Arms of Destiny

Chapter 11
 

Brian woke up early the next morning, his thoughts still on the events of the previous night. He couldn’t seem to get his mind off the way Justin woke in such a panic. It was obvious that this little nightmare that Justin claimed to have was a lot more then he was letting on. Brian knew he needed to find out what was going on with the blond so he got out of bed and headed for the shower, intent on making Justin open up to him about his nightmares.

Justin was sitting in a chair by the window when Brian showed up. Knowing that Brian was there to find out what had happened the night before, he let him in the room and made his way to the phone and called room service to order breakfast. He had stayed up most of the night, which wasn’t out of the ordinary for him, trying to decide what he should tell Brian about his past. He realized that he would just have to be honest and hope that Brian didn’t dig too deep. He was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of Brian’s voice.

“So, Justin. Would you care to explain what it was that happened last night? You really had me worried about you. I’ve never seen you that upset before.” Brian explained, hoping that Justin would just give in and tell him what was going on.

“Brian. It’s nothing, really. I just have these nightmares sometimes. They seem so real at the time. It’s no big deal.” Justin replied, unable to look Brian in he eyes.

Before Brian could respond Justin’s cell phone rang. He was thankful for the interruption until he looked at the caller ID and saw it was his mother. He took a deep breath before answering it.

“Hey, Mom. What’s up?” He asked, walking towards the window.

“Hi, Sweetie. I just wanted to let you know that your landlord called and said that a problem came up with the apartment. It’s going to be another week before you can move in. He said something about the electrical box having a short or something like that.” She explained, happy that she would have another week with her son before he moved out. They still hadn’t discussed what was going on with him and Brian since the night she dropped him by Liberty Avenue and she really wanted to know what was going on with them.

“Shit! I really wanted to get out of your way this weekend. Maybe I should just stay at a hotel for the week. I know it’s cramped there with the three of us.” He replied, not wanting to hurt her feelings. The main reason was because he was tired of her trying to meddle into his business. She was constantly trying to discuss Brian with him and he wasn’t about to explain his actions to her.

“Honey, I love having you here. I missed you so much while you were away at school and since you’ve been back we haven’t really had a chance to talk. I thought maybe this weekend we could rent some movies and lounge around like we used to.” She suggested.

“Sorry, Mom. I have plans this weekend. I was invited to go to the mountains with some friends but had to bail because of the move. Now that the moved was postponed, I am going to go away. Maybe another time.” Justin lied, hoping that Jennifer wouldn’t see right through his lie.

“Justin. Don’t you think we need to talk about you and Brian? Were you even going to tell me that you were seeing him again?” Jennifer asked, unable to keep her thoughts to herself.

“Look, Mom. I’m not seeing Brian again. He’s my boss. That’s it. Besides, I’m 22 years old. It’s none of your business who I see. I’ve got to go now. I have somewhere I have to be. I’ll see you Friday.” Justin said, disconnecting the call before Jennifer had a chance to reply. He was so lost in thought that he forgot about Brian being in the room.

“I see I’m still a sore subject for Jennifer.” Brian stated with a chuckle. He could tell that Justin had forgotten he was there by the way he jumped at the sound of his voice.

“Uh…yeah. Well, my mother still thinks of me as her little boy. That’s why I can’t wait to move out. Unfortunately, I have to wait another week now.” Justin said, still lost in thought.

“Well, at least you can go away with your friends now and have fun this weekend.” Brian pointed out, trying to hide the jealousy he felt at the thought of Justin being away with friends for the weekend. The only thing Brian had planned was a shopping trip with an eight year old. As much as he loved the kid, he couldn’t help but wish that he could spend a few days in the mountains with Justin.

“Yeah, well…I kind of lied about that. I don’t have any plans for the weekend. I just said that because I didn’t want to spend the weekend sitting home with my mother, watching movies, and bonding. I will probably spend my days locked inside a hotel room somewhere working on some accounts that need my attention.” Justin laughed, finding the situation funny in a sad way. He needed to get a life and soon.

