1988

"James, do you have a minute?" Will asked, standing at James' bedroom door.

"Sure. What's up?" James was eighteen now and a senior in high school. He and Will had worked out the rough spots in their relationship and for the most part got along well now. James had come to respect Will and Will had found that once he got past all the vibrato James tended to throw in everyone's face, he was a pretty sweet kid.

"I just wanted to talk something over with you."

James eyed him trying to figure out what Will was getting at. He seemed nervous, not typical for Will. "Okay."

Will sat down on the bed. James was at his desk finishing up some homework. He leaned back in his chair as he waited for Will to begin.

After a few moments of silence, James decided maybe he needed a prompt. "Will?"

Finally Will took in a deep breath and spilled his question. "I was thinking of asking Leah to marry me. I kinda wanted to see how you would feel about that." He wasn't about to ask for James' permission, but he would like to have the kid's blessing or at least know that James wouldn't be upset by it.

"Wow. Gonna make an honest woman out of her after all?"

Will actually blushed, "Yeah."

"That's great Will. I'm happy for you. Leah will be thrilled." James still wasn't sure he understood just what his sister saw in Will, but he did understand that she loved the guy. Will made her happy, that was good enough for James.

"Would you be my best man?"

He paused for a second, making sure he'd heard right. "Me? Really?"

Will smiled, "Yes, you, really. Assuming Leah doesn't turn me down."

James shook his head. "That's not going to happen; Leah turning you down that is. Wow. Yeah. Yes, I'll be your best man. Cool." He was smiling. "So when are you going to pop the question?"

"Well, I was hoping to take her out to dinner tonight."

James chuckled; he knew where this was going. "You need me to watch Ryan?" Ryan was seven now and definitely his mother's son.

"Would you?"

"Sure. I'll be here studying anyway."

Will stood and said, "Thanks James."

"Sure. Hey, good luck Will."

"Will? What is this?" Will and Leah were sitting at Jake's, one of their favorite seafood restaurants. He had just slipped down on one knee beside her. "What are you doing?" Leah was now blushing as they were starting to attract the attention of some of the diners around them.

"Leah? Would you give me your hand in marriage?"

Leah was so shocked she couldn't even speak. She simply stared at her lover.

"Leah?"

"Um, Oh God. Um, Yes?"

Will smiled. "Yes? You make it sound like a question."

By now the tears were running down her face. "No, not a question. Yes. Yes, I'll marry you. Now get up off the floor! You're embarrassing me."

A few of the patrons started applauding as Will said, "Don't you want to see the ring?"

"Will! Get up!"

Will grinned and got back up in his seat. "Better?"

Leah nodded. The waiter appeared with a bottle of wine that had been sent to them from an elderly couple sitting at the next table over. They smiled their thanks, tipping their glasses towards them.

"Here." He handed her a small box. She opened it to find a beautiful diamond ring. It was an exquisite setting. A full carat in a princess cut that sat on a dainty gold band. Will reached over, took the ring from the box, and slipped it on her finger.

Leah could barely see for all her tears. "It's beautiful Will."

The next morning James was at the table eating a breakfast of peanut butter on toast when she came down the stairs.

"You are up early," she said. She usually had to wake both boys up to get them to school on time. James never had been much of a morning person, but then neither was Leah.

"I have an early practice this morning." He still played basketball.

"You should have told me. I could have gotten up earlier."

James grinned. "I figured you had a late night. So?" He was dying to hear what had happened the evening before.

Leah was confused, "So what?"

"Did he ask you?" He was looking at her finger trying to see if anything new was there.

The light bulb went off. "Oh. Yeah. How did you know? Did he tell you?"

"Yeah, he told me yesterday he was going to ask. Even if he hadn't I would have known something was up the way you two were carrying on last night. I can't believe Ryan slept through all that."

Leah turned bright red.

"So let me see your ring. He did get you a ring didn't he?"

She smiled, "Yeah, see?"

"Wow. That is some rock. So when is the big day?"

"I don't know. We haven't talk about that."

