Only Seventeen

~ 15 ~

*~*~Justin's POV~*~*

It's been over two weeks since I had my chat with Brian. I've begun to talk with him more during class and at work. In turn, he's let off a bit on pressuring me to accompany him places. Daphne is disappointed that I didn't tell him the truth, but she doesn't understand how much that would've taken away from me. Emmett believes that in order for me to get over him, I must get under somebody else.

Everyone has an opinion.

I choose to follow Emmett's advice and also my own, that if I continue to hide out it will only show how much of an affect Brian's had on me. My solution may not be well thought out, but that hasn't stopped me from coming to Babylon almost every night this week. I sneak out after my mother has crawled into bed and I can hear the soft snore coming from her room.

I make it to Babylon where after the first couple of times the bouncer greets me with a nod and no cover charge. I don't have to stand in line anymore. I'm well known.

The first night there I observe the masses from afar, drink like a fish, and somehow stumble home to my bed. Everything was appealing, but nothing drew me in.

I saw Brian with two different guys that night.

He didn't see me.

The next night, I dance with a group of guys, accept drinks from an older man named Paul. He has dark hair, deep complexion, and sultry eyes. I'm guessing he was Italian. He wants to go to the backroom and I decline his offer.

I go home without seeing Brian at all.

The night after that, there is Bobby and Adam, both equally handsome with fair tans and dirty, blonde, crew cuts. They are older, in college, belong to the same fraternity. They want to fuck me, but all I allow is kissing.

Brian sees me that night.

Tonight, there's Philip, he's French with dark hair and a fair complexion. He has amazingly dark eyes that I could get lost in. He's been supplying me with drinks since I walked through the door almost two hours ago. He speaks eloquently and with a deep accent that I swoon. It's edging close to 1:30 and I remind myself that I have to work in the morning.

"Hey Phil, it's getting late and I gotta work." I slur my words and it comes out in a big blob.

"The night is still young and so are we." He says with a lot of grace.

I laugh because it's cheesy. He takes offense to it and I didn't mean for that to happen. Philip mutters something about 'Stupeed Amereecans'. I run my hand through his hair and pull him to me for a tongue-filled kiss because I don't want to part on bad terms. He takes that as an apology and wraps his long arms around me once again. It's not until after I swallow that I realize he slipped me a pill. Sneaky bastard. I'm too drunk to care; I wrap my arms around his neck and sway with the music. We dance until last call when I make Philip buy me the largest drink they have. I finish it quickly and then stagger out the door and away from that place. It's two o'clock and time for grease filled diner food.

"Jesus." Kiki gasps when she sees me wobble through the door. I'm on cloud nine after having downed that drink so quickly, but I know it's only a matter of time until before I start to come down.

"Hi!" I exclaim happily with a little wave. I find my way to a booth in the back and lean against the wall sprawling across the rest of it. I lean my head back and close my eyes.

When I open them again I feel somebody shaking me. "Get the fuck off." My vision focuses and I see Deb's face, concern written all over it, in front of me.

"This isn't a motel, Sunshine." She pushes my legs off the bench and sits down next to me. "What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't." I grumble trying to clear my head, but I think that I'm still drunk and Frenchy's pill is extremely enjoyable. There is an array of colors in front of me. "What time is it?"

"Early." Deb shakes her head as she looks at me. She stands up and walks to the counter. When she returns Brian is by her side at the end of the table. "You're not working your shift like this. Brian is going to take you home."

I stand up, ready to protest that I'm a big boy and able to handle myself. I'm wobbly and giddy, neither very impressive. Brian snakes his arm around me and leaves it on my hip, then practically drags me from the diner.

We walk the distance in silence, well sort of; I'm still completely giddy and can't stop laughing. His face has a pissy scowl on it and he keeps muttering something under his breath.

"What the fuck?" I ask thoroughly annoyed. "What is your problem?"

"My problem?" Brian huffs and lets go of me. I teeter and fall to the ground, but it's okay, doesn't hurt. We're outside my house now. "I don't have a problem."

"Yes, yes, you do." I stand with slight difficulty. Brian reaches out and steadies me. "You've had a problem the whole fucking walk home. I want to know what your deal is." I finish with my hands on my hips, foot tapping expectantly.

"'My deal' is you." Brian hisses through clenched teeth. "What the hell do you think you're doing to yourself?"

"I am having fun." I throw back facetiously.

