* Not All Shines *

The first thing Justin did once he and Ethan had reached their hotel was to call his mom and Lindsey. Both were glad to hear that he had made it okay and told him to call or email at anytime as they wanted to hear how things were going.

As soon as Justin got off the phone, Ethan pounced on him and bore him down onto the bed. "At last I have you all to myself. No phone calls, no classes, and no jobs to have to run off to."

Justin laughed, "At least for now. In three days you have to report for practice."

"Yes, but that gives us three whole days in which to do whatever we want to do." Ethan joined in the laughter. So what do you want to do first?"

Justin rolled until Ethan was under him. "Well, I know of one thing we can do right away."

Bending down he lightly kissed Ethan's lips. Rising up, he studied the man below him before bending down for a deeper kiss. Slowly, they began to remove their clothes while trying not to break their kiss. Before too long, they were both withering with a need for more.

Justin, with a slight struggle from Ethan, managed to push him over and grabbed a condom. Adding the lube, he slowly pushed inside him. Ethan gasped at the feeling of being breeched but adjusted quickly and pushed back ready to go on. It had been over twenty-four hours since they had last fooled around and they both knew that it wasn't going to take either of them long to cum.

Justin started off at a steady pace but soon sped up, making sure that each thrust was giving them both the maximum of pleasure. Reaching around he began to pump Ethan's cock, after a couple of pulls Ethan cried out while Justin groaned their releases.

Without a word, Justin rolled off of Ethan and got rid of the condom. Ethan rolled up against Justin's back and held him in a gentle embrace. Neither said anything, both deep in their own thoughts while taking comfort from the contact.

Justin sighed and closed his eyes, tired but that didn't stop his mind from wondering. He thought of Brian and his heart ached. He wondered if Brian would even notice that he was gone and if he ever thought of him. Then he wondered why would he. After all, it wasn't Brian who had quit on their relationship. He was the one who had lied, cheated, and broken the rules.

Justin felt a tear slide down his face into the pillow and he was glad that Ethan couldn't see it. He had to stop doing this to himself. It wasn't fair to Ethan and it wasn't doing himself any good. What was done was done and there wasn't any going back. With that thought, he finally slipped into a much-needed sleep.

Ethan meanwhile was also thinking about his and Justin's relationship and of the ghost of Brian that haunted it. Ethan loved Justin making love to him, but he just wished that sometimes they could face each other. Every time he tried to stay facing him, Justin always pushed him over.

It didn't used to be this way. There were times, before Justin had left Brian, that they would face one another, but after the breakup, it quit happening. He wasn't sure why, but felt that one day Justin would quit pushing him over, and they would once again face one another.

He also wished that Justin would let him top, but felt that it was to soon for that. That given time, he would one day be an equal partner in the lovemaking, that they would begin to take turns at being top and bottom. He was sure that Justin had bottomed for Brian, he was also sure that making love face to face was something that they had done as well.

He was just going to have to give it more time but how much? It had already been a month since the breakup and he and Justin were still together. Justin hadn't gone back to Brian, so how much time was it going to take? He hoped that he had the patience to give him the time that he needed. With a sigh, Ethan closed his eyes and tightened his hold on Justin's body as he drifted off to sleep.

They woke the next morning and found themselves both excited to begin their adventures in Europe. After a couple of quick blowjobs to take care of the morning hard on, followed by an equally quick shower, they dressed and went out to explore London.

Stepping outside Ethan asked, "So where do you want to start? Hyde Park? Kensington Gardens with the Peter Pan statue? The National Gallery? You pick."

Justin smiled, "Actually I do have a place in mind. A lot of people overlook it but it has exhibits." At Ethan's puzzled look he continued. "It's the Museum of London in the Barbican Centre. It has some Roman mosaics and such but the main exhibit is basically about London itself. It's history all the way up to modern times."

Ethan smiled back at Justin, glad to see him excited about something again. "Alright, lets go. The Museum of London it is."

They toured the museum until their stomachs reminded them it was time to eat. They found a quaint little pub and afterward went to Kensington Gardens to see Peter Pan before moving on. In the afternoon, they went to Trafalgar Square where they looked at the statue of Admiral Horatio Nelson. They then went to the National Gallery for an hour, then decided that they could always come back as it was free. They left in time to hear the afternoon recital at St. Martin-in-the-Fields that was also being broadcasts over the BBC radio.

