1984

Will had been living with Leah, James, and Ryan for almost a year now. After the incident with the pot, James had tried his best to avoid Will. Leah had let him buy a used car with some of their parent's money when he turned sixteen. She had encouraged him to get a part time job after school to pay for the gas, insurance, and upkeep. He had finally found one that would work around basketball practice, working as a runner for a law firm after school and on Saturday mornings.

Will's moving in had been an adjustment for all of them. The first six months Leah often wondered if they would make it. It seemed she and Will were constantly arguing over the two kids. Will felt she was too lenient and she thought he was too strict. The two boys were always baiting her, trying to force her to choose sides. James in particular would try to pick a fight with Will. If Will said the sky was blue, James would argue it was purple and then try to drag Leah into the debate. He would be offended if she didn't side with him. Leah was growing weary of the whole thing. Something had to give.

When she tried to talk to Will about it, he would insist that things were not nearly as bad as she made them out to be, that she should give James more time and things would work out. Will knew that if he could get Leah to back off and quit trying to referee, James would back off too. Will couldn't help but feel that James was doing most of this to manipulate his older sister. James knew just how to push her buttons, something he noticed Ryan was picking up as well.

James had become increasingly interested in girls over the last few months. He was currently going steady with a girl named Jennifer. She was a blonde haired, blue-eyed cheerleader. Leah was terrified that James would get her pregnant. James adamantly denied they were having sex, but Leah would still buy condoms and put them in his underwear drawer. They would have magically disappeared the next time she looked.

It was a Friday night and Leah had planned a girls' night out with Katy. Katy was married now but the two still tried to go out every few weeks and catch a movie. Some nights they would even make it to a few of their old watering holes.

James came in around six. He had just gotten off work. "What's for dinner?"

"Hello to you too," Leah said. She was in the kitchen taking a casserole from the oven. "Go tell Will and Ryan dinner is ready will you?"

"Wiilll! Ryyyaaan!" James shouted, standing right where he had been.

"Thanks James, that was so helpful. I would have never thought to do that myself."

"So where are you going tonight Leah? You even have makeup on," James teased.

"Fuck off James." She laughed, "I'm going out with Katy."

"Will staying home with Ryan?"

"Yep. Do you have plans?"

James blushed, "I'm taking Jen out."

"Oh? Where are you taking her?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Why not?"

"Because knowing you, you would show up there."

Will and Ryan came into the kitchen. "Hey Dear. You look nice." Will helped Ryan with his plate.

"Mama, you look pretty!" Ryan beamed up at her.

"Thanks baby." She kissed Ryan on the top of the head, then she walked over and gave Will a kiss. "You got things under control?"

Will smiled, "Yep, have a good time. Tell Katy I said hello."

Leah picked up her purse and keys and headed out the door. "Bye. Love you guys. James, Ryan, be good tonight."

Will had put Ryan to bed and was watching TV in the den. It was getting close to James' curfew so he decided to stay up. They didn't usually wait up for him; Leah insisted that they should show James they trusted him. Will wasn't too sure he did trust James. Hell, the kid was sixteen, he remembered what it was like to be sixteen. Then there was the little incident of the pot found in James' room a few months back. So Will wasn't too surprised when the curfew came and went with no appearance from James. He didn't expect Leah for a few hours.

Will was dozing on the sofa when the sound of a key in the front door woke him. He looked at the clock and saw James was almost an hour late.

"Um, James?"

James jumped as if he had seen a ghost. "Shit, Will! You scared me."

Will sat up and looked at James; he was pretty sure that the boy had been drinking, or smoking, or something. "Um, want to explain why you're so late?"

James looked over at the clock. "Um, I guess I lost track of time."

"Wrong answer. Want to try again?"

"I was with Jen, it's no big deal."

"Wrong again. Give me your keys."

"What? No way!"

"James. The keys. Now."

"It's my car. How am I supposed to get to school and work?"

"I guess you're going to walk. Give me the keys."

James glared at Will for a minute then threw the keys down on the table and stormed out of the room. A few moments later Will heard James' bedroom door slam. Will sighed. Damn spoiled brat.