“You’re always welcome to join Josh and me on our shopping trip.” Brian offered before realizing what he had just done. He was trying to keep his personal life separate from his working relationship with Justin and then he speaks without thinking and invites the man shopping. ‘What the hell is the matter we me these days’ he asked himself.

“You want me to go shopping with you and Josh? Yesterday you didn’t even want to tell me who Josh was.” Justin was confused by the way Brian was acting lately.

“If we are going to be friends and work together, you might as well find out about him now. He’s a very important person in my life.” Brian explained, hoping that Justin didn’t hear the underlying emotion in his voice at the use of the word friends.

Before either one of them could respond there was a knock at the door signaling their breakfast had arrived. Justin let the man wheel in their breakfast and set it up by the window before tipping him and ushering him out the door. Once he and Brian were settled at the small table by the window, Justin looked deep into hazel eyes, anxious to hear the story of Josh.

Brian looked over at Justin and could see the eagerness in his face. He knew he was going to have to tell Justin the truth, which would include where he had met Josh and he took a deep breath, preparing to open up to someone completely.

“I met Josh and his mother Shana a little over three years ago. I was drinking a lot and doing a lot of drugs at the time. I woke up one morning and knew that I needed to stop what I was doing before I lost everything I had. I found this log cabin retreat that was being run by an elderly couple. They had lost both their children to drugs and decided to spend their lives helping people like me. People who weren’t necessarily addicts, but who used drugs to help them through their daily lives. I didn’t tell anyone where I was going, but I spent the week trying to get it together. Shana was there, not only trying to get her drinking under control, but hiding from her abusive husband. She had her son Josh with her. He was five years old at the time. For some reason we seemed to hit it off. He helped me see how important it was for me to straighten up, not only for me, but for Gus. We seemed to bond that week and when it came time for me to leave I knew I wanted to keep in touch with the boy and his mother. He’s a really great kid and he had been through so much in his short life. Since then we have had regular contact. He calls me if he needs anything and I call him when I need someone to help keep me grounded. We always talk at least twice a month and I usually take him on a shopping trip once a month. His mother has managed to get her life together, but she doesn’t make a lot of money so things are tight for her. She actually tries to buy him clothes at Sears. Can you believe that?” Brian joked, trying to lighten the conversation they were having. He could see a strange look on Justin’s face and wasn’t sure what was going through his head.

Justin sat there in stunned silence trying to absorb what Brian was saying. He couldn’t believe that Brian would admit to having a problem with drugs and alcohol, let alone seek help for his problems. This man sitting across from him was definitely not the same man that he walked away from all those years ago. Finding his voice, he said the first thing that came to mind.

“I’m proud of you, Brian.” Justin stated.

“For what?” Brian asked, not sure of what he did to make Justin proud.

“For realizing that you needed help. For getting your life together. For being you.” Justin answered, feeling tears building behind his eyes. He pushed them away, not wanting to have a drama princess moment in front of Brian.

“Yeah, well, I guess we all have to grow up sometime, Sunshine.” Brian replied, uncomfortable with the praise.

The two men continued to eat their breakfast in silence, neither one sure what to say to ease the tension that had been building in the hotel room. After they were done eating, Justin filled the cart with their dirty dishes and placed it outside for someone to pick up. He was thankful that the conversation was taken away from his nightmares. He really didn’t want to have to explain what had caused them to begin with. It was a secret that he never shared with anyone and he wanted to keep it that way. Brian’s voice brought him out of his thoughts.

“Okay, Justin. I opened up to you, now it’s time to return the favor. What’s going on with you?” Brian asked, noticing the way Justin stiffened at his words.

“Look, Brian. I don’t know if I’m ready to discuss this with you. Can we just forget about it for now? I promise I’ll tell you everything eventually, but now is not the time.” Justin prayed that Brian would be able to let it go for the time being. He never planned on telling anyone what happened and now that he realized that Brian wasn’t going to rest until he knew that truth, he needed to find the best way to explain what happened.