After a good but exhausting day, they returned to their hotel for dinner and a good night's rest. Of course sex was definitely on the desert menu.

Afterward, Ethan fell asleep but Justin, regardless of how tired he was, couldn't seem to fall asleep. Finally rising, he went over and plugged in the laptop that his mom had bought him for the trip. Signing on, he was surprised to find several emails waiting for him. With a nervous sigh he opened the first of his emails. It was from Debbie, and he knew that he was going to have some explaining to do.

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To: JusTaylor@y...

From: Pflagmom@h...

Sunshine!

Why didn't you tell me you were going? I hope that you have a good time, but know that you will be missed. I'd like to say that I'm sorry if the way I behaved is one of the reasons that you decided to go. I know that I haven't been myself around you, but know that no matter what has happened, I do love you as if you were my own son. I just needed a little time to understand. I always thought that it would be Brian that would be the one who would break your heart, not the other way around. I'm sure that Brian helped you come to the decision to leave but it still hurt him, regardless of what he says or how he acts. Please be safe and happy and come back to us when you're ready.

Deb

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Justin took another deep breath and blinked away the tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks. Opening up a blank email, he stared at it for a moment to gather his thoughts, and began to reply back.

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To: Pflagmom@h...

From: JusTaylor@y...

Hi Deb,

I wanted to tell you that I was taking this trip but wasn't sure how you would react. I really need this time away. I don't blame you for the way you reacted at all. If anything, I blame myself. I was the one that came up with the rules and then broke every single one of them. Brian never lied to me or led me on to how our relationship was going to be. I still love Brian but I guess I wanted too much. I don't know.

I like Ethan and he loves me. At least he says he does. I need to give us a chance and I need to get over Brian as much as I can. I mean, I will always love Brian but I owe it to Ethan to do this. Please don't worry about me. Things are going good and London is wonderful. I'll be back in time for the fall semester. Please give Vic my love, and know that you have it too. I'll keep in touch. Promise.

Justin

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Justin hit the send button and moved on to the next email. He couldn't help but smile when he saw who it was from.

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To: JusTaylor@y...

From: QueenEm@h...

Hey Baby!

I should very upset with you for not telling me that you were going but I do understand. So how is London? Have you seen Prince William yet? What a dreamboat! Have you seen the crown jewels? I think that diamond in the royal scepter would just look lovely around my neck. Don't you? You must fill me in on all the royal gossip that's going on over there, as well as the latest fashions. Well, I'm getting ready to go meet the boys at Babylon. I can't wait to hear from you.

Love

Emmett

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To: QueenEm@h...

From: JusTaylor@y...

Hey Emmett,

I know I should have told you but I really didn't want to tell anyone. I didn't want anyone to try and talk me out of it. London is wonderful. We went to the Museum of London today, then to the Peter Pan statue in Kensington Gardens, and finally to Trafalgar Square, where we went to the National Gallery and St. Martins-in-the-Fields where we listened to the afternoon recital. Tomorrow we're going to check out Buckingham Palace, The Tower of London, and Madam Tussaud's.

There is so much to see and only three days in which to get it all in before Ethan starts rehearsals at Albert Hall with the symphony. We'll be here a week after that, then move on to Berlin, then Prague.  I'll keep a lookout for Prince William and I'll see what I can find out for you about the rest. Talk to you soon!

Love

Justin

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The lightheartedness of Emmett's email was just what he needed, and he kept smiling when he saw who his last email was from.

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To: JusTaylor@y...

From: TotallyDaph@p...

You Butthead! Why didn't you tell me that you were going to Europe! God, I envy you! I'm stuck going camping again with the folks. It never changes, although I do get to take company with me for a little while. Kurt is coming up for a week. Mom and Dad actually invited him. Can you believe it!

So how are you? You will tell me everything right? I know that you just got there so I'll hold off on my questions until you've been there awhile. (At least a day or two.)

Stay out of trouble and write!

Love

Daph

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Justin couldn't help but laugh and then looked over to where Ethan was sleeping hoping that he hadn't wakened him. When he didn't stir, Justin turned back to his computer and replied back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To: TotallyDaph@p...

From: JusTaylor@y...

