1989

"What do you think he wants to tell us?" Leah asked. She and Will had been talking about James' up coming visit that evening. "I mean it's not like we've seen him much since he and Chris got the apartment. Now all of a sudden he wants to come over and have dinner with us, I figure he has some announcement. I just hope he hasn't gotten some girl pregnant."

"I guess we'll find out when he gets here. Maybe he just wants to see you," Will shrugged. "He used to be here most every night when he was living in the dorm, or maybe he and Chris don't have money for groceries this week."

James was in his second year at the University of Minnesota. The first year he had lived in the dorm officially, but had spent a good many nights at home instead of in his dorm room. Over the summer, he and his friend, Chris, had decided to get an apartment together. Now Leah saw James maybe once a month. She was paying for his college out of the money from their parents. She was also helping James out with living expenses. He worked about thirty hours a week as a stock boy for a local grocery chain.

The day before, James had called wanting to know if he could come by today for dinner. He didn't say he had an announcement, but Leah knew him well enough to suspect there was something behind his visit.

"James." She gave him a big hug as he came walking into the kitchen. "How are you?"

"Hey, Leah," he smiled. It always warmed his heart to see his sister. "I'm good. How are you doing?"

"I'm okay. How's school going?"

"Um, good. Where's Will?"

"I think he's upstairs helping Ryan with his homework."

James nodded and turned to go find them. "I'll go say hello to them."

"Okay, tell them that dinner is ready."

The three came down the stairs a few minutes later. James was giving Ryan a piggyback ride.

"James, don't carry him down the stairs like that," Leah admonished him. "You could fall."

James rolled his eyes. "Yes. Mother."

Leah stuck out her tongue at that comment. "Come on. Dinner's ready."

It was almost like it had been when James lived at home, the four of them chatting and telling jokes over dinner. Leah missed those times.

After they had finished eating and cleaned up the kitchen, they went into the den. That's where James dropped his bomb.

"I've decided to quit school."

"What?" Leah was shocked. This was the last thing she expected. "Why?"

James rolled his eyes. "I want to be a writer Leah; I don't need a degree to write."

Will spoke up, "James, an education is always a good thing to have, no matter what career path you plan to take."

James snorted and said, "You sound like my high school guidance counselor."

"Maybe he knew what he was talking about," Leah said. She couldn't believe James was seriously thinking of quitting school.

James took in a deep breath. "There's more."

"More?"

"Yeah, Um, Chris and I have decided not to renew our lease. We're moving to California."

Leah said nothing; she just leaned back in her chair staring at him as if he had sprouted a second head.

"Why California?" Will wanted to know.

"Seems like a cool place," James shrugged.

"James. No. You can't." Leah voice was soft, almost begging of him.

"Leah, I didn't come here to ask you for your permission. I'm almost twenty now. I've made up my mind. I just wanted you to know."

To this Leah only sighed. "Where in California are you going?"

"L.A."

"What will you do there?" She was calmer now.

"Chris has some friends, we'll stay with them for a few weeks until we can find a place to live and get jobs."

"And then?" Will asked.

"Live."

"When do you leave?"

"Our lease is up the end of December, so the first of next year."

"Are you going to finish this semester at least?"

"I don't see any point."

"Maybe because it is already paid for?" Now she was getting angry again.

"That is why I have been putting off even telling you. It's my life, Leah." Now James was getting angry too. "Shit. At least I came and told you in person. If I had done it over the phone I could just hang up on you, instead of having to endure your lecture on how I have my head up my ass." Ryan was watching this like a tennis match. It wasn't that he'd never seen it before, it was just that he hated when this happened.

"Well, maybe if you pulled your head out of your ass I wouldn't have to give you that lecture," she shouted back.

"Okay, that's enough." Will usually let the siblings fight it out, but this was getting them nowhere.

"You're right Will, its more than enough. I'm out of here." James stood to leave.

Leah stood too. "Wait. James. Don't go."

James studied her for a moment before sitting back down.

