Justin sat on the white Italian leather couch and stared out the window in front of him-it was his routine by now. He'd awaken-sometimes with Brian-take a shower, grab a cup of coffee, and sit in front of the window. Brian had tried to get him to leave the loft after the first couple of days, but he eventually gave up and told himself the boy would get out when he wanted. Justin never told him that he wouldn't leave because he was afraid of not being allowed back in. That'd happened to him before, he'd gone out for something (coffee, milk, he couldn't remember) and when he'd come back he wasn't allowed inside. As much as he griped about not wanting to have any ties to people he just couldn't bring himself to leave. So, Justin sat in front of the window and thought about what he'd do if he left. Where he'd be if he weren't here.

"What are you thinking about?" Brian asked him one day after coming home to find him in exactly the same position he left him in.

Justin scoffed he hated that question. "Just things, I guess." He hadn't wanted to discuss what was on his mind with Brian because he was worried that he'd be pushed away. He had been thinking about waking up. He had woken up so many times not knowing where he was or who was lying next to him. Being at Brian's, he hadn't woken up with the post-tweak hangover that he was so accustomed to and he liked that. He liked knowing where he was and that the person next to him knew he was there, too. It was a feeling of comfort, of safety, and one he didn't want to take lightly because he didn't know when it'd go away. Some would call that being jaded, but Justin preferred to call it 'being practical'. Of course, Justin knew that Brian didn't believe in love, didn't believe in relationships, only in fucking. He had found that out when Brian had come home from Babylon with a different guy on his arm three nights in a row. That was one thing that they had in common, and if Justin had any say in it would continue to be.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

For reasons unknown to him, Brian had become quite worried about Justin and decided to check with the only person he knew that could help remedy this situation. Which was how he had come to find himself at Lindsay's. He filled her in on what had been going on for the past couple of days and wasn't a bit surprised to see her reaction to his young ward's age. After getting over that fact, she immediately focused in on the problem at hand.

"It's been how many days and he still hasn't left the loft?" Lindsay asked during lunch.

"Four maybe five." Brian responded not taking his eyes away from his son.

"That's not good, Bri."

"Ya think. I was hoping that you could help me figure out a way to get him out of there."

"He should be in school or working." Melanie lectured. "How's he going to pay you back if he doesn't have a job? That is the reason you're letting him stay with you, isn't it?"

"Yes," Brian snapped as he stuck out his tongue.

"That's an excellent idea. Maybe you could find him something at the firm, Mel.

"Sorry Linds, we only hire interns or graduates. He's a bit too young for us." She eyed Brian as she grabbed her briefcase. "Too bad other people don't feel that way."

"He's just living with me until he pays me back." Brian answered exasperated. "But I agree that he needs to be in school at least, and he'll definitely be getting a job."

Brian thanked Lindsay for lunch and then gave his son a quick kiss before bolting out the door. He hated spending too much time with the merry munchers. Deciding to forgo a trip back to the office, Brian picked up some food at the diner and then made his way home. When he unlocked the loft door, Brian found Justin in his normal spot.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, but was unanswered. He set the bags on the counter and made his way to the couch. He looked at Justin and saw that he was deep in thought. Over what he didn't know, but it was an expression he'd seen before. Justin looked at him and then sighed, he knew what Brian was going to say and had prepared himself everyday for the inevitable. His voice was distant and unattached.

"Can I just stay tonight? I'll leave tomorrow before you wake up and get a fresh start. It's always better to leave in the light. I learned that the hard way."

"What?"

"That's what you wanted to talk about, isn't it? That I've over stayed my welcome."

"God." Brian groaned. "No, that's not what I wanted to talk about. I told you before that you're staying here until you pay me back. What I was going to say is you can't pay me back if you aren't working. I think you should get a job."

"A job?"

"Yeah, one of those things where they pay you to work." Brian smirked.

"I know what it is." Justin smiled relieved that that was all the man wanted to talk about.

"And I want you to enroll in school."

"Fuck that." Justin groaned. "I don't need school. It's not like I'm going to college."

"You need to graduate, if not to go to college then to get a good job." Brian sneered. "Nobody is going to hire a high school dropout."

"What the hell is with everyone and school?" Justin exclaimed. "Why do you care? You're always saying I'm here until I pay you back so, what's it to you if I don't get a good education?"

