Justin's eyes fluttered open and a groan escaped as he rolled onto his back. 'Maybe.' He thought. 'If I just lie here the room will stop spinning.' No such luck. He suppressed the urge to throw up, but wasn't too sure he would be able to do that again. When he got the nerve to sit up he saw that there was nobody else in the room, which made him wonder where Brian was.

"He's probably working." Justin told himself as he crawled towards the bathroom, a pillow and blanket trailing behind him. After placing the pillow in front of the white toilet, Justin pulled the blanket over his shaking body and laid down. It wasn't long before the heaves came again. This time he wasn't able to keep them down, which was the whole point in moving to the bathroom. Justin made it through his third round of dry heaves before allowing himself to lie back down, and let sleep take over.

When he awoke again, he found a glass of water by his head and another blanket draped over him. Brian was home. He grimaced as he latched onto the sink and pulled himself up. Awkwardly, he made his way into the kitchen and saw Brian standing in front of the stove.

"You don't cook." Justin said, his voice low. Grabbing a stool, he quickly sat down knowing that if he continued to stand then the room would continue to revolve.

"Well, well, well." Brian smirked. "Welcome to the land of the living. You all done praying to the porcelain gods?"

"The only ones I would even consider praying to." Justin laughed then decided not to do that again.

"You got home pretty late last night."

Justin frowned at the word 'home'. It was so simple to say, but Justin knew differently. The home he'd once had was gone and he wasn't getting it back. It'd been awhile since he'd actually considered the term because when one had a home there was also the term 'family' that went along with it. Justin had lost his family in more ways than one.

"I didn't know there was a curfew." Justin shot back surprised by the venom in his voice. Apparently, his ego was more bruised than he realized.

"There's not, but on school nights could you refrain from being a drama queen and getting yourself plastered?"

"I'm sorry about that." Justin answered after awhile.

"Sorry's bullshit."

Justin stood and walked back to the bedroom before turning to Brian. "Can I ask you a quick question?"

"Sure."

"Did I really tell you that you have to promise to not fall in love with me?"

Brian laughed. "Yeah, plus some other things that we'll talk about later."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Where were you Friday?" The curly haired brunette asked Justin.

"I was nursing a hangover." He replied looking at his friend. "Daph, don't give me that look."

"What look?" Daphne asked.

"You women all have the same disapproving look, and I really don't need it." Justin said, grabbing the empty seat next to her.

"We do not! Okay, maybe we do, but it's warranted this time. I thought you had learned the last time to not drink so much; plus, you missed our pop quiz in chemistry."

"Doesn't matter." Justin told her as he grabbed his math book from his bag and opened it to that day's assignment. He had entered the library hoping to find some sort of solitude, but immediately knew that wasn't going to happen when he saw his friend, Daphne. They had met his second day of school in chemistry class. She had immediately bounded over to him all bubbly with excitement at having somebody new to talk to, and since they had become inseperable.

"How can you say that? I mean quizzes are like a third of our grade. Unless you have a time machine, you needed that to get a passing grade." She knew that her friend wasn't doing so well in any of his classes. He was barely passing any of them except for art. He did exceptionally well in that class, which had surprised even himself because he didn't know he was that good.

"I told you Daph, school isn't important to me. After I pay off my debts then I'm out of here and onto the next city." Justin said, wanting to take it back after he saw the pain on her face. "I'll still keep in touch with you, but I can't live here."

"You always say that, but you are living here, Justin. As much as you don't want to admit it, you have a home here," She wavered, knowing that he hated the words. "And a family. Face it. You've traveled all over the country looking for God knows what, but you never settle down long enough to find it. Maybe this time is different."

Justin smiled at her and nodded his head slowly. She knew him better than he knew himself sometimes, which was odd considering they had only met a month ago.

"So, what are your plans for today?"

"Work at the diner until midnight then I can go back to the loft and not have to face him. He should be at Babylon or the baths by then."

Daphne narrowed her eyes. "You're still avoiding him?"

"Yes, I'm still avoiding him." Justin mocked.

"I don't get it. I thought that you didn't want a relationship. I mean, that's what you said, but you're pissed because Brian rejected you."

"I know what I said and I still stand by it. I just don't want to have to deal with him right now. He's got questions that I know I won't be able to answer."

"Could those be related to you getting a top score on the SAT's when you didn't even take the test?"

"How'd you know about that?" Justin asked.

"I work in the office, jackass. I'm the one who got that little indiscretion wiped off your record, remember?"

Justin smiled remembering the incident Daphne was referring to. How could he forget getting a blowjob from the varsity linebacker in the janitor's closet? Justin could still see the look on the assistant principal's face when he opened the door to reveal his star player servicing the blonde. "Did I ever thank you for that?"

Daphne giggled. "Numerous times, but you didn't answer my question."

Justin paused and looked at his watch. "Sorry, but I've got to go." He shoved his books into his bag and then rushed out the door. His friend's calls fell on deaf ears.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Deb had noticed the change in Sunshine the moment he had walked into the diner a week ago. His languid looks, his robotic movements, and especially the sighs whenever Brian walked into the diner tipped her off. Most of the time, he would trade his table with another waiter so that he wouldn't have to wait on Brian. His avoidance techniques left much to be desired. Deb knew that something was amiss, but she couldn't quite figure it out. So, she went to Michael and made him tell her the whole sordid story. Though the reason behind his motives was unclear, she had never been more proud of her surrogate son. That idea changed though when Sunshine walked into the diner and she saw the hurt he felt. It was a bittersweet victory. It was that Monday afternoon, after Brian had ordered his usual turkey-no mayo-whole wheat- sandwich, that Deb decided it was past time for her to butt in.

