* Imitation *

Berlin

Justin sat looking out the airplane window while Ethan chatted up a storm with other members of the symphony. They were on their way to Berlin and even though he wasn't to happy about how it came to be, he was excited about seeing the city and surrounding country. They were going to be there exactly a week. Justin had tried to get into the conversation but didn't have a clue about what they were talking about. He knew it was about music, but not any that he knew about. Finally, he turned and just looked out the window before falling asleep.

Ethan was both happy and excited. He was on his tour with people he had so much in common with and they knew and were envious of the beautiful man by his side. He had Justin. Ethan looked over at the sleeping Justin and his smile faltered a little. Yes, he had Justin but he had guilt him into coming and now he was paying for that. Justin had barely kissed him, much less anything else since they talked. When one of his new friends asked him a question, he turned back to the conversation and forgot about his troubles with Justin. After all, there was nothing he could do until they landed in Berlin.

Justin awoke with a smile from a light caress on his cheek. It faltered only a little when he saw Ethan smiling back at him. He had been having a wonderful dream of Brian and was disappointed when it wasn't him who had woken him up, but the worst part was that now he was horny as well.

Ethan's grin got bigger as he looked at Justin's lap. "Good Dream? I hope it was about me."

Justin made his smile bigger as he wasn't about to tell Ethan the truth or deny himself a release either. "I guess you'll have to wait until we get to our room unless you want to hit the first bathroom we find."

Ethan looked at Justin in shock and blushed but had to admit that the thought of doing it in such a public place kind of turned him on. "Uh…as exciting as that sounds, I think I'll wait until we get to our room to make sure we won't be interrupted."

Justin noticed Ethan's blush and his grin got truly bigger. "What's the matter Ethan? Haven't you ever done it in public?" Justin said seductively.

Ethan's embarrassment grew, as did the beginning of his anger. "No," he said as an image of him and William fucking in the symphony hall in London, flashed through his memory. "And don't tell me you have. Oh wait! I forgot the great Brian Kinney was your teacher. I bet he had you bent all over the place." He said sarcastically pushing away the image of William.

Justin's smile slowly disappeared from his face at Ethan's hurtful words. "No he didn't. What happened between me and Brian stayed in the loft. He did take me to the Baths once when 'I' asked him to but we fucked other men. If you must know however, before Brian and I were together I did do it in public a couple of times. Once was with someone in a public restroom. It was fun, exciting, and he was hot."

With that said, Justin began to gather his things, leaving a surprised Ethan staring at him. Ethan couldn't believe what he had just heard. He had been deliberately cruel and Justin had surprised him a little with his answer. He was going to have to apologize but he wasn't sure how. Maybe he'd let Justin do him in the bathroom after all. Slowly he began to gather his things and together they left the plane.

Together they walked with Ethan's new friends through the airport. Ethan was nervous but stopped Justin. "I…I need to use the bathroom." He hoped that Justin got the message and followed him in.

Ethan went ahead and used the bathroom after he had waited nervously for several minutes. Afterwards, he waited awhile longer after he washed his hands but with a sigh gathered his things. He knew Justin wasn't coming in.

Stepping out of the restroom, they continued on in silence to the baggage claim where they joined the rest of their party in gathering their luggage and finding the bus that would take them to their hotel. Ethan knew he was going to have to figure another way to apologize to Justin and he knew he had to do it soon. Hopefully he would think of something by the time they got to their room.

After they reached their hotel, the rest of the party decided to get together for dinner and Ethan agreed that he and Justin would join them without asking Justin. Walking into the room, Justin immediately began to put his things away while ignoring Ethan. Ethan stood and watched him. Their first night in Berlin was turning into a nightmare. Ethan walked up behind Justin and wrapped his arms around the suddenly stiff body. "I guess you didn't get the hint at the airport."

Justin remained stiff in Ethan's arms. "I got it. You had your chance and turned it down earlier. Right before you called me a whore."

Ethan sighed, "I didn't call you a whore." Slowly he released Justin and sat down on the bed. He looked up and tried to make eye contact with Justin. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that."

Justin looked down at Ethan. "You might as well have called me a whore. You know nothing about my relationship with Brian and the way you had talked about your ex being so similar, I figured you had experimented too." Justin sighed and sat beside Ethan on the bed. "It hurt me when you said that. I know that I haven't tried as well as I should have with us but I'm here. I'm here because you and I both know that I haven't tried and that we do deserve a chance, but talking about Brian and what we did together isn't going to help. Especially when you use it to hurt me."

Ethan took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "I know and I'm sorry. I really am."

Justin looked closely at Ethan and saw that he really was sorry. "I know. Now, since you made dinner arrangements for us, we need to get ready. In case you didn't notice we only have an hour and I want a shower."

Ethan reached over and pulled Justin into his arms again. This time Justin went and hugged him back. "So, do you want some company in that shower?"

Justin smiled, "Sure, I can always use someone there to wash my back."

Ethan laughed and began to slowly remove Justin's clothes.

Later, they left their room holding hands and joined the others in the lobby. They only had four days in which to enjoy Berlin, so everyone was in a hurry to get started. Luckily for them, Berlin had a lively nightlife with several café-bars. Finally they ended up at a Turkish café in Kreuzberg, which was considered the city's art and music underground scene. There they sat and watched as every cliché in the book walked by but the most fascinating by far were the punks.

With the next day being their only day off, they all discussed the sites they wanted to see. It was finally decided on that they would all go and rent bicycles and go to Checkout Charlie Museum and then catch a train to Potsdam to check out Schloss Sanssouci. After all, who could pass up looking at a place that translated to "No Worries Castle".

A couple of members of the group had grabbed a copy of "Checkpoint" which turned out to be a German newspaper printed in English. Several members were disappointed to find that they had missed "Christopher Street Day" which was the city's big gay parade and that they were going to be leaving before the big techno "Love Parade".

Looking into a free entertainment mag titled "030", they located a nearby club and went dancing. Justin walked in and felt the thumping of the music and realized that he had missed it. Going onto the dance floor with Ethan, he felt a little awkward but after a bit, he let the music carry him. After the first couple of songs though, everyone was ready for the bar. Leaving the dance floor, they ordered their beers and proceeded to drink them. As members of their party began to drift in various directions of the club, a song came on that Justin recognized. "Come Ethan, lets dance some more."

Ethan held back, "No, I don't want to. Why don't we just stand here and finish our drinks."

Justin pulled one more time at Ethan's arm. "Come on Ethan, what's the sense in coming to a bar where they dance if you don't hit the floor?"

Ethan continued to shake his head no. Just then one of the few members of their group that was still around spoke up. "Come on Justin. I'll dance with you."

Justin smiled and setting his beer down headed for the floor. "Thanks…Paul, right?" When Paul smiled, he was glad that he had remembered his name. Together they left Ethan standing at the bar. Sometime during the next couple of dances, he thought about how much he really did miss going to Woody's and Babylon. At some point during the next song, Ethan and another man, Justin thought his name was William, joined them. Ethan, handed Justin a fresh beer and Justin feeling good, thanked him with a kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ethan had stood at the bar fuming that Justin had left him standing there while he went and danced with Paul. He hadn't even asked Ethan if it was okay. Brooding, he continued to stand there watching them when William had come to stand next to him. "He's beautiful."

Ethan had turned to look at William before looking back at Justin on the dance floor. "Yes he is. He's also funny, smart, fun to be with, and a very talented artist."

William had studied Ethan carefully. "Does he love you?"

