The Journal Entry

Justin chews on his pen, wondering where to start. He knows he can't move forward without first getting the thoughts out of his head. He has to put them to rest.

He flips open his journal and writes:

"BRIAN KINNEY vs. ETHAN GOLD

Both are arrogant, self-involved and driven men. But where those similarities end, the differences begin.

I never realized how different they were until the shit hit the fan.

Sure, Brian's somewhat well to do (though that's in question with the debt shit) and has an affinity for fancy things. Certainly he thinks with his dick on a daily basis, tricks, and thumbs his nose at anything resembling convention. However he has his moments of selflessness, and is sometimes capable of amazing depth and love for those in his circle (when he's not so busy playing the arrogant prick role). He's loyal, brutally honest (except toward himself), the love of my life and a fireball in bed. He doesn't bullshit people with faux kindness and insincere romantic notions - he'd puke if he had to do that regularly.  The reason I want to work on that big chunk of self doubt he has is because I love him.

Ethan, on the other hand, is one of the "noble poor."  He prides himself on having furnished his apartment with crap from the dumpster. When I was with him, I thought it was a testament to his authenticity as a starving artist. I soon realized how shallow he truly was during that period. He's so obsessed with his music that you might as well be invisible during his periods of so-called "brilliance." He has no patience with people who don't share his affinity for five-dollar words and pseudo-deep artistic sensibility. He was so boring in bed, and I'm so glad I can finally admit it. I was his Stepford wife; or rather, his 'muse' until he found a new one. I'm sure he'll move on, wooing more hapless guys with his faux romantic sentiments and gestures. I'm just sorry I fell for it."

Justin closes his journal, and sets his pen on top of it. A warm glow of accomplishment flows through him as he sets his journal on the bedside table. He snuggles against his chosen lover, and drifts off to sleep.

Brian stirs slightly, then curls into Justin's arms.

Return to Mothafunkybat's Fanfiction