“Alright. I’ll let it go for now, Sunshine, but not forever. We need to talk about these nightmares at some point.” Brian conceded, now even more worried then he was before. It was obvious that something had happened to Justin to cause him to have such intense nightmares and Brian was almost afraid to find out what it was.

After their talk, Brian and Justin eased into a comfortable companionship which continued through the rest of their stay in Chicago. They spent Wednesday strolling through the city, shopping for themselves and the people waiting at home for them. For dinner they went to a very nice restaurant and laughed like teenagers while they shared a bottle of wine. Justin couldn’t help the sadness he felt as the evening came to an end. They had a wonderful day laughing and talking about their lives as if they weren’t apart for the last four years.

As Brian walked Justin to the door, he had to hold back his laughter at the situation. It was as if he was walking his date to the door and that seemed funny since he had never been on a date in his life. If he was honest with himself, he would have to admit that he didn’t want the evening to end. He would love nothing more then to take Justin in his arms and lose himself in the blond, but that wasn’t the best thing for either of them at the moment. Brian wasn’t sure what was going to happen between the two of them in the future, but he knew that he needed to keep his dick in his pants until he was sure the time was right.

“Thanks for today, Brian. I had a great time.” Justin said shyly. He didn’t want to sound like a he was thanking his date for a wonderful evening, but he had fun and he wanted to thank Brian for that. It had been awhile since he had such a good time with anyone.

“I had fun, too. For what it’s worth, Justin, I’m glad you’re back.” Brian said, leaning down and placing a soft kiss on Justin’s lips before turning and walking away.

Justin stood there watching Brian’s retreating form, confused by the man’s actions. When Justin thought about returning to Pittsburgh, he never imagined he would find a new Brian Kinney. He just assumed that things would be the same as they were when he left. Boy, was he wrong.

Thursday turned out to be a busy day. Brian received a call from Mr. Grant early in the morning. The board loved their ideas and wanted to meet the two of them to go over some other ideas they had, so Brian and Justin spent the day at Playtime Toys showing their talent to their most lucrative account. It had been a good day and by the time they left the building it was almost 6:00pm.

“What do you say we go grab a bite to eat? I know of a good Mexican place a few blocks away.” Brian offered, not wanting his day to end. He was starting to become confused by his feelings where Justin was concerned, but he chose to ignore them and just go with whatever felt good for the moment.

“That sounds great. I’m starving!” Justin exclaimed, happy that the day wasn’t ending just yet.

They had a wonderful time at dinner. The conversation flowed easily between them and before long it was time to go back to the hotel. Once again Brian walked Justin to his door.

“Our plane leaves at 8:00. I’ll meet you down in the lobby at 6. I want to be able to get back in the office early so I can catch up on what I missed. You can take the day off if you want to. I’m sure everything waiting for you will be okay till Monday.” Brian said, trying to prolong their evening for just a few more minutes.

“That’s okay. I want to check on a couple of things when we get back. Besides, I need to find a hotel for the weekend, remember? Otherwise I will be forced to spend the weekend with my mommy like some little school kid.” Justin laughed at the absurdity of his situation. He hated lying to his mother, but he wasn’t up to explaining himself to her just yet.

“You can always stay at the loft.” Brian offered. He noticed a strange look cross Justin’s face and knew he needed to explain his offer before Justin flat out refused him. “You can sleep on the couch. I promise to be on my best behavior.” Brian assured him, even though he knew how hard that promise would be to keep.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude. It’s not a problem to get a hotel.” Justin replied, feeling a shiver run down his spine at the thought of spending the weekend at the loft with Brian. That would be like locking a diabetic in a candy store.

“You wouldn’t be intruding and besides we are going to be together on Saturday anyway. What are friends for?” Brian asked, his heart racing at the thought of him and Justin spending the weekend together at the loft.