Ethan had taken another swallow of his beer. "He left another man for me. What do you think?" He had then turned back to the bar and ordered two more beers. "Come on, let's join them."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ethan tried to keep up with Justin, but finally settled for dancing with him on occasion and keeping him supplied in beer. He figured as long as he didn't disappear on him, then he was fine.

Much later that night, a stumbling group returned to the hotel, and it was all Ethan and Justin could do to remove their shoes as they giggled and fell back on the bed. Each fell asleep almost instantly.

The next morning it was a very hung over and quiet group that met for breakfast. They almost decided to cancel the morning part of their day, but since it was their only full day, they figured they would live and continue on. Going to the nearest bike rental shop, they each got a bike and rode over to the Checkpoint Charlie Museum, which turned out to be pretty interesting. Especially the display of escape devices that many people used while the wall was still up.

That afternoon they grabbed lunch on the train to Potsdam. Once there they gawked at all the palaces, from Friedrich the Great's mid-18th century French fake to Wilhelm II mock-Tudor mansion. During the tours, Ethan had reached for Justin's hand and he gave it to him. Ethan took this as a good sign and would on occasion put his arm around him, kiss him on the cheek, or just kiss him.

Justin reminded himself that he was supposed to be trying and treated Ethan to what he expected himself out of a boyfriend. As the day progressed, Justin realized that he was actually enjoying the day.

It was a tired group that returned to the hotel at dusk. Some of the group decided they were going to go out to another club but Ethan wrapped Justin in his arms and turned down their invite. He knew that there wasn't going to be much time for him and Justin in the next four days. He wanted to keep the good feelings between Justin and him going and maybe they could finally get back to normal. Turning, they walked down the street until they found a fairly quiet café where they ate and talked.

"So, what are you going to do while I'm in rehearsals for the next couple of days? Oh, which reminds me. Do you want me to get you a ticket for the first concert or the last?" Ethan was fairly happy. Even though they hadn't made love since they left England, last night, after his apology, and today had been good.

Justin shrugged, "Whichever one you'd like me to come to is fine. You pick." After taking another bite, he continued. "I figure tomorrow I'll rent another bike and go check out Brandenburg Gate. Then there is a church I want to see as well as a couple of museums.

Ethan smiled, "Which ones?"

Justin shrugged again. "The Dahlern and the Bauhaus Archive which is also the museum of design." Looking up at Ethan, he remembered his promise to try. "There's also several museums here in Kulturforum. How about I meet you for lunch? Maybe pick up a basket and go to a nearby park and have a picnic."

Ethan's smile got bigger. "That would be great! How about one? We'll have exactly an hour." Ethan reached over and took hold of Justin's hand. "Is there anything you'd like to do tonight?"

Justin had really enjoyed going to the club but it was obvious to him that it wasn't Ethan's thing. "Why don't we just take it easy tonight, maybe go for a walk and see where we end up."

Ethan rose, still holding Justin's hand. "Sounds good to me. Then maybe a little later, we can head back to the hotel for desert."

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The next morning found them right back into the routine that had started in London. After a shared shower and breakfast, Ethan left for rehearsals and Justin was once again on his own. He had already ordered a picnic lunch from the hotel that he would pick up on his way to meet Ethan, so all that was left was to rent his bike.

The ride over to Brandenburg Gate was exhilarating and the way the sun shined off the Quadriga inspired Justin. Finding an out of the way place that still gave him a good view, Justin began to draw. First he did the arched gate. Then he began on the Quadriga at the top. He then drew just the Quadriga; the four-horse draw chariot with the winged victory goddess was just too tempting not to.

Justin checked his watch as he began to put up his supplies and saw that he still had plenty of time. The church he had heard about was all the way across town but closer to Kulturforum than he was now. He had heard it had some really beautiful works by Chagall.

Justin stopped and admired the Kaiser-Wilhelm-Gedachtnis-Kirche as he caught his breath and locked up his bike. Walking into the church he was immediately awash in blue light. Justin closed his eyes as too many memories began to assault him. With a groan he sank down into the nearest pew. Placing his head in his hands, he began to cry. He cried for the night he had lost his virginity and met the love of his life, He cried for the nights when Brian had held him during his nightmares or as they had talked of his dreams during happier times. He cried for all the playful moments and hot sex under the blue lights that filled his mind with images and his heart with pain.

As he cried, he felt something within him unwind and as the tears slowed, he knew that he would go on with his life and continue with the opportunities that were being presented to him. Then maybe one day he would run into Brian again and they would finally be able to talk. Talk to each other as equals and maybe become friends. More than that he would have to wait and see what time offered him.

Wiping the tears from his eyes and face, he took several deep breaths and felt at peace, if not happy, for the first time since the 'Rage' party. When he felt a hand on his shoulder, he looked up into the face of a kindly old man. "Sind Sie alle jetzt gleich mein Sohn?"

Justin looked at him in confusion, "I'm sorry. I don't speak German."

The old man smiled, "American, good! You will give me a chance to practice my English. I don't get to do so as much as I'd like. May I?" He asked Justin. Sitting down in the pew in front of Justin but turning around, he faced him before Justin actually replied. "I asked you a minute ago if you were alright. I didn't want to disturb you until you seemed ready." The old man said kindly. When Justin hesitated, he continued. "Let me introduce myself. I'm Father Josef."

Justin looked down at his hands and saw that they were clenched tightly to his backpack. Taking a deep breath and releasing the hold he said. "I'm okay." Father Josef looked skeptically at him. "Really Father, I'm okay, or I will be. I…It's just that when I walked in here and got washed with the blue light, I just felt like I was suddenly drowning in a lot of memories that I've been trying to bury."

Father Josef nodded his understanding. "I'm sorry that our beautiful stain glass windows brought such bad memories back to you."

"Oh no sir! That's just it. They were all good memories." Justin told him, a hint of his sunshine smile beginning to show at the priest's confusion.

"But I don't understand?" Father Josef stating his confusion. "If they were all good memories why were you crying as if your heart was breaking and why do you look so forlorn now?"

Justin sighed, "It's because those happy memories are all I have left. There won't be any more like them again."

A look of understanding came across Father Josef's face. "Oh, I understand. You've lost a love one."

Justin nodded. "Yes." He wasn't going to correct his thinking that someone he loved had died.

Father Josef studied the young man. "You're not going to do something rash are you?"

Justin let out an abrupt laugh. "Not unless you consider making the decision to move on with my life to be rash."

Father Josef laughed and Justin couldn't help but smile. "So. I know that you didn't come in here to talk to an old man. So you must be here to see our church and artwork." Justin nodded. "Good. Then let me show them to you."

The next hour was spent pleasantly discussing the church and the works by Chagall found there. When Justin's stomach growled, he looked at his watch and realized that he had to go. If he didn't rush, he was going to be late. Father Josef walked him out of the church and waved goodbye as Justin rode away.

Justin arrived back at the hotel, grabbed the packed lunch, and made it to the Berliner Philharmonie just as Ethan and his friends walked out the door. They all came down to say hi, but walked on as Ethan gave a smiling Justin a kiss. "Have a good morning?"

Justin began to walk them toward a nearby park. "Yes, I did. It was really good." With that he proceeded to tell about his morning, leaving out the crying and the talk that went with it. After they had eaten, Ethan proceeded to tell him how his day had gone so far, while Justin tried to keep his eyes open. When the hour was up, Ethan went back to his rehearsal and Justin went back to touring the city.

