Friends and Lovers

Chapter 8

Justin wasn't the least bit surprised to find the loft empty upon his return. He was, in fact, somewhat relieved. All the way home from Michael's, he'd been wondering if Brian was aware of Michael's feelings concerning the cancellation of the movie. Had Michael told him that he blamed Justin? That he suspected him of contributing to the escalation of violence? Was that what Brian had been trying to hide from him since their return home?

Part of him wanted to know, but a bigger part didn't. It was bad enough knowing that Michael believed it; it would only be worse to learn that Brian was supporting the misconception or even agreed with it.

One bat to the head might not have been enough for you but it was fucking more than enough for me!

Brian had been truly scared for him and Justin had seen it as a turning point, of sorts, in their relationship. Rather than keeping his feelings to himself like he'd so often done in the past, Brian had let him see his fear, his vulnerability. Was he regretting that, now? Trying to turn things back to the way they used to be and using Michael's anger and disappointment as a means to that end?

God, he hoped not. He was tired of taking one step forward and two back. It always hurt more to have something and then lose it than it did to never have it at all. He didn't want Brian regretting the steps they'd taken toward a real life together. From there, it wouldn't be long before he found a way to take back the words he'd finally spoken, the words Justin had waited so long to hear and had come to cherish like the treasure they were. He'd almost prefer never hearing them to having them discounted or taken back after the fact. Of course, if Brian truly regretted saying them, it was probably best that he knew.

He just didn't think he could deal with it at the moment.

He showered quickly and crawled into bed with a long sigh. There was also the possibility, he conceded to himself, that Brian was unaware of Michael's true feelings concerning the movie. Maybe he knew that Michael was disappointed that the project had been scrapped, but didn't realize he suspected Justin of having a hand in it, however unintentional. Deep down, he didn't think Brian would stand silently by while Michael compared the violence that had plagued the movie set to the incident with Chris Hobbes. The latter would always be a painful memory for his lover and Michael undoubtedly knew that. He wouldn't be so insensitive as to bring that up to Brian.

Of course, he'd never thought Michael would bring it up to him, either.

He was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of Brian entering the loft. Quickly deciding his best course of action, he closed his eyes and pretended to sleep. He heard footsteps approaching the bedroom and pausing at the foot of the bed.

"You awake?" Brian asked quietly. Getting only silence in response, he headed into the bathroom and started the shower.

Justin opened his eyes and let out a small sigh once he heard the water running. He was unsure whether Brian had believed the ruse and a little dismayed to realize he didn't really care. He knew he'd have to talk to him at some point, but at the moment, later seemed like a far more agreeable option than sooner.

Closing his eyes once again, he let his exhaustion and the sound of running water lure him to sleep.

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While neither was overly big on conversation, the near silence that permeated the loft the next morning was uncharacteristically tense. They spoke only when necessary and carefully avoided all mention of the previous night, both stubbornly refusing to be the one to bring it up.

"Don't forget you're picking Gus up from school," Justin reminded him as Brian checked the contents of his briefcase.

"Shit," he murmured, an obvious indication that he had, indeed, forgotten.

"Forget, for the moment, that you're pissed at Lindsay and just think about how much you'll enjoy spending time with Gus," Justin suggested, trying to lighten the mood. "Just the two of you, not a lesbian in sight."

Brian snorted. "In Lindsay's case, out of sight doesn't necessarily mean out of mind. She'll probably leave a list a mile long of things we're not allowed to do, snacks I'm not allowed to give him, words I'm not allowed to corrupt him with." He finished with his briefcase and snapped it shut.

"Gus won't care about any of that," Justin replied with a small shrug. "He just enjoys being with you."

Brian looked up, both eyebrows arched skeptically, though there was a small smile lurking at the corners of his lips. Crossing the room, briefcase in hand, he deposited a soft kiss on his lover's waiting mouth. "Later, Sunshine."

The use of the familiar moniker made Justin feel instantly better. Brian wouldn't use it, not in that tone, if he was still angry. Maybe he could let a little of his own anger slide, at least meet the man halfway. "Later," he replied with a small, though sincere smile.

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Though he'd planned on picking up some necessary art supplies, Justin found himself merely walking down Liberty Avenue, taking in the sights and sounds. He hadn't been in California long, but he still felt oddly detached, like maybe too much had happened or too much had changed for him to ever really feel the same about anything again.