Brian shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose. "You call this fun? Drinking yourself to oblivion every night, fawning yourself over everything that walks, and being high on…on whatever the hell it is you took."

I don't know what I took or more appropriately what was given to me. I think it was E though, because right now I feel like I'm flying and Brian's trying to ground me against my will. "Don't you?" I stagger and decide to sit down. "I know you've been doing this a lot longer than me, Mr. Expert. I'm just trying to catch up."

"This isn't you, Sunshine. You like to play pool at Woody's. Joke with Mikey. Draw." The look on my face makes him smile. I've never told him about my art. "I've seen you doodling on napkins. You're good." He says after a beat.

"Yeah, that's a matter of opinion." My father doesn't like the fact that I want to be an artist.

"Even so." He takes a breath. "None of that stuff includes taking drugs-either willingly or not, which we'll discuss later--by a middle-aged man."

Oddly, I feel the need to defend Philip. "He's not middle-aged.

"Irrelevant. Why are you doing it?"

Brian looms over me, concern on his face, and I don't know how to answer him, so I shrug.

"There has to be a reason. Nobody wakes up one morning and decides to curve their lifestyle this way.

How do you tell somebody that you're feelings are greater than theirs could ever be? It should be obvious by now that I've tried numerous ways to get over that fact. I tried to be his friend, play pool, tell jokes, but I'd inevitable get left alone or with Mikey. So, I switched and tried the 'ignoring you' way, but he didn't like that either. After our talk, I tried a combination. I limited my outings, but still talked to Brian. Nothing seemed to work, until now. Now, I go out and I can drink away my problem. The hurt of seeing him go to the backroom can't get through my shield of vodka.

"I didn't know you like vodka."

The look on his face combined with that sentence lets me know that everything I just thought that I thought actually came tumbling out of my mouth.

"Oh shit!" I clasp my hand over my mouth, but the damage is already done. "Brian..." I'm speechless.

"It's okay, Justin." Brian says taking a seat next to me on the stoop. "I kind of assumed this already."

I'm vowing right here and now to never, ever, take any drugs other than Tylenol again.

"I don't know why I just said all that stuff, Brian. It must be the drugs and the booze, really, I'm fine."

"You're right about it being the drugs." He lowers his head. "You wouldn't have said it with your inhibitions intact."

I'm in denial about this and feel the need to bash it into the ground. I want to erase what just happened. "Brian, I really don't think that's true."

"Justin, it's okay. Mikey feels the same way about me and has ever since we were fourteen, but he knows nothing's ever going to happen. You'll get over it or learn to deal with it the same way he does, I assure you."

Fuck that! "I am not like Mikey nor do I ever want to be that way."

Brian stares blankly back at me. "I need to get back to work."

I debate whether to ask for help and decide that I better because the stairs are tall, and though I'm beginning to sober up, I know I'll never make it without help. "Could you just help me get to my room? You know where it is."

"Yeah." Brian says with a smile. "I know."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Justin!" I hear through the fog in my brain. "It's close to three, get your ass out of bed. You have some explaining to do." I throw the covers off and groggily climb from my soft abode. I shuffle down the stairs and into the living room.

"Jesus, you look like shit." My mother nicely points out. "Why didn't you go to work today?"

"I did and they sent me home. I feel like I got hit by a Mac truck." My head is pounding and my stomach is earning the gold medal in gymnastics. Can I go back to bed?"

"Not yet." She sits on the couch and pats the seat next to her. I opt to sit on the opposite couch given that I've yet to shower and probably reek of alcohol. "Where were you last night and all the nights before that?"

I didn't think she noticed. "I went out."

"That's all you're going to say, 'I went out'?" She folds her hands in her lap and purses her lips. "Justin, are you having sex?"

"What!!" I definitely need some drugs if this is the conversation we're going to have. "Where'd that come from?"

"If you are I just want you to be safe. Do you have a…a boyfriend?"

"Mom, I'm not talking with you about this."

"Maybe you should talk to your father."

"Fuck no!" I practically scream and stand up. "I'm sure that he wants to have that conversation. Are you crazy?"

"I just want to be sure that you're safe." She says again. "I don't know where you go, or who you're with, or when you're coming back."

"Mom, I'm just trying to live my life. If you really knew me then you'd know I wouldn't disappoint you."

She sighs and nods her head. "That's good. You could never be a disappointment, Justin. I know that."

"Okay." I walk towards the stairs. "I'm safe, Mom." I say before going back up to my room and falling asleep.

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