Hey Daph!

I know that I should have told you but to be honest I really didn't think about it until we were somewhere over the Atlantic. Me joining Ethan was kind of a last minute thing. So about Kurt, does this mean that mom and dad like him? I can't believe that they invited him out to your cabin for a whole week. You two had better be on your best behavior during that time. I can promise you that they will be watching you two like hawks.

London has been good so far and as we have a busy day ahead of us tomorrow, I'll save the details to give you later. Thanks for writing me and I'm sorry I didn't tell you. Talk to you later!

Love

Justin

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Justin sat back and smiled. The emails were the perfect way to top off his day. Turning off his computer, he climbed back into bed and fell instantly to sleep.

The next day began with a repeat of the previous day, and once again they were off to explore the city. They went to Madam Tussard's first as it was farthest away, and came away amazed by the displays that they had seen there.

Then they went to Buckingham Palace where they didn't see any sign of the royal family, but the did join the hordes of tourists that tried to get the guards to react. After that they went to the Tower of London and looked at all the treasures there.

They laughed at each other when they caught each other looking around and knew that they were each trying to catch a glimpse of one of the supposed ghosts that haunted the building. They stayed to watch the Ceremony of the Keys before moving on to London dockside, where they stopped at a statue of a woman and dolphin swimming together, to watch London Bridge light up.

That night they ate at a pub called "The George Inn" at Southwark and relaxed. After having a few pints they returned to their hotel and made love slowly before falling asleep in each other's arms.

Ethan awoke not too long after they had fallen asleep when Justin began to get restless in his sleep. He sighed with sadness when Justin started mumbling and whispered Brian's name. He knew that Justin still loved Brian, but the past few days had been so good, that he had hoped that he was beginning to get over it.

Rolling onto his back he looked at the ceiling and thought about his relationship. It seemed that everything was fine, except in the bedroom. He knew that the reason that Justin didn't let him top was because of Brian, but he wasn't going to give up on that possibility. He wanted them to be equals, and not just in what they did outside of the bedroom, but inside it as well.

If things didn't change soon he was going to have to say something, and right now he was scared that if he did, they wouldn't make it. He knew that Justin was trying, but that in itself sort of made him mad. He shouldn't have to be trying. He should be over Brian and in love with him. That's why he should have left Kinney, not because he couldn't take it anymore.

Well, he would get Justin over Brian, and he would do it by romancing him and loving him like he'd never been before, and one day Justin would love him back the same way. With that Ethan felt his eyes drift close, and he didn't think anymore until they awoke the next day together, to begin their last day before he had to start his rehearsals.

On their last day, they went back to London Bridge and took the tour this time. After that, they went to Harrods and Portobello Road. As the afternoon grew late, they found themselves at Regent's Park, and as the sun set in the horizon, turning the sky beautiful shades of orange and red, they took a romantic ride in a gondola. Afterwards, they ate at the Sherlock Holmes Restaurant before going back to the hotel for the night.

After Ethan fell asleep, Justin got up and checked his email. He didn't know why, but he didn't feel right reading his email around Ethan. Maybe it was the way he watched him intensely, whenever anything about his life that did not include him, showed up.

He knew that Ethan was insecure about them, and Justin knew that he probably had a reason to be so. After all, he had been the other man, the dirty little secret who was suddenly not so secret any longer.

Ethan was just going to have to get over it though. There was no way that he was going to put up with it. Sometimes he felt so smothered by it he wanted to scream.

Sighing, he turned on his computer and saw the emails waiting for him. This time he was surprised to find not just three but 6 emails waiting for him. The biggest surprise coming from the fact that one of them was from Michael.

Nervously, he decided to save that one for last and opened the one from his mother first.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To: JusTaylor@y...

From: JTaylor@R...

Hi Justin,

How do you like London? I miss you sweetheart so very much. So does Molly. Do you have enough money? Did you pack enough warm clothes? I know it's summer, but it gets so rainy and cold there. Be sure to take your allergy pills. Let me know if there is anything you need. I love you sweetheart!

Love

Mom

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin sighed in exasperation and typed off a quick letter telling her that everything was fine and not to worry so much. He then went on to tell her about the past three days and what all he had seen so far.