Brian sighed. "Just try it for a while. As long as you're here I want you to at least attempt to be something other than a couch potato."

Justin thought long and hard about the circumstances. He knew that he wouldn't be able to pay Brian back without a job, that part he wasn't protesting, but going to school? It'd been awhile and frankly, he didn't know if he had what it took to go back. To deal with faces, the sneers, the whispers in the halls.

"Brian, I can't even remember…" Justin paused knowing that if he continued down that road the questions that inexorably followed wouldn't be to his liking. He looked at the older man in front of him. 'Can I trust him?' Justin wasn't sure about that, but he was sure that Brian trusted him in some way. He let Justin live at the loft when he didn't even know him. That had to mean something, didn't it? "Fine, I give. Enroll me into high school hell. It doesn't matter anyways."

"Good, I'll have Cynthia set everything up for you. Now, about a job."

"I can get that my own self, thanks." Justin mumbled. "Can we just...get out of here. We can meet Michael at Woody's." Justin stood up and made his way to the bedroom and grabbed the new leather coat Brian had bought him from the closet. Though he wasn't sure if it was the best idea, Brian followed Justin to the jeep.

Woody's was filled to capacity just like every other night. When Brian and Justin walked in, an excited Michael immediately bombarded them.

"You finally got the twink out of your abode and into the land of living." Michael grinned. "It's about damn time."

"The guys are waiting." Brian said pointing towards one of the pool tables. Justin followed Brian and Michael as they made their way to the back. He smiled softly as a campy Emmett pounced on him.

"Oh baby, you are just so cute. I was beginning to believe that you were a figment of Michael's over abundant comic book imagination."

"I'm real." Justin assured him softly. When he looked around, he saw that the whole gang was there. He already knew Ben and Michael and of course Brian. He assumed that the man latched onto his arm was Emmett, which meant that Ted was the not so well dressed man in the corner. They were all looking in his direction and he was sure that they all knew his story, well, part of it anyways.

"Come on, Emmett." Ben sighed. "Give the poor boy some breathing room." Emmett huffed and then detached himself from Justin, going back to his spot by Ted.

"I'm going to get a drink." Justin told the group after a half hour of pool watching. He weaved through the sea of people and found himself at the bar. "Double beam." The man looked at him skeptically and Justin rolled his eyes as he reached into his wallet and pulled out his fake ID. The bartender looked at it closely before handing it and the beam to him. He downed it in one gulp and then asked for another. After his third, he decided to switch to a beer. He turned to go back to the group when he heard a scratchy voice in his ear.

"Going somewhere?"

"To play some pool." Justin slurred.

"I know a very good game that we could play." The voice was hoarse and reeked of vodka and cigars, a smell that made Justin's skin crawl. His mind flashed back to times he thought he had buried.

"Take this hit and it'll make everything all better," a voice hissed. "I promise."

Justin looked at Derek, his older squat mate and shook his head no. He didn't want to take anything this man had to offer. It was enough that he shared a room with the man, but he wasn't about to share his drugs.

Derek took a swig from the Popov container and smiled when he felt the burn as it slid down his throat. His voice lowered as he held out the needle to Justin. "Don't you trust me?"

"Don't touch me." Justin growled as he pushed the guy away from him. He could feel the usual tension in his throat and knew that if he didn't make it to the bathroom, he was going to make a mess all over the floor.

"It's not that." Justin lied. He didn't trust the older man, not because he didn't want to but because he found it hard to trust anybody. "I'm just allergic to a lot of things."

"Nobody's allergic to this." Derek squinted through his drunken haze. "This is just what the doctor ordered."

After he made it to the bathroom, Justin found himself huddled in the corner of the stall. He knew he shouldn't have left the loft, but it was something that he'd wanted to do for a while. Nobody could have guessed that this would happen. Quietly, he sobbed in the corner of the stall trying to block the voice from his head. He hadn't even realized that anyone else was in the room until he heard an unmistakable voice.

"Justin?"

"I'm in here." He sniffed and kicked open the door.

"What are you doing in here?" Brian wondered.

"Hiding."

"Hiding from what?" The man was more confused than ever by the sight of the young kid. After he had noticed Justin's absence, he had looked all around before deciding he was most likely taking a leak.

"Memories." Justin stated blankly, wiping a tear from his cheek. Brian stared at Justin for what felt like an eternity before he pulled the trembling boy into his arms.

Return to So Much Left to Learn