"No, I'm sure you haven't." Then he began mimicking the sounds from the bedroom the night before "Oh, Uh. Oh Will…" He loved to tease her.

Leah reached over to smack her bratty little brother, who was now a foot taller than her, but he grabbed her arm before she could strike. They began struggling, each trying to pin the other one's hands. Finally she tipped James' chair over and they ended up laughing together in a tangled mess on the floor.

"James, you really are a shit, you know?" He had Leah pinned to the floor, tickling her.

"Yeah, I know." He was smiling as he said it.

"James, have you decided where you want to go to college?" Will asked. They were all seated at the kitchen table eating dinner.

"No," was all James said.

Leah rang in, "Well it is not too early to be seeing what kind of financial aid you can get."

His grades were good enough to apply for a few scholarships, but he seemed to be dragging his feet on deciding on a college. Leah assumed he was waiting on his current girlfriend, Jill, to announce where she was going. What she didn't expect was what came out of James' mouth next.

"I was wondering what you guys would think if I just went to school here."

"Here? As in the University of Minnesota?" She was nothing short of shocked.

James smiled nervously. "Yes, and as in live here."

"Wow, I figured you would want to get as far away as you could."

James only shrugged.

"Where is Jill going to school?" That had to be the reason.

"Berkley."

"You aren't even going to try to go there?"

James rolled his eyes, "No. Why? To follow some tail? I can get that anywhere."

Ryan piped up. "What's tail?"

Now it was Leah's turn to roll her eyes at her little brother. "It's your backside, Ryan."

She wondered what was going on with James and Jill but decided not to ask. Turning back to James, "Well of course you can stay here, but don't they make freshman live in the dorm?"

"Really?"

"I don't know. Will? Do you know?"

Will had been listening to the conversation he had started, but so far had said nothing. "Nope, you'll have to check it out James. Have you applied there yet?"

"Yeah. I got the letter last week, I was accepted."

"Great! Did you apply at any other schools?" Will thought he knew what was going on. James was getting cold feet about leaving home. It really didn't surprise him; the kid still carried around some issues over abandonment, Leah did too.

"Um, no, just U of M."

"I see."

"So is that okay?"

Leah jumped in before Will could answer. "Of course it's okay James. You don't have to ask to stay here. This is your home."

"Hey, James." Will walked into the den; he had been out with a client all day. "Where's Leah?"

"Ryan was invited over to somebody's house for a sleep over. She's dropping him off." James was lying on the sofa watching TV.

"Are you going out tonight?"

"Nah, I think I'll stay home."

"Wow! Are you feeling okay?" Will couldn't help but tease. James was out with either his girlfriend or his buddies most every evening.

"Yeah, just not going out is all." Will figured there was more to it, but really didn't care. High school was such a soap opera. "You and Leah set a date yet?"

"I think sometime in May."

"May? Hmm. Are you giving her a big wedding?"

Will smiled, "No, I think we decided on something small."

James nodded and asked, "Taking her some place nice for a honeymoon?"

"We're going to wait until summer, then take a trip." They were silent for a moment.

"Hey, James? I want to get her something special for a wedding gift. Any ideas?"

"You're buying Leah a wedding gift? I thought other people were suppose to buy you stuff. Not you buy stuff for each other."

"Yeah, well I want to buy her something. So what is something she has always wanted but never would spend the money on?"

James thought for a moment. He could only think of one thing she used to ask for when they were younger. "Um, maybe a piano?"

"A piano? Really?"

"Yeah, she used to take lessons when she was growing up. She would practice on the piano in the church basement. She always wanted one but Mom and Dad couldn't afford it then. When she was older they probably could have, but I guess it wasn't important to her then, maybe, I don't know."

"When is the last time you heard her play?"

"I don't know. A few years ago I guess."

"Wow, I didn't even know she could play. She's never mentioned it." Will thought on it some more. "A piano, huh?"

James nodded still watching TV. During the next commercial, James sat up on the sofa and turned to Will who was reading the newspaper.

"Will? Do you think Leah ever regrets moving back here?"