After that, he opened the ones from Deb, Emmett, Lindsey, and Daph. They all basically said the same thing. How's London, what and who have you seen, how are you, let us hear from you as soon as you can but have fun.

He couldn't help but smile and knew that he was lucky, that these people really cared for him and not just because he had been with Brian. These people were his friends because of him, nothing more.

Nervously he looked at the letter from Michael. He was so nervous, that Brian himself could have written it as far as he was concerned. He took a deep breath and prepared himself for what Michael could have written.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To: JusTaylor@y...

From: CaptAstro@h...

Hi Justin,

Listen, I've been doing a lot of thinking and talking with Ben and I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have told Brian. I hope you understand that I was just doing what I thought was protecting my best friend. But what I was doing was really hurting him as well as my other friend. I've gotten used to having you around I guess. You're the bratty little brother that I never had. Anyway, Linds told us where you were and what you were doing. Wow! I hope you have a good time. I know that you probably don't want to work with me anymore but if you're still interested let me know. The first issue is a smash. It's almost completely sold out. Well, I guess I better go. Hope to hear from you.

Michael

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Justin couldn't have been more shocked if Michael had called him on the phone or stopped him on the street just to say hi. Sitting back, he thought about what he should do. He didn't want to stop working on Rage, but could he forgive Michael? Studying his feelings, he knew that he could, and that he probably already had. He didn't think he could confide in him like he had begun to do, but he could think about him and not see red. Leaning forward he contemplated the screen before beginning his reply.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To: CaptAstro@h...

From: JusTaylor@y...

Hi Michael,

Yes it was a shock to see an email waiting for me from you. I do forgive you for telling Brian. I just thought that we were becoming friends in our own right, and I wished that you could have talked to me first. Oh well. That's over and done with. We can only move on from here. I would like to keep working on Rage. I hope that me doing it here, and then sending it to you, either through emails or Fed Ex, is all right with you. If you can send me the ideas that you have for the next issue, I can work on something and get back to you. Tell Ben hello for me and I'll wait to hear from you.

Justin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin studied his blank computer screen, contemplating a letter he was wanting to write. Just then Ethan rolled over on the bed and begin to search for him. Justin signed off his computer and crawled back into bed before Ethan woke fully and started to question him. Then he began to feel guilty that he felt that way. That was when Ethan found him and pulled him back against his body. Justin sighed and closed his eyes, willing himself to sleep.

Waking the next morning, Justin felt good. He crawled out of bed and joined Ethan in the shower.

"Good Morning." Ethan greeted Justin with a kiss as he took the soap from his hands and began to wash Ethan's body slowly. "Why didn't you sleep in?"

"What? You don't want me to take a shower with you?" Justin smiled as he reached down and began to stroke Ethan to a full erection.

"Yes...No...I mean, oh god don't stop." Ethan gasped.

Justin smiled, "Besides, I know you. Once you get to rehearsal, I won't see you until tonight. I just thought that I would get up..." Justin looked down at his hard on and smiled up at Ethan who was watching him. He then began to rinse Ethan off before continuing, "...and have some breakfast with you."

With that, Justin knelt in the shower and began teasing Ethan's cock. Slowly, he began to lick and nibble, as he rolled his balls, squeezing them lightly. When Ethan began to lose his patience at the teasing, he wrapped his hands around Justin's head and began to fuck his mouth. Justin reached up and grabbed Ethan's hips, holding him in place, as he finally engulfed his cock and began a slow steady decent, before slowly rising to just the head, where he would run his tongue around the ridge there, before he would descend to start the whole thing over again.

He could tell that Ethan wouldn't be much longer by the sounds he was making, and began to move faster and suck harder. Within seconds his mouth was filled with Ethan's cum.

Ethan sagged against the shower wall. He smiled at Justin as he rose back up and watched him lick his lips. Looking down he saw that Justin was still hard and knew that there was only one thing to do. After all, he hadn't had his breakfast yet.

Afterwards, they got dressed and went down for a real breakfast. While they were eating Ethan asked, "So what are you going to be doing today while I'm at rehearsal?"

Justin smiled back and excitedly told him what he had planned for the day. "First, I'm going to go back to the National Gallery. Then I thought I'd pick up some lunch at Covent Garden and eat while I do a bit of drawing. Then if I have the time, I might do a little shopping on Portobello Road. See if I can find some gifts for my mom and Molly."