He was wondering if his feelings were normal, hoping that they were temporary, when he heard someone speaking his name. Blinking once, he turned to see that Lindsay had fallen into step beside him.

"You looked like you were a million miles away," she said with a smile, nudging his shoulder gently.

"Sorry," he offered, returning the smile. "I guess I was." He frowned a little then, taking stock of her smart attire. "What are you doing here in the middle of the day?"

"I have a million things to do to get ready for the meeting this afternoon and probably won't have time for lunch," she replied with a sigh. "I thought I'd take advantage of a momentary lull to grab something to take back to the gallery."

"From the diner?"

"I'm more in the mood for one of those bagels from Scapelli's," she replied. "At the same time I can pick up something for dessert tonight." She huffed a small laugh. "Not that Brian will eat it, of course."

"Brian?"

She frowned at him slightly. "He's staying with Gus this afternoon. Don't tell me he forgot."

"Of course not," he assured her. "He'll be there to pick Gus up from school."

"Good," she said, with a satisfied smile.

"I just don't know what that has to do with dessert," he admitted.

"I couldn't very well ask him to sit with Gus and not invite him to stay for dinner," she said, looking at him like he'd just grown a second head.

"Actually, you did," he pointed out. "You didn't mention dinner when you asked him to pick up Gus."

"I didn't?" She seemed totally surprised by that news. "Hmm. I meant to. I know Gus would love it, having his Daddy's undivided attention without all the distractions of one of Deb's family dinners."

He still didn't know if he was included in the invitation and was too polite to ask. Her comment about distractions, though, gave him a pretty good idea. "You probably shouldn't mention it to Gus until you've had a chance to ask Brian."

She waved a hand in dismissal of the notion. "He wants to spend more time with his son and Gus likes having him around. I'm sure he won't mind. He's been so busy lately, working and running back and forth to California that we've hardly seen him."

He wanted to point out that she didn't often invite him to dinner when he wasn't running back and forth to California, but thought better of it. "Still, you know Brian. He doesn't like to be blindsided."

"Having dinner with his son is hardly being blindsided," she huffed irritably. "He's the one who came to me saying he wanted more time with Gus. If that was all bullshit, he should tell me now before Gus is the one who gets hurt."

"It's not bullshit," Justin replied, getting angry himself. "He does want to spend time with Gus, but he doesn't need to be doing it out of some misplaced sense of guilt."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded.

"You tell me," he snapped. "If he tells you he has plans for dinner, are you going to accuse him of not wanting to spend time with Gus? Claim it was all bullshit the minute he isn't available to answer to your beck and call?"

"That's not what I meant," she answered, her tone softening some.

He took a deep breath and shook his head slowly. "All I'm saying is it will mean more to both Gus and Brian if he's doing it because he wants to rather than to prove his intentions to you. You know he wouldn't have said it if he didn't mean it."

"I know," she acquiesced with a sigh.

"Then ask him about dinner; don't just assume he'll want to stay if he was serious about spending more time with Gus."

The last of her anger seemed to melt away with the words. "You're right," she conceded. "I'll ask him." She paused a moment before smiling tentatively. "You're invited, too, of course."

He was tempted to call her on that, to remind her that having him there would seriously damage the happy little hetero family fantasy she seemed to be indulging in lately. Needing Brian to go with her to see the apartment, her insistence that he was the only one who could pick Gus up from school, planning the cozy little family dinner without outside distractions. He wondered, for a moment, whether it was about Brian being Gus' father or wishful thinking, on Lindsay's part, that he could be a replacement for Mel.

"Justin?"

He flushed slightly as he was caught in the less than charitable thoughts. "Uh, thanks, but I should probably stop by my mom's."

He wasn't sure if her expression actually brightened upon hearing his words or whether his own morose thoughts had him seeing simply what he expected to see.

"Another time, then," she said with a smile. "I'll call Brian when I get back to the gallery. Give your mom my best."

With a quick kiss to his cheek, she was gone, hurrying toward the bakery.

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Brian was at his desk, studying the preliminary boards for the Henderson account, when Cynthia breezed in.