Will put the paper down to look at James. "Moving back here?"

"Yeah, after Mom and Dad died." He had almost a haunted look in his eyes.

"I'm not sure what you mean James?"

"I mean she was in beauty school. She had to quit and come back home to take care of me. I just wonder if she regrets it some times. You know, wishes that she could have finished, or gone to college or something." He began to fiddle with the throw pillow on his lap.

"She did go to college."

"Yeah, but that was later and that was night school. She didn't get to really go to college and hang out with her friends and stuff. You know, I mean not like I will get to do. It just seems that she would have wanted to do that."

"James what are you trying to say? She regrets your parents dying, but I don't think she regrets any of the decisions she made because of that. Why?" Will wasn't sure what James was getting at.

"I don't know, I just wondered. I mean she was the same age as I am now. I guess I just can't imagine having all that responsibility put on me now. Maybe I'm starting to realize what that must have been like for her."

Will looked James in the eye; the kid just couldn't seem to shake the past. "I'm sure it was unbelievably hard on both of you. But you both survived it."

"I guess. I wonder if Leah ever feels cheated."

"Because she had to take care of you and Ryan? Maybe you should ask her."

James only nodded.

"Leah, why do you suppose James decided to go to school here? To live at home?"

It was a few nights later and they were in bed. "I don't know. I have wondered that myself. I can't believe he doesn't want to at least live in the dorm or get an apartment with some friends."

"I have a theory."

"You do?"

"I think he feels guilty over what you sacrificed for him."

Leah wrinkled her brow. "Guilty? Why should he feel guilty? It wasn't his fault. It just happened."

"I think he feels you gave up a lot for him."

"So? That was then. How does it have anything to do with him going to college now?"

Will sighed, "I don't know, but I think in his head he feels that maybe he shouldn't have it better than you did."

Leah had to laugh at that. "He already has it better than I ever did!"

"I'm just saying that maybe you two need to talk. Make sure that he is not deciding to stay home next year for the wrong reason."

"You just want him to move out so we can have the place to ourselves," Leah teased him suggestively.

"Leah, we won't have the place to ourselves for a while. Ryan has at least eleven more years before he goes anywhere."

Leah had to wonder if Will didn't get tired of it all, James and Ryan did take up so much of her time.

"James do you have plans for dinner?" Leah caught him as he walked in the door.

"No, why?"

"I thought I would take you out."

James eyed her; something was up. He knew her too well. "Why?"

"I don't know, to spend some time together. We don't get to do that much any more."

"Yeah, okay, but I'm supposed to go over to study at Chris' later."

"So go get ready. Where do you want to eat?"

"Leah, this is great and all, but I feel like there is something you want to talk to me about. C'mon, spill it." James had been mentally going over the list of things she could want to discuss with him since they had got in the car.

Leah sat down her fork and looked at James. "I never could fool you could I?"

"Nope. So, what's this about?"

"I don't regret the decisions I made James."

Now it was James' turn to set his fork down. "Ah, Will's been talking to you."

"Yeah, so what's going on James?"

He sat for a moment, gathering his thoughts. "You were the same age I am now, and you gave up everything to move home and take care of me."

"I didn't give up so much. Besides, you needed me."

James looked down at his lap.

"Is this why you are going to U of M next year, staying home instead of living in the dorm or out on you own? Because you think I missed out on something?"

James didn't answer; he just continued looking at his lap.

"Well, it's bullshit James. And what do you hope to accomplish with grand gesture of yours? Martyrdom?"

He finally looked up at her. "But you had to quit school. Don't you ever wonder what it could have been like? Don't you feel cheated?"

Leah sighed, "No, I don't wonder; I didn't have to quit school. I made the decision because the money was there. I could afford to stay home with Ryan. As for feeling cheated? Hell yes, I feel all three of us were cheated. Cheated out of having parents. Ryan should have had grandparents. Mom and Dad should be helping you decide where to go to college. But what happened, happened. We dealt with it as best we could. Besides, that doesn't mean that we haven't had some really good things happen to us. I mean you and I might not have ever become close like we are. I probably wouldn't have met Will. James, I don't sit around and wonder what could have been, and you shouldn't either."