Ethan smiled at his excitement. Justin seemed to be happier today then he had been in a long time. Maybe this was a good sign.

"I'm not sure how long they will keep us at practice, or how much rehearsing I'm going to need to catch up with them. Why don't you check and see if I'm back at the hotel first, and then if I'm not, come by the hall and see if I'm there practicing. Then maybe we can go get some dinner and watch the sunset together off of the Thames."

Justin nodded, "Okay that sounds good, and if you aren't too tired, maybe we can go find a club and do some dancing."

Ethan nodded his agreement but grimaced inside. He had every intention of being too tired tonight to go clubbing. Justin knew he hated going to clubs.

Maybe he could come up with something else to occupy him. A play, an opera, a musical, or some kind of artistic program; anything that didn't resemble anything that Justin did with Brian.

Rising from the table, he grabbed his violin case, and kissed Justin. "See yah later."

Justin smiled, today was going to be a good day. He was going to spend all of his time looking over great works of art by all the artists that he had long admired. Great works by Renoir, Monet, Van Gogh, Manet, Rembrandt, Van Eyck, and Turner among others.

He also couldn't wait to draw again either. Except for working on his assignments to finish out the semester, he hadn't done any drawing for pleasure since he had left Brian. The sudden thought of Brian dimmed his smile and caused his heart to ache, but he refused to let it spoil his day.

Rising, he grabbed his backpack and left the hotel to begin his immersion of the art he so loved.

It was late when he walked into the hotel room to find Ethan waiting for him.

"Where have you been?" Ethan asked, trying not to scream at him. He had come back to the hotel hoping to find Justin waiting for him only to find the room empty. He had been disappointed when he hadn't shown up at all during the day, but to find the room empty as well had at first frightened him, then made him worry, and finally mad. Ethan just knew that Justin had been screwing around on him, and why not? Hadn't he done it to Brian?

Justin looked shamefaced at Ethan. "I'm sorry Ethan, I got so caught up in my drawings that I didn't pay any attention to the time until it got to dark to draw."

Walking over, he placed his backpack down and pulled a sullen Ethan into his arms. "Don't be mad Ethan. I'm just like you when it comes to my art. I get carried away and forget the time. You know you do that as well. Well, so do I. I just haven't been doing much of it lately."

Ethan grumbled but wrapped his arms around Justin before kissing the lips that beckoned to him so enticingly. "I'm sorry Justin. I guess it's just because I've missed you all day, and when I got back to the hotel and you weren't here, my mind started playing the worst scenes it could come up with.

Justin kissed Ethan back but felt himself getting angry when he heard Ethan take a sniff at him. He knew what Ethan was doing. "Ethan? What are you doing?"

Ethan knew that he had been caught and tried to come up with an excuse, but couldn't find one. So he decided to ignore Justin's questions with a question of his own. "Have you had dinner?" He walked over and grabbed his coat. "We could still go out and get something to eat."

Justin just looked at Ethan in disbelief. "Ethan, what is your problem?! Did you really think that the minute your back was turned I was going to cheat on you? I mean, god! I've been with you all this time and never once have I looked or been with another guy. I'm with you. I CHOSE you! I know that it hasn't been easy, but I've been trying, and I thought that you knew that, but without your trust it's not going to work."

Ethan knew that he hadn't hidden his thoughts very well and he also knew that Justin was right. Turning to face Justin, he ran his hand through his hair, a sure sign of his frustration.

"Justin...I know and I'm sorry. I know you're trying, but know that I am trying too. I'm trying to give you the time you need, to get over him, to realize that we belong together."

Walking toward Justin he came to a stop in front of him. "But I'm also scared. I'm worried that you'll never get over him, that you'll decide that I wasn't the right choice and leave me, that..." Ethan paused and looked down at the floor, afraid of what he might see him Justin's eyes, "...that you won't ever love me the way that I love you."

Justin sighed, "Ethan, I know, and all I can say once again is that I'm trying. Let's just leave it at that for now."

Ethan nodded his agreement. Looking up he gave a slight grin to try and cover up his hurt. What had he really expected, for Justin to make some declaration of his love for him?

"So, are you hungry?"

At that moment Justin's stomach gave a rumble and they both laughed. "I guess that answered the question."