"You need to sign these," she said, placing a small sheaf of letters on his desk. "And Lindsay Peterson is on line one."

With a small smile, she left the office, closing the door behind her. Brian picked up the phone and punched the appropriate button.

"No, I didn't forget. I'll be at Gus' school at 3:10 sharp."

"I'm not calling because I thought you'd forget," she chastised him amiably. "I ran into Justin this morning and he told me you hadn't."

"Then why are you calling?"

"Actually, it was Justin who insisted I call and invite you to dinner tonight. It'll be nice, Brian, just the three of us. I know Gus would love it."

"Justin insisted on this, did he?" Brian asked skeptically.

"He said he wanted to go to his mom's. Maybe he was worried you wouldn't eat if left to your own devices."

He knew Justin had seen his mom a couple of nights ago. "As I'm sure Justin - and you - are aware, I've been monitoring my own eating habits for quite some time and haven't managed to starve to death yet," he said dryly.

"Maybe he thought it would be nice for you to spend the time with Gus. He's missed you lately, you know."

"Was Justin invited to this cozy little dinner?" he asked. He didn't like the way Lindsay seemed to dismiss his lover at times and was still angry at the way she'd brushed off his offer to pick Gus up from school.

"Of course I invited him," Lindsay huffed.

He didn't doubt it, but he knew how manipulative Lindsay could be at times. If she said she'd invited Justin, she had. Whether or not she'd been sincere in her invitation was another matter. He'd have to get Justin's take on it. "I'll have to get back to you," he finally said. "I'm not sure what my plans are just yet."

"I see," she said quietly. "Well, once you are sure, let me know. I should be home by six." She paused for a moment. "And Brian, don't get angry with Justin for insisting I call. I'm sure he was just thinking about Gus and how much he enjoys spending time with you."

"I'm sure Justin realizes Gus and I will have a few hours of quality time together this afternoon," Brian replied, his tone challenging. "That's actually more than I've had with Justin at any one time since he's been home."

She was quiet for a moment. "Are you guys having problems?" she finally asked. "If so, you know you can talk to me about it if you need to."

He almost laughed into the phone. Any problems they were having were being <i>caused</i> by members of their extended family; they weren't likely to be solved by them. "Nothing you need to concern yourself with."

"Well, good," she said, her voice much brighter. "So I'll see you when I get home and you can let me know whether or not you'll be staying for dinner."

"Yeah."

He hung up the phone and sat going over the conversation for a moment before he picked it up again and dialed the loft.

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Justin was letting himself into the loft, arms laden with grocery bags, when his cell phone started ringing. Cursing softly, he managed to wrangle his purchases to the counter before fumbling in his pocket for the small device.

"Hello," he said breathlessly.

"Justin? It's Dwight Matherson."

"Dwight. Hi."

"I've finally made my way through the resumes I received and I'm pleased to say your portfolio continues to stand out above the rest. If you're still interested, the job is yours. You can start Monday."

"Yes, I'm definitely interested," Justin replied with a smile. "Thank you, Mr. Matherson."

"Generally, you'll begin work at 9 a.m., but if you could come in an hour earlier on Monday, we can get everything squared away with personnel before you start."

"I'll be there," he promised. "Thanks again. I really appreciate this chance."

"I've no doubt this opportunity will be beneficial to both you and Artex Designs," Dwight replied. "Have a great weekend and I'll see you on Monday."

"Thanks. You, too."

As he put the groceries away, he tried to muster up the suitable exuberance he thought he should be feeling. Artex was a great opportunity for him and he knew he'd been lucky to stumble upon it, especially as it was a temporary position that fit in so nicely with his plans, but he couldn't shake off the feeling of unease he'd had since Dwight had expressed a personal interest in him. He didn't think he'd offer him the job based solely on that, but then, he didn't really know the guy.

And on top of that, the confrontation with Michael was still shadowing his thoughts.

As surprised - and hurt - as he'd been by Michael's words, he couldn't help wondering if there wasn't a grain of truth to them. He'd goaded Chris Hobbes - at school, then in public that night in front of Woody's. Even Brian had pointed out that he'd succeeded in making a real enemy. None of that, of course, came close to an excuse for what Hobbes did, but he was willing to admit that he'd been trying to anger him, to humiliate him in front of his friends. He hadn't fully realized, then, what Hobbes was capable of, but he liked to think he'd learned something along the way. He wasn't that kid, anymore. That naiveté and the sense of invincibility that accompanied youth and innocence had been left, forever abandoned, in a parking garage across town.