"You can't go on like this forever." She whispered over Justin's shoulder.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Cut the crap, Sunshine. I know all about your bruised ego, but you can't keep acting like he isn't there. You live with the man for fucks sake, and if I know Brian, you sleep in the same bed."

"I sleep on the couch if it's any of your business." Justin tossed the coffee pot underneath the maker, and turned to take an order signaling the end of their conversation.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Justin yawned and threw the blanket off his bare chest. Deb was right, he thought sitting up. He was going to have to talk to Brian because it was obvious the man didn't feel anything towards him. That was made evident when he broke off their kiss.

He could hear the shower running and knew that Brian would emerge -naked as usual-and then change for work. Justin would pretend to be asleep so that the man wouldn't disturb him, and then he'd get up and hurry into the shower making sure to take exceedingly long. By the time he finished, Brian would have left for work. It was a practice that Justin had perfected after an awkward incident of running into Brian after he had finished showering.

Justin listened to the water cascading onto the tile floor and wondered when he had allowed this man to change his life. When had he become so important that Justin wanted to break his rules? The idea of no relationships seemed silly to him because he had made more contacts in the last two months in Pittsburgh than he had during his whole five months of wandering. Justin heard Brian turning off the shower, his feet hitting the floor, and instead of hunkering down and cowering under the blanket like usual, he stood. He stood and walked to the bathroom door and waited.

"Jesus." Brian exclaimed when he opened the door. "You scared the shit out of me. Don't do that." Justin didn't say anything and after a while Brian took a step to the side and motioned him to the bathroom. "Well, aren't you going to run in and hide? Locking the door behind you?"

"Is that what you want?"

"It's become usual practice with you. You can't keep doing this, Justin."

"I know." He murmured wondering if this was really a good idea.

"Nothing's different; nothing's changed."

"Everything's changed." Justin said boldly.

"Not as far as I'm concerned." Brian answered as he walked to his closet.

"I guess you would feel that way."

"What's that mean?"

"Nothing, you wouldn't understand."

Brian pulled his shirt on and began to button it. "Then explain it to me. Tell me why you haven't said more than two words to me in a week and a half. Tell me why you're suddenly sleeping on the couch. Explain to me why you pretend to be sleeping before I go to work, and why you're avoiding me at all costs."

Justin averted his eyes, suddenly noticing a spot on the floor; when he looked back at Brian, he hoped the tears that were forming weren't noticeable. "You know this little arrangement I've got going; falling asleep on the couch, wishing that I was in bed with you? Well, it sucks. It sucks up one side and down the other. It's uncomfortable, it's awkward, and it's weird."

"Then why continue it?"

Justin wiped his eye with the back of his hand before speaking. "It's been eight months since I've had actual contact with somebody that didn't have an agenda. Somebody that wasn't with me because I had the drugs, or the ass, or the dick that they wanted. And it's freaking me out. I don't know why you've gotten to me like you have and the fact that I'm still here is a miracle to me. I guess when you like somebody proximity is a good thing, regardless of how the person feels about you…or doesn't, as the case may be." He eyed Brian hoping for something that would identify how he felt, but the man had perfected the stone face.

Brian cleared his throat and scrubbed a hand over his face. He wasn't going to deny that he'd felt something when they'd kissed. Something he hadn't expected but assumed was there the whole time. He had gotten to know Justin pretty well over the last couple of months and found himself caring about this kid, but that was the whole reason he couldn't bring sex into this. Sex was his way out, his escape, and he didn't want to bring that anywhere near Justin. He didn't want to just fuck Justin; he wanted it to be something more, but fuck if he'd ever admit that aloud. Brian lifted his head and stared at the sea of blue in the boy's hurt eyes.

"Come here." Brian motioned and Justin followed slowly, stepping towards his outreached hand. Brian felt his palm connect with Justin's slender neck and he caressed the pale skin, running his thumb across his jaw line. Involuntarily, a tear fell down the blonde's cheek leaving a glistening trail behind. Brian pulled Justin towards him and kissed away the trail that ended at the blonde's mouth. The younger man parted his lips inviting Brian's tongue inside and they kissed with even more passion than before. Justin felt Brian's strong hands run the length of his torso, ending at his waist, and he lifted his arms so that his T-shirt could be quickly discarded. He reached between their bodies and unbuttoned Brian's silk shirt, running his hands over the older man's bare chest. The shirt fell to the floor with a soft sound as Justin reached up and cupped the back of Brian's head; his fingers playing with the brunette's hair. Awkwardly, they stepped towards the bed and fell onto it, with Brian straddled over Justin's lap.

"I've…"Justin paused. "I've never bottomed before."

"I'll go slow." Brian whispered, pulling off Justin's pants. He kissed his way around the boy's groin eliciting moans and gasps of pleasure that he had never realized could turn him on so fast. Justin thrust his hips towards Brian's open mouth, but Brian steadied the young man with his hands, teasing him as much as he dared. The blonde gasped when he felt Brian enter him for the first time. As much as he prepared himself for it, the pain he felt was nothing he'd ever imagined, but it soon subsided and he felt nothing but euphoric bliss.

Basking in the afterglow of sex, Brian took a drag off his cigarette. "I just want you for you." He whispered over Justin's snores.

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