The next three days were much like the previous with the exception of answering emails and working on 'Rage". Justin also didn't tell Ethan about the night he went clubbing while he was giving a concert. On the night of the last concert, Justin attended and joined in the celebrating afterwards. Tomorrow, they would be on their way to Prague, where they would spend almost a full two weeks.

Prague

Ethan was ecstatic. Everything was going wonderfully. He was playing the music that he loved with a group of people who felt as he did and several were becoming his friends. And then there was Justin. Things there were going very well. Justin was trying, truly trying. Ethan had noticed that he was unusually quiet but put it off to him being tired. After all, he was out and about every day drawing, visiting museums, and other famous places.

Prague, the city of a thousand spires, what could he say. They had been here a week and still had another five days to go. In that time he had gotten to spend a little more time with Justin as they had been given the first three days off followed by half-day rehearsals.

Together or with their friends, they had explored the many nooks and crannies of Stare' Mesto, (Old Town), checked out the view from high atop the ten centuries old citadel called Vysehrad and visited the Bedr[av]ich Smetana Museum that honored the Czech composer, Bedr[av]icj Smetana. By far his favorite place had been Bertramka, the Mozart Museum. Tonight they were even going there for a chamber concert.

Ethan sighed as he heard the scratch of a pencil on paper. That was really the only problem. Justin was constantly drawing and it was driving him nuts. He knew that Justin was an artist and a good one. That was one of the things that drew him to Justin. But! That's all he ever did. Ethan went back into the bathroom to finish getting ready. "If you don't put that pencil down, we're going to be late."

Justin looked up from his drawing and toward the bathroom. Sighing, he put his pad and pencil down. Another concert. He like the music but that's all Ethan and the group ever talked about. He was finding that except for the fact they were both artists, they didn't have a lot in common. He had fun with them sometimes but not always and he had seen them roll their eyes a couple of times when he had pulled out his pad. That was when he had quit taking it along. Unfortunately that meant he had to repeat some of the tours or sketch from memory what he wanted to draw. The most fun he'd had since being in Prague was the night when they had spent the afternoon in the Letna' Beer Garden and after dinner they had all joined the musicians, street performers, and flower people on the Charles Bridge. Joining Ethan in the bathroom, he began to wash his hands. "I'm ready in case you hadn't noticed."

Ethan looked over and felt his cock stir. Walking up behind Justin, he wrapped his arms around him and kissed his neck. "You look wonderful. Maybe we should skip the concert."

Justin leaned back against Ethan. "No, you've been eager for this since you saw the advertisement."

Ethan smiled against Justin's head as he looked him in the eye through the mirror. "I tell you what. How about after the concert we go rent a boat and take a romantic ride down the Vitana."

Justin smiled back and reached with his hand for Ethan's erection through his pants. "Sounds good to me." Turning in his arms, Justin planted a heated kiss on Ethan's lips as he continued stroking him. Breaking it off, Justin laughed and walked out of the bathroom. "Think of that as a sneak peak of later tonight. For now we need to get going."

Ethan groaned. "Tease!"

Justin just laughed harder. "You started it. Now come on." Justin stood in the doorway putting on his coat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin was bored. A little classical music was fine but he missed the thumping of the dance music. The only thing that saved him from going out of his mind was his CDs.

Ethan on the other hand was totally wrapped up in it and didn't even notice when Justin tried to stifle a yawn. He did however send a scowl toward Justin when he pulled out a pencil and began to draw. Justin ignored him and continued to draw portraits of some of the people around them.

When the concert was over, Justin noticed Ethan standing around and knew that he was waiting to go talk to the musicians. He however had had enough. Walking up behind him, Justin nibbled on his ear and whispered. "Ready for that boat ride?"

Ethan immediately forgot about the musicians. "Definitely."

They quickly left and went in search of a boat rental.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A wet and angry Justin and Ethan walked into their hotel room. "If you had broken my arm you could have ruined me!"

Justin rounded on Ethan as he began to strip off his sodden clothes. "Me!! You're the one who turned over the boat in the first place. Don't you dare blame this on me!" Walking into the bathroom for a towel, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and grimaced at the swelling and colored abrasion on his cheek from where he had hit the boat when he had broken the surface.

As he began to clean it off, Ethan walked in for a towel. "It was your fault. You were moving around too much in the boat. If you'd just sat still we'd have been fine."

"No, we wouldn't have been. I'd already fucked you once in that boat. Hell, we'd even done it facing each other the way you've been wanting to do it but no, that wasn't enough for you. You had to push it and try and fuck me. I told you no but would you listen? No! I was trying to move away from you when you grabbed my arm and threw me off balance. THAT is what turned the boat over." Justin finished with his face and walked back into the bedroom where he began to check for any more damage as he dried off.

Ethan walked out of the bathroom fuming as he continued to dry off. "Don't fool yourself." He spat. "The only reason you faced me this time was because that was the most stable and comfortable position that that little rowboat allowed! It wasn't because you finally felt you could face me or because I wanted it that way! As for me fucking you, why shouldn't I! We're in a relationship! A partnership! We're supposed to be equals but no, in the bedroom, you have all the say. Forget what I want."

Justin began to put on dry clothes. "I didn't hear you complaining. What I heard was how much you loved it, what you wanted me to do to you, and my name as you came."

"Well, at least it was your name and not someone else's! You've gotten good. You don't call out anyone's name, but at night when you're sleeping it certainly isn't my name you call out to. It's that fucking Brian Kinney's!" Ethan watched as Justin walked to the door. "Where the hell are you going?! We're not finished yet."

Justin turned in the doorway to look at Ethan. "I'm going out before I really say something we'll both regret. Don't wait up." Slamming the door behind him, he was gone.

Ethan stood there looking at the door in shock. How had things gotten so terribly bad so quickly? Dressing, he left the room and walked to the nearest café. Sitting out front he brooded until a voice made him look up. "Want to talk about it?"

Ethan looked up at William. Studying his face he saw nothing there but caring and pointed at the chair across from him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin walked into the club and sighed as the music washed over him and he began to relax. Going to the bar, he ordered a drink which he sipped as he looked over the place. Scanning the room, he noticed a nice looking brunette looking his way. Sending him a slight smile he watched as he began to move toward him. When he reached Justin, Justin smiled at him, grabbed his belt and pulled him onto the dance floor. Letting the beat guide him, he began to move with the brunette. Before long, they were kissing and grinding for all they were worth. Looking over the brunette's shoulder he saw a darkened area where men were coming and going. Pulling his dance partner close, he licked up the side of his neck to his ear. "Do you speak English?"

The brunette nodded. "Good, Let's go." Justin kissed him deeply before turning, grabbing hold of his belt and leading him to the clubs version of the backroom. There he let the guy blow him and then they were back on the floor.

After several hours, many drinks, and a few more releases, Justin stumbles back to the hotel. As much as he'd have liked to have fallen into bed, he knew that he stank and was in need of a shower. Once in the room, he saw that Ethan was asleep so at least he had that reprieve. Taking a quick shower, Justin crawled into bed.

The next morning Justin awoke to the sun shining in his face and alone. Ethan had already left for the day, which was fine with him. Getting up he took another shower and got dressed. Leaving the hotel, Justin found a bakery and grabbed a Danish. Going back to his room, he opened his computer hoping to have an email from Bruce waiting for him. To his disappointment there wasn't, only the regular ones from his friends in Pittsburgh. After answering those he opened a blank email and shot off a letter to Bruce asking if he had heard anything or how it was going. The sooner he got an answer about Edinburgh, the sooner he would know whether he was going home or to Scotland. One thing was for sure. He had tried with Ethan and it wasn't working. He was lonelier then ever and he was bored with the group he was dealing with.

