STORMY

PART 5 – REVISED 12/18/03

"WHAT?!"

Justin stared down at Brian in shock, then slowly sat beside him. "You never told me you and Lindsay were a couple!"

"We were - for a year and a half."

"Shit, Brian!"

"Yep. We were friends in sophomore year, lovers that summer, and broke up halfway through junior year. To be honest, I dumped her."

"You dumped her? How can she be your friend now if you -"

"It was for her own good," Brian interrupted. "She was slowly coming to realize she was gay, and I was pretty sure I was too. She was 'experimenting' with a girl in our Literature class, and things were pretty hot and heavy between them. They were practically in love, and I was pissed off - I wouldn't dare call it jealousy then. I told her to stop lying to herself and date this girl. Unfortunately, I told her this in class, with an audience. Sound familiar?"

"You pushed her off a cliff," Justin said, shaking his head in frustration.

"I guess she was the first one," Brian said. "Lindsay being out, no thanks to me, made life a bit difficult for her with the taunts and teasing, especially from the frat boys. Even though she'd stopped speaking to me, I continued to defend her and protect her from the rowdiest of the frat boys - you can imagine what life was like as a lesbian with dicks like that around. Once things settled down, and she was in near-marital bliss with her girlfriend, she still didn't speak to me. I hadn't realized how much it would hurt, but it did. God, did it hurt - I was freaking out, desperate to get anyone to hang out with me so I wouldn't be alone. I started hitting the bars off-campus, and so the tricking began. Once I became an expert at that, I didn't need relationships anymore, and vowed to never get in one again. Love wasn't worth the pain."

"When did she start speaking to you again? I mean you had a son together."

"Senior year - she realized what I'd done, or rather, I told her during an argument when she found out about my extracurricular activities. I didn't realize that she still cared, and was pissed that I'd turned into the college version of what I am now. She forgave me, but was angry with me for me, as she called it, 'martyring myself.' I didn't care - I was glad to have her back in my life, if only as a friend. Once she hooked up with Melanie, and they were together five-plus years, she asked me to father her child, and I agreed.  End of story."

"How many others besides Lindsay, Michael and me have you shoved off a cliff, Brian? You just can't let yourself be happy, can you?" Justin said.

"I was happy once - with you. I never acknowledged it, because I didn't want anyone knowing I was turning into a big, sappy, dickless fag.  But being with you, even that first time, brought joy to an otherwise dull life. I was bored out of my mind the night I met you - bored with my life, really. I was in a rut, and then I saw you under that streetlamp, never realizing you'd change my life. You weren't the first virgin I'd had, but you were the most fun. I'd never rolled over and nearly cuddled a trick in my life, but it felt right to cuddle that morning."

"I remember you asking me why I was there, and not remembering the night before or my name."

"Part of that was the drugs, and part of that was me. I didn't want to get attached to you. I didn't want you getting attached to me. You don't know how shitty I felt that following night when I sent you away. I wanted to call you back and make up for it, but I wouldn't have heard the last of it from the boys."

"How much power do the boys have over you that you can't do what your heart desires? Why are you continually seeking their approval? And better yet, why do you continue to hang out with people who do nothing but tell you how much of a shit you are until you believe it? I've heard Melanie and Ted fire off some prize insults your way, and all you do is shrug and either say nothing, or snark back without defending yourself. Doesn't it hurt you knowing that these people, who are supposed to be your friends, get off on tearing you down? I'll bet they loved it when I left with Ethan that night. 'Oh, look - the asshole finally got what was coming to him' - I can hear it now. As angry as you made me in those last weeks, I never would have said anything like that to you!" Justin said.

"I'm not what Ted and Mel say I am," Brian said. "That came from years of hiding - not just after the Lindsay fiasco, but after dealing with Jack. I couldn't show any emotion; couldn't even cry when I was getting my ass beat. It became second nature, Justin. Whenever I actually did something nice, it came as a shock to people, because they all thought I was this heartless shit - I sold that image to the world." And people wonder why I’m an ad man?

"I know, Brian - so why do you let them? Why do you let your so-called friends dictate what you can and can't do; can and can't feel or who you can and can't love? I thought you were the Great Brian Kinney who could do whatever the fuck he wanted?"

"I'm doing what I want right now - I'm here with you. Though it would be better if we were in bed," Brian said, trying to lighten the mood.

Justin perked up at Brian's last statement, but didn't let on how happy it made him feel. He instead said, "Yes, but what's going to happen if we get back together? Are you going to keep tricking around and pretending I'm not your boyfriend, so your precious image doesn't get tarnished? Are we going back to those stupid-ass 'Date Nights?' I can't do that Brian, if that's what I have to look forward to if I come back here."

"I'm not about to turn into Ward Cleaver, Justin - that's just not me."

"I don't want you to - but I want you to take a good, hard look at yourself - and a good, hard look at what it means to be a boyfriend. I'm not asking for flowers and candy and all that shit; I just wanted that at the time, because I wasn't sure where I stood with you, and needed some proof that you cared."

