The Headache
Part 3
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Debbie's living room early evening on the day that Justin returns from the hospital…
Debbie and Vic are laughing to the point of tears rolling down their cheeks, as Justin, in a high pitched falsetto voice does his imitation of the school nurse's reaction to his "little adventure into the world of allergic reactions."
There are two other people watching Justin's performance-Daphne seated on the floor in the living room and Brian leaning against the counter in Debbie's kitchen, who aren't laughing.
Brian looks over at Daphne and sees the thoughtful look in her eyes as she watches Justin's performance and he realizes that like him she's not buying Justin's "it was no big deal" act.
Brian waits until the performance and laughter are over and Justin is seated on the sofa before he himself sits down. He purposely chooses a seat that affords him an unobstructed view of Justin while keeping everyone else from easily viewing him.
"Sunshine. Are you hungry? I've got some of those lemon bars you like so much from the diner."
Justin thinking to himself, I used to like lemon bars, but if I eat one more I'm going to barf answers, "Thanks Debbie that sounds good."
"Two lemon bars and a glass of milk coming right up."
Brian and Daphne exchange knowing looks. It's then that Brian becomes conscious of the fact that he's come to know Justin about as well as Daphne does. And what they both know is that something is WRONG, VERY WRONG.
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An hour later in Brian's loft.
"Justin, are you finished, yet?"
Justin answers from behind the computer, "Brian, this is silly. I can't believe you are actually making me do this," but in actuality Justin realizes that Brian was letting him know how much he means to him and was secretly thrilled that he was showing this much concern for him.
"Justin."
"Yes, I'm finished."
"Print out four copies, one for Debbie and three for me."
"Three? Why do you need three?"
"Well one each for here, my office, and the Jeep. That way no matter where I am I'll always have access and don't forget to save it on the hard drive."
"What should I call it?"
"Something obvious like-Justin's Drug Allergies.doc."
Rising from the computer, Justin picks up the copies from the printer and hands all, but one, which he stuffs into his backpack, to Brian.
With that chore done Justin sits on the sofa and rests his head on his knees and waits for Brian to join him.
Brian closing his briefcase where he has placed two of the documents he again looks at Justin and thinks something is WRONG, but what?
Brian approaches Justin from behind and bends down placing a feather soft kiss on Justin's ear, then using the tip of his tongue he traces the shape of the ear before again kissing Justin this time on the pulse point of his neck.
The moan of pleasure that comes from deep inside Justin lets Brian know that all though there is something bothering Justin he is definitely alive and well.
Justin still feels the warmth on his neck from the kiss as Brian walks around the sofa and in one fluid motion, pulls Justin onto his lap.
Even though Justin is used to Brian's agility and strength, having experienced both during his tenure as "Brian's lover", he is momentarily stunned by how fast he goes from sitting on the sofa to sitting on Brian's lap and being wrapped in the cocoon of his arms.
Brian resumes his assault on Justin's neck and ears soliciting the desired moans from deep in Justin. Brian loves the noises that Justin makes before, during, and after sex. Each moan makes Brian grow harder and harder until he is so hard he aches.
Without warning he rises from the sofa and carries Justin to bed. Once there he playfully drops Justin onto the bed and begins to strip. Justin sees the teasing challenge in Brian's eyes and begins to remove his own clothes in an equally hurried fashion soon both are naked and locked in a passionate embrace.
Although it has only been two days since the last time he made love to Justin, Brian feels that it has been an eternity since he has felt the joy of sinking deep into Justin's eager and skillful ass. He knows that neither of them will last long.
Their joining is frenzied, passionate and quick. It leaves both of them panting and wanting more, but too drained to do anything about it. They end up dozing in each other's arms still sticky and covered in cum and sweat.
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A short time later…
Brian awakes to find Justin's side of the bed empty. He assumes that Justin has become hungry and gone to get a "midnight" snack. Instead of finding Justin raiding the refrigerator or sitting at the counter eating he is once again sitting on the sofa with his head on his knees.
Again, Brian approaches Justin from behind and bends down placing a feather soft kiss on Justin's ear, once again he used the tip of his tongue to trace the shape of Justin's ear before again kissing him on the pulse point of his neck. Unlike earlier, this time Justin barely acknowledges that he's been touched.
"Justin, what's wrong?"
Brian must repeat the question several more times. The last of which is all but shouted directly into Justin's face as Brian kneels in front of him on the floor.
Justin looks up, allowing Brian to see for the first time the unshed tears and fear in his eyes. He then answers in a barely audible voice as a single tear escapes and runs down his cheek, "I have a headache."
Brian sits beside Justin on the sofa and gathers the sobbing youth onto his lap.
Time seems to stop as Justin quietly cries in Brian's arms. Brian is frantically trying to think of something to say to Justin that won't sound cliché, but the truth is he can't think of anything other than… "I'm here Justin and I'm not going to let anything happen to you… I promise."