Closing down his computer, Justin set out to visit some of the places he wanted to see. One of the first things he did was catch a tram to Terezin, which used to be a concentration camp that held children. There he saw sketches drawn by the children that were held there. After that he went to Orlik Castle where he walked through the gardens, checked out the castle and took a jump into the 4-D with their variation of the bungee jump. The last thing he did before going back to the hotel was to visit the Satov Wine Cellar where there were paintings of the fairy tale 'Snow White" on all the walls.

Once back at the hotel, he found that Ethan had already been and gone. Taking a long relaxing shower, Justin took his time drying off and dressing. Leaving the hotel he stopped for some dinner and then hit the clubs again. Walking in, he went straight to the bar and ordered a drink. As he was paying for it, he felt a body lean into his and a kiss land on his ear. Turning, he found the brunette that he had spent time with last night grinning at him. "I had hoped that you would come back tonight."

Justin didn't smile back at him. "Yes but I almost didn't. Look, I'm not looking for a date. Last night was last night and as enjoyable as it was, I'm not looking for a repeat. I already have a boyfriend and we'll be leaving here in a couple of days." With that, Justin turned back to the bar, totally ignoring the brunette who continued to stand there for a couple of minutes before moving off. After he had been gone for several minutes, Justin turned back to look over the dance floor and saw the brunette with someone else already in a heavy lip lock. Finishing his drink he looked around until he saw someone of interest. This time it was a slender redhead. The rest of the night went much like the previous and once again he stumbled into bed to find Ethan already asleep.

The rest of the stay in Prague went much the same and it wasn't until they were leaving to go to St. Petersburg that Justin and Ethan saw each other awake, much less have a conversation. As they boarded their plane, Justin took his usual seat by the window, when Ethan sat down beside him. "So, are you going to keep ignoring me or are we going to try and work this out?"

Justin looked at Ethan. "That's all this has been about hasn't it? About trying and working this out and it's not working Ethan and you know it. We do alright for awhile but then something else happens and we're right back to where we started." Turning away from Ethan he went back to looking out the window.

Ethan looked momentarily panicked then gathered himself before anyone would notice. "We've been doing so well lately Justin. Just give it a bit more time. You promised."

Justin turned back to look at Ethan, anger rising in his eyes. "And I have been trying and don't you dare tell me that I haven't. If you think that I haven't tried then this isn't going to work so you might as well send me home."

Ethan sighed and reached for Justin's hand. "Justin, I know you've been trying and I love you for it. I'm just saying don't give up on us. Things have gotten good and can only get better."

Justin closed his eyes and forced the anger down. "I know and I'm still here aren't I. I just don't know Ethan. I just don't know."

Ethan knew that he was closer to loosing Justin at this moment than ever before. "I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me. I guess I just got carried away and then afterwards I overreacted." Ethan raised Justin's hand to his lips and kissed it. "I've missed you the past few days. Once we get to St. Petersburg I'll even show you how much I've missed you."

Justin continued looking at Ethan, then finally squeezed his hand with a sigh. Leaning back he closed his eyes and prepared to take a nap, his hand still encased in Ethan's.

St. Petersburg

Ethan and Justin walked into their hotel room to deposit their bags. As in Prague, they were meeting the others to explore the city and go out to dinner. They were staying in St. Petersburg for eight days with the first 3 days off before half rehearsals started up again and then the concerts. Justin actually found himself enjoying himself again as everyone was too excited about being in St. Petersburg and what they wanted to see instead of music and what they were going to play.

What they found after dinner however were more billiard places than they had ever seen. Going into one, they began to drink and play pool. Afterwards, Ethan and Justin returned to their room. Justin yawned as he crawled into the bed and automatically rolled onto his side, away from Ethan.

Ethan crawled into bed and laid there looking at Justin's back. Finally, he snuggled up against him and began to place soft kisses across his back as he ran his hands over the rest of his body. "I've missed you."

Ethan pushed Justin to roll him over but this time on his back so Justin didn't fight him. Ethan continued to kiss his way down Justin's body before finally taking him into his mouth. Justin continued to lie there as Ethan gave him a blowjob and let the pleasure wash everything else away for the time being. When Ethan let go and moved back up his body, Justin couldn't help the groan that escaped him. Before he could tell Ethan to finish it, he had his lips claimed in a kiss.

Breaking off the kiss, Ethan rubbed his hard on against Justin's and whispered. "Fuck me. I want to feel you inside me now."

Justin looked Ethan in the eyes and without looking away, handed him a condom. "Put it on me."

Ethan smiled and quickly did as Justin said, using his long delicate fingers to tease as he did so. Justin arched into his hands, letting Ethan know that he liked what he was doing.

Justin grabbed Ethan's hands and stopped him. Pushing him over, Justin quickly prepared Ethan and capturing his hands held him captive while he pushed all the way in. Ethan was elated. His pleasure doubled by the fact that Justin was making love to him, facing him. Within minutes it was over as they both cried out their releases. Ethan cried out Justin's name while Justin cried out for no one.

Pulling out of Ethan, Justin removed and threw away the condom as he grabbed a warm washcloth and began to clean himself up. When he was done, he tossed the cloth to Ethan, crawled back into bed, rolled onto his side, and went right to sleep. All without a word to Ethan.

Ethan didn't care. After he cleaned off, he just snuggled up to Justin's back and as he went to sleep with a smile on his face, he thought about Justin. He was coming around, he was finally getting over Brian.

The next morning they met everyone for breakfast and then started their tour for the day. Today they were all going to Petrodvorets, the Versailles of Peter the Great. When they got there they all stood in awe at the 'Grand Cascade and Water Avenue with it's symphony of fountains and canals. While there they went through the Grand Palace and Monplaisir, Peter's original villa. From there they visited the Hermitage. That night was almost a repeat of the night before with everyone going to dinner and playing pool afterwards. However, when Ethan and Justin got back to the room, Justin went to his computer and began to answer his emails and work on some drawings. Ethan crawled into bed and sat and studied him for a while. "Come to bed Justin. It's been a long day."

Justin's eyes never left the screen of his computer. "I can't. I need to get these drawings done for Michael. I'll come to bed in a bit."

Ethan got out of bed, came up behind Justin, and began to massage Justin's shoulders. "Come on Justin, you can do that in a couple of days when I'm doing rehearsals."

"I can't." Justin said shrugging out from under Ethan's hands. "We've got the story all worked out and they're just waiting on the final draws before sending the comic to the printers."

Ethan flopped down on the bed disappointed. "Look Ethan," Justin said, finally looking up at him. "I really shouldn't have gone out with you today and definitely not tonight because of this but I did. Now it means that I'm probably going to be up all night doing this and I won't be able to get any sleep tomorrow because of all the plans we've made. So please don't give me a hard time about this. The sooner I get started the sooner I finish and maybe get a couple of hours sleep before we start this all over again."

Ethan nodded as Justin went back to work. Thinking about what Justin had said actually made him happy and he couldn't help but smile as he crawled under the covers and went to sleep.

Justin continued to work through the night and it wasn't until the sun was just peeking through the curtains that he finished with the last of the drawings for 'Rage'. Looking at the time, he tried to decide if it was going to be worth crawling in for a little bit of sleep or not. Deciding that if he did that, he wouldn't be worth anything all day, he went and grabbed a shower, got dressed, and went downstairs to the hotel restaurant to wait for the others.