Ethan nodded his head toward the door. "Yes, I guess it did. Come on, let's go get something to eat."

The rest of the night was calm and relaxing. Neither one trying to ruin the soothing balm the night was giving them. Once they got back to the hotel and took a leisurely shower and a slow fuck, they fell into a deep sleep that allowed them both to make it through the night.

The next morning started out the same as the one before, as did the rest of the mornings that came for the following week. They'd rise together, shower, give each other blowjobs, go down for food, tell the day's plans and then go their separate ways. Justin made sure never to be late again without calling, and Ethan made it a point of showing that he believed what Justin told him.

Then toward the end of the week...

Justin sat in the Tate Gallery drawing. He had started off earlier in the week, drawing the great masters when the actual people visiting the museums drew his attention away from the great works. That was when he started to do both, drawing the paintings, and the people looking at them.

He was putting on the final touch to his latest drawing when he finally realized that he was being watched himself. Looking up, he heard a voice say behind him.

"You really are quite good. Are you studying somewhere or is this just a hobby?"

Justin turned and saw a man in his late forties, early fifties standing there, studying him.

"I'm a student at PIFA, the Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts, and thank you."

The man motioned to the bench beside Justin and he nodded his agreement.

"My name is Bruce Kirkland, and I'm a professor at the Edinburgh College of Art."

Justin couldn't keep his eyes from widening. Edinburgh College of Art was one of the oldest and largest art schools in Europe. "I'm Justin Taylor."

Bruce smiled, "Do you mind if I look at some more of your work?"

Justin handed over his pad and waited nervously for what the man might have to say about his work.

"You know, usually when you find a young person drawing, they are trying to imitate one of the great masters. You on the other hand are indeed drawing the paintings, but more as a backdrop for what is going on in the room. The focus in your drawings, are the people here in the museum. It's quite refreshing."

Bruce was very impressed with the work that he was seeing in Justin's drawings. Handing him back his sketchpad he smiled at Justin.

"Have you ever thought about doing a few semesters abroad?"

Justin shrugged. "I would love to, but to be honest, I can't afford it. I'm only here now because a friend is paying for most of my expenses as he didn't want to come alone."

Bruce nodded in understanding. "You know, you ought to come over to Edinburgh and look over the college. I'd be glad to give you a tour, and if you're interested, the college does have scholarships for out of the country students."

Justin couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Are you serious? Do you think I would have a chance of getting in?"

Bruce looked down at the pad that Justin was clutching. He reached in and pulled out a business card. "Yes, Justin, I think you do have a chance of getting in. Here is my card. If you decide to come over and check out the school, just give me a ring. I'll set everything up."

Justin took the proffered card. "Thank you. I will."

When Bruce stood, so did Justin and he held out his hand to shake. "Thank you for giving me something to think about and I will seriously think about it."

Bruce shook Justin's hand firmly before releasing it to move on. "I hope you do Mr. Taylor. I see great potential in you." With that, Bruce Kirkland continued on his tour of the museum.

When Ethan got back to the hotel, it was to find Justin staring at his computer screen deep in though. So deep that he hadn't even noticed that he had gotten back. Walking toward him, he laid a hand on Justin's shoulder trying not to startle him while he took at look at what was occupying his attention. What he saw didn't help him out any as it was a blank email. "What's up?"

Justin smiled a slight smile up at him. "Oh nothing. Michael has emailed me ideas for the next issue of Rage and I'm just mulling it over, trying to get ideas and how to make qestions without getting him pissed off at me again."

Ethan looked disbelievingly at Justin. "I thought you were through with the comic book! What with the way Michael has been and the fact that it's...it's."

Justin continued to watch the emotions flow across Ethan's face. "What? That it has something to do with Brian? Ethan, listen, you're going to have to accept that he is going to be a part of our lives one way or another. He's loaning me the money to go to school or did you forget about that?"

Ethan sighed, he had forgotten about that little problem. "I know he's paying for your classes, but do you have to be doing other things that will bring him even more into our lives?"

"Look at it this way." Justin reasoned, trying to keep his temper. "If Rage keeps going as well as the first edition did, then Brian won't have to pay for my classes. I'll be able to do it myself."