They were silent for a while and finally James spoke. "I'm sorry Leah, I know you want me to stay here and finish school, but I have to get on with my life."

Leah wanted to argue that going to school was getting on with his life; that his life wasn't necessarily in California. She wanted to tell him that he could write here in Minneapolis; but she also knew her arguments wouldn't fly with James and it was pointless to even try. His mind was made up. All she could do was to wish him well and hope for the best.

Leah and James had planned a night out before he left town. Christmas was over and the weather had long since turned cold. Leah tried to not be depressed over her brother's plans to leave town, but she couldn't imagine not seeing him whenever she wanted. When he invited her out to dinner and a movie the night before he left, she felt like it was her last chance to see him for a while.

"Come on Leah. There are phones out there you know. We'll still talk to each other all the time. And once I get an apartment I expect you to fly out and see me."

"At least the weather is better out there." She tried to smile.

"No shit," he chuckled. Then, he became serious again. "Leah, you know I wouldn't have the guts to do this if it wasn't for you."

"For me?"

"Yeah, you always encouraged me to go after what I wanted. You never let me get away with wimping out, with settling for less. You even bought me my first journal and encouraged me to keep writing when that teacher insisted I had no talent for it."

"Oh James, I didn't do anything."

"Yes you did Leah. And you were so strong when Mom and Dad died, taking care of Ryan and me on your own. You are the strongest person I know."

By now, Leah was blushing. "You would have done the same if you were in my shoes."

"Maybe, but I'm not sure I would have handled it as well." They were quiet for a while finishing their meal.

After dinner, they drove to the theatre to catch a movie. In the car on the way home from the theatre James brought the subject up again. "So will you come out to L.A. and see me?"

"Of course."

"We could take Ryan to Disneyland."

"He would love that."

"That would get me ranked as his favorite uncle," he chuckled.

"You'll come by and say goodbye before you leave won't you?"

"Are you going to cry and make a scene?"

"Probably. But come by anyway."

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then." For the first time in awhile, he hugged her goodbye, hanging on just a shade too long.

The next morning Leah woke up dreading seeing her brother off.

"Leah, it's a normal part of life. Kids grow up and move away. You knew this was going to happen. You had been all prepared for it when he was looking at colleges." While Will could sympathize with her, he also felt she was making more of this than she should.

"I know."

"Do I have this to look forward to again when Ryan grows up?"

She sighed, "Probably so."

He walked over to where she stood and hugged her to him. "It will be okay. You still have me."

That brought a smile to her. "Are you my consolation prize?"

James walked in the door. "Oh Lord, is she crying already? I haven't even made it out of the driveway yet."

Ryan came running in. "James. James. Can I come see you in California too?"

James reached out and ruffled Ryan's hair. "Sure can, Squirt. I'll take you to Disneyland too."

"Really? Mom, when can we go?" Ryan was jumping up and down.

"Well, at least one person is happy for me," James kidded.

"Ryan, sweetie, we have to wait for James to get a place to live. He'll be staying with some friends until he can find a place." Leah explained. "And James, I am happy for you. I just know I will miss you." He also knew she was doing her best to put a good face on this and wasn't succeeding all that well.

"Come here Ryan and give me a hug." James squatted down to embrace the eight year old. Then standing up he reached out to Will. After he and Will hugged, he turned to Leah. "Walk out with me?"

Leah slipped on her coat and walked out on the front porch.

"Drive safe. And call me when you get there. Let me know you made it okay and also where you are staying."

James grinned, "Yes, Mother."

She swatted his shoulder then the tears began to spill from Leah's eyes. "I'm going to miss you, you brat."

"Yeah, well I am going to miss you too. You're all I've got Leah."

His words took her back a bit. "I am not James."

"Yes you are, Leah."

"Will loves you, and Ryan."

"Only because of you. It's like a requirement of yours. Love me, love my brother."

"James, that's not true."

James smiled ready to change the subject. "Tell me I can come back if I get out there and fall on my ass."