Ethan woke up and found the room empty. Going into the bathroom he found one of the towels still damp and knew that Justin hadn't been gone long. Taking a quick shower and getting dressed he headed downstairs to see if he could find him. Walking into the restaurant, Ethan was pleased to find Justin sitting with the a couple of the members of their group and joined them. Ethan noticed how tired Justin looked and so he didn't mind when he didn't participate in too much of the conversation. Once everyone had joined them and eaten, they began their day of playing tourist.

Today's tours were the Peter and Paul Fortress and the Winter Palace with its State Hermitage Museum. At the fortress, everyone was surprised to find a log cabin that Peter the Great had lived in and designed himself. One of the buildings at the fortress was a cathedral which everyone expected to be boring, considering how plain it was. However, everyone was surprised to find that on the inside it was magnificent. Inside they found the graves of most of the Russian Romanov rulers buried there. Outside everyone took a turn at rubbing the right forefinger of the statue of Peter the Great when they were told it would bring them good luck.

After a break for lunch, they then headed for the Palace Square. Everyone couldn't get over the size of the complex and knew there was no way they could see it all in a day. Looking at the map they had been given upon entering, it was decided that the actual Winter Palace was a must with its grand chandeliers, over-the-top interior encrustations and tsarist jewels and treasures.

Towards the end of the day, they did make it through the Little Hermitage but didn't make it through the Large Hermitage and the hermitage Theatre. At dinner that night they tried to decide if the wanted to go back to try and finish it or do something else. Justin didn't care and after eating declined to go out with the others while urging Ethan not to waste one of the few remaining free evenings he had. In the end, Ethan went out and Justin crashed in their room.

Justin didn't even stir when Ethan came in and stood looking at him before going quietly into the bathroom. Taking a quick shower, he crawled as quietly as he could into bed and wrapped an arm around Justin. When he didn't awake, Ethan let out the breath he was holding in relief.

Ethan laid there for several minutes trying to go to sleep but he couldn't. He was feeling guilty. He didn't know why, but he had slept with William again. He could justify the first three times because he and Justin had been fighting, and William had been there for him when he had needed comfort ,but tonight was different. He and Justin weren't fighting. They had made up and were back on track so he couldn't understand why he had cheated. One of the problems he knew was that even though he loved Justin, he liked William. He was a good friend. He listened to him when he needed to talk about Justin and didn't judge either of them. He decided that he wasn't going to think about it anymore and take the chance on ruining anything. William knew he was with Justin and that he loved him. He would just continue to be friends and make sure that it didn't happen again.

The next morning things seemed back to normal even though Justin still was quieter than usual and they began their last day together as they had all the others. Today's tour was to be the Vasilevsky Island. Once there, they were a little bored with the Central Naval Museum, but the Museum of Anthropology and Ethnography or the Kunstkammer, as the Russians call it, had everyone either grossed out or totally enthralled with it's creepy collection of genetic freaks. The other item that impressed everyone was at the Geological Museum.  It had a map of the Soviet Union that is 85 sq. ft. and made entirely of precious gems including amethysts, diamonds, and rubies. Upon leaving the island it was decided that a picnic at the Summer Gardens was the ticket before going back to the Winter Palace.

That night was much like any of the other nights in which the group hung out together. Ethan was happy that Billiards was such a popular game in Russia, because that way he was able to keep Justin out of the clubs that he knew he frequented when he was doing concerts.

Justin watched everyone play pool and sketched on a few napkins. He was itching to pull out his sketchpad but didn't want to listen to everyone else harass him about it. Instead he started doing character sketches of everyone so that when they came over he could give it to them and they would leave him alone.

All Ethan noticed was that Justin was getting along with everyone, which made him happy. What he didn't notice was that Justin really wasn't participating or that the others weren't trying to involve him but were really only tolerating his presence because of him.

After awhile, Justin looked up, downed the rest of his drink and went over to Ethan. "Hey, look, I'm still really tired. I'm going to go on back to the hotel and go to sleep. You're having a good time so stay and I'll see you when you get in."

Ethan noticed how tired Justin looked and agreed. "Ok, I'll see you in a little bit. You go on and get some sleep. You look like you could use it." Leaning over he gave Justin a kiss and a hug, which Justin returned before heading back to the hotel.

Justin walked out the door and took in a deep breath and released it along with what he hoped was some of the tension he had been feeling all day. The more time he spent with Ethan, the more he knew that it just wasn't going to work. If Bruce would only contact him with news, he would know how to handle what he knew he had to do. Justin was so deep in thought that he wasn't paying attention to where he was going. As soon as he bumped into the body, he looked up and almost lost his balance. When two hands grabbed him to keep him from falling he couldn't help but stare. "Bbl Bce npaBo?"

Justin shook and straightened himself. "I…I'm sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going."

The man didn't release Justin from his grip. "That is all right. Are you all right?"

Justin continued to stare at the man. He couldn't get over how his heart was pounding and it had nothing to do with the accident. It had to do with the man. "Y…Yes," Justin swallowed and smiled sheepishly. He knew he was being rude which in turned made him blush. "Yes, I'm fine. Are you okay? I bumped into you kind of hard."

The man took in Justin's blush but it was his smile that had him mesmerized. "Yes, I am fine." The man realized he was still holding onto the young blond. Reluctantly, he released him and held out his hand. "I am Vassili Grinkov and let me welcome you to St. Petersburg."

Justin took the hand that was offered, glad that he wasn't being left just yet. "I'm Justin Taylor and thank you. The city is beautiful."

Vassili thought fast as he wasn't ready to leave the young man yet. "Yes, it is. I know that we are strangers but would you like to go get a drink or a coffee?"

Justin's smile got bigger. He couldn't help it. "Yes, a coffee would be great." He wasn't about to say a drink for fear that Vassili would suggest the billiards parlor he had just left.

Vassili smiled in return. "Good, I know a very nice little coffee shop a couple of blocks from here." He said, pointing in the direction of the shop.

Justin knew of the shop as the group had passed it a couple of times as they roamed the city. Together they turned and began the walk in silence. As they walked, they each took the time to study the other.

Vassili saw what most Europeans considered the All-American boy. Clean cut, blond hair, blue eyes, lite build but it was his smile that was amazing. It lit up his face and made his eyes sparkle. He wondered just how old he was but figured he had to be the age of consent if he was here alone in Russia. He just hoped that the hard-on he was experiencing wasn't showing.

Justin meanwhile was studying Vassili as well. He saw a man maybe a couple of years older then him with smooth, shoulder length, rich brown hair. He just knew that if he touched it, that it would feel like sable. He was tall, taller then Ethan but not as tall as Brian, though he had a very similar build to Brian. His eyes were a rich brown but seemed to have flakes of amber or gold in them. Just the sight of him made his heart beat wildly and his cock hard. He couldn't believe how he was feeling. He hadn't felt like this since the first night he had met Brian. At least he wasn't as naive as he was back then to think he was in love. He would readily admit though that he was in lust.

Arriving at the coffee house they went inside and sat in a booth, neither one sure of what to say. After placing their orders, Vassili asked. "Excuse my impertinence but how old are you? You seem so young to be out alone."

Justin grimaced, "I'm 19. How old are you?" Justin didn't want to tell him he wasn't alone, at least not yet.

Vassili smiled, "I am 24. So what do you think of my city?"