"I was a brat." It was almost a whisper.

She laughed, "Yeah, you still are." Then a bit softer, "So was I."

She picked up her fork. "So where do you really want to go to college?"

"Leah." She looked back up at him. "Thank you."

She cocked her head, noticing that he didn't answer her question. "For what?"

"For moving back home, for taking care of me."

She smiled. "We took care of each other James. No thanks are necessary. Besides, someday it may be your turn to take care of me."

The first Saturday in May turned out to be a perfect spring day. Leah looked beautiful as she walked down the aisle of the little church. She wore a simple white satin dress, despite James' ribbing over just how long it had been since she could claim to be a virgin. James, Ryan, and Will stood at the altar in matching tuxes. Katy wore a pale pink sleeveless satin dress as her maid of honor. The ceremony was very simple, very intimate, and very romantic. There was not a dry eye among their friends as Leah and Will pledged their love to each other.

After a reception in the basement of the church, Will and Leah left their friends and spent the night in the bridal suite of a local four-star hotel. James had offered to take care of Ryan. Actually he had insisted that they get a room somewhere so he would not be subjected to sleeping in the same house with them on their wedding night.

Will had made arrangements for the piano to be delivered to the house the next morning. James would be there to take the delivery and show the movers where to place the baby grand. Leah had no idea.

"Oh. My. God." Leah had just walked into the house. She and Will had slept in and had a long lunch before coming back to 'the real world'. The wedding had been wonderful and their stay in the hotel had been very special. Now Leah was getting her first look at her new piano.

"Will?"

He smiled, "Yes?"

"Did you do this?" She was glowing, smiling ear to ear with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Yes."

"How did you know?"

"I asked James."

She turned to her brother. "You remembered?"

He nodded, "So? Play something. I have had to sit here all morning listening to them tune the damn thing, at least play something."

"Oh God, it has been so long." She sat down on the bench. "I don't know what to play. I don't have any of my sheet music anymore." Her hands were trembling.

James turned and nodded to Ryan. The seven year old jumped out of the chair he had been sitting in and ran into the other room. He was back a moment later with a package in his arms. "Ta Da!" he shouted as he placed the package in Leah's lap.

She tore into the box to find three songbooks, one of classical, one of modern popular, and one of children's songs. "Oh wow. Thank you guys! Oh gosh, what do you want me to play first?"

"This one," Ryan handed her the one of children's songs. "Play Itsy Bitsy Spider for me."

"Itsy Bitsy Spider huh? Okay, let's see if I can still remember how to play."

She began the notes of the song but only made it though a few measures when she stopped.

"Leah?" Will sat down beside her on the piano bench. She was sobbing too hard to talk, much less play.

After a few moments, she got a hold of herself enough to whisper. "It's beautiful Will."

Ryan walked around behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders giving her a hug. "Don't cry Mama, this was supposed to make you happy, not make you cry."

"She is happy squirt," James tried to explain to Ryan. "Women are weird that way. They cry when they are happy."

Ryan frowned, "That is just silly."

"Well since you are already crying I might as well tell you now. I have decided to go to U of M, but I have decided that I need to experience the whole aspect of college life, so I think I will live in the dorm, at least for a semester."

Leah looked up at him. "You were afraid to tell me that?" She didn't understand.

"Look me in the eye and tell me that you won't cry when I move out."

"Oh James, of course I will cry, but that isn't a reason for you not to go."

James shrugged looking down at his feet. "It wasn't the only reason." He couldn't tell her that he would miss her.

She got up and went to her brother, taking his face in her hands so that he had to look her in the eyes. "James, I want you to go out there and have a beautiful life. You have no reason to feel guilty over me. I have everything I could have ever wished for. So quit fretting; get out there and grab the world by the ass."

He smiled at her as she reached up on her tiptoes to kiss him on the nose.

© Melina Catts 2004

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