"Of course you can. You know that. James, I'm here for you, no matter what. You do know that. Right?"

"Only you, Leah. I love you."

"I love you too Baby Bro"

"Hey, Will." James was on the phone a few days later.

"James? How is L.A.?"

"Sunny. Warm. It's great."

"Great, well it's cold, cloudy and gloomy here. Let me get your sister."

"Wait, Will? Is she okay? I mean she was so sad when I left her."

"Yeah, James, she's okay. Don't worry over her. She knows you have to have your own life. She wouldn't want you to sit on the sidelines for her. She just misses you. She'll be fine."

He handed the phone to Leah. "Hello?"

"Hey, Sis."

"James!" She screamed in his ear.

"Oow. Damn Leah." He was laughing at her excitement.

"How was the trip out there?" James and Chris had driven James' car across the country to L.A. They had taken their time stopping to see a few sights along the way.

"Long, uneventful. We just got here this afternoon."

"What did you stop and see along the way? I want to hear about your trip."

"Okay. Let's see, we stopped in South Dakota in the Black Hills and saw Mount Rushmore. That was cool. Then we drove on to Utah and saw the Great Salt Lake; then we drove to Vegas and spent a day there. You really need to see Vegas Leah; you would love it. And now we're here in L.A. It is so beautiful here. You have to come out."

"So hurry up and get a job and an apartment and I will."

"Damn, Leah, these phone bills are getting outrageous. How often do you really need to call James?"

"Oh, Will, he can't afford to call here. He's living on peanuts out there. If I don't call him I'll just have to send him more money so he can call me."

That was typical logic for Leah; talking on the phone less didn't even enter her line of thinking. "Maybe we could limit the calls to one a week?"

She looked at him as if he had lost his mind. "Will."

"Well, I could practically fly you out there for what I'm paying for the phone calls."

"Speaking of flying me out there… What about next month?"

"I can't get away right now; you'll have to go without me."

This wasn't much of a deterrent for her. She only looked at him. "You'll take Ryan?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Fine, book the flights."

She smiled across at him. They understood one another. "Thanks Will."

Leah saw him as soon as she stepped off the plane. He was standing at the other side of the gate waiting for them to arrive. "James! God. Look at you. You look great." Leah could not believe how much her brother had changed since he'd left Minnesota. "L.A. must agree with you." His hair was longer and he had a nice tan, but he had also filled out, bulked up.

"Hi Leah. Hey, Squirt. Ready for Disneyland?"

"Yeah!" Ryan was practically jumping up and down.

Leah was impressed with L.A. although her brother's driving scared the shit out of her. "It is so pretty here. I've never seen palm trees before."

They pulled up to James' apartment building. Ryan was in awe. "This is where you live Uncle James?"

"Yep, pretty cool huh?"

"Is that your swimming pool?"

"It belongs to the apartment complex but we can use it. Want to go swimming, Squirt?"

"Yeah. Cool, huh Mom?"

"Yeah, pretty cool."

They spent the week lounging around the pool, seeing the sights, and enjoying the weather. Ryan had a blast at Disneyland, riding the Matterhorn with James while Leah watched them from a bench, and had made an instant connection with a boy living the floor below James in the same building. Leah enjoyed the seeing the ocean and the surfers, but mainly just enjoyed seeing her brother. James was more relaxed and happier than she had ever known him to be.

The night before they were to fly back home she and James sat up drinking beer and talking. She had pointed out to him that he wasn't old enough to drink, but he only rolled his eyes.

"I love it out here, Leah."

"I can tell. I suppose it's not hard to love." It was getting late and neither one was feeling any pain after the beers.

"You want to know why I moved out here, what happened?"

"Something happened? You mean this wasn't just a whim?" She had suspected this, but never asked.

"Well, yeah, it was a whim. But something did happen."

"What?"

"Remember Jill? I was dating her my senior year of high school."

"I remember."

"She was back one weekend seeing her folks. I ran into her out at a club. This was back in October."

"What happened?"