Justin returned his smile and looked up as the waitress brought them their coffee. Taking a careful sip of the hot drink, he began to tell about the places he had been to and what he thought of them.

Vassili felt that Justin was keeping something out. When Justin reached the end of his commentary, Vassili spoke. "You don't sound as if you enjoyed yourself. Like you didn't want to go to some of those places, or you maybe you were disappointed in them. Why is that?"

Justin thought about what he was going to say and decided the truth was the only way to go. Taking a deep breath, he filled Vassili in about himself.

"I'm here with my boyfriend. He's part of a touring symphony group." Vassili nodded his understanding but didn't let on his disappointment. "The thing is, I'm really only here because I owed it to him to try and make our relationship work."

Vassili noticed the sadness at Justin's words. "And I take it that it isn't working."

Justin looked up and was surprised to see not judgment, not pity, but compassion. "No, it's not. You see, I was in a relationship with someone else when I met him. Brian, that's the man I was in the relationship with, doesn't believe in romance, or anything that is connected to it. At the time, I needed it, I wanted to know that someone loved me and could tell me all the things I needed to hear. Ethan gave me those things. I loved Brian but liked Ethan. Brian made me choose and I chose Ethan. Unfortunately, I still love Brian and I'm finding that while all of the things I wanted and that Ethan has given me are okay, but you can't help who you love or why you love them. I've really tried with Ethan, but geez! If I have to listen to one more conversation about some bit of classical music or musician, I think I'll go nuts! I mean, I'm an artist but art is not the only thing I talk about. I know there are other things in the world besides drawing and I like exploring that and doing other things. That doesn't mean though that I don't love my art or that I don't take a sketch pad with me wherever I go."

Justin began to blush. He couldn't believe everything he had just said to Vassili, but also realized that he had spoken the truth. "I'm sorry. I can't believe I told you all that."

Vassili smiled and reached out, taking Justin's hand in his. "It is all right. I understand. It was something that you needed to say, to hear out loud, to…how do you American's say it? To get off your chest?"

Justin laughed and squeezed Vassili's hand. "Yes, that is what we say. So now that I've told you a little bit about me, how about you tell me a little bit about you."

Vassili laughed, pleased that he had made Justin do so. "Well, lets see. I am a restorationist. I am helping to restore St. Petersburg to its former glory. I am single, and since we are being honest, I find you very attractive."

Justin blushed and started to say something but Vassili stopped him. "I am not looking for a boyfriend and I believe that you have enough of those already." Vassili smiled hoping that Justin would see that he was teasing him. Justin smiled, so Vassili moved on. "However, since you are going to be alone while your friend Ethan?" At Justin's nod, he went on. "Since Ethan will be occupied and you will be alone, allow me to be your friend and show you around my city. If we have sex, it will be strictly because it is what we both want with no strings attached and when you leave, we will both have wonderful memories of these few days that have been given us."

Justin didn't know what to do. He wanted to accept Vassili's offer so badly but what of Ethan. Justin sat there and watched as Vassili rubbed his thumb over his hand and the sensations that it was causing. He knew that he and Ethan were through, he just needed to find a way to tell him. Looking back up at Vassili, he leaned across the table and planted a light kiss on Vassili's lips. "I accept. Now what?"

Vassili was ecstatic. Smiling, he used his free hand to wrap it around the back of Justin's neck to pull him back to his lips. "We do this, then finish our coffee. Once we leave here, we'll decide where to go at that time." With that he pulled Justin into a deep, passionate kiss that left Justin's toes curling in his shoes and his cock, aching terribly.

Breaking off the kiss, Justin looked deeply into the passion filled gaze of Vassili. "Forget the coffee, do you live nearby? My hotel is just a couple of blocks away but I don't know when Ethan might show."

Vassili stood and laid some bills on the table, never releasing Justin's hand. "Yes, just a few streets over. I live with my sister and her husband, but they both work the night shift, so we'll have the place to ourselves."

Together they moved quickly out the door and Justin allowed himself to be led the few blocks to a set of apartment buildings. Panting almost as much from the rush to get to Vassili's as from the need that each was feeling for the other, they began to climb the stairs. At the first landing, Vassili groaned and pushed Justin up against the wall as he claimed another passionate kiss from Justin as he rubbed himself against him.

Justin pushed slightly at Vassili and began to gulp in air as he looked up the stairwell. "How many flights?"

Vassili followed his gaze. "Four more. I'm on the fifth floor." Pushing away from Justin he kept his hand in his and started up the next flight.

On the next landing, it was Justin who pushed Vassili up against the wall. While kissing eagerly, Justin pulled out Vassili's shirt and ran his hands over the chest below, pausing to pay a little extra attention to his nipples. Removing his hands reluctantly, he looked to see how far it was to the next landing. Grabbing Vassili's hand, he rushed up the next flight of stairs and bypassed the next landing, laughing when Vassili tried to stop on the landing for some more kissing and petting.

Vassili overtook Justin on the second flight of stairs and when they reached the last landing before his floor, pushed Justin up against the wall, pulled out his shirt, and opened the fly of his pants and he knelt on the floor. When Justin felt the kisses being placed on his stomach, he finally gave into his need to feel Vassili's hair. It was indeed as soft as he thought it might be and he couldn't wait to rub his face into it.

Vassili inhaled Justin's smell and thought he would explode if he didn't get a taste of Justin soon. Getting a grip on what little control he had left, Vassili stood, grabbed Justin's hand for the last time and rushed up the stairs, taking out his keys as they flew and almost knocked the door down when they arrived. As Vassili unlocked his door, Justin wrapped his arms around him from behind and slid one of his hands down to wrap around his throbbing cock.

As Justin felt Vassili's cock pulsate in his hand, he felt the need to feel it inside him and the thought of it almost made him cum. He didn't try to analyze his feelings, he decided he was just going to go with his needs and his need right now was to be fucked by this gorgeous man.

Vassili shoved his door open and quickly pulled Justin in, slamming it shut behind him. Turning to face Justin, he stopped to admire him for a second before they rushed at each other, each trying but not getting close enough to each other. As Vassili moved them slowly toward his bedroom, clothes flew everywhere. As they crawled up onto the bed, their lips parted and they studied each other's face as they tried to catch their breaths.

Justin couldn't believe how he was feeling. He hadn't felt this alive since before he and Brian had had problems. Gazing deeply into the almost liquid gold eyes he said, "I want you to fuck me. I need you too, now."

Vassili felt that he was drowning in the intense blue gaze; he had had lovers but never one that made his heart jump like Justin did when he spoke. Without saying a word, he reached over to his nightstand and opened the drawer, pulling out a condom and lube. Turning back to Justin, he asked. "Are you sure?"

Justin nodded and laid down on the bed, his gaze never wavering. Vassili quickly put on the condom and moved to lie between his legs. As he ran his hands and lips down Justin's body, he marveled and the texture of his skin. When he reached Justin's cock, he inhaled his scent as he licked the top of the head, tasting the pre-cum that gathered there. Justin groaned and thrust up into Vassili's mouth.

Vassili took him into his mouth and enjoyed listening to the moans that he was causing, especially with his tongue. Increasing his suction, he drew back one last time before letting go. Reaching for the lube, he began to prepare Justin, as he didn't know how much longer he was going to be able to last. Just as he went to raise Justin's legs over his shoulders, Justin stopped him.

"Vassili, take it slow okay? It's been awhile." Justin said softly. When Vassili looked confused, Justin explained. "I usually top but tonight I don't want to. Tonight I want to feel you inside me. I need you inside me."