Ethan ran his hands through his hair in frustration and he felt his anger building at Justin's inability to seeing it from his point of view. He actually would rather have Brian pay for the classes, then he would only see him once a semester, than for Justin to keep drawing him, to have a constant reminder around of what he lost, what he gave up. Then he thought of another reason for Justin not to do the comic.

"How could you work with Michael again after the way he has been treating you?"

Justin shut off his computer and stood. "I know Michael, I've lived in his house, in his room with his mom and his Uncle Vic. I even work with her. So don't go judging him any more then the rest of my friends, my family. Michael was a shit and he knows it. He wrote me and apologized."

Ethan knew he was fighting a losing battle but couldn't stop himself. "And you accepted it? You believe he's really sorry? How do you know he's not just saying it so you'll keep working and making him money."

Justin shrugged, "I don't know. All I know is that he's trying for whatever reason, and if it's just for the money, so be it. I'll be making the money for myself because I need it too."

"Justin! Don't you..." Ethan began, his frustration and anger finally breaking through but Justin's anger beat him to it.

"Ethan! Enough! What do you want me to do!? Forget all my friends, all the people I care about and who care about me all because they are also Brian's? I won't do it. So get over it and quit pushing it or we don't stand a chance.

Ethan tried to reach for Justin but Justin pulled back out of his reach.

"Don't. I'm going for a walk. Don't wait up and don't worry, I'm not going out to look for a trick."

Ethan stepped back and watched as Justin walked out the door. He thought about what Justin had said, and he was right. He did want Justin to drop all of his friends that had anything to do with Brian. He wanted him to even quit working at the diner, but hadn't planned to bring that up until after they got home. Sitting down in Justin's abandoned seat, he wondered what he was going to do.

Justin walked in four hours later, removed his clothes and climbed into bed. Ethan pretended that he was asleep because he wasn't sure what to say, or if they did begin to talk, if it would just lead to more arguing.

The next morning found them taking separate showers but still having breakfast before going their separate ways for the day. Justin looked at Ethan intensely, trying to decide what to say. Finally he just decided to tell him the truth, or at least most of it.

"Don't wait up for me tonight. I don't know what time I'll be back. I'm going to Edinburgh today and I don't know now long the trip will take."

Ethan stared at Justin with a bite almost to his mouth. Putting the spoon down he decided that this might be a way to get their relationship back on track.

"Oh, okay. If you want to wait, I could go with you this weekend."

Justin knew that Ethan was trying to act as though nothing was wrong and smiled slightly back at him. "That would have been great, but I'm going on a tour of the Edinburgh College of Art and they don't do that on the weekends."

Ethan looked a little relieved that Justin wasn't really running away from him but was actually taking a booked tour. He was also a little disappointed that he wasn't going to be going with him.

"That's too bad. I would have liked to have gone with you. Maybe we can go back to Scotland this weekend and look at some other sites then. My rehearsal on Saturday is early in the morning and I don't have one at all on Sunday. What do you think?"

Justin nodded as he continued to smile. "That sounds like fun."

Ethan rose to leave. "Have fun today and I'd love to hear about it when we can find some time for each other."

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Justin enjoyed the five-hour train ride from London to Edinburgh. He used the time to decide what he was going to say to Michael about the ideas he had and to do some draws of the ideas that he agreed with for "Rage".

By the time the train pulled into the station Justin had a good start and had other ideas to discuss with Michael. As he stepped off the train, he looked around for Professor Kirkland.

Bruce spotted Justin right away and couldn't help but wonder how such a fresh, innocent looking face could have such sorrowful eyes. Walking up, he greeted Justin warmly. "Madainn Mhath"

Justin looked confused. "Huh?"

Bruce laughed, "I said, good morning."

Justin laughed with him. "Oh! Good Morning."

Bruce directed Justin toward his car and began to tell him about the college as he drove through the town. "The college is one of the oldest and largest of it's kind in Europe. We can trace it's origins all the way back to 1760 when it was originally the "Drawing Academy of Edinburgh" and was founded by the Trustees of the Edinburgh Board of Manufacturers. Today we have two campuses in Old Town with a broad range of courses in Art, Design, and Environment. We use traditional approaches but also the newer technology and methodology as well."