"I bought her a drink and we got to talking. I was thinking I might get lucky with her. You know, just a casual, good to see you again thing. Anyway, she told me that she had an abortion during our senior year."

"What?"

"She never even told me she had gotten pregnant. And she had went and made all the decisions on her own." He sighed, "I asked her why she was telling me now, why not before, when it happened. She said she thought I deserved to know. I just laughed. I mean, what a joke. I deserved to know now, but not then, not when I could have done something, been part of the decisions." He was quiet for a moment. Leah didn't know what to say. Finally he continued, "God, I don't know if it would have changed anything. I liked Jill a lot, but I wasn't in love with her. I wouldn't have wanted to get married and I don't she would have either, but I would have liked to have at least felt like my opinion mattered.

"After she told me, I don't know, I just thought, fuck it. I mean I could have been a father. I don't know how I feel about that. Then I think back to when you were pregnant and everyone wanted you to have an abortion; you stood up to them. I can't help but wonder if she really wanted to have an abortion, or if she just gave in when her parents pressured her. Maybe I could have helped her.

"And if she'd had the baby I wouldn't have been like Ryan's shit father. I would have been there for her and for the baby. "Anyway, Chris had been talking about California for months. I went home that night and told him 'Let's go'."

"Wow," was all Leah could think to say. Finally she said, "You will make a great father James."

"Yeah, I wish she wouldn't have told me. I would just as soon not know, I mean, I can't do anything with this information. But I am glad I decided to come out here. I do love it out here."

The two siblings continued talking and watching TV until they both finally fell asleep propped up on either end of the sofa. They had a teary eyed good bye the next day at the airport, then Leah and Ryan were on their way back home. Leah spent most of the flight wondering if James had made the right decision, or if this was just another example of him running away.

They had been home a couple of weeks when Will brought Lucky home. He had been to Phoenix on business when he found the pup. The dogs appeared to be only a couple months old. The girls at the office were bringing in food for him, but none of them were able to have dogs where they lived. When they saw Will's response to the dog, they begged him to take the little pup home and give him a place to live. Will knew Leah would love the dog and also thought she could use a friend to keep her company. He went out and bought a crate to use to board the dog on the plane, acting on a whim for one of the first times in his life.

When he came walking into the house, he surprised Leah, as he had originally planned to take a later flight. She had planned to pick him up later that evening and here he was walking through the door in the middle of the afternoon.

"Leah?" He called to her setting down the crate in the front room.

"Will? You're home early. What is that?"

He kissed her hello as she came over to him. "Yeah, we finished up and I was able to trade up flights. I got someone here for you to meet." He opened up the crate and out came the cutest puppy.

"Oh my God! Will! Where did you get him?"

"In Phoenix. He needed a home, I thought you wouldn't mind too much if we gave him one."

By now Leah was on the floor and the puppy was licking her face. "Oh! Aren't you just the cutest thing! Let's see, looks like you are a mixed breed, but maybe some German Shepherd in there?" The dog was tan and black. He had a long nose and black floppy ears. "Where did you find him Will?"

Will explained what the ladies in the Phoenix office had told him. Leah looked back at the dog. "Well, aren't you just a lucky dog? What do you think of that? Shall we call you Lucky?"

The puppy barked his agreement.

Leah and Lucky became instant buddies and constant companions. Will often teased that they should have named the dog Shadow instead of Lucky since he followed Leah where ever she went.

Lucky quickly became one of the family. Leah had the dog enrolled in almost as many activities as Ryan. Doggie play dates at the local doggie daycare, obedience classes with a trainer, and Lucky's favorite, the agility course.

"Damn Leah, you treat that dog better than you did me when I was home." James was on the phone listening to his sister go on and on about how wonderful Lucky was.

"I do not."

"Ryan probably says the same thing. You take Lucky to the park more than you ever took Ryan."

"Maybe I should have enrolled both of you in obedience classes."

"Real funny."

"Who knows, it might have helped."

"Some how I doubt it."

© Melina Catts 2004

Return to Tangled