Vassili nodded and began to slowly enter Justin, his eyes never leaving Justin's until he was all the way in. Bending down he captured Justin's lips and he began to move within him. For a few minutes both men were content with the slow steady pace but it wasn't long before the pace began to speed up. Justin threw back his head and cried out his release. As Vassili felt Justin's walls tighten around him and his cum shoot between their bodies, he cried out his own release and collapsed on top of Justin.

Both men laid there trying to get their breathing back under control. Vassili rolled off of Justin and smiled. Justin looked over and couldn't keep the huge grin from his face. As they looked at each other the grins turned into laughter and the laughter filled the room as Vassili got up to dispose of the condom. Pulling Justin up off the bed together they walked into the bathroom where Vassili turned on the shower. Climbing in together, they washed each other, each of them relishing the feel and touch of the other.

Before they got out of the shower both men were hard and aching for release again. As the water continued to beat down upon them, they each took turns bringing each other off. As they dried off, Vassili asked. "Justin, would you like to spend the day with me tomorrow? I could show you more of St. Petersburg and maybe even places that you would not know to see."

Justin, without a guilty thought about Ethan, smiled at Vassili, "I would like that. I have to eat breakfast with Ethan but I could meet you afterwards."

Vassili had momentarily forgotten about Ethan but refused to let it bother him. "How about I meet you at the coffee shop around nine."

Justin nodded as he went around the apartment and gathered up his clothes. "That sounds good. I hope you don't mind if I bring my sketchpad. The only time I get to draw without any grief is usually when I go out on my own."

"I don't mind at all if you don't mind if I bring mine." Vassili smiled back and watched as Justin began to get dressed. "I wish that you didn't have to go, but I do understand and will look eagerly forward to tomorrow." Vassili slipped on his jeans and grabbed his shirt. "Now, I will walk with you to the end of the block before the hotel."

Justin watched as Vassili joined him at the door and hand in hand they made their way to Justin's hotel. With a final kiss goodnight, Justin walked inside and up to his room.

When he got into his room, he found Ethan waiting up for him. "Where have you been? I thought you were coming back to go to bed."

Justin paused then began to undress. "I was but once I got outside and started walking back to the hotel, I just didn't stop. I decided to go for a walk." Justin climbed into bed and rolled onto his side, refusing to deal with Ethan any more tonight. Feeling the bed dip as Ethan crawled in beside him, he tried not to move away from him when he wrapped an arm around him.

Ethan snuggled up to Justin and kissed his shoulder. "I'm sorry, I was just kind of worried when I walked in expecting to find you asleep and instead I find the room empty. I didn't mean anything else by it."

Justin sighed, "I know Ethan and I'm sorry. So can we just go to sleep now? My walk took the last of my energy and I'm about ready to fade." He said the last part though a yawn.

Ethan kissed the back of Justin's neck again. "Sure. Pleasant dreams and I'll see you in the morning."

Justin couldn't keep the smile off his face as he thought of Vassili. "I will and you too. Goodnight." Within seconds Justin was asleep and Ethan was left awake. Thinking about William and the fun they had had together tonight made him smile and with that he finally drifted off to sleep as well.

The next morning found them both up, showered, and eagerly eating breakfast. "So what are you going to do today?" Ethan asked.

Justin shrugged. "The usual. Answer some emails, see what's going on with Rage, go check out some more of the city."

Ethan studied Justin closely. Something had changed Justin seemed different. Justin looked up and saw Ethan looking at him. Smiling, he asked. "What?"

"Nothing," Ethan said smiling back. "I just like looking at you. You look exceptionally good this morning. That walk you took last night must have done you good. You fell asleep almost instantly."

Justin blushed slightly and Ethan took it to be because of his compliment. "Thanks, it did do me good."

Ethan reached across the table and took Justin's hand. "You look like you did when we first started. The Justin I fell in love with. It's good to have you back."

Justin was beginning to feel uncomfortable but squeezed Ethan's hand. "You better hurry up or you'll be late."

Ethan looked at his watch and realized that Justin was right. "I'll see you later tonight. Have fun."

Justin rose with Ethan and gave him a goodbye hug and kiss. "I will."

As Ethan walked away, Justin saw that he had about thirty minutes before he was to meet Vassili. Just the thought of seeing him again made his stomach flutter. He decided to go back up to the room.

Switching on his computer, he began to sketch a picture of how he remembered Vassili as he waited for it to boot up. Pulling up his email, he was happy to find an email from Bruce and surprised to find one from the College of Edinburgh. There were the usual emails from friends and family and even one from Michael. He decided to answer these first.

The word from home was more of what it had been all summer; what everyone was doing, who everyone was doing and what was going on around town. The one from Michael told him how much the editors liked the new edition and that it was at the printers. As soon as it was released, he would make sure that he got a copy. He also sent some more ideas for the next issue.

After replying to all and saving Michael's for future reference, he sat there and stared at the two remaining emails. He really wanted to read Bruce's first but knew he needed to read the one from the college first. Nervously he clicked on it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mr. Taylor,

It is our honor to offer you a full three-year scholarship to our college here at Edinburgh. Classes will begin in six weeks so we suggest that you get here within the next two weeks to take care of any remaining paperwork, registration, boarding, and getting to know the area. Please respond to let us know if you are accepting our offer. That way we will be able to reserve your position.

Sincerely

Dean of Admissions

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin sat there in shock, rereading it twice more before letting himself believe it. Letting out a cheer, he jumped up out of his chair into the air. After he had calmed down, he went back to the computer and saved the letter. He would wait to answer it after he had had a chance to read Bruce's letter. Clicking on it he read…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Justin,

Congratulations! I knew that you would get accepted. I know that being a new student anywhere is nerve racking especially when you're also in a strange country. My wife and I would like to offer you a room with us until you get all settled and get a place of your own. Please say yes and if so, let us know when you will be coming in.

Bruce

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin sat back with a grin and immediately sent back positive replies to both offers. He didn't know his exact departure date, as he was going to have to finally tell Ethan it was over, but as soon as he had his date he would let them know. Hitting send, he looked at his watch and realized that he was going to be late. Closing down his computer and grabbing his backpack, he rushed out the door and to the coffee shop.

Vassili looked at his watch again and worried that Justin wasn't going to show. Just then he heard a shout. "Vassili!" Justin came to a stop out of breath but a huge grin on his face. "I'm sorry I'm late. I was checking on my email and I got a couple of important letters that I had to open and respond back to."

Vassili smiled back. "That's okay, why don't we grab a table so I can get a cup of coffee and you can catch your breath, and if you want to tell me about them you can."

Justin couldn't keep the grin from his face and as Vassili sat sipping his coffee, Justin told him all about Bruce and Edinburgh. "I'm impressed." Vassili said as the rose to begin their day. "Edinburgh is a prestigious school. So what are you going to do."

Justin sobered as he thought about Ethan. "I was really only waiting to find out if I got in before I ended it with him. It's just not going to work and I should have stayed in England like I had planned. It would have saved both of us a lot of grief. I guess tonight when he gets back to the hotel I'll tell him that I'm leaving."

Vassili nodded his head in understanding. He now knew that his time with Justin had just gotten briefer. "Well, if he kicks you out, you can always come stay with me."

Justin hugged Vassili. "Thanks, I just may take you up on it. Now, let's not think about Ethan. Let's just enjoy this wonderful day."