"What about the tuition, and giving you a roof over your head?"

"Those are material things, Brian. I needed emotional proof."

"I nearly got killed by your dad for you."

"Brian, you didn't love me then; or at least I wasn't sure. I was just a nuisance you took under your wing because you didn't agree with my dad's rules. I was in your way. When you moved me in with Deb, you were so happy and relieved that you didn't have to put up with me anymore, except when we fucked."

"What about the Prom?"

"Since I still have no memory of that beyond Chris hitting me, it doesn't count."

"Well, it counts for me. I was about to try scarfing that night. I was planning to give myself the greatest orgasm of my life to ring in my thirtieth birthday with a bang. I was thirty years old, New York was a bust, and I felt like a loser. I bought this beautiful white silk scarf, and thought I'd give it a whirl. Mikey came in and took me down from the beam just before I kicked away the chair. He saved me, and kept going on about how I could have died. At that time, I actually believed it wouldn't have been a bad thing."

"Brian! You never told me this!" Justin cried.

"I never told anybody, and if Mikey wanted to live, neither did he. Anyway, after Mikey's tirade, I realized that I did have something better to do. I had to see you. So the next night I put on my tux, threw on that scarf, and showed up at your Prom. How many thirty-year-old guys do you know would show up at their eighteen-year-old boyfriend's Prom, dance with him and kiss him in front of his classmates?"

"I know, but until my memory of that night comes back, if ever, I'll never be one hundred percent sure, like the Vermont/Chicago thing."

"I came home the next night after I went to Chicago. I had a bottle of champagne in my hand, and actually announced myself as your partner in the loft. I said, 'your partner just made partner.' As I said it, I realized the loft was fucking empty. I figured you were at Babylon, so I went there. And that's when the boys told me you were gone."

"Why didn't you come to Vermont after me?"

"I was hurt and pissed off. I said to myself - okay, FINE - let him stew - he'll be alright when he comes back."

"I wasn't alright - I came back even more pissed off, only to find you fucking some guy. And, while we're on the subject of those two weeks, why didn't you just come out and tell me you were about to get fired instead of making me feel like an ungrateful shit?"

"What the fuck did you think I was saying when I told you why I had to go to Chicago?"

"You said a lot of fucked up things during that fight. I thought you were just being a dick because I said 'fuck business.' Cynthia finally cleared that up for me."

"Cynthia told you?"

"I told you I'd been speaking to her for a while. You should have trusted me enough to tell me the real deal."

"I'll have to punish her."

"Like you did when I got you and Michael back together?"

Brian gaped at Justin - he forgot how much Justin's brain was like a sponge. With the exception of the good part of his Prom night, he remembered everything.

"Just trust me, Brian. Trust us."

"I'm no good for you, Justin. Every time I try to do something for you, either it gets fucked up, or I fuck it up. I'll probably fail at this. Do you really want to risk that?"

"If you want to win me over, the first rule is to stop selling yourself short," Justin said with a laugh. "You're a good guy, and worthy of love, if you'd only believe it yourself."

"I -" Brian started, while Justin eyed him expectantly. "I want to try again. I want to be with you. I've missed you, Justin. I guess after everything else I told you, that's no surprise, but I do. I've missed your smile. I've missed coming home and seeing you work on your computer or sketchpad. I've missed coming home to gourmet meals that I hit the gym to work off the next day. I've missed watching you sleep. I've missed holding you. I've missed fucking you. I've missed it all. I never realized how much I needed you until you were gone. You kept me sane."

Justin just looked at him, a smug smile playing on his raspberry lips.

"Did you really love me, Justin?" Brian asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"I still do," Justin answered without hesitation.

Brian stood, taking Justin's hand in his. He led him over to the stereo, and put on a CD. "Let's dance, Sunshine," Brian said, pulling the blond in his arms. "Stormy" played again, and Brian stiffened, thinking of what started this crap in the first place. He looked down at Justin, who was concentrating on the lyrics, and saw tears standing in his eyes.

"This was playing on repeat while I was on my drinking binge last night," Brian told him. "It was so unbearable - the pain was too much. I just wanted the pain to stop and was willing to do whatever it took to numb it.  And I can’t believe I'm telling you this shit."

"I don't mind. Does this song say how you feel about me?" Justin asked.

"Yes."

"I love you, Brian. I'm sorry for all the dark days."

"I know. I love you too, but I can't promise I'll be the perfect boyfriend - I'm a mess."

"You're a work in progress, baby - we'll work on it together," Justin said as he kissed his brooding superhero. Brian returned the kiss with fervor, and the two men clutched each other, lips and tongues battling for control and release. Justin untied Brian's robe, and slid it off him, pressing his clothed body against the naked one of his lover.

They ran over to the bed, Justin's clothes flying all over the loft. Brian pinned Justin to the mattress, kissing and biting and licking every inch of the creamy skin. Brian paused when he noticed the nipple ring was gone. "What happened to your ring?" he asked.

Barely holding on to his breath from Brian's sensual assault, Justin said, "I only got it to get your attention. There was no point in continuing to wear it when we broke up."