"Daddy?" Ryan was calling him from the stairs

"I'm coming Ryan." Will got up, turned off the TV, and headed up to put Ryan back to bed.

When Leah got home an hour later, Will was lying in their bed watching TV.

"Hey. Did you have fun?"

She smiled, "Yeah I did."

"Looks like someone had a few drinks tonight."

"Want to take advantage of me while I'm drunk?" Leah giggled.

"C'mere."

"Were the kids okay?" she asked as she undressed.

"Um, James came home an hour late."

Oh shit. Here we go again. "What did you say?"

"I took his car keys."

"I bet that went over well. How long did he lose the keys for?"

"I'm not sure; I wanted to talk to you first."

"I thought you wanted me to stay out of it."

Will sighed, "We need to be in agreement on this."

"I'll back up whatever you decide. Now, why don't you have your way with me before I pass out?"

The next day Will had a one o'clock tee time with a client. Leah was in the kitchen fixing Ryan an afternoon snack when James came down the stairs.

"I thought you had to work this morning," she inquired.

"I did, but since I didn't have a car…."

"What? You just didn't show up?"

"No, I called them and said my car had broken down so I needed the day off."

"James!"

"Well, what was I supposed to do?"

"You could walk to the bus stop, then ride it to the stop closest to the firm, then walk from there."

James rolled his eyes. "Can't you talk to him?"

"No. Can't you abide by the curfew?"

"He's not my father."

"No he's not, and I'm not your mother, but we are the ones taking care of you. We are the ones feeding you, paying your bills, washing your clothes. This is as good as it's going to get James, so why can't you cut us some slack?"

"Maybe I should just move out, like you did."

"Maybe you should James. You make it sound like I moved out and everything was wonderful. You have no idea. It was one of the stupidest things I ever did. You make it sound like I was living in some ritzy apartment. Hell I was sleeping on friend's couches while trying not to flunk out of school. So just pull your damn head out of your damn ass. You really don't have it all that bad!"

"Fuck you!"

"No James. Fuck you."

James turned and headed out the door. As he walked by, he saw his keys on the table. Leah was still in the kitchen and couldn't see him. When she heard the car pull out of the driveway, she was flabbergasted. The little shit. Will would kill him. Shit. Shit. Shit. Will would think she had given in, had given James back his keys. Double Shit!

A few hours later, Will walked in carrying his clubs.

"Hi, Dear. How did you play?"

"Good. It was a beautiful day to be on the course," he said as he kissed her on the check.

"Um, Will? Did you notice anything when you came in?"

"No, what?"

"James' car."

"What about it?" Will looked at her, after a moment he understood, "You didn't."

"No. I didn't. We had a fight over it. I stood up to him. I backed you up. I guess he grabbed the keys as he left. He stormed out the door and the next thing I knew I heard the tires squealing as he left."

Will sighed and sat down. "How long ago was that?"

"A couple hours."

"Have you tried to find him? Called any of his friends?"

"No, I figured it would just make things worse. I thought maybe I should just let him cool off." Leah stood there watching Will. "I'm sorry," she said.

Will shook his head. "Leah, quit apologizing for your brother, okay?"

When afternoon became evening, Leah began to worry. She started calling James' friends. None of them would admit to knowing where he was or give her any ideas about where he might be.

"What should we do Will?"

"Nothing. He'll come home when he gets hungry."

"Will!"

"What?"

"Shouldn't we go look for him? Or report him missing? Something?"

"Leah, he's only been gone a few hours. He'll come back sooner or later." Leah wished she could be so calm about it.

Around nine p.m. they had put Ryan to bed for the night and were watching television in the den. Leah jumped when the phone rang. Will picked it up.

"Hello...... No, this is Mr. Allen….. No, he's my wife's brother….. She's his legal guardian….. Okay….. Where?...... How long ago?...... Can you tell me…..I see…. Okay, we're on our way."

Leah was holding her breath.

Will turned to her and said, "He was just brought into the emergency room."

"What happened?"

"They won't say. Go get your shoes on, I'll get Ryan."

Twenty minutes later, Will dropped Leah off at the ER doors and went to park the car.

