Falling Down the Primrose Path

Part 3

Lunch had not been the welcome home that Brian had wanted or even expected. The boys had already eaten and each left giving an excuse of having to run an errand or work but all claimed they'd see them at Deb's and that they would catch up then.

Brian sat down in the booth the guys had just vacated. Something was up. He just knew it. They were trying to punish him. Well fuck them.

Steve looked at Brian and could see him getting angry. "What's the matter?"

"I can't believe what they're doing! They did that on purpose to punish me." Brian said angrily.

Steve sighed. "Punish you for what?" Although he had an idea what Brian was thinking.

"For being gone so long."

Steve let out the breath he was holding, relieved. He was getting a little tired of Justin interfering in their lives, even when he wasn't around. Steve's relief was short lived though when Brian continued.

"And because of Justin."

Inwardly Steve winced. Outwardly he put on a comforting smile. "I think you're being a bit overly sensitive. You've been gone for quite a while. They've moved on with their lives just as you have. You didn't really expect things to be the same did you?"

Now it was Brian's turn to sigh. "No…Yes, I guess I did. You're right."

Brian and Steve placed their orders and while they waited, Steve asked questions about Pittsburgh and Brian's friends and family. Brian answered all of them honestly and for once without sarcasm.

Deb overheard quite a bit of it and smiled that it was about time her bad boy had grown up. Unfortunately it was with the wrong man.

When the food arrived, they ate with very little conversation, both deep in thought. Steve thought about what Brian had told him about his friends and about what Lindsey had said the night before. He realized that this weekend wasn't going to be the easy one he was expecting. He knew that it was going to be hard being the stranger. They were a tight knit family and he had underestimated the family love or just how much they meant to Brian.

Brian meanwhile was wondering if Steve was really right. Was he really overreacting? Was it his own guilt over Justin that he was projecting onto everyone else? Why was he still feeling guilty? He loved Steve. He knew he did. He enjoyed and liked his life with him. It was a good life and most of the time he was happy. So why? Why after a year did thoughts of Justin still bother him?

Once both men were finished, they rose, told Deb that they'd see her at dinner and left. Brian played tour guide and walked Steve down Liberty Ave. and showed him those sites before driving him over to Tremont to show him where his loft had been. He then spent the rest of the day showing Steve the highlights of Pittsburgh.

They made it back to the hotel with a couple of hours before they had to be at Debbie's. They spent those two hours making love, trying to reaffirm their love. They showered and barely made it to Debbie's on time.

Walking into Debbie's, Brian was surprised to find that everyone was already there, including some he wasn't expecting. Brian quickly made the introductions and paused when he came to the last person.

"Steve… I'd like you to meet Jennifer. Jennifer, this is Steve." Brian said.

Steve smiled and reached out to shake her hand. She politely shook his hand, her country club background firmly in place. "It's nice to meet you, Jennifer. And how do you know Brian?"

Jennifer looked at Brian and Brian uncomfortably looked at Steve. "Jennifer is Justin's mother."

Steve looked in surprise at Jennifer and then at Brian. 'Shit!' Steve thought. 'They are setting us up.'

Before Steve could come up with anything to say, Debbie called out. "Dinner's ready. Everyone grab a seat."

Everyone ignored Brian and Steve and moved to the table. Brian and Steve joined them, both feeling uncomfortable. Conversation at the table though tense flowed as everyone filled everyone else in about what was going on in their lives. Michael was unusually quiet for once giving only a few replies to questions asked him.

Brian finally had enough and decided to ask him something that he knew would bring him to life. "So how is Rage doing? I haven't heard you say anything about it."

Michael shot Brian an angry look. "Of course not. It's done."

Brian was confused by Michael's look and answer. "What do you mean?"

Michael looked around the table and stopped at Jennifer. Jennifer cleared her throat. "Brian, what did you say to Justin when you went and talked to him?"

Brian looked over at Jennifer. "Just that he needed to get his act together, that I still cared for him but only as a friend and that he needed to move on. That I was with Steve and that wasn't going to change. Why? What does that have to do with Michael and Rage?"

"Have you talked to him or seen him since then?" Jennifer continued, not answering Brian's question.

Steve had a feeling that he knew what was going on but didn't know what to say. Looking down at his hands he waited to see if he was right.

Brian looked around the table. "No, I haven't. I've been living my life and trying to stay out of Justin's so that he will move on."

Debbie snorted. "Yeah, he moved on all right."

Brian getting frustrated threw down him napkin. "What the hell are you all getting at? I asked Michael a question and now suddenly it's all about when was the last time I saw Justin."

Michael turned angrily to Brian. "Because asshole. Justin has disappeared! There is no more 'Rage'!"

Brian looked shocked. "What do you mean he's disappeared?"

Jennifer took control of the conversation again. "After you talked to him, I thought I'd give him some time. So I didn't talk to him figuring he would call me when he was ready to talk. Finally, I got worried cause I hadn't heard from him in so long. So, I called his apartment only to find out that he had moved out and left no forwarding address. So I next tried his cell phone. It was no longer in service. I quickly contacted the school. Do you know what they told me? That he had withdrawn from his classes and had dropped out of the program altogether. He has simply disappeared. I want to know where my son is!"

Brian stood up. "He couldn't have dropped out. The school would have contacted me to ask about refunding me the money for his tuition. And I haven't been."

Brian looked down at Steve and was surprised to see that Steve wouldn't look at him. "Steve?"

Steve sighed and knew this wasn't going to go well. "I knew. I was home when the call came from the school wanting to know if it was okay to give Justin the refund check for him to bring to us. I said yes."

