Conversations

Chapter 1

"I hate going grocery shopping," my son said when he called me this evening. At twenty-two you'd have thought we were beyond this sort of thing.

"I know, it costs too much," I agree.

"I just spend one hundred and sixty dollars."

"How much of that was alcohol?" Unlike Kansas, Missouri sells liquor right at the supermarket.

"None. All I bought was food."

"You didn't buy anything fun?"

"Only some condoms, but you'll be happy to know I bought the economy size box. They're expensive enough, I keep thinking I should buy them in bulk over the net."

"Don't they have an expiration date?"

"Yeah."

"That would suck to have to throw them out because you didn't get laid enough." I started to giggle.

"Yeah, can you say 'loser'?" he chuckles.

"Plus the added pressure trying to get them all used up. Lord knows you guys can't handle any pressure to perform."

"Okay. Next subject." He still doesn't really like to discuss sex with me, but he brought up the condoms…. "So, my boss is on one of my co-workers for sneezing too loud," he continues.

"Does the guy have a particularly loud sneeze?"

"Not that I've noticed, but someone complained."

"Is he sneezing in the customer's ears?" They work in a call center, and I'm trying to make sense of what he is telling me.

"No, it was another employee that complained."

"You're kidding." I can't help but laugh.

"Nope. They other day they made Tim go sit in a different area because someone said his cologne was too strong. The manager wants Andy to go see a doctor about his sneezing."

"Is it that bad?"

"No, it's not. Really."

"Doesn't your boss know that suppressing a sneeze can cause inner ear damage?"

"Who knows? I suggested maybe Tim's cologne was causing Andy to sneeze." We were both laughing out loud by then.

"I'm sure that helped."

"Tim rolled his eyes and said 'Shut up Mary.'" Tim calls everyone Mary, but I have to admit it really fits my son.

"Damn, are you sure you're not still in high school?"

He chuckled again. "Oh, and I've been told I need to not sit by the same people everyday. I'm not being diversified enough."

"What do you mean?"

"I usually sit by Tim. My boss told me that I need to sit by different employees, not just Tim."

"I thought you were there to talk to customers, not to other employees."

"Exactly, that's why I like to sit by Tim, he doesn't try to talk to me all the time. Besides, first shift has assigned seating so they are forced to sit by the same people everyday."

"Doesn't make sense to me."

"Yeah, me neither. I pointed out to her that I sit with other people on the two days each week that I work and Tim is off, but she said that didn't count."

"Are you sure you're not in high school?"

"Exactly."

"And how can anyone say that I'm not diverse?"

"Well, she obviously doesn't know anything about your sex life."

"No kidding, just name a nationality and I can give you at least two names."

"Okay, see you are just wrong… so wrong." He had me laughing my ass off. "I guess it explains why you don't have to worry over the expirations dates."

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