Leah walked up to the receptionist and said, "I'm here for my brother, James Morgan. He was brought in a little while ago."

She went through all the insurance and personal information the hospital required. Finally she had to ask some questions. "Can you tell me anything?"

"He was brought in by ambulance. It appears to be alcohol poisoning. The doctor will be with you as soon as they have him stable."

Will walked in to the waiting area carrying a sleeping Ryan, "Did they tell you anything?"

Leah stood there stunned, it was just starting to hit her.

"Leah?"

"Huh? Oh, um, alcohol poisoning."

Will nodded, not surprised. He took Leah over to a chair. She sat down and he laid Ryan next to her. "Watch him so he doesn't roll off. I'm going to go call Katy to come get him," Leah only nodded.

A few minutes later a boy around James' age walked over to her. "Mrs. Morgan?" Leah didn't move, but her eyes looked up at him.

"I'm Sam. Remember me?" she nodded, barely.

Will was back from calling Katy, she was on her way. "Sam? Were you with James?"

"Yeah, I was."

"What happened? Here, sit down and tell us." Will motioned to the seat across from them.

Sam sat down. "James showed up at my house this afternoon and wanted me to go with him to hang out. We drove down to the park near my house. I could tell he had been drinking, but he wasn't like, you know, really drunk or anything. When we got to the park, he pulled out a couple of bottles of Maddog. I took a couple sips, but that stuff is nasty. So he ended up drinking most of it himself. I took his keys away and told him he had to let me drive, but we weren't going anywhere so he just sat there in the driver's seat. We were just talking and stuff and then he started getting sick and I thought he was going to pass out. Only he wasn't really passing out, and he was having trouble breathing. I got scared but I couldn't get him to move over so I could drive him here. Finally, I got out and ran over to a house across the street. I asked them to call 911. The ambulance came and brought him here."

"Where did he get the alcohol?" Will asked.

"I don't know. He already had it when he picked me up."

"Do your parents know where you are?"

"Yeah, I called them. They're on their way up here. I'm sorry, I didn't realize he was drinking that much I guess."

"Its okay, Sam. It sounds like you did the right thing." Will started to say 'saved his life' but as he looked over at Leah, he didn't think he should state it that way. Leah still had not moved, had not said anything. She just stared straight ahead. Her eyes were empty.

Katy and her husband came running into the waiting area. "Leah? Leah?" She ran over to her friend and sat down in the chair next to her. Leah didn't move, didn't acknowledge she was even there. "Will?" Katy turned to him, "What happened?"

"I think he just got carried away partying. It appears he drank too much."

Katy nodded, then pulled Leah to her in a hug. "Oh Leah, it will be okay." She turned to her husband and said, "Why don't you take Ryan home with you? I think I need to stay here. Okay?"

Will helped him gather up the sleeping tot. "I appreciate this," he sighed, "I have no idea how long we'll be."

"Hey, no problem, just plan on leaving Ryan for the night." Katy's husband said as he left.

Will sat back down on the other side of Leah and watched as Katy rocked her. Leah still had not said a word or moved on her own. Katy talked to her in a soothing voice, but Leah wasn't listening. She was back four and a half years ago, back when her parents and James had been brought to this very hospital, back when she had been alone and pregnant and very afraid.

They had been there almost an hour when Sam's parents came to get him. They walked over to inquire if there was any word on James.

"Sorry to meet under these circumstances," Sam's mother was addressing Will. She kept looking over at Katy and Leah, obviously not sure what to make of Leah's condition. Will stood and shook their hands thanking them for their concern.

Sam spoke up when they were getting ready to leave, "Mr. Morgan?"

"Just call me Will." He didn't want to try to explain that he wasn't Mr. Morgan

"Will you call me when you find out if James will be okay? Please?"

"Yes, we will. Thanks Sam."

Again, Will sat down next to Leah. "Leah? Hey?" She turned her head slightly and looked at him. Her eyes were still dull.

Finally, a doctor came out, "Mr. Morgan?"

Will stood shaking his hand, "I'm Will Allen, Leah is James' sister and legal guardian." He motioned to Leah still sitting in the chair.