What sounds cliché and ineffectual to Brian to Justin is a lifeline in an emotional storm that has been threatening to sweep him away every since he left the hospital and he stops crying.
To Brian the ensuing silence is disconcerting and a little unnerving. He is used to Justin always talking, questioning, or lecturing him on some bad habit he has by quoting some government study or book he's read. He's just not used to a silent Justin and if he were willing to be honest with himself he would have to admit that it's not just unnerving it's frightening.
Finally Justin breaks the deafening silence with a softly spoken statement, "I don't know how much more of this I can take."
Given a choice between hearing the sound of despair and defeat coming from Justin and silence, Brian would choose silence.
Before Brian can speak Justin continues, "I come out and end up homeless; my mother who says she loves me, also says that she has to 'consider the NEEDS of the family over my DESIRES'; I forget to turn on your alarm on and you get robbed; school is a living hell; I have no idea of how I'm going to pay for college; and last but not least I get a headache and end up not breathing. I think that the universe is trying to tell me something. Most of the time I'm tired and when I'm not tired, I'm scared. About the only time I'm not tired or scared is when I'm with you…Brian, I'm ready to give up. I can't keep doing this…Not for the rest of my life…Not even another day… I…feel so alone." Justin's voice trails off as he begins to sob again.
During Justin's outburst Brian realizes that he has always thought of Justin as being strong. That despite everything that's happened to him, he could handle it and would always come out on the winning end. He now realizes that he was seeing what he wanted to see. What he NEEDED to see.
"Justin, what are you saying? Are you going to stop being gay? Are you going to 'See the Light'?"
This last question gets the desired effect from the once again silent youth in his arms--a watery giggle.
Brian moves Justin off his lap and onto the couch and turns side ways so that they are facing each other.
Taking Justin's hands and in a solemn voice Brian begins to address his young lover's fears, "All joking aside Justin, no one ever said being gay is easy. In many ways it does get easier as you get older and in other ways it gets harder."
Justin begins to interrupt, "I know Brian, but…" he is silenced with a gentle kiss.
"Let's look at your list of things that have happened to you. Your father did throw you out of the house, but Justin you were never homeless and as for your mother Justin she is doing what she thinks is best for everyone. It can't be easy on her knowing that another woman is 'mothering' her son. Especially when that woman is Debbie."
They share a laugh at the thought of the very cultured Jennifer relinquishing control of her son to the flamboyant Debbie.
Brian is now sitting back on the sofa and Justin is once again wrapped in his arms.
"Yeah my stuff got stolen and I was angry, but the insurance company replaced it all within 72 hours and you got a trip to New York."
Justin looks up into Brian's face and sees the far off look that momentarily stops his monologue and knows that he is thinking about how his New York adventure ended with the two of them having some of the best sex they've ever had.
Shaking his head to clear it of his errant thought Brian continues. "School is what it is. High school is a living hell for 90% of the kids. If they weren't giving you a hard time for being gay they would find another reason. As for the rest of it Justin-money and health problems that's just LIFE."
Justin who is beginning to feel better about everything tries to let Brian know that talking has helped. "Bri..." Again he is silenced with a gentle kiss.
"Let me finish, I know that you've been through a lot in the last few months, but you're forgetting something-you've never been alone. If nothing else yesterday should have proved that to you. Justin you'll never be alone… I can promise you that. I'll…" As soon as the words were spoken Brian realizes that he was about to say, "I'll always be there."
Now, it's Brian's turn to be silent. The longer they remain silent the more Justin, who is still lying in Brian's arms, feels the tension seep into Brian's body.
Thinking it's because he hasn't responded to Brian's words Justin begins to speak.
"Brian I never meant to sound ungrateful or unappreciative for all the support that you and Debbie and the guys have given me, but it's just hard to have to fight the world for the right to be who you are and I guess I was just feeling sorry for myself."
"Justin I didn't say what I said because I wanted your gratitude or appreciation. I said it so that you would realize that yesterday was one day out of your life and tomorrow will be different. Maybe better or maybe worse, but each new day is an opportunity and you have to be willing to accept and deal with whatever life hands you. That giving up in not an option."
The silence that follows is soothing to Brian and disconcerting to Justin.
Justin who is racking his brain for something to say to Brian that would let him know that he is okay and feeling better. He finally remembers something he left off his list of things he can't take anymore. "Brian there's just one more thing I don't think waiting until tomorrow will ever make better."
"Then you weren't listening…"
"Yes I was listening…" Justin turns his face into Brian's chest to hide his smile, "…but waiting until tomorrow won't make this better. I know it."
Brian feeling Justin's shoulders shaking thinks that he is once again sobbing and quietly asks, "What it is Justin?"
"If I have to eat one more Lemon Bar I'm going to barf. How do I get Debbie to stop bringing them home to me?"
Laughing Brian maneuvers so that he is lying on top of Justin and answers, "With the exception of Mikey, we all hate those things so if you can figure out a way to make Deb stop feeding them to us you'd be our hero."