Brian was shocked. "And you didn't think to tell me this? Why?!"

Steve sighed. "I hoped he would leave New York with it and start over somewhere else. Away from us so that we could move on. So that maybe he could move on."

Brian began to get angry. "You had no right."

Steve stood up. "We will discuss this when we get home. I'm not going to fight with you here."

"You most certainly will discuss this right now." Debbie said as she and Jennifer stood up.

"Where is my son, Steve?" Jennifer said angrily.

Steve turned angrily to her but stopped when he realized that she was just a concerned mother looking for her son. Taking a deep breath so he wouldn't snap at her he said. "I don't know. Other then releasing the funds, I didn't contact him about anything."

Jennifer looked as if she was about to cry and Steve began to feel bad for her. Brian looked at Jennifer. "Don't worry, Jennifer. I'll find him and when I do I'll let you know where he is."

Jennifer nodded and sat back down. Dinner was over. No one felt like eating and Brian left the table and grabbed his coat. Steve left and grabbed his coat as well and looked over at the table and the people sitting around it. No one was paying them any attention and he knew that he had just made it even harder for him to be accepted. Well, that wasn't his concern right now. Right now he had to figure out how to make Brian see that what he had done was for them, for all of them and to stop Brian from searching for Justin. It was no longer his concern and he had to see that.

The ride back to the hotel was made in silence and even Steve was beginning to get angry. How dare these people throw Justin in their faces as if he was their responsibility. Brian had been right, they had planned something and how Brian was mad at him for not telling him about Justin withdrawing. The thing that made him even angrier than what these people had done was that Brian was once again going to the rescue of Justin.

Brian parked the car and walked into the hotel without looking at Steve. Much to Steve's surprise instead of going to the elevator to their room, Brian left him standing there and walked into the bar instead. He had thought that they were going to go up to the room and discuss this.

Steve followed Brian into the bar and watched him down a shot. "Brian, don't do this. Let's go upstairs and discuss this. You getting angry and drunk isn't going to help anything."

Brian turned angrily to Steve. "You're right, it won't help anything. What will help is me getting away from you for awhile before I say or do something I may regret later. So leave me alone, Steve."

Steve was shocked but he guessed he shouldn't have been giving Brian's history on how he used to deal with things. "All right, I'll go but just remember one thing. I love you."

Steve turned around and went up to their room. When he reached the room, he made himself a drink and sat down to think about what had just happened. Brian was mad at him but he knew that he had done the right thing. He had needed to get Justin out of their lives and it finally seemed to be working. How was he to know that Justin would use the money to disappear? Why couldn't he have just gone home and used the money to get started back at PIFA and if he didn't want to do that, there were plenty of good art schools that would have taken him. Damn! Now he was back in their lives, causing problems and he wasn't even here!

*****************************************

An hour later, Brian walked in. Steve looked up from where he was sitting, set down his glass and waited for Brian to say something. He could tell that he wasn't drunk and while he appeared calmer, he could tell he was still mad.

Brian stopped about half way into the room. "I want to know one thing. Why? Why didn't you tell me? Why did you feel you needed to make the decision?"

Steve sighed. "Brian, I love you and I know you love me but you still love Justin as well. I felt the only way for you to get over him and for him to get over you was for him to go away. He needs to find a life for himself and stay out of ours so that we can create and move on with ours."

Brian shook his head. "He was out of our lives. Except for talking to him about the sale of the townhouse and the conversation I had with him at school, we haven't seen or heard from him since I moved in with you! Are you really that insecure about us?!"

Now Steve began to feel emotions that he had been keeping down for awhile begin to boil to the surface. Standing, he began to pace. "He's out of our lives?! Like hell he is. How many times have you walked into our home and shouted 'Justin, I'm home'! Or how about when you've been reading something that you wanted to share with me that you've called me Justin. Better yet, how many times while we were making love and have you cried out Justin's name! How do you think that makes me feel?!"

Brian looked shocked. "I…I haven't done that, have I?"

He watched Steve stop and look at him and knew that he had. "I'm sorry if I have done that. Justin and I were together for three years. It was probably done just out of habit. But that doesn't change any of this. It still wasn't your decision to make."

Steve took a deep breath and let it out, trying to let go of his hurt and anger. "I guess this must have been how Justin felt about me, but Brian, you said that we were partners. So I did what I thought was best for all involved."

Brian tried to let his anger go and was beginning to succeed. "I know but you still should have told me. You also seem to forget. I had to make a choice and I chose you. It's you I live with, go to sleep with and wake up every morning. Not Justin. He wasn't doing anything to us and couldn't."

Steve walked over to where Brian stood and placed his hand on his arm. "Brian, I don't want you to go looking for Justin. When he's ready, he'll contact his mom and the others. Let him go. Let us get on with our lives."

Brian began to get angry again, so he moved away from Steve. It was apparent that he hadn't heard him. "I can't do that. I promised Jennifer that I'd find him and I will. I'll hire private investigators to do it. I won't do it myself. I'll also make sure that they report to me at the office, that way as far as you are concerned, he's out of our lives. Meanwhile, I'll try to be more conscientious of what I say. I'll say this one more time. Steve, I love you and it was you that I picked. Try to remember that the next time you get upset about Justin. Now, I'm going to bed."

Steve watched Brian undress and crawl into the bed. Walking over, he undressed and got in as well, only to have Brian roll so that his back was to him. Steve sighed. This weekend hadn't turned out as he had expected at all and once again, the ghost of Justin Taylor was hanging over them.

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