"Well, get it back - I liked it! I loved tugging on it when we fucked, teasing it with my teeth - "

"You said you didn't give a shit that I had a ring through my tit."

"I lied - didn't you get that from everything I told you today?"

"Okay, okay - I get the point. Now go back to what you were doing."

Brian should have been exhausted after baring his soul to Justin, but just holding his old-new lover in his arms energized him. He started between Justin's pecs, running his tongue down the center of the younger man's torso, and swirling his tongue in his navel. The gasp and sigh from Justin egged him on, and his tongue traveled lower. He buried his face in the soft, downy patch that cradled Justin's stiff cock, running his tongue through the curls, and up the shaft. "Shit, Brian - God - that's good," Justin moaned.

"Hold on, baby - it gets better," Brian said as he flicked his tongue down Justin's cock, and licked his way to his balls. Justin was just getting over the shock and joy of being called 'Baby,' when he felt Brian's tongue on his balls, he thought he would faint.

Brian went from licking to sucking to nibbling, and when he finally pulled Justin's cock into his mouth, Justin cried out, on the verge of coming. Sucking him slowly, Brian paused and caressed Justin's chest and belly, trying to calm him down. He lifted up, letting Justin's cock slip from his mouth, slapping against his chin as it bobbed. "Easy baby - I want you inside me," he said throatily.

Justin knew it took a lot for Brian to ask for it, but he also knew that Brian was as vulnerable as ever, and he probably wouldn't offer up an opportunity like this again.

Justin remembered the secret spot where Brian stored condoms and lube when they didn't want to leave the bed, and to his joy, found what he needed. "Come up here and get ready," Justin said, and Brian sprawled on the bed, burying his face in the pillow. Justin straddled Brian's hips, and pressed soft kisses between his shoulder blades, down his spine, and over each cheek. When his tongue invaded Brian's crack, Brian thrust his hips back to give Justin further access.

Brian's hole was already twitching when Justin's tongue circled it. The puckered flesh clenched and opened in response to the flicks of Justin's tongue, and opened further as his tongue invaded it. "God," Brian sighed as Justin fucked him with his tongue. He hadn't bottomed to anyone since the last time with Justin, and he knew he would only bottom to Justin. In fact, the thought of only being with Justin was starting to look more attractive - not that he'd tell Justin that, at least not yet.

Justin replaced his probing tongue with a lubed finger, and Brian groaned in pleasure as he felt the knuckles pass the ring of muscle. Justin thrust his finger inside him, slowly and smoothly, as Brian began to thrust against him. A second finger joined the first, opening Brian wider, and Justin knew he was pretty much ready. "Just fuck me, dammit," Brian groaned.

"Hold your horses," Justin said with a laugh as he extracted his fingers, tore open a packet, slipped on the condom, and hovered over Brian. "Do it!" Brian begged. Justin laughed. He'd never seen Brian so desperate and needy before. He wished he had a video camera.

Brian moaned as he felt Justin's cock enter him. The taut ring of muscle gave a bit of resistance, but he relaxed, and Justin slipped in. Justin rocked against him slowly, getting Brian used to being so full. The sensations weren't lost on Justin, having experienced it before. He sighed, and began to nibble on Brian's slender neck. Brian wiggled under him, silently begging for more. "Fuck me Justin," he begged. Justin started a slow, steady thrusting rhythm that Brian matched in upward thrusts.

Their, sighs, gasps, and moans filled the loft, neither caring whether anyone heard them. Brian was clutching the pillow, crying out into it, his body on fire; Justin wrapped his arms around his lover's waist, clasping him in place. Their sweat melded together, making their bodies slick, but the sliding of wet skin against wet skin only turned them on further. Brian reached down and grasped his straining cock, stroking in time to their thrusts. His orgasm was only a few thrusts away, and his head lifted from the pillow, a growl of pleasure escaping his cherry red lips as he spurt over the duvet. Justin followed suit moments later, sucking on Brian's neck and leaving an angry purple bruise there, as he channeled his orgasmic cries into the suckling. Justin slumped on top of Brian's limp body, and kissed him on the lips.

"Thank you for giving me this," Brian sighed as their lips parted.

"You needed it, I needed it, and the pleasure wasn't all yours," Justin said, chuckling.

“You’re lucky I love you, Brat.”

"Can you say that again?"

"What?"

"What you just said."

"What, Brat?"

“No, Dork – the other part.”

“You mean – ‘I love you?’”

"Yes. I love it."

"But you are my brat. Never forget that." And don’t go expecting me to say this all the time.”

“Of course not, oh mighty cynic.”

Brian laughed as he settled against Justin.

The two men fell asleep, and got up later to take the duvet to the cleaners. The drycleaner was surprised – he was used to getting that duvet every other day, and then it stopped. He saluted the two guys as they walked out, hand in hand. All was right with the world, if Mr. Kinney was back to bringing in the duvet.

The next step was convincing Justin to move back into the loft, which took an act of Congress.  But Justin did move in – six months later.

End of Part 5

 Return to Stormy Index