The Headache
Part 4
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The next Day Brian's office
Cynthia enters Brian's office just as he hangs up the phone and reminds Brian of the time, "Brian it's 1:45 if you don't leave now you'll be late for your appointment. I know this Liberty Air project is taking up a lot of your time. Would you like me to cancel your appointment? "
"No, I need a break. See you at 3:00."
Ten minutes later, Brian steps off the elevator on the 6th floor of an office building that although less than 3 blocks from his office seems to be part of another world. Where his office is part of an ultra modern glass and chrome complex this office belongs to another time. It is all wooden floors and dark panels with dust mites swirling in the few pools of light that manage to find their way through the wooden sashes of the windows.
Reaching his destination room 635 Brian enter nods at the ancient women sitting behind an old oak desk. She responds with "Mr. Kinney the doctor will see you now."
Dr. Leon Knight, PhD, 45 years old, 6 feet tall, attractive, and most importantly gay greets Brian in the same manner he has done for the last two and a half years. "Hello Brian. Please have a seat and we'll get started."
"So how was your week?"
Brian being Brian almost always looks everyone directly in the eye when speaking with him or her, Dr. Knight is no exception, but today he can't seem to do that. The reason for this lapse in his usually direct manner is the tears that are blurring his vision.
Finally looking up, but not really seeing the doctor although he is less than five feet in front of him, says through strangled sobs, "I almost lost him," and begins to sob uncontrollably.
For the last five days Brian has acted as an anchor for Justin and helped him to fight off all the demons that threatened to pull him into a never-ending tunnel of despair and gloom, but in the process he himself had somehow been pulled into the tunnel instead.
Handing Brian the ever-present tissue box from the reading table beside his chair Dr. Knight responds by asking, "Whom are you talking about Brian?"
It takes Brian several minutes to get control of his emotions. Wiping away the remnants of his emotional storm he finally answers the doctor, "His name is Justin."
'You said you almost lost him. What do mean by lost?"
"He almost died. He actually stopped breathing due to an allergic reaction to some ibuprofen he was given for a headache."
"Hmm that's an unusually drug allergy."
Brian let's out breathy half chuckle. "Justin's definitely an unusual person."
The doctor secretly concurred. His only thought is that in two and a half years he has never known Brian Kinney to mention the name of any males other than Michael, Emmett, and Ted and now with the birth of his son Gus. And to actually shed tears for someone is also and unprecedented event.
"Tell me more about Justin."
"What do you mean, more?"
"You were afraid of loosing him. Why? What is he to you?"
"I guess most people would call him my boyfriend or my lover, but I don't do lovers and I don't do boyfriends."
"Brian you still didn't answer my question. What is he to you?"
No longer able to sit still Brian rises from his seat and begins to pace he stops in front of the bookcase filled with Psychology Books and Journals and answers without turning to face the doctor, "Nothing…Justin is Justin."
Dr. Knight responds as if Brian hasn't spoken. "Brian, what is he to you?"
Brian remains silent.
The doctor waits five minutes and repeats the question. "What is he to you?"
Brian is thinking about the feel of Justin's skin and how it looks against the dark sheets of his bed; the way he sticks his tongue up behind his teeth and smiles when he's being playful; how he looks in the shower; how he looks asleep with his books strewn about him on the sofa; the taste of him; the feel of him snuggled against his back while he sleeps; and the way his face lights up when Brian walks into a room.
A small voice inside Brian's head answers Dr. Knight's question, "Everything."
"Brian we only have about 10 more minutes, if you'd rather not answer the question we can move on to something else."
Brian remains silent. Dr. Knight sensing that the session is over begins to jot notes down about Brian's body language and possible topics to discuss with Brian during his next session.
"Brian, I'm sorry but our time is up. Will I see you next week?"
"Brian finally turns away from the bookcase and looks at Dr. Knight and answers, "Yeah Doc. As Mikey would say 'same bat channel, same bat place, same bat time'."
As Brian begins to open the door to leave he suddenly turns and looks Dr. Knight in the eye and says, "with the exception of Gus, Lindsey and Michael, Justin's the most important person in my life because he let's me know that I am alive and that I'm not a heartless shit. What is he to me? He is my conscience, my soul, my anchor and my mirror. What is Justin to me? He's everything."
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3:05 p.m. Brian's office
Cynthia notices that Brian is in his usual contemplative mood after returning from his "Reflexologist." She wonders if Brian really thinks that she doesn't know that he actually goes to see a therapist every Thursday. Even if she hadn't seen him coming out of that building she would be able to tell from his demeanor after his sessions. She's the same way after she comes from her therapist.
She also figures that he must have had some kind of breakthrough today. Well it's none of her business. Brian is one of the best executives in the company and working for him is demanding, but he treats you fair and doesn't ask anything of you he wouldn't do himself, so if he wants to pretend that he sees a Reflexologist every Thursday then so-be-it.
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3:45 p.m. Brian's office
Brian's cell phone rings, looking at the caller I.D. Brian answers, "Justin. Why are you at Deb's and not at work?"
"You had her cut my hours remember. I'm off today and tomorrow is a teacher's workshop day so there are no classes. Are you going to Woody's tonight?"
"No, but if you want I'll pick you up after work. We can get something to eat and spend the evening together."
Totally surprised by the offer of a hopefully romantic evening alone with Brian, Justin answers like the teenager he is, "For real!"
Shaking his head and laughing Brian responds, "Yeah, for real."
Trying to sound more nonchalant this time Justin responds with a muted, "Okay."
Just before hanging up the phone Brian adds, "Justin, pack a bag."
Cynthia walks in and sees the remnants of a smile on Brian's face and says, "So how's Justin?"
Brian is caught off guard by this, "How'd you know it was Justin on the phone?"
Placing the papers she came to deliver in Brian's in-box and turning to leave Cynthia replies over her shoulder, "Easy, you were smiling."
Brian calls after Cynthia, "Cancel all my appointments for tomorrow I'm going to be working from home."
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5:00 p.m. Brian's Jeep as he drives to Deb's to pick up Justin.
The voice of Stevie Wonders blares from the stereo.
You Are The Sunshine Of My Life
That's Why I'll Always Stay Around
You Are The Apple Of My Eye
Forever You'll Stay In My Heart
I Feel Like This Is The Beginning
Though I've Loved You For A Million Years
And If I Thought Our Love Was Ending
I'd Find Myself Drowning In My Own Tears
You Are The Sunshine Of My Life
That's Why I'll Always Stay Around
You Are The Apple Of My Eye
Forever You'll Stay In My Heart
You Must Have Known That I Was Lonely
Because You Came To My Rescue
And I Know That This Must Be Heaven
How Could So Much Love Be Inside Of You
You Are The Sunshine Of My Life
That's Why I'll Always Stay Around
You Are The Apple Of My Eye
Forever You'll Stay In My Heart
You Are The Sunshine Of My Life
That's Why I'll Always Stay Around
You Are The Apple Of My Eye
Forever You'll Stay In My Heart
"You Are the Sunshine of My Life", Stevie Wonder. Talking Book Remastered. March 21, 2000 UNI/Motown.