The doctor turned then to address her, "Ms. Morgan?" Leah looked up at him with fear in her eyes. She had been here before; she was terrified of what would come next.

"James was brought in to us suffering from alcohol poisoning. His blood alcohol level was 3.2. We have pumped his stomach and got as much of the alcohol from his system as we could. We also administered activated charcoal to absorb the alcohol that is still in his system. He is going to feel pretty rough for the next few days, but he should be all right. Does he have a history of alcohol abuse?"

Leah finally spoke, "No, I mean, I know he drinks some, but I haven't seen any evidence that he has a problem."

"Well, we will need to keep him here over night and he will need to visit with a counselor on staff tomorrow before he will be released. They will want to visit with you too. James lives with you right?"

"Yes, with Will and I."

"Has there been anything that has happened as of late that would explain his behavior tonight? Was he upset about something?"

Leah frowned, "Yes." It was almost a whisper.

"Okay, well I'll let you discuss that with the counselor tomorrow then."

"Can I see him?"

"He's asleep; there really isn't any reason to see him tonight. Come back in the morning and …."

"Please? I want to see him."

The doctor studied her for a moment. "Okay, but just for a minute or two. They are moving him to a room as we speak. Follow me, I'll take you to the elevators, then you can go to his room, but don't stay long."

Leah rose and followed the doctor. Will and Katy followed her. The doctor led them to the elevators and gave them directions to James' room.

Leah walked into the room while Katy and Will waited in the hall. She was shocked to see how pale he looked. He had an IV and was hooked to a monitor for his blood pressure and pulse. He still had residue around his mouth from the charcoal. She walked over to his bed and brushed his hair off his forehead. "We have to quit doing this James," she whispered.

On the drive home Will couldn't help but worry how much of this Leah would blame on him. They had argued over discipline ever since he moved in, especially over James.

"Leah? Are you okay?" They had dropped off Katy. She had insisted that she would keep Ryan over night and tomorrow while they dealt with James.

Leah sighed, "Yeah, I guess."

"Tell me?"

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to choose."

"Choose?"

"Between you and James."

"Why would you have to choose?"

"I don't know, this doesn't seem to be working."

"Leah, you can't let James control you like this. Listen, this will work out, okay? I'm not going anywhere. No one is asking you to choose."

The following morning Leah was up early, barely sleeping at all that night. She was dressed and ready to go the hospital when Will awoke.

"You'll come up later when you get around?"

"Yeah, I'll get up and take a shower now."

When Leah walked in James' hospital room, he was propped up in bed watching cartoons. He looked at her and a sullen expression crossed his face. She came in and sat in the chair by his bed. He looked down at his lap, unable or perhaps just not willing to meet her eyes.

"How are you this morning?" she asked.

"Feel like shit." He was still looking down at his hands as he fumbled with the corner of the blanket.

"What happened?"

He shrugged, "I drank too much."

"Because of the fight you and I had?"

He sighed, "Yeah…. No…. I don't know."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Do?"

"Are you that unhappy about Will living with us?"

"No, it's not him. It's…. It's just…. "

"It's what James?"

"I don't know," he whispered

"Pain management?"

He looked up at her. "What do you mean?"

"Duh, James. Been there, done that. What do you think was going on the first year after Ryan was born?"

James nodded. "A counselor was here this morning. He thinks I should go back to my therapist."

"Probably not a bad idea."

"He thinks you should go too."

Leah sighed, "Probably not a bad idea either."

"How pissed is Will?"

"He's not that pissed James."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," she said as she tried to smile.

"You still love me?"

"Yeah, I still love you. You still love me?"

"Yeah."

"So are we going to make this work?" This time the smile came easier.

"Yeah, I'll try."

"Be nicer to Will?"

"Yeah. Can I have my keys back?" James had a mischievous grin on his face.

"Fuck. No."

James sat there a moment then was serious. "Leah, I'm sorry. I've been a shit, I know."

"So quit it. Listen, I know that these last few years have been tough on you. But you could make it a little easier on yourself."

"I know. So I'll go back to the therapist if you will." He was grinning again.

"Me?" Leah acted put out. They both knew it was only an act. "Yeah, I'll go too."

© Melina Catts 2004

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