Bruce pulled into his parking space at the main campus and got out to show Justin the campus. Justin got out to join him and felt his breath catch at the view he was given. It was a breathtaking view of the city skyline but the whole view was dominated by Edinburgh Castle. As they began to walk, Bruce went on with his tour.

"As we are strictly an art college, we have become associated with two other colleges to round ourselves out in the academics. If you are accepted, that is if you decide to apply, you automatically become a student of Heriot Watt University. The university got it royal charter in 1966. After you graduate, you will be given a university degree."

Justin looked around and listened to everything that Professor Kirkland had to tell him about the college. When they finally got around to having dinner, it was Justin's turn to ask some questions. "So how much does it cost to go here?"

Bruce paused, "About L8000 a year and that doesn't even go into the living expenses."

Justin groaned. "There is no way I could afford to go here."

Bruce smiled, "Actually you can. We do offer scholarships to foreign exchange students, which you qualify as. Are you going to be in London for a little while longer?"

Justin shook his head. "No, I'm afraid not. See, I'm here with my...boyfriend..." Justin paused to see what his revelation would do. "He is on this tour that is traveling around Europe. We leave London in five days for Berlin."

Bruce nodded, "I think you could still do it. Five days should give you enough time to fill out the paperwork and submit your portfolio."

"My portfolio? I don't have it with me. I didn't think I would need it on my tour of Europe." Justin said.

"I know it's not your portfolio, but you could use some of those drawings that you've done while here, and maybe any others that you might have on you." Bruce stated.

Justin thought about it. "Well, I do have some drawings that I did back home before I left and then..."

"Then what?" Bruce asked.

Justin paused but went ahead with what he was saying. "Well, I'm business partners with someone and we're doing a comic book. The first edition has almost complete sold out."

Bruce looked surprised. "Do you have a copy of the edition with you? If you do, that would be great."

"Really? Do you think I really have a shot at getting in?" Justin asked, beginning to get excited about the possibilities.

Bruce smiled and nodded, "Yes, I do. I think you have a very good shot at this. If you leave your itinerary with us, I'm sure we could track you down for any questions or to send you any forms that might be needed."

Justin smiled even bigger. "I do have my laptop with me if that helps."

"Yes it does." Bruce rose from the table. "I have some forms for you in the car. If you have any questions about them on the way back to the train station, you can ask me."

Justin joined him but had one last question. "Why me? Why did you decide to ask me to join?"

Bruce began to laugh, "Well, it took you long enough to ask. It really was just a fluke. I was there at the museum with a group of my students when I saw you drawing. Being a teacher, I have a habit of walking up and looking at people's work, even if they aren't one of my students. What I saw from you was raw but had so much love and feelings, and you also didn't try to imitate. You drew what you saw, your way, and I knew with the proper training that your work could really take off."

Justin nodded as he took in his answer. "Thank you. You didn't have to answer me but you did, and it didn't sound like a line but the real thing, so thank you."

Bruce drove Justin back to the train station and answered any questions that he had. As Justin boarded the train back to London, he turned and shook hands with Bruce.

"I'll have these filled out and returned with my portfolio by the beginning of the week. Will there be any possibilities of me getting my portfolio back before I go? Some of those pictures are the only ones that I have of some of my friends and family with me, and I would hate to be without them for too long."

Bruce returned the handshake. "I think that can be arranged or we can ship it to you if you have to leave before we are finished going through it."

Justin climbed the stairs as the conductor pushed the stairs away. "Thank you, I appreciate it."

"Not a problem Justin and I can't wait to see more of your work." Bruce had to shout over the noise of the train pulling away.

Justin went and found his seat and settled down for the five-hour return trip to London. He pored over the papers that he had been given and began to fill them out. It wasn't until he reached the outskirts of London that he realized that not once, while he had talked about and thought out these plans, had he thought about Ethan.

It was then that he realized that it wasn't going to work. He and Ethan might have a lot in common, but he didn't love him. Not enough to stay with him, to create a life with him. He was going to have to let him know. If he told him now, then maybe Ethan could get his money back for his tickets, and he could stay in London, or even Edinburgh, while he waited to find out about whether or not he was going to be going to school in Europe, or going back to Pitts.

With a sigh, Justin gathered his things and left the train. Instead of taking a cab back to the hotel, he decided to walk. He was not looking forward to this conversation.

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