The phone rang and he absently reached to answer it, glancing briefly at the call display. "Hey," he said into the receiver upon recognizing his lover's number.

"I just received the most interesting call, Sunshine," Brian drawled on the other end. "Imagine my surprise to learn that you insisted Lindsay call and invite me to dinner at Muncher Villa so that you'd be free to go to your mom's."

He rolled his eyes. "That's not exactly the way it happened. I did suggest she call, but only because she was already assuming that you'd be there for dinner."

"I take it from your choice of pronoun that you weren't exactly invited to join us."

"Not in a way that made me believe for a second that she wanted me there," Justin replied absently. "Which is why I told her I'd probably drop by my mom's."

"So, are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Going to Mommy's, Twat."

Justin hesitated for a moment. "As it turns out, I have some shopping to do." He took a deep breath and let it out. "I start my new job at Artex on Monday."

The short pause was now on the other end of the line. "Congratulations."

"Thanks."

"Well, time is money, Sunshine. I've got some calls to make."

"Ok," Justin replied, disappointed but not really surprised by the lackluster reaction. "I guess I'll talk to you later, then."

"Yeah, later."

He hung up the phone and stood there for a moment before breathing a sigh and heading for the refrigerator. He'd bought the ice cream in hopes of another session like the one they'd enjoyed on the chaise a few years ago, but thought it might serve a better purpose in light of current circumstances. He didn't bother with a bowl once he had the carton in his hand, but stopped briefly for a spoon before heading toward the sofa.

He was flicking through channels aimlessly, having already made his way through a third of the frozen treat when the phone rang again.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself. Since you're planning on going shopping later, I thought you could pick up some things for me."

"Such as?"

"Something other than cargo pants and t-shirts. I don't think that little Italian place you like is big on such attire."

He frowned into the phone, the spoon hovering, forgotten, above the carton of ice cream. "What are you talking about?"

"Dinner, Twat. I've made reservations for seven."

"You're taking me out to dinner?"

"Landing a job at a company like Artex, on a temporary basis and without benefit of a college degree, I might add, would be considered an achievement in some circles and you know how fond I am of celebrating achievement."

Justin couldn't help smiling at the mock sarcasm. "How loathe you are to celebrate anything that doesn't qualify, you mean."

"Well said."

"What about Lindsay?"

"I already called her. Told her I was taking my other favourite blond out to celebrate his new job."

"And she was OK with that?" He wished he'd been able to keep the incredulity from his voice.

"Of course. She even sent along her own congratulations."

"Cool. Dinner at seven, then."

"Lindsay should be home around six. I'll come back to the loft, shower, change and we'll be on our way."

Justin huffed a short laugh. "Yeah, right. The last time we planned something down to the wire like that, you lured me into the shower with you and we ended up being an hour late."

"It was dinner at Deb's. She's used to it."

"Yeah, well, I doubt La Fenice would be quite so understanding and I'd hate to lose our reservation." He paused a moment. "I really need this night out. I think we both do."

Brian didn't comment on that directly, but Justin could tell by the way his voice softened that he agreed. "So what do you have in mind, Sunshine?"

"The restaurant is like a two minute walk from Daphne's place and I wanted to tell her about my new job, anyway. Why don't I just meet you at La Fenice at seven? That way, if Lindsay's a little late or something, I'll be able to hold our table until you get there."

"Hmmm… just two guys happening to meet up in the same place. I like the non-date sound of that."

Justin laughed. "I think you blew the whole non-date thing out of the water when you made a reservation for two at one of the most romantic restaurants in town." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wished he could take them back. While Brian might do the odd romantic thing, he didn't like to admit it, and he certainly didn't like having it pointed out to him.

"Maybe I was just hoping to get lucky later."

Justin had to swallow around the lump of emotion that settled in his throat as he was reminded how much he truly loved the man on the other end of the line. "That's a promise."

"Then my work here is done. Later, Sunshine."

"Later."

He was smiling as he returned the ice cream to the freezer. If he played his cards right, his original plans for it would come to fruition later.

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