One of their first stops for the day was the Leningrad Radio-Tele Broadcasting Centre's antenna. Going up the 660ft. of the 1020ft. allowed to visitors, they enjoyed the excellent view that the observation deck offered and laughed when it began to sway in the wind. Their next stop was the Russian Museum where they spent the rest of the day, leaving only long enough to have a picnic in the summer gardens. As they walked back toward Justin's hotel, they discussed their plans for the next day. As they walked wrapped in each other's arms they didn't notice how close to the hotel they were until they were stopped by a body standing in front of them, blocking their way.

Looking up Justin gasped, "Ethan!" This was not the way he wanted to end it with him but now he knew it was going to be ugly.

Ethan was furious. No wonder Justin had seemed different this morning. He was cheating on him with another man and by the way they were wrapped around each other, he knew that the other man wasn't just a one-night stand, a trick. Flushed red with embarrassment, he turned without a word and went into the hotel.

Justin looked at Vassili who nodded and gave him a little kiss. "I'll see you in the morning."

Justin turned and rushed after Ethan not noticing that they had had an audience. Ethan hadn't been alone either. William stood there looking from Justin and Vassili to the door that Ethan had disappeared in. He knew that he couldn't go after Ethan since Justin had just followed him in. With a sigh, he went in to go to his own room. Ethan would come to him when he was ready. Maybe now they would have a chance. He liked Justin but felt that he didn't belong with Ethan.

Justin walked into the room to find a very angry Ethan. "Why?! I can't believe you! I mean first you cheat on Kinney with me, and then you cheat on me with that …man!"

Justin shut the door and stood there. "Ethan, that man has nothing to do with this. We haven't been working since London. Lord knows I've tried but we just aren't working and I don't know if we'd have ever worked."

Ethan glowered at Justin. "Tried? You think you've tried? You haven't tried since the day you left Brian. You've just been using me for this trip to Europe."

Justin knew that Ethan had a right to get mad but he was beginning to get mad as well. "What do you mean I haven't tried? I'm here aren't I? I was all set to call it quits in London but no! You insisted that I come with you, that I give us an honest shot and you know what? I did! I was the perfect little boyfriend. I was there for your concerts, I sat for hours with your friends listening to conversations that I had no hope of joining in much less wanted to. And you! You treated me like I was your property, your trophy. So don't you dare say that I didn't give us a fair try."

Ethan scoffed. "Trophy? Yeah, you're a trophy all right. You've done nothing but mope, ignore my friends and me and sleep around on me. Don't think that I don't know that while we were in Germany that you weren't being a little whore." Ethan walked right up to Justin and spat this last part right in his face.

Justin shoved Ethan away from him and moved farther into the room. "Me?! What about you? You don't think that I couldn't tell when you were sleeping with someone either? At least mine were tricks. How many times have you slept with William?"

Ethan's opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out. How had he found out about William? "William is a friend."

"A friend you slept with long before I ever cheated on you. Was the first time in London? I think it was. Right about the time you started in on me about Brian." Justin said as he grabbed his bag and began to pack it. "I was going to tell you tonight before you saw me with Vassili that it was over. That it just wasn't working and it has nothing to do with Brian, Vassili, William or the tricks. It has to do with us, with me. Yes, I left Brian, I chose you but I didn't choose you for the right reasons. You told me all the things I wanted to hear, what I needed to hear but the thing is, I wanted to hear them from Brian. I thought if I left with you that maybe he would come around and tell me what I wanted to hear, but he didn't and I didn't know what to do. So I moved in with you thinking that maybe you'd be able to help me get over him but you didn't. You became this wounded party, the one who had been wronged in the whole thing and I don't know, maybe you were but I don't think so because you knew about Brian going in."

Ethan watched Justin pack and knew that this was the end. There was nothing he could say to make Justin stay. He knew now what it was about Justin that had been so different this morning. He had found himself again. "Where are you going? You going to go live with your Russian lover?"

Justin stopped packing and faced Ethan again, taking a deep breath he said, "No, I'm going to Edinburgh. While we were in London, one of the professors saw my work and told me I should see about applying. So I did and was accepted with a full scholarship. All I need is my ticket home. You can cash in the rest of them since I won't be needing them."

"And what if I won't give you your flight home?" Ethan said, trying to come up with another way to keep Justin from leaving.

Justin sighed, already tired of Ethan's manipulations. "You told me that if I tried and it didn't work by the time we were half way through the tour, that you would send me home. Well, we're half way through the tour and I did try. If you don't, then I will contact my mom and she will send me the money or even buy me a ticket to get me away from you."

Suddenly all the fight went out of Ethan, he knew he was beat and there wasn't anything more he could do. If he thought about it, he wasn't sure he really wanted to anymore. Walking over to his suitcase and pulled out Justin's return ticket. "Here, I don't know how long it will take for you to convert it to a flight out of St. Petersburg. I…will you stay the night?"

Justin took the ticket from Ethan's hand. "I don't think I had better, unless you want to go stay with William."

Ethan placed a hand on Justin's face, "I don't want to stay with William. If you're going to be leaving me in the next day or two, I want to stay with you."

Justin placed his hand onto Ethan's and then moved away. "What good would that do either of us Ethan, none whatsoever. If you won't go to William, then I guess I'll go." Justin grabbed up his luggage and walked toward the door.

Ethan stopped him before he could go out the door. "You know we could have been good together."

Justin studied Ethan's face before bending and placing a light kiss on his lips. "Maybe if things had been different, if I had met you at another time, who knows. Goodbye Ethan, I hope that the tour continues to go well for you and that you will find someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved and that you can love back in return."

Justin walked out of the hotel and looked around. Taking a deep breath he felt happy. Turning to walk to Vassili's he stopped when he found him sitting on a bench nearby. Rising he walked toward Justin and took some of his bags. "I had a feeling that I would be having company tonight."

Vassili didn't want to know what hadshappened and didn't care. He was just happy to have more time with Justin before he left. Once they got back to the apartment Vassili showed him just how happy he was to have him there even if it was only for a day or two at the most.

The next two days were filled with laughter, wild passion, relaxation and adventure. It was a subdued couple that made their way to the airport the morning of Justin's departure. Justin had told Vassili that he didn't have to go with him but he had insisted. In the airport, they sat waiting for Justin's flight to be called. As they sat they talked always with some part of their bodies touching. When the flight was finally called Vassili walked Justin as far as he could. Before he got on, Justin turned and hugged Vassili tightly to him. "Thank you. Thank you for helping me to remember and find myself once again."

Vassili felt tears start to gather but held them back. In Russian he said, " I love you my beautiful ray of sunshine. Thank you for coming into my life even for just a little while. I will always cherish you.

Justin looked bewildered. "What did you just say?"

Vassili smiled sadly and with a small kiss said, "It is a Russian blessing for a safe journey. Now you better go or you'll miss your plane. If you ever come back to St. Petersburg, look me up." Vassili handed Justin a business card in which on the back had his phone number and home address.

Justin took the card and hugged Vassili tight before turning and walking toward the plane. With one final look back and a wave he disappeared from Vassili's sight. Vassili walked to the window, and even though he knew that Justin could not see him, remained there, and as the plane pulled away, waved one final time. Then, and only then, did he allow the tears he had been holding back to fall.

Justin sat back in his seat and allowed a few tears to fall. He would miss Vassili, but he couldn't help the excitement that started to build as the plane took off on its way to Edinburgh. He was about to begin a new phase in his life and he couldn't help but look forward to it for he had already decided he was done looking back. From now on, he would only look forward.

No apologies, no regrets.

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