy. She wanted to take him in her arms and make all the years of abuse go away, but she knew that nothing she could say would help him now.

“I guess Justin told you what happened last night,” Brian stated since he already knew the answer. He couldn’t blame Justin for going to his mother with his problems. He just felt bad about treating him so badly after his whole family had been so good to him. He remembered once again how he wanted to avoid this by ending his relationship with Justin as soon as he moved in. The next time he felt strongly about something he was going to follow his instincts.

“Yes, I heard what happened. Do you want to talk about it? I may be Justin’s mother, but I think I can be objective if you need to talk,” Jennifer offered. She knew Brian wouldn’t want to talk to anyone right now, but she had to try.

“If it’s okay with you, I’d rather not. Couples break up all the time. It’s part of life. He’ll get over it and move on one day and then he’ll realize that it was for the best,” Brian said, his heart breaking a little more at the thought of Justin moving on. He wasn’t sure how he was going to handle it when the time came, but he refused to think about it now.

“I’m sure he will get over it, but the question is, will you? Brian, hear me out for a few moments. I don’t want you to reply, just think about what I say, okay? When I first started to realize that Justin might be gay, I was scared for him. I was naïve, I guess, and figured that he wouldn’t have the kind of life straight boys have. I wanted him to experience the joys of first love and I didn’t think he could do that with another boy. When you came around, I saw that I was wrong. I could see the love you two had for each other. I was a little leery at first because you’re both so young, but who was I to choose what age my son was when he fell in love. In the last few months, I have grown to love you as if you were my own and I was so thrilled that you boys found happiness together. Now, all I see is sadness and pain. It breaks my heart to see you suffering because you think you’re not worthy of love. You’re such a special boy, even more special because you overcame some many obstacles to get where you are now. Please think real hard about the decisions you made concerning Justin. He a very special boy, too and he loves you very much. Instead of pushing him away because you think he deserves better, why not pull him closer because you deserve the best.” Jennifer walked over and kissed him on the cheek before heading upstairs. She saw that he’d been really listening to her as she spoke and wanted to give him some time to think about all she had said. Now all she could do was hope that he took her advice.


End of part 16
7/13/03

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