“Okay, thanks. I’ll see you in the morning then.” Justin told him, wishing he had the nerve to reach up and kiss the man. He didn’t have to worry. Just like the night before, Brian leaned down and place a light kiss on his lips before walking away. Justin couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the night.

Brian and Justin arrived at the office in the early afternoon and each one headed to their office to start on the work that had piled up while they were away. Justin noticed the sun was starting to set and was surprised to see that it was almost 7:00. He headed to Brian’s office.

“Hey. How’s it going?” Justin asked as he made his way through the open door.

“Great, actually. I am almost all caught up. What about you?” He asked, as he started to clean up the mess on his desk.

“All caught up. I was just getting ready to head out. I need to go back to my mother’s and pack. Are you sure about this? I could still get a hotel room.” Justin offered once again. He had a very uneasy feeling about spending the weekend with Brian.

“Yes. I’m sure. You go pack your stuff and I’ll head back to the loft. I’ll see you there and we can have a late dinner. I’ll cook.” Brian said, amused by Justin’s reaction to his offer to cook.

“You can cook?” Justin asked, surprised by the offer.

“Of course, I can cook. I always could, I just always chose not to. There is a difference. These days I cook almost every night. I’ll see you in about an hour or so, okay?” Brian couldn’t help but smirk at the surprise on Justin’s face.

“Uh…yeah. Okay.” Justin replied, wondering what happened to the Brian he used to know. His shock continued all through the ride to his mother’s condo. Once there he packed as quickly as he could, telling his mother that he had people waiting for him to avoid a confrontation. An hour later, Justin found himself standing on the outside of Brian’s building, trying to get up the nerve to enter. Realizing how ridiculous it was to be standing outside, he punched the familiar code into the keypad and made his way upstairs. He found the door open when he got there and entered slowly, calling out to Brian.

“Hey. Perfect timing. Dinner is just about ready. I hope you’re hungry. I made chicken parmesan with pasta.” Brian said as he pulled the chicken out of the oven. He noticed Justin looking at him like he had two heads and held back a laugh. He was beginning to enjoy surprising Justin with his changes.

“You mean you’re going to eat carbs after seven?” Justin asked in surprise.

“I still try to limit them when I can, but I’m not as strict as I was before. Let’s eat.” Brian ordered as he placed dinner on the nicely set table. He couldn’t believe how happy he was to have Justin’s company for the weekend. For some reason he wanted to impress the blond with his new way of life.

Once again, their conversation was easy as they talked about work and what they hoped would become of Just In Time. After dinner, Brian washed the dishes while Justin dried them, working as a team to clean up the mess. Once everything was put away, Brian knew he needed to put some space between them. The evening went well, but he still had the urge to take Justin to bed and make love to him. He needed to stop those thoughts before he did something stupid and chased Justin away. While Justin was in the bathroom getting ready for bed, Brian got what Justin would need for his night on the couch. He was getting ready to make his way to the bedroom while Justin appeared dressed in nothing but a pair of sweatpants. Brian took a deep breath as he looked away from the sight before him.

“I put a pillow and blanket on the couch for you. It was a long week so I’m going to try to get some sleep. If you need anything, you know where I’ll be.” Brian said as he kissed Justin quickly and headed up to the bedroom. He already knew a cold shower was probably going to be the only way to get through the night.

Justin watched Brian walk away and was overcome by emotions he couldn’t explain. He heard Brian start the shower and his mind was flooded with memories of all the times the two of them had showered together. He shook his head as if to shake off the visions and made himself comfortable on the couch. He slowly drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face. As wrong as it may have been, he couldn’t help but feel that he was finally home.

Brian came out of the shower and quietly went to check on Justin. He was happy to see that the blond was asleep because he knew how much it was needed. As he turned to walk back to the bedroom he couldn’t help the one thought that invaded his mind. His Sunshine was finally home.


End of part 11
9/22/03

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